Irony dead, Sarah palin violates its corpse

At a veteran's march which Palin and her fellow teabaggers shamelessly co-opted:

"Our vets have proven that they have not been timid, so we will not be timid in calling out any who would use our military, our vets, as pawns in a political game," Palin told the crowd.

Maybe she should have asked, um, the actual veterans?

Apparently, the original organizers of the veterans’ march are displeased with the Tea Party’s co-opting of their protest. On the Million Vet March homepage, the organizers suggest a local organizer invited Tea Party and birther groups against the wishes of the veterans:

The political agenda put forth by a local organizer in Washington DC was not in alignment with our message. We feel disheartened that some would seek to hijack the narrative for political gain. The core principle is about all Americans honoring Veterans in a peaceful and apolitical manner.

Cory Booker Might as Well Just Drop Out of the Race if He's Not Going To Adress The Issue of how Nice this Lady's Boobies Are

(via TPM)

A top aide to Republican New Jersey Senate hopeful Steve Lonegan went into decidedly not-safe-for-work territory when TPM asked why he thinks his candidate has been gaining on Democratic opponent Cory Booker in recent polls.

Oh, God. Here we go. . .


So apparently, Cory Booker has a fan who is also a stripper and also donated $100, presumably in glittery, crumpled singles, to his campaign and he "tweeted" her a message that might be seen as maybe a little bit flirtatious, maybe? And because these are the times in which we live, someone had to try and make a huge shitty deal out of this fact. The designated someone for this teapot tempest was Rick Shaftan, an aide to Booker's opponent Steve Lonegan.

 

 

Artist's rendition: Rick Shaftan

 

Now you might expect a Republican operative to take the pearl-clutching family values faux outrage approach to Booker having had contact with this fallen woman, but bear in mind, this is New Jersey.

 



 

 

"It was just weird. I mean, to me, you know, hey, if he said, 'Hey, you got really hot breasts man, I'd love to suck on them.' Then like, yeah, cool. But like, he didn't say that," Shaftan explained.

Yes, that's obviously the sort of thing any normal person would say. Because lines like "I'd love to suck on them" have pretty much a 100% success rate with the ladies! Also because why would Booker be a decent human being when he clearly has the option to be a drooling swine?

"It was like kind of like, I don't know, it was like what a gay guy would say to a stripper.

Um, I think what a gay guy would say to a stripper would be "Excuse me, ma'am, you've got the wrong house." or maybe "Hey, wait a minute, this isn't Swinging Richard's!" (that's right, Swinging Richard's)

 . . . it was like what a gay guy would say to a stripper. It's the way he was talking to her. It's just like like there was no sexual interest at all.

And everyone knows there's no reason for a hetero dude to ever talk to a woman if he isn't trying to bone her!

It's just like like there was no sexual interest at all. I don't know. To me, if I was single and you know like some stripper was tweeting me, I might take advantage of the perks of the office, you know?"

Oh, yeah, clearly there's something wrong with Booker. It's like he doesn't even realize that the whole point of running for office is to get laid. Obviously it's Booker who's the oddball here.

 

 

This is strange. It's just weird. ... It's like, 'I don't know who she is. I don't know anything about her.' Get the fuck out of here dude. You can't follow her Twitter page and not know she's got those great breasts. How do you fucking not know?" Shaftan said.

 

Well, maybe, and I'm just speculating here, maybe he just read the words that she said rather than going to her profile to see whether or not she might be in possession of a pair of "great breasts?" Or maybe, and stay with me here, maybe he did notice her "great breasts" but didn't feel any need to comment on them? Because he's a human person and not a rutting barnyard animal? I know, I know, it sounds far-fetched, but I hear tell of certain men who are able to catch sight of attractive women without making gross comments about their boobies. Sounds crazy, but I swear it's true!

 

"It's just too odd and people they just wonder, like, who does this guy really want to work for? Who's he representing?"

 

Um, maybe he represents people who can think of things besides boobies all the time?

 

 

 



Michele Bachmann is even weirder than I thought

And I thought she was pretty fucking weird.

(via Salon)

Michele Bachmann: Obama supports al-Qaida and “end times” are near

"We are to understand where we are in God’s end times history"

Oh, dear lord. . .


According to a new report from Right Wing Watch, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann claimed in a radio interview with Jan Markell on Saturday that President Obama is supporting al-Qaida and that this was proof “end times” were near.


Sighhhhhhh. . .  okay, fine. Go ahead, how is Obama "supporting al-Quaid" today?

Referring to the president’s earlier decision to provide small arms and anti-chemical weapons gear to a number of vetted Syrian rebels, Bachmann said:

This happened and as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists,

Oh, Jeezus Christ! Seriously?

Of course, by Bachamnn standards, this really isn't even all that weird. but wait for it. . .

