Friday, July 31, 2009

Worst Idea Ever

This came from Newsweek, which I'm pretty sure used to be a legitimate publication.

Stand In

Why Obama should make George W. Bush his Mideast envoy.

Wow! I don't think I could come with a stupider proposition on a bet. Why would someone think that this was a sane idea?

Peace Partners: Bush and Obama could play good-cop, bad-cop with Israel

By Gregory Levey | Newsweek Web Exclusive

Seriously?

They want Israel to stop expanding settlements; to stop building Jewish neighborhoods in East Jerusalem; and for hawks in the government to chill out while the U.S. is negotiating with Iran. And yet, odds are, they'll come back to Washington empty-handed, for reasons having to do as much with atmospherics as policy: Team Obama just doesn't have Israel's full trust.

But there is someone who does—someone who could use a job, someone who argued straightforwardly for a Palestinian state, and yet someone who has the implicit admiration and regard of Israel. President Obama needs a new envoy to the region who can get results—and George W. Bush is his man.

Of course, while Bush was in office, Isreal did all those things, but if he were a special Middle-east envoy, well sure, he could get them to stop.

Obama has ruffled feathers in Israel by calling for a halt to settlement growth and talking openly about an equitable fate for East Jerusalem, which both Israelis and Palestinians claim as their capital. He has elicited deeply felt unease about how much the American president can be trusted to safeguard Israel's basic security.

Why is it the American president's responsibility to safeguard Israel? Israel is 50 years old, shouldn't they be able to stand on their own two feet now? And maybe they wouldn't need so much protection from Uncle Sam if they weren't constantly building new settlements on other people's land, just saying.

But, as odd as it sounds, channeling Bush wouldn't be such a bad thing. To help get Israelis behind the new American president, it would behoove the White House to show more urgency on the Iranian threat—and to openly press Arab countries for their own concessions, such as more diplomatic relations with the Jewish state. Having collected political capital, it's time Obama began spending it.

Right, no need to spend political capital on health care, or fixing the economy, or repairing the nation's infrastructure. No, the top priority has to be getting Isrealis to like him. And this could be accomplished by sending the bumbling chimp as an envoy? Hey, Gregory Levey, stop writing. You've lost your having-your-viewpoint-heard privileges. Seriously, this is the stupidest idea I've heard since New Coke.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Mike Enzi has got Some Freakin' Balls!

When I first saw a headline with his name in it, I thought "Who the fuck is Mike Enzi?"

Well, as it turns out, he is one of three Republican senators working on bipartisan health-care legislation. So why is he suddenly so important?

Well, according to Bloomberg:

[Enzi] said he won’t agree to a plan before the Senate adjourns next week, setting back the measure’s progress even as it advanced in the House.

“The bill is not ready for prime time, so I don’t know of any way it can be completed today or next week or before the August break,” Senator Mike Enzi, a Wyoming Republican and member of the finance committee, told reporters after leaving a meeting of Republicans. “There’s a train wreck that’s going to happen” if Democrats keep pushing for faster results," he said.

Now that takes some balls, being in the minority party, to think you're going to dictate the timeline for legislation being pushed by the majority. But wait, it gets better!
This is from the senator's own web page:

“I will need to see complete language and a final estimate from the Congressional Budget Office before I can agree to any health care reform bill,” said Enzi

How is this little putz in any position to be making demands?

“I also need commitments from Senator Reid and Speaker Pelosi, as well as the Administration, that the bipartisan agreements reached in the Finance Committee will survive in a final bill that goes to the President.”

So not only are you going to try to dictate terms to the Senate majority leader, you're also going to strong-arm the speaker of the House and the Frickin' President? Where do you get the balls?
No way is the majiority leader going to let you push. . .oh, wait. It's Harry Reid. Yeah, you'll probably get everything you want. Never mind.

Would someone please explain to Harry Reid that he has the majority? He doesn't have to give the Republicans ANYTHING. It's nice to try and be "bi-partisan" and all, but I don't think Harry Reid has any idea what that means. Someone Please explain to him that bi-partisan means you have the other side in the room, listen to their suggestions, and if any of them seem good, you can even adopt one or two, but you don't just give them everything! Were you guys in the minority so long that you just roll over on everything out of force of habit?

