Death Metal Rooster!

Stolen from http://www.mockpaperscissors.com/

Jennifer Lopez should STFU

Because if this is what you have to say on any subject:

“And I guess deep down I really felt like either this is not going to happen for me or it is. You know what I mean? And if it is, it will. And if it’s not, it’s not going to.”

It's time to take your mouth off of auto-pilot.

Honestly, it almost doesn't even matter what subject she was on, she could have been talking about bagels or penguins or speedometers. As it happens, she was talking about in vitro fertilization, which actually does make it even worse. Because this ridiculous pull-quote was spoken in defense of this position:

Lopez told Elle magazine in their February issue that she decided to forgo in vitro fertilization treatments while trying to get pregnant herself. “I … believe in God and I have a lot of faith in that, so I just felt like you don’t mess with things like that,”

So you're trying to tell me that your kids were conceived naturally. You expect me to believe that Marc Anthony

had sex with a woman? Come on!

Seriously, though, if you're going to take a stand on an issue, you really ought to consider having a well-reasoned argument that doesn't meet both definitions of tautology:

tau⋅tol⋅o⋅gy

–noun, plural -gies.

1.	needless repetition of an idea, esp. in words other than those of the immediate context, without imparting additional force or clearness

2.	a compound propositional form all of whose instances are true, as “A or not A.”

See, it's kind of pointless to say "either it won't happen or it will" unless you're going to examine the consequences of either possibility, such as "if it doesn't happen then (fill in the blank) and if it does happen, then (fill in the blank)" It's really stupid to start off with "it will or it won't" and then follow up with "if it will it will and if it won't it won't" That's the sort of prattle one would expect to hear from someone who has absolutely nothin to say but is in love with the sound of her own voice.

Sad News

Three Questions About Mark McGwire

#1) Now that McGwire has admitted to taking illegal steroids and lying about it, even perjuring himself before Congress, will he be prosecuted? Or is that treatment reserved for Barry Bonds?

"The toughest thing is my wife, my parents, close friends have had no idea that I hid it from them all this time,"

#2) Really? He really thinks he HID his steroid use? Really?

This is how you look when you're hiding steroid use? Pretty sneaky, sis!

#3) Why was everyone willing to take McGwire's word for it all these years that he was not using steroids? Why was that courtesy extended to McGwire but not Bonds? (Not that Bonds deserved it either)

I know people will say it's because Barry Bonds is kind of a jerk, but it's not like McGwire is exactly a fun guy either. He has a well-earned reputation for surliness. But for some reason, the sports media decided that Mark McGwire was the all-American hero and Bonds was just some overpriveleged punk. I would hate to think that that was based on skin color, but I don't know what else to think.

Rod Blagojevich Likes To Say Really Stupid Shit

Blagojevich: 'I'm blacker than

Barack Obama'

Oh, my God, Rob. Stop. Just stop right there. There's nothing you can say now that won't be just awful. Just don't say anything.


"I'm blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes."

Oh my God! See, I told you. There's nothing you can say now that won't make you look like an ignorant dildo at best, a racist idiot at worst.

I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment.

OK, when did a five-room apartment become a black stereotype? I don't even get that one.

"My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived,"

OK, unless your father was actually George Jefferson, the laundry isn't really relevant.

So to sum up, you are black because:
A) You once had a job shining shoes
B) Your apartment had five rooms
C) Your father owned a laundromat
D) There was a largely black neighborhood near the area where you once lived.

Is that it? That is your claim to blackness? Am I missing anything? Because I'm pretty sure that none of those things make you black. Having a high concentration of melanin in your skin makes you black. Everything else just makes you an idiot.