The Republican Women of Anne Arundel County

How am I supposed to come up with something funny to say about this?

The Republican Women of Anne Arundel County, one of Maryland’s most prominent Republican organizations, has launched an outrageous attack on President Barack Obama. The website currently features a letter from Joyce E. Thoman, the organization’s President, comparing Barack Obama to Hitler. An excerpt:

Dear Friends:

Obama and Hitler have a great deal in common in my view. Obama and Hitler use the “blitzkrieg” method to overwhelm their enemies. FAST, CARPET BOMBING intent on destruction. Hitler’s blitzkrieg bombing destroyed many European cities – quickly and effectively. Obama is systematically destroying the American economy and with it AMERICA. First the banking/investment industry, next private enterprise (GM and Chrysler) and now HEALTH CARE. And he is working on grabbing more of the American economy with his environmental extremism!

How do you respond to something like that? It's just so fucking insane! How do you compare environmental "extremism" (of which no one could accuse President Obama) with the fucking blitz? I can't even tell whether these people actually believe their own bullshit, or has it just been a process of "let's throw every imaginable scary label at him and see if one sticks."

So, from the moment Barack Obama took office, it's been: "he's Stalin, he's Hitler, he's Osama bin Laden, he's Neville Chamberlain, he's a socialist, he's a fascist, he's a secret Muslim, he's a zombie, he's Dracula, he's a Yeti, he's Jason Voorhies, he's the Zodiac Killer, he's a Sith Lord, he's Anton LaVey, he's the fourth Jonas Brother, he's a gay Tellytubby, he's the anti-Christ, He's an anarchist, don't know what he wants but he knows how to get it. He wants to destroy, possibly!

(for those of you under 40, that's a Sex Pistols reference)

FIX IT!

Micheal Steele just gets more and more ridiculous. Here's his solution to the health care crisis:

So if it’s a cost problem, it’s easy: Get the people in a room who have the most and the most direct impact on cost, and do the deal. Do the deal. It’s not that complicated.

If it’s an access question, people don’t have access to health care, then figure out who they are, and give them access! Hello?! Am I missing something here? If my friend Trevor has access to health care, and I don’t, why do I need to overhaul the entire system so I can get access he already has? Why don’t you just focus on me and get me access?

Did anyone else think of this:

When they heard that?

Jim Kouri

I'm not sure how I stumbled onto this gem:

Terror threat continues at US borders

By Jim Kouri

Jim Kouri

Jim Kouri, CPP is currently fifth vice-president of the
National Association of Chiefs of Police.


(it took me a while to find out what the "CPP" referred to. It apparently stands for "Certified Protection Professional," which turns out to be a fancy word for "bodyguard." When Bodyguard is the top line in your resume', then yeah, I guess you're qualified to comment on international terrorism!)

As the number of Americans who remember the horror of the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington almost eight years ago dwindles,

Seriously? You really think anyone is looking around Manhattan asking "whatever happened to those two big buildings, the World Something or Other?"

Islamofascism is taking hold in Central and South America.

It is? What evidence do you have to back up this claim?

According to testimony given to the US House of Representatives Armed Services Committee by General Peter Pace, the former US Joint Chiefs of Staff, Hamas has joined Hezbollah and Al-Qaeda in the Triple Frontier Zone in Latin America where the borders of Argentina, Brazil and Paraguay converge.

Well, I'm certainly no Peter Pace expert. I don't know everything he's ever said, so I thought, it's possible Gen. Pace did testify to this. So I did what's known as a "google search" for the terms "Peter Pace" + "Hamas" + "frontier zone" and found several articles stating the same thing about Pace's testimony. True, they were all written by Jim Kouri, but still, that's some pretty compelling evidence!

Border Patrol agents began to voice what many believed were legitimate concerns about "armed incursions" into the United States from Mexico-based assailants. They reported that heavily armed Mexican army units and federal police, called federales, had infiltrated US territory and fired upon them, in some cases.

