Ok, first of all, this is a terrible product. Do you have any idea how many beverages a place would have to run out of before I would pay for a Miller Lite? Oh, the only beer you have left is Miller Lite, huh? Do you have any seawater? No? Any bile? How about spoiled milk? No? Okay, give me a Miller lite.
But that's not really the point. The point is the stupid "Vortex Bottle" ad:
If you're going to hang your hat on the bottle having grooves, you really ought to have some sort of explanation for how those grooves make your beer more palatable. You can't just say, "What's so special about the bottle with grooves? Why, it has grooves! Grooves, my friend, grooves!" as if we're just going to get how the grooves make your swill tolerable.
Because, seriously, there is no amount of grooves that are going to help this product. You can run this stuff through any conduit, any sluice, any Rube Goldberg contraption you want, and the taste ain't gonna change.
You could pour this carbonated mopwater through Scarlett Johansson's cleavage and it wouldn't become any less objectionable. How stupid is your target market that they're expected to fall for this? Hey, neato! The bottle has spirally grooves! That's sure to make the beer taste better somehow. Oh, modern bottle technology, is there any beverage you can't improve?
How is it that James O'Keefe is allowed to walk our streets freely without being subject to multiple crotch-punchings everywhere he lays down his slimy trail? I mean, it's not like you'd do any time.
"Your honor, the defendant is charged with assault and battery. "Oh? What did he do?" "He punched James O'Keefe in the weiner." "Hmm, James O'Keefe, James O'Keefe. . . oh, the cum-stain on Satan's tighty-whities? That James O'Keefe? Case Dismissed! I'm recommending you for a commendation, son!"
Okay, I don't know how the judge turned into the defendant's commanding officer, but you get the idea.
Fake pimp from ACORN videos tries to 'punk' CNN correspondent
Lusby, Maryland (CNN) -- A conservative activist known for making undercover videos plotted to embarrass a CNN correspondent by recording a meeting on hidden cameras aboard a floating "palace of pleasure" and making sexually suggestive comments, e-mails and a planning document show. [sic]
I don't know what a "Planning document show" is, but apparently he was making it.
James O'Keefe, best known for hitting the community organizing group ACORN with an undercover video sting,
Okay, stop. Stop it right there, CNN. That was not an undercover video "sting." That was a fraudulent, dishonest, libelous smear job. You'd think now that this little shit-smear has gone after one of your own reporters, you could drop the bullshit "objectivity" and call a spade a spade.
James O'Keefe, best known for hitting the community organizing group ACORN with an undercover video sting, hoped to get CNN Investigative Correspondent Abbie Boudreau onto a boat filled with sexually explicit props and then record the session, those documents show.
What was the point? Who knows? I guess if he could get a video clip of a reporter near some "sexually explicit props," he could run to FOX, show some deceptively-edited clips and claim that CNN can not be trusted because one of their reporters enjoys sex? Or something? I don't know what the point was, but I'm sure it was some sort of deceitful bullshit.
Apparently, a large part of the plan involved having James O'Keefe
Seduce CNN reporter Abbie Boudreau. Once again, the foolproof plan involved having this guy:
Seduce this CNN reporter: How could this possibly not work?
CNN has gotten ahold of a 13-page ridiculous plan for what O'Keefe calls his "CNN Caper"
The following highlights the relevant portions of a 13-page document obtained by CNN outlining a plan to 'punk' CNN. Click through the pages to see more.
And it just goes on like that. You can see the whole thing here: CNN
And if you see James O'Keefe, go ahead and punch him right in the crotch. No jury would convict you.
Dear Football Announcers, We are aware of which sport we are watching. We saw in the TV Guide "NFL Football" or "College Football," so we tuned in to your broadcast fully expecting to see football. We get it. There is no need to work the word "football" into every goddamned sentence.
