Penguin of the Year

An Open Letter to 97.1 Classic Hits Radio

Dear Sir or Madam,

     Apparently it falls to me to clarify the definition of the word "classic." As a noun, a "classic" is defined by Meriam Webster as: " a work of enduring excellence," or " a typical or perfect example."  As an adjective, it is defined as " serving as a standard of excellence : of recognized value." In neither usage does it refer to "any song which is older than the legal drinking age."

 Let me give you an example.  The song "Yesterday" by the Beatles is considered to be a classic of pop music. It has been enjoyed by persons of taste for over 40 years. It can be said to have "stood the test of time."
 "Piano Man" by Billy Joel, on the other hand meets none of the criteria for being considered a "classic." No one has ever listened to the song "Piano Man" and thought, "now there is a work which will be appreciated and enjoyed for generations to come. Rhyming Davy with Navy? Classic Joel! Oh, and the chorus? La-diddy-da-diddy-da? Brilliant! Surely this magnum opus will be a welcome addition to the canon for decades!"


If you want to play both the Beatles and Billy Joel, you are certainly free to do so. You could play both Bob Dylan and Bobby Brown if you wish. You could follow Chuck Berry with Katy Perry, it's your station, you can play whatever you like. But then you don't get to call it "Classic Hits." Just call it "Music." Words mean things. 


Thank You.















 

GA Pastor Has His Priorities Straight

Georgia Church Group Will Pray For Lower Gas Prices 

On Saturday, the Beacon of Light Christian Center in Dublin, Georgia will host a group prayer in an effort to bring down quickly-rising gas prices, according to local news station WMAZ. 

Wow! First of all, I love the idea that you need to get a big group together to pray for something. Like if you get enough folks praying for the same thing, God's gonna see those poll numbers and finally give in. If the minister prayed by himself, God would probably blow him off. But  a group praying publicly, well God doesn't need that kind of bad press.


Also, why does the prayer group have to meet at an actual gas station? Do they think God might get mixed up? If they held the prayer group in church, do they think God would say "gas? I thought you said Mass! You can certainly understand my confusion, seeing as how you're standing in a church and there are no gas pumps here!"


Then there's the obvious question. If you're going to get your congregation together to combine their praying abilities into some sort of mega-prayer, shouldn't you be focusing on something a little more important than gas prices? An end to hunger, maybe? Cures for horrible diseases? World peace? No, we really got to get this gas price thing under control, then we can worry about wars and famines.

In his defense, the pastor isn't only praying for gas prices, though.

“We are praying that God…will first, stabilize the economy, two, bring peace to the Middle East, and three bring down gas prices,” he said.

The entire nation should host similar prayer vigils, he added.

Gas prices are only the third most important thing that God needs to address.  First, the US economy. That's a no-brainer. If we've learned anything from the Bible, it's that money is the most important thing in the world as far as God's concerned. Then, peace in the Middle East. A bunch of people getting killed is nearly as important as the economy. Then gas prices. Then, if there's time, maybe a cure for cancer? Or whatever, just play it by ear.

So, what effect is this prayer group having?

Gas prices are swiftly approaching $4 there and Mabry said he believes God can help.

This is his third time gathering parishioners to meet at the gas pumps to pray, he told CNN,

This is the third time, and gas prices still haven't come down? Pray harder, you slackers!

Asked what he tells detractors, Mabry said, “I don’t understand how anyone can say God doesn’t have anything to do with the gas prices. God has everything to do with the country.

 Whoa! You're blaming me for these gas prices? I don't work for Exxon-Mobil!

So Apparently I'm a Pornographer Now.

I just got this notification from Google AdSense:

Hello,

During a recent review of your account we found that you are currently
displaying Google ads in a manner that is not compliant with our program
policies


VIOLATION(S) FOUND:

ADULT/PORNOGRAPHY: As stated in our program policies, AdSense publishers
are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with pornographic content.
This includes photos or videos which contain full nudity or sexual
activities.

So I guess something on the Daily Irritant is just too filthy for AdSense. If anyone has any suggestions as to what the naughty item is, I'd be happy to delete the offending picture or whatever. I certainly don't want to be thought of as a smut peddler.

Terrible marketing Campaigns -- T-Mobile

So, someone at an ad agency saw the "I'm a Mac" Apple commercials and thought, "hey, we should do something like that. Something totally like that, only without the humor or charm. We'll even get a guy from the Daily Show to be in it so no one can possibly miss the fact that we're just ripping off the Mac ads."

"And let's get the least charismatic spokeswoman we can find to portray our product. Someone who's young and sorta pretty but still manages too be completely unappealing."


Who is the target market for this? People who detest originality? I would say people who hate AT&T, but that's pretty much the entire human race.