Potential Future Projects For Jerry Seinfeld

#1: Play detective on Law and Order.

Thanks, I Feel So Much Manlier Now!

Did you know that there is a "Manhood Academy" on the Internet?

No? Well, you're probably a sissy-pants, that's why!

If you're a real stud-man like me, you can enter the academy here:


What? The Village People were totally Macho! One of them's a cowboy, for God's sake! Sheesh!

Anyway, here's what these dudes are all about:

Manhood Academy is the first training and research center of its kind. Backed by a global community of men, we've worked to reestablish a healthy male culture that can effectively address its social expectations.

Sounds vaguely positive, go on.

There are too many emasculated males around the globe who don't have any resources to help them establish their lives and identities; these men don't know how to attract women. They don't know how to build male friendships. They don't know how protect their rights as men. They don't know how to stand up for themselves. They don't even know the meaning of Manhood.

AAGH!! Emascu-what now?

See, I didn't even know that my man-rights were under attack until I ran across these guys.

Anyway, here are their goals:

Expose Feminism: On the surface, feminism appears to be concerned with equal rights for women. But in reality, this dangerous social philosoophy has damaged the proper relationship structure between men and women.

They have a point. Women with rights? Sounds pretty dangerous to me. Pretty soon they'll want to drive cars and have control over their own bodies! Insanity!

Retrain men: Too many men have been emasculated by Feminism. They don't know how to lead women, socialize with other men, make decisions, meet their needs or stand up to the emasculating "bitch" behavior of dysfunctional women. By retraining men to effectively wield their authority, we hope to improve their lives and make them effective leaders.

Ack! What's with all the castration imagery? But, yeah, most men have no idea how to socialize with other men. That's why you never see a sports-themed bar or hunting / fishing supply shops anymore. Gone, all gone. Replaced by girlie places like Hooters and Cigar bars.

Retrain women: Too many women have been cheated by Feminism. They have been erroneously taught to compete with men by usurping male authority. This completely neglects the importance of fulfilling different gender functions. These functions are meant to complement rather than than compete with each other; men should be in charge of women as a means of caring for female needs. . .

This one actually goes on for quite a while, but I think the main point is that it's just silly to think that women could take care of their own needs. I mean, what are they going to do, get jobs? Buy their own stuff? Have satisfying non-sexual relationships with non-men? It's crazy, right?

Support male culture: Only healthy, happy, competent men are in a position to properly care for others. Yet Feminism's constant assault on male culture along with its demonizing of male sexuality and belittling of male leadership makes this virtually impossible.

You know, there's really no need to go around assaulting male culture. Just because male culture sometimes includes date rape and the occasional domestic assault, I mean come on! Boys will be boys!

So, anyway, to save you the trouble of clicking on to the website, I copied a list of their FAQ's and I will try to answer them myself, so you wimpy guys don't have to embarrass yourselves in front of real men.

Q: Why was Manhood Academy created?

A: Duh, to get a bunch of men who are having doubts about their manliness together to do manly things like, say, wrestling.

Q: What is manhood? What's it for? Why do men even need to be aware of it?

A: What's it for? To compete with other men. To see whose manliness is bigger. Or firmer. Or more. . . um, you know, competition. Like sports!

yeah, sports!

Q: Why are you guys against Feminism? Do you hate women?

A: No, of course not! Not all women! We like the ones who will have sex with us and/or make us food! The other kind, yeah we kinda do hate them.

We don't hate these women!

Q: Why should a woman "submit" to a man? That sounds like outdated, blatant sexism?!

A: You say that like it's a bad thing!

Q: Why do you guys use misogynistic terms like "cunt" and "bitch"? Isn't that hate speech? Why resort to name-calling?

A: Um, because it's easier than coming up with well-reasoned arguments!

Q: What if I strongly disagree with something on this site? Am I allowed to respond to anything said on here?

A: Sure, queer. Go ahead and disagree, homo!

Q: I read something else that interested me, and I want to try some other method/system. Hopefully this will work better than the Manhood Academy.

A: You're gay!

Q: I'm offended by your misogynist terminology. Why do you use such hateful speech?

A: Because fuck you! What are you a girl?

Aaahhh, manliness!

