Clint Eastwood is incoherent, confused, angry. A protoypical Republican.

 I did not see Clint Eastwood's speech last night, but from what I've been able to gather, it was a fucking train wreck. Don't the Romney people preview these things before they trot them out before a national television audience?

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, what’s a movie tradesman doing out here? You know they are all left wingers out there, left of Lenin. At least that is what people think. That is not really the case. There are a lot of conservative people, a lot of moderate people, Republicans, Democrats, in Hollywood. It is just that the conservative people by the nature of the word itself play closer to the vest. They do not go around hot dogging it.

That has certainly not been my experience. Even in Northern California, I was used to seeing sights like this:

 

I've never known a conservative to be shy about expressing his beliefs on any subject.

So -- but they are there, believe me, they are there. I just think, in fact, some of them around town, I saw Jon Voight, a lot of people around...
(APPLAUSE)
Jon’s here, an academy award winner. A terrific guy. 

He's also batshit insane and there's some reason his daughter wants nothing to do with him, so sure, good example.

Jon’s here, an academy award winner. A terrific guy. These people are all like-minded, like all of us.
So I -- so I’ve got Mr. Obama sitting here. 

No, you don't. You've got an empty chair sitting there, I promise you.
 Also, it's President Obama, not "mister."

So, Mr. President, how do you handle promises that you have made when you were running for election, and how do you handle them?

Um, Mr. Eastwood, why are you here making a speech and why are you making it?

 I mean, what do you say to people? Do you just -- you know -- I know -- people were wondering -- you don’t -- handle that OK. Well, I know even people in your own party were very disappointed when you didn’t close Gitmo. And I thought, well closing Gitmo -- why close that, we spent so much money on it. But, I thought maybe as an excuse -- what do you mean shut up?

Jesus Christ, even the voices in your head are telling you to shut up!
You know, I'm sure the Nazis spent a lot of money on Auschwitz, should that have remained open too?

OK, I thought maybe it was just because somebody had the stupid idea of trying terrorists in downtown New York City.
(APPLAUSE)

You mean the same New York City where we tried and convicted the original WTC bombers? The New York City where the crimes of 9/11 were committed? That New York City? Why is it now just considered too scary to try these guys in New York? You know they don't have any superpowers, right? They have boxcutters. If they're lucky. If one of these guys got acquitted, he wouldn't make it from the courthouse steps to a cab before some mooks from Brooklyn were dumping his ass into the Hudson River.

I'm pretty sure these two could kick every ass in Gitmo.

I know you were against the war in Iraq, and that’s okay. But you thought the war in Afghanistan was OK. You know, I mean -- you thought that was something worth doing. We didn’t check with the Russians to see how did it -- they did there for 10 years.

So, you're slamming Obama for not disagreeing with Bush, and that gets applause? These delegates were the same ones who cheered Bush on for eight disastrous years, extolling his every decision, and now they're all like "yeah, fuck you for not knowing what a dumbshit decision Bush was making!"
And I'm guessing that when Barack Obama thought that invading Afghanistan was a good idea, he didn't anticipate that Bush would get bored after a year and pull half the troops out to invade Iraq, leaving the other half with no clear mission because he decided he no longer cared about bin Laden.

(APPLAUSE)
But we did it, and it is something to be thought about, and I think that, when we get to maybe -- I think you’ve mentioned something about having a target date for bringing everybody home. You gave that target date, and I think Mr. Romney asked the only sensible question, you know, he says, “Why are you giving the date out now? Why don’t you just bring them home tomorrow morning?”

Um, maybe because bringing hundreds of thousands of troops home safely from a hostile foreign country is a very complex and difficult operation? You don't just wire them money to buy a bus ticket home, you know.

And I thought -- I thought, yeah -- I am not going to shut up, it is my turn.
(LAUGHTER)

 Oh my God, you're fighting with someone who isn't there. And you're losing!

So anyway, we’re going to have -- we’re going to have to have a little chat about that. And then, I just wondered, all these promises -- I wondered about when the -- what do you want me to tell Romney? I can’t tell him to do that. I can’t tell him to do that to himself.
(APPLAUSE)
You’re crazy, you’re absolutely crazy. You’re getting as bad as Biden.
(APPLAUSE)
Of course we all now Biden is the intellect of the Democratic party.
(LAUGHTER)
Kind of a grin with a body behind it.

You mean the Joe Biden who crafted the Violence Against Women Act? The Joe Biden who wrote the legislation that created the "Drug Czar" position?  The Joe Biden who was chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee?  That Joe Biden? You're really going to act like he's some kind of lightweight because he shoots his mouth off from time to time?

But I just think that there is so much to be done, and I think that Mr. Romney and Mr. Ryan are two guys that can come along. See, I never thought it was a good idea for attorneys to the president, anyway.

Yeah, how could an attorney possibly be decent president?

 

Only three of these guys were attorneys!

But yeah, Mr. Romney and Mr. Ryan are certainly "two guys that can come along," I'll concede that point.

I think attorneys are so busy -- you know they’re always taught to argue everything, and always weight everything -- weigh both sides...

Yeah, what kind of an asshole would weigh both sides of an issue?

  They are always devil’s advocating this and bifurcating this and bifurcating that. You know all that stuff. But, I think it is maybe time -- what do you think -- for maybe a businessman. How about that?
(APPLAUSE)

We just had one of those!



He's the one that got us into this mess, don't you remember? Two wars on the credit card,  including the one you were just now talking shit about, remember? We don't need another one of those.

A stellar businessman. Quote, unquote, “a stellar businessman.”

Um, ususally when you use the phrase "quote, unquote" you're implying that what you're about to say is insincere or sarcastic, like "Clint Eastwood is a quote, unquote 'actor.'"

(and yes, I know there are people out there who think Clint Eastwood was a good actor. Those people are wrong.  Spitting out every line between clenched teeth while giving your seething anger look is not good acting.)

And I think it’s that time. And I think if you just step aside and Mr. Romney can kind of take over. You can maybe still use a plane.
(APPLAUSE)
Though maybe a smaller one. Not that big gas guzzler you are going around to colleges and talking about student loans and stuff like that.
(APPLAUSE)
You are an -- an ecological man. Why would you want to drive that around?OK, well anyway. All right, I’m sorry. I can’t do that to myself either.

Why? Maybe because it's Air Force One, and President Obama doesn't actually "drive" the plane, there is a professional pilot who flies the plane.

 But I just think it is important that you realize , that you’re the best in the world. Whether you are a Democrat or Republican or whether you’re libertarian or whatever, you are the best. And we should not ever forget that.

Yes, Mr. Eastwood, everyone is the best. Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, they're all the best!

  

Now let's take our pill and have a nice nap, shall we?

We don’t have to be -- what I’m saying, we do not have to be metal (ph) masochists and vote for somebody that we don’t really even want in office just because they seem to be nice guys or maybe not so nice guys, if you look at some of the recent ads going out there, I don’t know.

  

The least disturbing image that came up for "Metal Masochist."

But OK. You want to make my day?
(APPLAUSE)
All right. I started, you finish it. Go ahead.
AUDIENCE: Make my day!
EASTWOOD: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Wow!
I just don't know what they could have been thinking with this. Whose idea was this?
How is Romney supposed to be able to run a country when he can't even run a campaign?