Now I'm hearing that there may not even be a public option in the final bill. What a disgrace! Health care is one of the reasons the American electorate chose to put Democrats in the majority. So now we won't even get that? At least when republicans were running everything we had some hope of "someday, the other guys will win and they'll make things better." Now we don't even have that. Would someone please talk to Harry Reid? I can't talk to the guy. I can't even stand to look at him.

Glenn Beck is Not a Douche

A douche serves a useful purpose
and poses no real danger to anyone.

Beck, on the other hand, is more like a Giant dildo.

A dildo this size:

It serves no useful purpose,
If you did try to make use of it, you'd only end up harming yourself,
And if someone saw it in your home, you'd be embarrassed.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Paul Stanley

Headline From Crooks And Liars.Com:

Paul Stanley has resigned after his affair and blackmail

What? Paul Stanley resigned?

Sen. Paul Stanley, R-Germantown sent a letter of resignation to Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey this afternoon after allegations that a Clarksville man had tried to blackmail the senator with nude photos of an intern taken in Stanley’s Nashville apartment.

Earlier today, Senate Majority Leader Mark Norris told a Memphis TV station that Stanley should “do the right thing for his family’s sake and for the sake of his constituents” and step down so a new election for his seat can be held.Norris said in a statement released Tuesday that Republican leaders have been working behind the scenes for about a week to get Stanley to step down. Stanley told agents from the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation that he had a sexual relationship with the intern, McKensie Morrison, a 22-year-old Austin Peay student from Dickson, but has declined to speak publicly about the matter. He may be doing an interview with a Memphis radio station within the hour.

Just another right wing family values creep gets exposed. Sex for him but not for thee. How long will it be until he starts quoting the Bible? Maybe he should email Mark Sanford for some spiritual advice. Unfortunately for him, Sanford already took the ever popular "God is on my side," line. I'm sure he'll find another.

Ooohh, That makes way more sense. Sorry Good Paul Stanley!

C Street

More and more info about the "Family" or "Fellowship" or "C-Street" group has been trickling out lately. The Mom has a good summary. Check it out. (LINK)

Also, you can read Jeff Sharlet's report on the daily beast (here)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Dick Cheney

Remember how we all thought that Dick Cheney was really really evil?

Well, it turns out he was so much worse than we thought.

Back in 2002, Cheney wanted to send military troops in to Lackawanna, New York to arrest terrorism suspects. This has been illegal since the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878, but to someone like Dick, that's a minor technicality. So he has torture enthusiast and executive power groupie John Yoo draft a flimsy legal argument saying that sure, what the fuck! Send in the troops!

(Actual John Yoo Quote)

Shockingly, the person who stopped Cheney from violating the law was none other than..
drum roll, please....
George W. Bush! Wait, that can't be right. Hold on.

Ok, I'm being told that that is correct, George W. Bush stopped Cheney from sending US troops into a US city. So, you're welcome, America!

So who were these dangerous criminals who were so formidable, so menacing, that only the military could possibly hope to subdue them?

No, see that's what I thought, too. it probably would take the Marines to pacify a threat of that magnitude.

No, it was these guys:

Yeah.

So why the military? Are you telling me the FBI or the ATF or local police couldn't have collared these punks?
Honestly, I think the Reno Sheriff's Department could have handled them.

So why send in the troops? Why violate the law when it was clearly not necessary?
(FBI handled the arrests just fine, as it turns out)

I have to think that Cheney wanted to send troops into an American city just to prove he could. Or to see whether he could get away with it. Cheney really seemed to think that he was above the law, and this was his chance to prove it. It's really scary to think how close we came to having this happen. Because he would have gotten away with it. Democrats in Congress would have fulminated a bit, then gone right along with Republicans in changing the law to make Cheney's actions retroactively legal. (like they did with warrantless wiretapping)

That's why someone, the Justice Department, Congress, someone needs to investigate and prosecute these bastards for the crimes they actually did commit. Because next time, whoever the next W is, he may say yes.

