What Yahoo! News Considers Important

Here are some of today's top stories, according to Yahoo! News:

'Jersey Shore' Fight May Have Been Staged, Sock Continuity Suggests

 Oh, my God! Stop the presses! We must get to the bottom of this! A TV show might have had a scene which was staged? Oh, if only Edward R. Murrow were here!

 

Too Many Men in Tights? 5 Reasons the Superhero Summer Has Been a Bust

by: Daniel Frankel

 

'Thor,' 'Green Lantern,' and 'X-Men' Paramount/Warner Bros. Pictures/20th Century  

Why aren’t the superheroes delivering audiences this summer?

 Well, I was going to look into why are we still in Iraq, or why isn't the economy doing better, but yeah, this is really the million-dollar question. Why aren't more people rushing out to see shitty movies about comic-book superheroes? They paid to see Iron Man, Batman, and Spiderman, why wouldn't they shell out ten bucks to see a hero no one has heard of played by a b-list comic actor? Wasn't that movie already made last year?

 

Green Hornet, Green Lantern. tomato, tomahto!

 

Also, the Green Arrow. Did they have a big sale on green ink or something?

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Over-40 stars who have killer legs

Stars Over 40 With Killer Gams

Wow! Hollywood actresses who are physically attractive! And some of them are over the age of 40? Well now I've seen everything!

Kate Middleton's special wedding present

Camilla Parker Bowles surprised her daughter-in-law with a very pricey token of her friendship

Holy shit! A bride got a wedding present? From the groom's stepmother? No wonder we have no time to discuss Lybia! (seriously, none of the top stories are about Lybia.

Future mother-in-law's rant goes viral

Heidi Withers receives a scathing email after a visit to her fiancé's parents.

Oh  my God! Something humorous is being passed around on the internet! Let's go live to our reporter on the scene!

Which fast-food chains are the best?

ha! Trick question. They're all terrible!

Beyoncé's daring onstage look

The singer makes a bold fashion statement by pairing a chic sequined mini dress with hot pants

This just in: popular singer wears shiny outfit!

 

 

Totally different that what she normally wears! I want to see ten column-inches on my desk by press time!

 

 

New smartphone boasts one huge screen

Photo: Jim Merithew

This phone was made to be seen.

No, really. The Samsung Infuse 4G’s huge 4.5-inch Super AMOLED Plus screen not only looks great, but practically begs for video playback.

Of course, that raises the question: Is that enough to differentiate the Infuse from Android’s numerous oversized offerings? For the most part, yes.

Even though it looks exactly like every other smartphone out there, trust me. This is big news!

Somehow.

At least according to Yahoo!