WHAT? The Mexican Army invaded and no one told me? I'll bet they were riding unicorns and casting voodoo spells with their magic wands made of fire!

Seriously, you're really saying that the Mexican Army has comitted acts of war within the United States, and this is not the lead story on Lou Dobbs?

Many of our political leaders and most in the news media ignore these violent attacks on our national sovereignty while more and more Americans are saying, "This has got to stop!"

Just like they continue to ignore the threats posed by Dr. Evil, The Riddler, and the Loch Ness Monster!

And our northern border with Canada has many law-enforcement leaders even more concerned. Canadian security experts concede that there are several radical Islamist groups active in their country. In fact, Hezbullah's largest headquarters is located not in the Middle East but in Toronto.

In Fact, a quick Google search will show you that "According to the Canadian Security Intelligence Service, Hezbollah's largest headquarters outside of the Middle East is in Toronto."

That's a pretty big difference.
That's like being the biggest douchebag outside of "The Hills."
Or the most dangerous criminal outside of prison.
Or the craziest motherfucker outside of FOX.

Americans can probably count on one hand the number of congressional leaders who will even debate the issues of illegal immigration or border security.

Sure, if you're this guy:

Putting aside terrorism, the lack of border security contributes to crime. In Los Angeles, a look at outstanding arrest warrants for homicide reveals that over 90% are for illegal aliens.

Well, that number didn't seem like it could possibly be true, so I checked it out with Snopes.com which said that the figure comes un-sourced from testimony by one Heather MacDonald, who turns out to be a hack from the headquarters of hackery, the "Weekly Standard." My best guess is that Mr. Kouri got his bad information the same place most of us get ours, from a forwarded e-mail.

Any time someone tells you that the media are ignoring what would be the biggest story of the year, then throws around a bunch of totally bogus data, I figure I'd better take a closer look at his "credentials." According to his bio, he is the "fifth vice president of the National Association of Chiefs of Police."Even though his name does not show up anywhere on the organization's website, I'll take his word for it. So, he must have been at one time the chief of some police department? Not exactly.

He's former chief at a New York City housing project in Washington Heights nicknamed "Crack City"

So, unless "crack city" had its own police dept, Ol' Jim was not a police chief, even though his bio reads in such a way that if you're not reading carefully, you would get the impression that he was, but I'm sure that's completely unintentional.

He's also served on the National Drug Task Force

Sounds impressive! What is that, some federal law-enforcement agency? Not exactly.
I kid you not, it's an internet-based talk radio program! Really. Check it out.

So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much credibility does Jim Kouri have?





Oh, sorry Jim! How about you stick to topics you know something about, like, um . . . .
well, there's, um. . . .sorry, Jim, I got nothing!

Sunday Funnies!

Now son, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts-
Oh, who am I kidding? I feel like king of the fucking world!



That's right, Jimmy! If you want to be an official club member,
You can't wear any pants!



Oh, man! Remember the Beatles? Those dead-eyed psychotic-looking, lipstick-wearing young mop-tops. We sure loved 'em!



Featuring the hit single "I think the roofies have kicked in."



And introducing Mr. Hankey!



So you say there are clubs that cater exclusively to guys like us?
And it's called Folsom Street?



Like what you see, ladies?



We don't care fer yer kind around here!



Me love children! Me host sleepovers at
Tarzan Ranch! Me serve Jesus Juice.



I don't even have a good line for this.
What could I possibly add?

Krauthammer Strikes Again

Well, I did it again. I read an op-ed written by Charles Krauthammer. And Charles is off his meds. I really think he needs professional help, because his world just doesn't correspond to the real world.

Hope and Change -- but Not for Iran

Millions of Iranians take to the streets to defy a theocratic dictatorship that, among its other finer qualities, is a self-declared enemy of America and the tolerance and liberties it represents. The demonstrators are fighting on their own, but they await just a word that America is on their side.

Oh, is that what they're awaiting? 'Cause it looks to me like they just went ahead and started without us.