Shatner Does Palin

Sarah Palin's speech actually makes a lot more sense when performed by Shatner

http://www.hulu.com/watch/85839/the-tonight-show-with-conan-obrien-shatner-does-palin

Monday, July 27, 2009

Farewell, Sarah Palin!

Could this possibly be the last rambling, incoherent speech we'll ever hear from Sarah Palin? Say it ain't so, Joe!

No. It isn't. But Sarah Palin did give her farewell to Alaska speech today. Let's look at some excerpts:

What an absolutely beautiful day it is, and it is my honor to speak to all Alaskans, to our Alaskan family this last time as your governor. And it is always great to be in Fairbanks. The rugged rugged hardy people that live up here and some of the most patriotic people whom you will ever know live here

Also my husband and his buddies that want to secede from the Union.

And getting up here I say it is the best road trip in America soaring through nature's finest show. Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun.

Yes, Denali. The Mountain that soars.
Soaring is flying, right? Just checking.

And then in the summertime such extreme summertime about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter than just some months ago, than just some months from now, with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins.

Until we kick Mother Nature in the shins and start drilling, baby, drilling!

It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild good life teeming along the road that is north to the future.

If this is our future, get me Doctor Kervorkian!

And it is our men and women in uniform securing it, and we are facing tough challenges in America with some seeming to just be Hell bent maybe on tearing down our nation, perpetuating some pessimism, and suggesting American apologetics

a⋅pol⋅o⋅get⋅ics

–noun (used with a singular verb

) the branch of theology concerned with the defense or proof of Christianity.

And first, some straight talk

aka lies and gibberish

some straight talk for some, just some in the media because another right protected for all of us is freedom of the press, and you all have such important jobs reporting facts and informing the electorate, and exerting power to influence.

Exerting power to influence? That's a thing, right?

Democracy depends on you, and that is why, that's why
our troops are willing to die for you.

Many a soldier's dying words have been "this one's for you, Frank Rich of the New York Times!"

So, how 'bout in honor of the American soldier, ya quite makin' things up.

'Cuz makin' shit up is my bit! You don't see me stealin' yer "dispassionate reporting of the facts" routine, do ya?

and one other thing for the media, our new governor has a very nice family too,
so leave his kids alone.

See, if I disguise a jab at the press as concern for someone else's family, it makes me seem kinda noble. Never mind that I have trotted my kids out anywhere there was a camera for the last two years.

OK, today is a beautiful day and today as we swear in Sean Parnell, no one will be happier than I to witness by God's grace Alaskans with strength of character advancing our beloved state. Sean has that.

Has what?

Don't forget Alaskans you are the resource owners per our constitution

And the workers must own the means of production! Power to the people!

Let me tell you, Alaskans really need to stick together on this with new leadership in this area especially, encouraging new leadership... got to stiffen your spine to do what's right for Alaska when the pressure mounts, because you're going to see anti-hunting, anti-second amendment circuses from Hollywood and here's how they do it.

They use these delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets, they use Alaska as a fundraising tool for their anti-second amendment causes. Stand strong, and remind them patriots will protect our guaranteed, individual right to bear arms, and by the way, Hollywood needs to know, we eat, therefore we hunt.

Many Alaskans would face starvation if not allowed to shoot wolves from a helicopter!

but nothing, nothing could have succeeded without my right-hand man Kris Perry. She is the sharpest, boldest, hardest-working partner. Kris is my right-hand man and much success is due to Kris.

Oh, was I not supposed to mention that she's a man? Sorry Kris!

Alaskans will remember that years ago, remember we sported the old bumper sticker that said, "Alaska. We Don't Give a Darn How They Do It Outside?" Do you remember that? I remember that, and remember it was because we would be different. We'd roll up our sleeves, and we would diligently sow and reap

Using our Old-Testament-era agricultural techniques, praying that a plague of locusts might not descend upon us.

and we can still do this to carve wealth out of the wilderness and make our living on the water, with strong hands and innovative minds, now with smarter technology.

All of which was developed in the lower 48 and paid for largely by Federal R & D grants.

We must be prudent and persistent and press for the people's right to responsibly develop God-given resources for the maximum benefit of the people.

From each according to his ability to each according to his need!

