Micheal Lohan

Micheal Lohan, seen here with Stephen Baldwin at an assface convention.

Listen, Mike. Whatever problems your daughter has (and Hoo Lordies, she's got plenty!) are at least 50% your fault. Here is a list of possible courses of action you might take to try and make things slightly better.

1) hang your head in shame.

2) hang yourself in shame.

3) stay the hell out of the public eye.

4) see #2.

But no, you've chosen to actively make things worse. What the hell would motivate you to post shit like this on the interwebs?

While I was enthused that Ali was with Lindsay, rather than SaMANtha, I am torn to see that SaMANtha has once again manipulated Lindsay into leaving her little sister in LA, only to join SaMANtha on another DJ gig in Boston.

Good God, you're clever! I see what you did there, emphasizing the word "MAN" in Samantha to imply that women who are attracted to other women are not really women at all! Give me a minute to roll on the floor. . . .

. . .Ok, I'm back. Ya know what,here's something you might not have thought of. One of those women who loves other women is, um, YOUR DAUGHTER, YOU MORON! Openly mocking your daughter's sexuality in a public forum, hmmm. . . I'm not a father myself, but I'm pretty sure that's the sort of thing that would be described as poor parenting. In fact, I'm pretty sure that fathers are not supposed to humiliate their daughters with open displays of hostility. Well, at least you didn't belittle her spirituality. What? Really? No I haven't seen London newspaper "The daily Mail" recently, why? What does it say?

Lindsay Lohan wants to convert to Judaism to prove her love for Samantha Ronson, according to Page Six:

Lohan flew to London to attend the bar mitzvah of Ronson's half-brother, Joshua. "She's explored the Church of Scientology, she tried kabbalah, and now this. I think it's just another phase," her estranged father Michael Lohan, a born-again minister, told London's Daily Mail.

Ohhh, Mike! Why are you talking to the press? Seriously, just crawl back under whatever rock you crawled out from and leave the poor kid alone.

When a mother or father sees their child in turmoil (losing weight, not working, and purportedly cutting herself) are we supposed to stand by , remain silent and pretend it isn't happening? Or are we suppose to step to the plate and not care what people think, and do something about it?
Well, as you can see, I'm not going to sit back and let it slide.

No, really, let it slide. Seriously. You're not helping.

let me say that I never took a penny for my blog or anything I ever did for any of my children. I did what I did, out of love and concern, regardless of any of your opinions. I did it to help them, advance their careers and give them hope. I taught them that anything is possible if you really want it enough, and that when your heart is in the right place, God will make it all happen!

Um, God called, he said to leave him out of this. He's not taking the fall for this one.

For the record, when it comes to sexual preference, I am not biased.

I don't think you understand what the word "biased" means

.

I am asking everyone out their to intervene in every way possible to help Lindsay, and quite possibly, save her life. Help this wonderful, good hearted and gifted young lady to see what SaMANtha is doing to her and how she is destroying her life.

Yeah, enlist the general public's help in destroying your daughter's relationship. Goddamn, you are one class act!
P.S. I wonder why Lindsey doesn't like men? Just saying.

Jim Cramer

I used to think that Jim Cramer was just a raving lunatic who brings the sensibilities of a morning-zoo DJ to the world of high finance.
Then, when he insisted that Bear Sterns was fine 48 hiurs before bear Sterns went belly-up, I figured he was just a moron.
But now, this video has surfaced showing Cramer bragging about the ways he used to illegally manipulate the markets when he ran a hedge fund.




This shameless rat bastard needs to go down! He needs to do time. His shitty advice probably did as much harm to peoples' retirement funds as Bernie Madoff (who at least has the decency to plead guilty) Let's organize a posse and bring this scumbag in, dead or alive!
(note: not an actual incitement to violence or vigilantism, blogger is speaking metaphorically.)

Chuck Norris

I've been inclined to take it easy on Chuck Norris, since i understand that he's been kicked in the head a lot more than most people and it's really no crime to be an abysmally bad actor and a garden-variety imbecille. But in Today's "Wing Nut Daily" (ooh, see what I did there? I changed "World Net" to "wing nut" to express my belief that this website is a gathering place for kooks, spoon-benders, and snake-handlers, but express this belief in a comical way! I hope you're taking notes, other internet writer people. This is how it's done!) Anyway, in today's "wing Nut Daily" (if it's funny once, it's bound to be funnier the second time!) Old Walker goes waaaaaayyyy off the deep end. Norris apparently thinks that Texas may secede from the Union and that he may run for president of Texas. (Oh, please God let Texas secede from the Union! I dream of a country without Texas)
And he's not kidding. Here's what he said to fellow nut-job Glenn Beck:

I'm not saying that other states won't muster the gumption to stand and secede, but Texas has the history to prove it. As most know, Texas was its own country before it joined the Union as its 28th state.
Oookaaayyy. Before that, it was part of Mexico. Before that it was a teritory of Spain. How is any of this relevant?

And why would Texas or any other state want to secede?

Patrick Henry taught that, "Our Constitution is … an instrument for its people to restrain the government." Yet our Congress and president stampede that founding document, overlook its explicitness and manipulate its words to abandon a balance of power and accommodate their own desires, partisan politics and runaway spending.

Um, OK. Funny how you had no objections when the previous administation was shredding the Bill of rights and running the largest defecits in history, but whatever. Go on.