You really don't need to say "This football team is really going to have to run the football better if they're going to win this football game." We're not going to be confused. No one is going to be watching an NFL game asking, "Why don't they bunt? Oh, that's right, they're playing football! I totally got my sports mixed up!"
We're not stupid. You can just say "This team" or "Throw the ball" and we'll understand what you mean.
Following in the grand tradition of "Obama Caves on Public Option," "Administration Waffles on "DADT," and "Card Check? Who said Anything About Card Check?"
I'm just so fed up with these guys. Democrats in the Senate are so afraid of their own shadows that they can't even bring tax cuts to the floor. That's like being afraid to offer a kid ice cream because you're worried that he might prefer Brussels Sprouts. And the only reason they can offer us to vote for them is "hey, you know how much worse the other guys would be!" And goddammit, they're right. If the Boehners and McConnells take over, we'll get endless investigations, permanent tax cuts for millionaires, the re-invasion of Iraq and immunity for corporate polluters. either way we get screwed. And it's so depressing to have to look at the political landscape and think, "well, I'm going to vote for the party that will at least give me a reach-around while I'm getting screwed."
LEAWOOD, Kan. — Pastors from approximately 100 churches nationwide participated in the Alliance Defense Fund’s third annual Pulpit Freedom Sunday on Sept. 26. The pastors preached sermons related to biblical perspectives on the positions of electoral candidates or current government officials, exercising their constitutional right to free religious expression despite a problematic Internal Revenue Service rule that activist groups often use to silence churches.
So, over 100 ministers decided to violate IRS rules which they consider "problematic," and that's supposed to be Okay? And, of course, like most wingnuts, they claim that people are trying to "silence" them. Listen, Reverend. No one is trying to "silence" you. You can say whatever you want. It's just that if you're going to endorse candidates, you can't claim to be a tax-exempt organization. That's it. You just have to choose.
Pulpit Freedom Sunday is an event associated with the ADF Pulpit Initiative, a legal effort designed to secure the First Amendment rights of pastors in the pulpit. The Pulpit Initiative is part of the larger ADF Church Project.
Again your First Ammendment rights are not at issue. I can say whatever I want and endorse whatever candidate I want, and I have to pay income tax. If you want the special privilege of not paying taxes, you have to give up endorsing candidates. Why would you think that you should have it both ways?
So, I wasn't familiar with the ADF until I heard this story. Turns out, they're pretty much what you'd expect, promoting phony stories like this:
The Church is Being Silenced Across America
Growing government intrusion into the affairs of the Church is posing a serious threat to church autonomy and our most basic religious freedoms. Pastors are being censored, the proclamation of God’s Truth is being blocked, and churches are being discriminated against and threatened with punishment.
Really? Let's take a quick look at that claim. How is "God's Truth" being blocked? Unless you consider "Vote for Smith" to be "God's Truth" I don't think you have anything to back that up. But let's say that "vote for Smith" really is what you're talking about when you say "God's Truth." Let's look at this story about one of your member pastors in the USA Today:
"For governor, I'm going to encourage people to vote for Bill Haslam," said David Shelley, pastor of Smith Springs Baptist Church here, one of seven Tennessee religious leaders who plan to take part in the pulpit protest. He also will throw his support behind a Republican congressional candidate and a Republican statehouse candidate and urge his congregation to skip the spot on the ballot where a Democratic state senator is running unopposed.
Shelley knows he runs the risk of provoking the Internal Revenue Service into revoking his 60-member church's tax-exempt status. In fact, he's hoping the IRS will try. But this is the second year he's baited the IRS from the pulpit, and still the agency has not risen to the bait.
So, nothing has happened. This minister has purposely flouted the IRS rules from his pulpit, and nothing has happened to him. This guy WANTS the IRS to come after him, and nothing has happened. These are the most pathetic jack-booted thugs in the world.
At the urging of anti-Christian groups seeking to secularize America, courts and government are increasingly treating our churches more as nuisances than as pillars of the community. And some are treated not just as nuisances, but as criminals for exercising their Christian faith!