And we have come so far in just 50 years. We're no longer a frontier outpost on the periphery of the world's greatest nation.

Now we're a frontier outpost on the periphery of Canada.

Alaska will lead with energy, we will prove you can be both pro-development and pro-environment, because no one loves their clean air and their land and their wildlife and their water more than an Alaskan. We will protect it.

Now start drilling! And get my helicopter, I'm gonna go shoot me some wolves!

Yes, America must look north to the future for security, for energy independence, for our strategic location on the globe. Alaska is the gate-keeper of the continent.

'Cuz some Siberian motherfuckers might try crossing the Berings Strait, fighting their way through Canada down into Oregon, then across the Great Plains, and next thing ya know, they're attackin' the White House!

some still are choosing not to hear why I made the decision to chart a new course to advance the state. And it should be so obvious to you. (indicating heckler) It is because I love Alaska this much, sir

I love Alaska far too much to leave her in the hands of a vapid, uninformed political dilettante with delusions of grandeur and a persecution complex.

with this decision now, I will be able to fight even harder for you, for what is right, for truth. And I have never felt like you need a title to do that.

Vote for me. Palin 2012!

when I took the oath to serve you, I promised...remember I promised to steadfastly and doggedly guard the interests of this great state like that grizzly guards her cubs, as a mother naturally guards her own.

As a mother protects her underaged daughter from getting knocked up by a hillbilly meth-cooker, um, never mind!

And I will keep that vow wherever the road may lead. Todd and I, and Track, Bristol, Tripp, Willow, Piper, Trig...I think I got 'em all.

Goddammit, can't you media types quit talking about my family!

We will forever be so grateful for the honor of our lifetime to have served you.

Not grateful enough to finish out "our" term, but y'know, thanks!

And so on. . . . .

Sarah, we hardly knew ye! Or more to the point, we hardly knew what the fuck ye were talking about!

(Here's a link to some video highlights on Gawker)

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Good Heavens, I've been Huff-posted!

Check this out! Scroll down to LINKS, and just look who the second one is! It's little old me, right below Alan Colmes! I feel so important!

HUFFPOST'S BIG NEWS PAGES

Southwest Emergency Landing At Long Island Airport

Airlines

Nouriel Roubini: Why Bernanke Deserves To Be Reappointed

Ben Bernanke

Ousted Honduran Leader Vows To Camp On Border

Honduras

GOP Strategist: Palin Is Just Another Huckabee

Sarah Palin

more big news pages »

Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next › Last » (56 pages total)

Sunday Funnies

Jim knew he was in for a wild night when he caught a glimpse
of Ethyl's toe condom.

Y'know, on second thought, maybe I'm not gay!

Ronny had successfully infiltrated the girls' dormitory.
Now he played the waiting game.

When I grow up, I'm gonna found the Minutemen!

Colonel Tiny and his one miniature cannon
were no match for the babies that day!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Michele Bachmann Continues to be the Stupidest member of Either House

Michele Bachmann (R-Insanistan) is trying to scare people away from a National health care plan, and this is what she comes up with:

we taxpayers will subsidize that government option, and that government option will be 30%-40% cheaper than any private plan out there. It will probably offer equal or better benefits than any plan, but cheaper.

Here's the audio:

Michele Bachmann is so freakin stupid she makes my head hurt. I can not believe that the people of Minnesota actually thought that she was someone who should represent them in Congress. She actually gives a pretty good argument FOR a national health care plan while thinking that she is arguing against it. Then she warns that the government plan will put private insurers out of business, as if that should horrify us. Oh, God no! Not poor little Aetna! Not Health Net! Oh, the humanity!
Anyone who has has to deal with a health insurance company already wishes the SOB's would go out of business and their Executives should die broke, alone and unloved.

Then, because she is Michele Bachmann and there's only so long she can go without spouting loony conspiracy theories, she claims that once a person reaches 55 years of age, they will be forced to go to their doctor for euthanasia. Looks like someone thinks that "Logan's Run" was a documentary.