. . . after treating this popular revolution as an inconvenience to the real business of Obama-Khamenei negotiations, the president speaks favorably of "some initial reaction from the Supreme Leader that indicates he understands the Iranian people have deep concerns about the election."

"treating this popular revolution as an inconvenience?" Really? Is this the part where we make up ridiculous actions and attribute them to people we don't like? I love this part! Let me try. Um, After treating stray puppies as convenient concubines, Charles Krauthammer then spoke favorably of "some initial reaction from my favorite crack dealer." Gosh, that is fun! Now, some may quibble over the fine points of whether Charles Krauthammer actually had sex with puppies, but I say he did in the same sense that Barack Obama treated the Iranian uprising as "an inconvenience to the real business of Obama-Khamenei negotiations."




In Charles Krauthammer's mind, this is what a meeting between Barack Obama and Ayatollah Khamenei would look like.

Where to begin? "Supreme Leader"? Note the abject solicitousness with which the American president confers this honorific on a clerical dictator who, even as his minions attack demonstrators, offers to examine some returns in some electoral districts -- a farcical fix that will do nothing to alter the fraudulence of the election.

Right, referring to someone by his correct title is "abject solicitousness." When Obama does meet the ayatollah, the correct greeting would be to pat him on the head like Benny Hill, call him Shemp and give him a wedgie. Let him know that the USA is the goddamn alpha male!

This started out about election fraud. But like all revolutions, it has far outgrown its origins. What's at stake now is the very legitimacy of this regime -- and the future of the entire Middle East.

Oh my God! Are you seriously still on this "re-making the Middle East" kick? How's it been working out so far?

This revolution will end either as a Tiananmen or as a true revolution that brings down the Islamic Republic.

The latter is improbable but, for the first time in 30 years, not impossible. Imagine the repercussions. It would mark a decisive blow to Islamist radicalism, of which Iran today is not just standard-bearer and model, but financier and arms supplier. It would do to Islamism what the collapse of the Soviet Union did to communism -- leave it forever spent and discredited.

Righ, which is why Communism was abandoned by China, Cuba, Vietnam, North Korea, hey, wait a minute!

Now, with Hezbollah having lost elections in Lebanon and with Iraq establishing the institutions of a young democracy, the fall of the Islamist dictatorship in Iran would have an electric and contagious effect. The exception -- Iraq and Lebanon -- becomes the rule. Democracy becomes the wave. Syria becomes isolated; Hezbollah and Hamas, patronless. The entire trajectory of the region is reversed.

Holy Fuck! The domino theory? Are you fucking serious? How would that even work? Iranians overthrow their theocracy, and the Islamist dictators in other Arab states don't clamp down hard on the slightest hint of dissidence? Saudis rise up to oust the royal house of Saud, and King Abdullah just says, "well fuck it, it worked in Iran, what chance do we have? Throw down your weapons, fellas, it's time to go into exile! Freedom is on the march and there's no fighting progress!" You'd have to be a complete idiot to buy some rosy scenario about waves of democracy spreading throughout the Middle East. You'd have to be the kind of moron who bought the "we'll be greeted as liberators" scenario.

Even from the narrow perspective of the nuclear issue, the administration's geopolitical calculus is absurd. There is zero chance that any such talks will denuclearize Iran. On Monday, President Ahmadinejad declared yet again that the nuclear "file is shut, forever."

Of course, Achmadinejad has about as much real power as Queen Elizabeth, but why let that stand in the way of a good rant?

The only hope for a resolution of the nuclear question is regime change

Regime change? Regime change? How many Goddamn regimes are we supposed to change? And with what? Where are all these extra soldiers going to come from? Our military is already stretched to the breaking point, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are bankrupting us, and you want to get involved in another Middle Eastern Country? This is not a game of fucking Risk! This is real life, and the grownups are in charge now. So how about you shut your fat yap and let the grownups who live in the real world handle things, mmkay?