That’s exactly how Bishop Rick Painter of Christ the King Liturgical Charismatic Church was treated before ADF was given the opportunity to defend him. For years, he rang the bells of his church as an expression of praise to God – until the city of Phoenix wrongly determined that the bells violated a local noise ordinance. As a result, a judge sentenced Bishop Painter to jail! After ADF attorneys filed suit, a federal court ruled that the city’s noise ordinance could not be applied to churches. Eventually, the court reversed Bishop Painter’s criminal conviction.
Oh my God, this minister was treated as a criminal merely for having broken the law? What is this, Russia? And, yes, he did violate the law. Just because he a judge ruled that the law doesn't apply to churches doesn't mean the bells weren't a violation, the church is just getting preferential treatment.
here's a little background on the church-bell kerfuffle:
Bishop convicted of disturbing peace for bell ringing
By NICHOLAS RICCARDILos Angeles Times
July 15, 2009, 5:51PM
PHOENIX — After nearly 20 years on an impersonal commercial strip, the Cathedral of Christ the King moved to a quiet residential neighborhood in the northwestern edge of this metropolis. Church leaders were eager to be part of a community.
Then, on Palm Sunday 2008, they started ringing the church bells every half hour during the day.
Every Half Hour! I used to live across the street from a church in San Francisco, and it they had rung their bells every half-hour, I would have gone postal on them. I like the sound of church bells, I really do. But not while I'm trying to sleep.
The complaints soon began, so church leaders cut back to once per hour.
Oh, well, if they're going to be that accommodating, who could possibly complain?
. . . church leaders cut back to once per hour. They put up Styrofoam to muffle the sound. But they didn't see how they could stop tolling the bells.
“We ring our bells as a part of our worship, just like singing, praying and preaching the Word of God,” they wrote in a statement.
Unless you're holding services every half hour throughout the day, that argument really doesn't hold water.
“It's frankly a little bit astonishing,” said ADF attorney Gary S. McCaleb, contending the case violates the church's First Amendment freedom of religion. “It's very clearly an expression and outworking of their faith.”
But Phoenix officials and some of the church's neighbors see it differently.
“It wasn't an isolated incident. It happened repeatedly,” said City Prosecutor Aaron Carreon-Ainsa.
Al Brooks, who lives behind the church, offered a more vivid description. “We were living in a bell tower.”
And, see, here's the thing. These people were here first. You moved into Their neighborhood. I f they don't want bells ringing at all hours, you should have the decency to knock it off. If, for instance, I moved into an apartment across the street from an existing church, I probably don't have much right to complain about the bells. Just like if you buy a house near the airport, you can't really complain about the airplane noise. But if the guy across the street decides to build an airport in his backyard, he's going to have a problem with me! That's right, Fred! You heard me! You better not build no stinking airport! I'm not afraid of you!
But I digress.
Some neighbors liked the bell, church leaders said. They heard from people who set their clocks by it, and a postman who used it to time his rounds.
But, Brooks pointed out, none of those people lived next to the bells. He and other immediate neighbors contacted a company that manufactures electronic church bells to ask what distance they should be played from residences. The response: 400 feet.
Brooks' house is 40 feet from the bells.
So, my point is, this church was not being discriminated against. The law is about noise, not religious belief. If Al Brooks decided he wanted to put a carrilon on his front lawn and ring in the new day every morning with a "Sound of Music" medley, he would be violating the noise ordinance same as the church. The ADF just wants the church to get special treatment. They want to be exempt from the law. Just like they want to be exempt from IRS regulations that apply to every non-profit. The Red Cross is not allowed to send out fliers saying "vote for Smith," or "Vote against Jones" without giving up their non-profit status. Neither is the American Heart Association, or the World Wildlife Fund." The same rule applies to your churches. And to you, not getting special treatment is equivalent to being discriminated against. Which is typical wingnut thinking.
