Ben Carson, Kingmaker

In a desperate attempt to remain pseudo-relevant, Dr. Ben Carson has thrown his not-at-all-significant support behind the guy who was already going to win anyway, tiny-fingered egomonster Donald Trump.

They're Yoooge!

Palm Beach, Florida (CNN)Ben Carson threw his support behind Donald Trump Friday morning, saying the two men had "buried the hatchet" and praising the Republican Party's front-runner as a "the voice of the people to be heard."

Jeezus Christ, can't he say anything normal? You can just say "the voice of the people." I mean, sure, it's ridiculous and stupid, but at least it sounds like something a normal person might say. (just not about Trump) But "the voice of the people to be heard?" What the hell even is that?

He explained that there were "two Donald Trumps" -- one that the public sees, and another more reserved and "cerebral" man who "sits there and considers things very carefully."

"Some people have gotten the impression that Donald Trump is this person who is not malleable, who does not have the ability to listen, and to take information in and make wise decisions. And that's not true," Carson said. "He's much more cerebral than that."

Okay, see, that makes it even worse. You're saying that Trump actually knows better. Like he knows perfectly well that most Mexicans are not rapists, most Muslims don't hate America, and that whether or not  Megan Kelly  was on her period has no bearing on how she does her job, he's just ginning up hatred and anger to attract the worst element of American society into his camp, consequences be damned. Which is probably at least partly true. Trump can't possibly be as stupid as he seems to be. But you pointing that out isn't really helpful to him.

The reporter asked, “You said throughout your life God has led you to your most important decisions. This truly is an important decision. Did God lead you to Donald Trump?”

Woah, hey! I had NOTHING to do with this!

This truly is an important decision. Or it would be if your endorsement meant anything. You know, like if there were people who give a shit what a crazy somnambulist retired doctor thinks about the political landscape. Is what the reporter meant to say, I assume.

Carson said that God had given him several signs – once of which included a vision from an unnamed friend.

“I prayed about it a lot, and I got a lot of indications, people calling me that I haven’t talked to for a long time saying, I had this dream about you and Donald Trump — I mean, just amazing things…”

Wow! Your friend had a dream.
I had a dream that someone shoved a guitar into my hands and pushed me out on stage and I discovered that I could magically play really really well. So I'm pretty sure that God wants me to quit my job and start a band.

 

I am NOT taking the blame for this with your wife, pal!

"What I've been seeing recently is political operatives ... once again trying to assert themselves and trying to thwart the will of the people," Carson said. "I find that to be an extraordinarily dangerous place right now."

Really? Because, you know what would really be a dangerous place right now for you? A Donald Trump rally.