. . .as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s end times history.

I'm not sure any of that was a sentence, but that's not really the point. The leaf is on the fig tree? Isn't the leaf usually on the fig tree? Aren't there generally many leaves on a fig tree? A leaf being on a tree is some sign of the impending apocalypse?

So, I guess we should all be very very afraid that the world is going to end soon? I mean that leaf is on the tree and what have you, that seems like a pretty negative prognosis, right?

“Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand,” Bachmann said. “When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this; these days would be as the days of Noah.”

Marantha? What the fuck is Marantha?

well, according to Wikipedia:

Maranatha (either מרנא תא: maranâ thâ' or מרן אתא: maran 'athâ' ) is a two-word Aramaic formula occurring only once in the New Testament (see Aramaic of Jesus) and also in the Didache, which is part of the Apostolic Fathers' collection. It is transliterated into Greek letters rather than translated and, given the nature of early manuscripts, the lexical difficulty lies in determining just which two Aramaic words comprise the single Greek expression, found at the end of Paul's First Epistle to the Corinthians (1 Cor 16:22).
If one chooses to split the two words as מרנא תא (maranâ thâ), a vocative concept with an imperative verb, then it can be translated as a command to the Lord to come. On the other hand, if one decides that the two words מרן אתא (maran 'athâ), a possessive "Our Lord" and a perfect/preterite verb "has come," are actually more warranted, then it would be seen as a credal expression. This interpretation, "Our Lord has come," is supported by what appears to be an equivalent of this in the early credal acclamation found in the biblical books of Romans 10:9 and 1 Corinthians 12:3, "Jesus is Lord."


Oh. Couldn't you have just said that?

But more importantly, holy shit! She actually WANTS the world to end! She thinks we should rejoice because the world is supposedly ending. She's like a member of some weirdo death cult. No wonder her eyes look like that!

Wingnut Truckers will save America from . . . Something.

Truckers, America's foremost consumers of prescription amphetamines, are going to converge on Washington, DC to arrest the government!

No, really!

"Truckers for the Constitution" are planning on gathering ONE MILLION TRUCKERS together on DC area freeway to obstruct traffic until all the members of government come out with their hands up or something. Now, if you've ever dealt with truckers, you know how difficult it is to get ONE of them to arrive at the correct place at the agreed-upon time, so a million of them at the same time? I don't really see it happening.  In fact, the most common conversation I have with truck drivers goes a little something like this:

Hmm, I don't see you on the schedule. What time was your appointment?

Guh. . . appointment?

But according to their nutty leader, they're damn serious about doing this thing.

'Truckers for the Constitution' Plan to Slow D.C. Beltway, Arrest Congressmen

Police must detain 'accessories' to 'treason' or truckers will, organizer says

(via US News)

Earl Conlon, a Georgia trucker who is handling logistics for the protest, told U.S. News tractor-trailer drivers will circle the beltway "three lanes deep" as he rides with other participants to Congress to seek the arrest of congressmen for allegedly disregarding the Constitution.

 

Artist's rendition, Earl Conlon in his truck-boat-truck

 

The Million Trucker March or whatever actually started out with much more modest goals:

 

 

I'm not sure what "fuel policy" they meant to protest, probably Obama's refusal to drill here, drill now, drill, baby, drill so that oil companies could do what they would really have preferred to be doing all along, selling consumers gasoline at bargain-basement prices, because they hate making all these profits all the time, but at any rate, the million truckers quickly began to experience mission creep. Soon, the stated goal of the truckopalypse was:

 

 to support the truckers in a major shut down of America ion [sic] a 3 day strike October 11th thru 13th. Obamacare will be in effect and most people will be ready to take action.  The American people are sick and tired of the corruption that is destroying America! We therefore declare a GENERAL STRIKE on the weekend of October 11-13, 2013! Truck drivers will not haul freight! Workers will call in sick! Consumers will not buy or sell anything on this date! Stay home! Buy nothing!
Read more at http://wonkette.com/529362/wingnut-truckers-will-shut-down-america-in-order-to-save-it-from-corruption-obamas-fuel-policy#AZ58oz907WyWJHcy.99"

 

 

Eventually, the insanity spiraled out of control and now they're a-comin' to arrest the whole damn government!

 

"We are not going to ask for impeachment," Conlon said. "We are coming whether they like it or not. We're not asking for impeachment, we're asking for the arrest of everyone in government who has violated their oath of office."

 

An when you're that big a wingnut, you believe that EVERYONE has violated their oath of office! But, perfessor, I'm sure you're asking, do these nutbag tweakers have any authority to arrest members of Congress or the Preident himself? Glad you asked, because of course they do!

 

Conlon cited the idea of a citizens grand jury – meaning a pool of jurors convened without court approval – as the mechanism for indicting the officials.

