World Cupdate (see what I did there?)

Thoughts on watching USA v. England

1) Yoo Ess Ay!! You Ess Ay!! You Es---dang, that was quick!

2) Hey, soccer fans: enough with the horns already! It's like watching a game in the middle of a swarm of giant locusts. You enjoy making noise? Who doesn't? But let me offer you some alternatives A) Hand Clapping B) shouting "Huzzah!" C) Whistling D) chanting mindless slogans like USA!! USA!!

3) Note to announcers: You don't have to keep explaining what a terrible play Rob Green made in goal. We may not have your level of soccer expertise here on this side of the pond, but Helen Keller could tell what a bad play that was. That was the worst play since "RENT." (zing!)

4) American soccer fans: High-fiving and fist-pumping after a game ends in a tie is weak. I know the US was a heavy underdog in this match and a tie was a better result than anyone expected, but try to have some dignity. It's a tie. It's better than a loss, obviously, but celebrating a tie is pretty weenie.