From the East Coast to the "Left Coast," America seems to be moving further and further from its founders' vision
And what vision would that be?

John Adams declared that, "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people." Yet we've bastardized the First Amendment, reinterpreted America's religious history and secularized our society until we ooze skepticism and circumvent religion on every level of public and private life.

Ah, should have guessed.
Well, you seem fond of quoting the Founding fathers, how about I take a crack at it?

Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law.

-Thomas Jefferson, letter to Dr. Thomas Cooper, February 10, 1814

• During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What have been its fruits? More or less in all places, pride and indolence in the Clergy, ignorance and servility in the laity, in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution.

- James Madison

My parents had early given me religious impressions, and brought me through my childhood piously in the Dissenting way. But I was scarce fifteen, when, after doubting by turns of several points, as I found them disputed in the different books I read, I began to doubt of Revelation itself. Some books against Deism fell into my hands; they were said to be the substance of sermons preached at Boyle’s Lectures. It happened that they wrought an effect on me quite contrary to what was intended by them; for the arguments of the Deists, which were quoted to be refuted, appeared to me much stronger than the refutations; in short, I soon became a thorough Deist."

Benjamin Franklin. (1706–1790). His Autobiography.

Deism, by the way, Chuck, is , according to Meriam Webster," a movement or system of thought advocating natural religion, emphasizing morality, and in the 18th century denying the interference of the Creator with the laws of the universe."

Oh, and let's not forget the Treaty of Tripoli which states unequivically:

• As the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Musselmen [Muslims] … it is declared … that no pretext arising from religious opinion shall ever product an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries. … The United States is not a Christian nation any more than it is a Jewish or a Mohammedan nation.
• The Treaty of Tripoli (January 4, 1797). Carried unanimously by the U.S. Senate and signed into law by President John Adams.

Yeah, Chuck. That's the same John Adams you quoted above. I think that the lesson here is that John Adams did NOT let his personal religious beliefs influence the business of governing. I know, you think that America was founded as some sort of theocracy, but trust me, it wasn't.

But that's not even the worst part! Norris is really ready to go to war.

"If this country starts to spiral out of control and Mexico melts down or whatever, if it really starts to spiral out of control, before America allows a country to become a totalitarian country Americans won't stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up."
Anyone who has been around Texas for any length of time knows exactly what we'd do if the going got rough in America. Let there be no doubt about that. As Sam Houston

once said, "Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may."

For those losing hope, and others wanting to rekindle the patriotic fires of early America, I encourage you to join Fox News' Glenn Beck, me and millions of people across the country in the live telecast, "We Surround Them," on Friday afternoon (March 13 at 5 p.m. ET, 4 p.m. CT and 2 p.m. PST). Thousands of cell groups will be united around the country in solidarity over the concerns for our nation. You can host or attend a viewing party by going to Glenn's website. My wife Gena and I will be hosting one from our Texas ranch, in which we've invited many family members, friends and law enforcement to join us. It's our way of saying "We're united, we're tired of the corruption, and we're not going to take it anymore!"

Again, Sam Houston put it well when he gave the marching orders, "We view ourselves on the eve of battle. We are nerved for the contest, and must conquer or perish. It is vain to look for present aid: None is at hand. We must now act or abandon all hope! Rally to the standard, and be no longer the scoff of mercenary tongues! Be men, be free men, that your children may bless their father's name."

Um. Chuck. What you're talking about here, that's called treason. It's punishable by hanging.
Would someone pleas wake Chuck up and tell him that this is not a movie. This is real life. Just stay out of the way and let the grownups run things, okay?

P.S. Would someone please explain to me why the wingnuts seem to equate a financial stimulus bill with some kind of tyrrany or dictatorship? It's just spending money. It's not martial law.

P.P.S. I guess that whole "celebrities should stay out of politics" only applies to Sean Penn?

HAW PAR VILLA

I'm not sure if i love this park or fear it or both. Apparently, this amusement park in Singapore features characters and scenes from Chinese folklore, including The Ten Courts of HELL!

Check it out:

Now i think I have to move to Singapore!

Bob Nardelli

After being paid eleventy million dollars to run Home Depot into the ground, and then another thousandy hundred to go away, Bob Nardelli was immediately hired to take over Chrysler. This kind of boobery this can only be explained by using an unneccessarilly complicated analogy, so bear with me.

let's say Home depot is the Beatles. And let's say that Chrysler is a different band, let's call them "Iaccocca and The Poorly-made Automobiles." Now it's 1969 and the Beatles are breaking up. The other band (Chrysler) is ecstatic. "Now's our chance to sign Yoko!"

So, shockingly, Nardelli goes to Washington to ask for a bailout. Then returns saying he needs more. Now FIAT is apparently riding in to the rescue. FIAT. Fee-Yacht. Fiat is going to rescue Chrysler. Do you know how embarrassing that is? That's like telling your friends "I was being attacked by a mugger. I thought I was going to die. Thank God Pee Wee Herman showed up and was able to fight him off." (Yes, I'm saying that Fiat is the Pee Wee Herman of car companies. I'm not afraid to go there.)

P.s. the "boob" reference in the first paragraph is boob as in "Sheesh, what a boob this guy is!" not as a slang term referring to a ladies bosom.