 

Ah, a "citizen's grand jury," which is not a thing, has issued a fake indictment? Well that's all the authority I need!

 

"We want these people arrested, and we're coming in with the grand jury to do it," he said. "We are going to ask the law enforcement to uphold their constitutional oath and make these arrests.

 

Um, I'm not sure that cops actually take a Constitutional oath, but whatever oath they do take most likely does not include a vow to arrest any Congressman that pisses of a few wingnuts, but hey, I could be wrong. (I'm not)

 

 

 If they refuse to do it, by the power of the people of the United States and the people's grand jury, they don't want to do it, we will. ... We the people will find a way."

 

No, you won't.

 

Of course, Conlon isn't unrealistic. He knows that he won't be able to arrest the entire US government. 

“If all I get is one or two congressmen walked out of there in handcuffs, that will be a shot across the bow that will ripple across all branches of government,” Earl Conlon, one of the organizers, told U.S. News and World Report.

 

See? Just one or two. Just one or two Congressmen led out in handcuffs by the "people's grand jury" or whatever. It's important to set achievable goals!

 

“If all I get is one or two congressmen walked out of there in handcuffs, that will be a shot across the bow that will ripple across all branches of government. … I hope they are all civil enough and brave enough to step out onto the congressional steps.”

Well, why wouldn't they be? I mean, fair is fair, they've been indicted by a made-up thing with no authority on vague, baseless charges, so why wouldn't they just surrender to a bunch of bug-eyed-poo-throwing-crazy truck drivers to be tried in some sort of fictional court that doesn't exist?

 

 

Oh, and Earl Conlon has a webpage!

 

 

Pictured: Conlon's webmaster

 



On that webpage, Conlon says totally not crazy things like this:

 

Permalink Reply by Earl Conlon on Sunday

i've always believed Obama to be the Anti Christ from the day i first laid eyes one him.. not to mention the dreams i have had for the past 15 years showing me a man in office who i've never heard of before. then comes  2008 and the dreams get more detailed and intense... you figure it out..
maybe i am crazy?

 

Noooooo, you? crazy? I mean, you had dreams about, um. . . a man. . . holding an office? And then. . . there really was a man. . .  in office? Obviously that's gotta be the Anti-Christ!

Holy shit, this guy should NOT be allowed behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, he's deranged!

Permalink Reply by Earl Conlon on Sunday

even if the movement is a flop it still Has already lit the flame of FREEDOM & LIBERTY..! WE WIN!!

• ▶ Reply

Um, the "movement" hasn't even happened yet.

 

Earl Conlon replied to National Director, Dee's discussion Truckers Ride Oct 11, 12, 13 on DC: Updated information on Locations to Meet

"THINK OF IT LIKE THIS:  if Obastard declares Marshal Law. we will then Know WHO and where they are.. and then we will have a clear knowledge of who supports them and WHO TO SHOOT.. "

 

Because it wouldn't be a right-wing gathering without the threat of gun violence against their perceived enemies. It's called sedition out here in the real world, but in Wingnuttistan, it's called Wednesday.

 

 





Louie Gohmert is a Fucking Liar

Louie Gohmert blasts Claire McCaskill ‘ignorance’

By LUCY MCCALMONT | 10/3/13 12:51 PM EDT

“My heart breaks for somebody with the ignorance of Claire McCaskill. Having served in the Army active duty ’78 to ’82, having been spit at in uniform, having been ordered not to wear my uniform off post because of the threats to people in uniform, I understand. I’ve stood with families when there was no camera anywhere in sight, anywhere with just a handful of people,” Gohmert (R-Texas) said on Fox News’s “America’s Newsroom.”

Okay, let's just take a look at a couple of things Gohmert said there.

First:  "having been spit at in uniform"

That never happened. He's lying. That whole "soldiers getting spit at" thing is an urban legend. If it had happened, it certainly wouldn't have happened between 1978 and 1982. Vietnam was already over when Gohmert served. Do you know what would have happened if some hippy had spit on a soldier? A hippy getting his ass kicked by that soldier and every other soldier within shouting distance. Hippies may have been high a lot, but they weren't stupid.

Second: "having been ordered not to wear my uniform off base because of the threats to people in uniform"

That is also a lie. No Army officer is ever going to order his troops to act the coward. And pretending to be a civilian because of some sort of vague threats against "people in uniform" is the act of a coward. I can't imagine any Army office would allow that, much less order it.

 

 

He'd kick your ass for even considering it!

 

 

Of course, even if either of those things were true. what the hell do either of them have to do with Gohmert having "stood with families when there was no camera anywhere in sight, anywhere with just a handful of people?”
Who knows? Louie Gohmert is not only a fucking liar, he's a goddamm imbecile.