People of Minnesota: You need to rid yourself of this fatuous, slow-witted, deranged sideshow of a representative. Vote for anyone else in 2010. You're making Oklahoma look good and that's hard to pull off.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Things that boggle my mind

1. "Friends" was a hit TV show and continues to be successful in syndication. Has there ever been a less-funny show than "Friends?" (Yes, "Small Wonder," but other than that) And what an obnoxious cast!
Hey, I'm Matt Perry. I have a lame sarcastic wisecrack that isn't funny for every situation.
I'm David Schwimmer. I whine. Seriously, that's all I do is whine like an adenoidal middle-schooler and they actually pay me! A lot!
Hi, I'm Lisa Kudrow. I pretend to be impossibly stupid. Yeah, I know we already have Matt LeBlanc to act semi-retarded, but I guess we needed two people to act like the kind of slow-witted dullard that could never survive in the real world (outside of the Alaska Statehouse).
I'm Courtney Cox. I'm completely non-descript in every way. One time, I danced with Bruce Springsteen. And I used to be on Family Ties, I think. Or maybe growing pains? No, Family Ties. Yeah. So there's that.
I'm one of the writers here on the show. My job is to make sure that every punchline can be seen coming a mile away. Down Main Street. In a cab. There won't be anything remotely amusing, I guess is what I'm getting at. Hey, Perry--say something using the word "so" inappropriately, and emphasize the word "so."

Um, Ok, Hey writer, you are so not getting your contract renewed!

And cue laugh track!

Look how kooky we are!

2. The hipster douchebags of the ATL manage to choke down this foul-tasting, repugnant swill and pretend to enjoy it "ironically"

Oh, um,Atlanta hipster douchebags, FYI, the sanFrancisco hipster douchebags were doing the PBR / trucker hat faux-redneck thing like 10 years ago. So, um, yeah. Just cut it out. It's not funny.

3. Some people honestly think that we have a health care system worth defending. Or that we have a system at all. Because we don't. There is no system. Some people get health care via their employers, some get it from the government (Medicare, the VA, etc) some have to buy it on their own, and way too many just don't have health insurance at all. And all of us who do have some sort of private insurance are at the mercy of people whose job it is to find ways for the company NOT to pay for things.

Who honestly thinks that it's a good idea to put your health in the hands of companies whose only way to make profits is to avoid paying for medical procedures? How does that even make sense? If you want your car fixed, you take it to a mechanic who gets money by fixing cars. You don't take it to someone who gets money from you up front, then tries to weasel out of doing any repairs and just keep your money. No other business works like insurance. The insurance companies have to deny payment in order to stay in business. So you really can't blame them for doing what businesses do. Businesses try to turn profits. That is all they do. You can't expect them to operate at a loss just because you need to, oh let's say stay alive. That's fine. That's what businesses do. But that's why businesses should not be running health care.

Foxes eat chickens. That's how they stay alive, by eating smaller, weaker animals. You don't blame the fox, but you also don't put him in charge of your chicken coop. Some things are just too important to be left to the whims of the market. Like the police. Or the fire department. Or the military. So we fund these things with tax dollars.
A certain portion of everyone's taxes goes to pay for having a fire department. And if your house catches fire, the fire department comes and puts it out. They don't ask how much you paid. They don't put out your neighbor's fire first because he made more money and therefore paid more taxes than you did. They just put out fires. And nobody complains about "socialist, government-run fire departments." Nobody complains about our socialized police protection. Does anyone think that we should disband their city's government-run police department and have everyone hire their own private security guards? Of course not. So why when it comes to medical care do so many people think that private for-profit insurance companies would do a better job than a single-payer government-administered health plan?

Every civilized country in the world has a national health plan but us. And you hear a lot of horror stories about these plans from apologists for the big insurance companies. For some perspective, see this article from the always insightful "Womanist Musings" written by an actual Canadian.

Or just look at these numbers: (source)

(if you don't want to spend the time looking at the boring numbers, what it boils down to is other countries [Brittain, Japan, France] spend less money on healthcare than we do, they have better coverage than we do, and they live longer than we do.)

United States

Population: 302 million

Life expectancy at birth: 78.1

Health spending as part of GDP: 15.3%

System type: Employer-employee based (54%) and government funding (46%). Government covers all older adults and the disabled (Medicare), the poor (Medicaid), veterans, government employees and Native Americans.

