Was This Really Necessary?

Donald Trump Proves His Hair Is Real

After years of speculation as to the true nature of his hair, Donald Trump cleared up all speculation Monday when he sat in studio with Ryan and let Ellen K. feel the famous golden locks.

Really? Was there really a lot of speculation about Trump's hair?

Was anyone really looking at this:

and thinking, that looks like something a wealthy man would pay good money for?

Why, if I had that kind of money, I could have a dead muskrat to sit atop my head, too! How stylish I would be, how chic! Oh, if only I could afford a large, lumpen rodent pelt to carry about on my head. I would stroll down the finest avenues with such insouciance, a coyote merkin perched jauntily upon my cranium! Oh, how the ladies would flock to me!

Seriously. If Trump was going to wear a toupee, he could afford a good one. Not even a bald hobo would pay money to have his hair look like Trump's.

Was this investigation really necessary?