Well that was quick!

New White House Communications director Anthony Scaramucci is already crashing and burning faster than. . .what crashes and burns really fast? A Valu-Jet flight?

Anyway, he's had this job for, what, about a week? And he's already imploding.

Incoming White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci gave a lengthy interview to CNN’s Chris Cuomo on Thursday in which he angrily lashed out at whoever leaked his financial disclosure form, despite the fact that the form was never meant to be a secret.

See, normally this is the sort of thing that would happen towards the end of your tenure, when you're about to resign to "spend more time with your family." You don't expect a new member of the administration to walk in, ask which desk is his, and pick a public fight with Reince Priebus.

During the interview, Scaramucci fumed about the ways that seemingly everything that occurs inside the White House — from his dinner with Sean Hannity Wednesday night to his financial disclosure form — leaks out almost instantly to the media.
“What I’m upset about is the process — and the junk pool, the dirty pool — in terms of the way this stuff is being done,” Scaramucci said. “I can’t have a couple of friends up from Fox & Friends, and Sean Hannity, who’s one of my closest friends, to dinner with the president and his first lady without it being leaked in seven minutes.”

Why, it's as if a public figure can't have dinner with 3 other public figures, one of whom is probably the most famous/infamous/notorious person in the world, without the public somehow finding out!
Also, fuck you, you're not supposed to be meeting with faux-journalists to coordinate messaging with them.

Scaramucci then said that, when it comes to leaks, “the fish stinks from the head down.” Despite this, however, he said that President Donald Trump was not responsible for any of the leaks that occur from within the White House.
“I can tell you two fish that don’t stink,” he told Cuomo. “And that’s me and the president.” 

I don't even have a joke here. What could I possibly say that would be funnier than that last statement?

Scaramucci then went on to discuss his relationship with White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus, whom he had initially seemed to blame for the leaking of his financial disclosure form. Scaramucci insisted that he still saw Priebus as a “brother,” but noted that “some brothers are rough on each other.”
“Some brothers are like Cain and Abel,” Scaramucci said, referring to the story in the Bible about a man who murdered his own brother out of jealousy. “I don’t know if this is reparable or not, that’s up to the president.”

Oh my God! YOU JUST GOT THERE! How do you have an arch-frenemy already?  Your differences are already irreconcilable? You guys are on the same team!

This would be like when Kevin Durant joined the Warriors if he had said "I'm happy to be here, I look forward to competing for a championship, and by the way, fuck Steph Curry! What a dick, am I right?"

Except that there's no way that you are the Kevin Durant of Comm. Directors and no way that Reince is the Steph Curry of whatever it is that he does.You're more like the Cherokee parks and Chris Washburn of DC 

And then, if that wasn't train-wrecky enough:

Scaramucci goes on vulgar attack against own communications team, calls Priebus ‘paranoid schizophrenic’  

Anthony Scaramucci went on the offensive Wednesday night calling White House adversary Reince Priebus “schizophrenic” and threatening to fire his entire communications staff.

He hurled invective at supposed leakers within the administration after New Yorker reporter Ryan Lizza tweeted, citing “a senior White House Official,” that Scaramucci was having dinner at the White House with President Trump, the First Lady, Sean Hannity, and former Fox News executive Bill Shine.

The tweets prompted a furious Scaramucci to call Lizza — and go on a tirade against administration officials whom he believes are responsible for leaking information about the dinner, and also his publicly available financial disclosures.

You'd think you'd be so embarrassed after claiming that "leaking" your financial disclosures was a "felony" and then having to be told that no, this is publicly available information, that you'd just shut up about the whole thing for a while, but that is not the way things work in Drumpfland!

Scaramucci threatened to fire his staff when Lizza refused to reveal his source.“What I’m going to do is, I will eliminate everyone in the comms team and we’ll start over,” he said.“O.K., I’m going to fire every one of them, and then you haven’t protected anybody, so the entire place will be fired over the next two weeks,” he continued, after he failed to persuade Lizza to speak up.

No! Not Sarah Huckabee Sanders!
Not Kellyanne!

Scaramucci disclosed that he believed Priebus was worried about the dinner because he hadn’t been invited.
“Reince is a f--king paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said.
He imitated Priebus, saying, “’Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the f--king thing and see if I can c--k-block these people the way I c--k-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’”

Wait. Do you think that's why you weren't comm director for the first 6 months of the administration? That Reince was "cock-blocking" you? Because otherwise, why would anyone not want an even-tempered level-headed fella like yourself running their communications strategy?



So calling the guy who is technically your boss a "fucking paranoid schizophrenic" and a "cock-blocker." Pretty crazy right?
Oh, but wait. It gets better.

"I'll get to the person who leaked that to you," Scaramucci told The New Yorker reporter. "Reince Priebus — if you want to leak something — he'll be asked to resign very shortly."

Oh my God, he's been in position, what ;like three days? He's not even done with employee orientation and he's already gunning for the chief of staff?

Oh, but wait. It gets better.

Scaramucci launched attacks on other adversaries, too, including Trump’s chief strategist Steve Bannon, saying, “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own c--k.”

Oh, but wait. It gets better.

“Why don’t you honor the job? You remember Joe Paterno? What would he say? Act like you’ve been there before,” Scaramucci said during a phone interview. “Act with honor and dignity and respect, and hold the confidence of the presidency in his office. Why don’t we do that?”

Honor, dignity and respect? Joe Paterno? The man who enabled more child rapes than any non-pope?