Coverage: 82% of people under 65; 100% of people 65 or over.

Average annual per-person spending:
Total: $6,402.
Breakdown: $2,884 by government; $2,676 for private insurance, with 52% paid by employers, 48% paid by employees; $842 by consumer out-of-pocket

Great Britain

Population: 61 million

Life expectancy at birth: 79

Health spending as part of GDP: 8.3%

System type: Tax-funded, government-run.

Coverage: Universal coverage. All citizens and legal residents.

Average annual per-person spending:
Total: $2,723.
Breakdown: $2,371 by government; $352 on supplemental private insurance, OTC drugs, direct payments to doctors.

Japan

Population: 127.7 million

Life expectancy at birth: 82.1

Health spending as part of GDP: 8%

System type: Universal coverage. Compulsory employer-employee financed national health insurance (52%); government-paid program for people over 70, the poor and small businesses.

Coverage: 100 % -- all citizens and legal residents.

Average annual per-person spending:
Total: $2,358
Breakdown: $1,927 by government; $71 on private insurance; $360 consumer out-of-pocket

France

Population: 61.7 million

Life expectancy at birth: 80.3

Health spending as part of GDP: 11.1%

System type: Universal coverage. Employment-based system, with supplemental private insurance.

Coverage: 100%

Average annual per-person spending:
Total: $3,374.
Breakdown: $2,693 by government, $448 on private insurance, $233 consumer out-of-pocket

4. some guys still insist on combing their hair into "faux-hawks"
(By the way, I believe that I coined the term faux-hawk several years ago when the style first became popular among San Francisco waiters)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

More Bonuses? Really?

Here's Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper

This is Never Going To Happen, Is It?

Goddammit, Harry Reid, see this is why people hate you.

Reid bends on healthcare deadline

@ 12:45 pm by Hill Staff

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) is bending on the pre-recess deadline for a health reform bill.

"The Republicans have asked for more time, and I don't think it's unreasonable," Reid said at a noon press conference.

You're Pathetic!

You must know that no matter how accommodating you are to the righties, they will still portray you like this:

While actually seeing you like this:

And you know what, they've got a point, you miserable little weiner.

Why don't you start acting like you lead the majority party and give us a fucking health care plan! You have a filibuster-proof majority and you still feel the need to kiss Republican ass at every turn, hoping that the redneck yahoos of Nevada won't be tto mad at you and you might get re-elected. well guess what? There's no point in getting elected if you're not going to do anything when you're in charge. Let someone else be the majority leader if you can't handle the pressure.

Hey Harry, Guess What?

Oh, Man Does That Explain A Lot!

Cambridge Sgt. James Crowley, cop who arrested black scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr., teaches class about profiling

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. (AP) - The white police sergeant criticized by President Barack Obama for arresting black scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr. in his Massachusetts home is a police academy expert on racial profiling.

Cambridge Sgt. James Crowley has taught a class about racial profiling for five years at the Lowell Police Academy after being hand-picked for the job by former police Commissioner Ronny Watson, who is black, said Academy Director Thomas Fleming.

"I have nothing but the highest respect for him as a police officer. He is very professional and he is a good role model for the young recruits in the police academy," Fleming told The Associated Press on Thursday.

The course, called "Racial Profiling," teaches about different cultures that officers could encounter in their community "and how you don't want to single people out because of their ethnic background or the culture they come from," Fleming said.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

This BS Has Gotten way Out Of Hand

This is Republican Congressman Mike Castle being shouted down and booed at his Town Hall meeting for stating the simple fact that President Obama is a United States Citizen.

Since nutjobs like Glenn Beck, Lou Dobbs, Rush Limbaug, Michelle Malkin, etc have cried "apeshit!" and let slip the dogs of insanity, these lunatics have started to see themselves as legitimate. Seriously, this shit has got to stop. How are reasonable conservatives or liberals supposed to converse with people like this? They live in their own reality and each one of them is a ticking time bomb, seething with impotent rage until the moment it boils over into violence, ala Tim McVeigh.

PALIN 2012!

In which I try my hand at creating campaign slogans.