Defending the Indefensible

First up: Bill Donohue on Larry King says that these priests aren't really pedophiles, since most of the boys they abused were post-pubescent. And of course, the real problem with the church is, wait for it. . . .The gays! What a shock! The seething ragetard thinks the gays are the problem!



I can not for the life of me understand why American Catholics allow this hateful moron to speak for them. If I were a Catholic, I would punch Bill Donohue in the dick. Actually, I would anyway, just on principle.

Next, Ross Douthat who is somehow allowed to write for the actual, honest-to-god New York Times, blames the Seventies. Really.

(This picture is not doctored or photo-shopped, he really does look like this!)

In reality, the scandal implicates left and right alike. The permissive sexual culture that prevailed everywhere, seminaries included, during the silly season of the ’70s deserves a share of the blame, as does that era’s overemphasis on therapy. (Again and again, bishops relied on psychiatrists rather than common sense in deciding how to handle abusive clerics.)

Read more at Wonkette: http://wonkette.com/414564/ross-douthat-blames-child-raping-catholic-priests-on-hippies#more-414564#ixzz0jn4GtlE8

Hey, we all did crazy things back in the Seventies, am I right? I know I once took a puff on a Mary-Juana cigartette! Can you imagine? Ha ha, so come on, who among us can honestly say that they didn't molest a few altar boys back then? Things were different then! Once we heard about Plato's Retreat, it was pretty much open season on little boys!

Batting third, it's perennial asshole Newt Gingrich defending people who have made death threats to congressmen and senators who voted for healthcare:

“I’m happy to condemn any effort to engage in personal threats," Gingrich says. "But I think that the Democratic leadership has to take some real responsibility for running a machine that used corrupt tactics that bullied people and enraged much of the American People.”

So, yeah, I really don't like people making death threats, but I gotta say they had it coming. And this is a guy who is probably going to run for president making this morally bankrupt and completely disingenuous argument.

And in the cleanup spot, it's some horrid little person named Monica Crowley writing in the Washington Times in defense of the cop-killer Hutaree Militia:

The Democrats handle dissent by isolating it, smearing it and delegitimizing it in order to crush it. The warning should be clear: If you have small-government, traditional values, you may be considered by your own leadership to be an enemy of the state.

As if on cue, this week, Homeland Security, the FBI and the Department of Justice's Joint Terrorism Task Force carried out raids against a purported "Christian militia group" in the Midwest. According to reports, nine people have been charged with plotting to kill police officers with "weapons of mass destruction." The indictment describes the group as an "anti-government extremist organization" and the FBI special agent in charge, Andrew Arena, cast it as "radical and fringe." That may be, but the description has a conveniently familiar ring to it.

It's mind-blowingly coincidental that these raids on a supposedly "Christian" militia group would come at the exact moment that Democrats were trying to change public opinion on Obamacare by claiming persecution by their opponents. They have cast Tea Partiers, conservatives, independents, Christians and militia members as all cut from the same unstable, volatile cloth. How can anyone take their opposition to the Democrats' agenda seriously when they're toting guns and being raided by Homeland Security and the FBI? They're all nuts, don't you know?

Oh, it's just awful how these poor little "Christian" folks are being smeared by the big bad Obama administration. All they wanted to do was kill a few cops and ignite a civil war! And for that, they're being portrayed as dangerous and unstable? It's all just so unfair!

Ruining Sarah's Joke

Hold On, Ladies! The Solution to All Your Problems is On the Way!

Teri Hatcher to the Rescue!

NEW YORK (AP) — Teri Hatcher is launching a Web project titled
"A Chick's Guide to Life."
Hatcher said the site will offer "solutions to the needs and obligations of today's modern woman."

Because who knows more about the problems that average women face than Teri Hatcher?

Get ready for sage advice from someone who once played Lois Lane, and was on an episode of Seinfeld!

Here are a few sneak previews that I totally made up:

Trouble with your kids? Why not hire a separate nanny for each?

Struggling to lose weight? Maybe your personal trainer should be coming to your house twice a day? Or maybe your dietician needs to have a word with your kitchen staff!

Money woes? Don't be afraid to make a quick buck doing made-for-TV movies. Lifetime is always hiring!

Can't decide between the Mercedes and the Lexus? Why not get both?




And don't miss Teri's tips on making love with Pierce Brosnan! (hint: think handcuffs!)