Because Finishing the Job You were Hired to Do
Is just Politics as Usual

She Doesn't Know the Meaning of the Word "quit."
Seriously, she really doesn't.

Ethics, Schmethics!

She'll Get Back to Ya!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Asshole of the Year

We have a new front-runner for asshole of the year: Lt. Col. Ralph Peters.

This sick little prick went on FOX news and accused a captured US soldier of desertion, accused him of collaborating with the enemy, then said that the Taliban can go ahead and kill him as far as he cares.

Listen, Peters you sick fuck. There is no reason to suspect this soldier of desertion. Think about it. Who would desert in the middle of the fucking Afghani wilderness? How could he possibly expect to make it home from Afghanistan? How dare you make such a baseless accusation against one of OUR Soldiers? Have you no shame? And then you accuse him of collaboration because he was forced to participate in a propaganda video at gunpoint? Where do you get the balls? As far as I can tell, you never served in combat. You think you're going to tell us how a soldier should behave with enemy guns pointed at his head?

Lt. Col. Ralph Peters is a disgrace to the U.S. and to the US Military. Who else but FOX would put such a collossal asshole on the air?

I Go in Search of Celebrity Endorsements

Say, Al. I've been importuned by a mutual acquaintance to inquire as to whether you have had occasion to read The Daily Irritant?

Do I read the Daily Fucking Irritant? You're asking me if I read the Fucking Daily Irritant? Do you think I would give a fuck what that little cocksucker has to say?

Get the Fuck out of my office!

Well, there's no need to get snippy!

God, I hate these fucking bloggers!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Who's Wearing the Crazy Pants Today?

Why it's Randy Sharp, of the American Family Association.
The AFA has a large supply of crazy pants, so all its members can have at least one pair!

Here's Randy's advice for husbands:

Husbands, love your wives – build hedges

Hedges?

My marriage hedges are nothing more than a few simple rules, cultivated over 23 years of marriage. They are designed to protect me, my wife, and my children from a lifetime of suspicion, hurt, and mistrust.

They’re all based on one simple premise, “If I take care of the way things look, I take care of the way things are.”

They're all based on this patently false premise? Ooh, Let's hear 'em!

Hedge #1 -- I do not allow myself to be alone with a woman who is not my wife or immediate family member … EVER … EVER! By doing so, I’ve completely eliminated the possibility that anything inappropriate will take place. I am especially careful at work, where most extra-marital relationships begin. Therefore, I also make it a practice not to engage in conversation with another woman regarding her or my personal life.

Yes, we can all learn a thing or two from fundamentalist Muslims.
I actually have a simpler way to avoid having an extra-marital affair, I love my wife. So I can converse with women without jumping on them like a leg-humping puppy. But living a normal life isn't for everyone!

And by the way, ladies,
if you were married to this:

Would you be all that concerned about him straying? I mean, his wife may feel obligated to occasionally touch him, but who the hell else would?

Hedge #2 -- On work-related trips out of town, I take a family member with me if at all possible. My wife or one of my daughters goes with me.

Yikes! Is it really that difficult to keep it in your pants? "Oh, if my wife or daughter isn't with me, my weiner might accidentally fall in a lady!"

Hedge #3 -- I will not stay at hotels where pornography is available. Before I make a reservation, I ensure that the hotel does not offer pay-per-view or free adult programming. I use www.CleanHotels.com,
an online site that lets me know which hotels are safe.

You mean there are enough guys like you to support a website dedicated to finding hotels with a lack of porn? I think most folks who don't want to see porn just don't order it on pay-per-view. It's really not that difficult. Oh, and I do appreciate you letting me know that something which begins "www" and ends in ".com" is an online site. I would have spent hours wandering through the mall looking for the CleanHotels store, and there would have been women there other than my wife, and inevitably, an affair would have ensued.

Hedge #4 -- I let my wife know where I am at all times. With cell phone and texting technology so available, my wife appreciates my thinking of her.

Is that what she tells you?
I know women are from Venus, men are from Mars and all that, but I'm pretty sure that "God! Can't you give me a moment's fucking peace?" means pretty much the same thing in any language.

So Congratulations Randy Sharp!
It's your turn to wear the crazy pants!