Friday, March 2, 2012

Things Are Tough All Over

(Via Bloomberg)

Wall Street Bonus Withdrawal Means Trading Aspen for Coupons

http://mrski-apecon-2008.wikispaces.com/file/view/monopoly_man_out_of_luck.gif/115015361/monopoly_man_out_of_luck.gif

 

Wall Street’s cash bonus pool fell by 14 percent last year to $19.7 billion, the lowest since 2008, according to projections by New York state Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli.
“It’s a disaster,” said Ilana Weinstein, chief executive officer of New York-based search firm IDW Group LLC. “The entire construct of compensation has changed.” 

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Schiff, 46, is facing another kind of jam this year: Paid a lower bonus, he said the $350,000 he earns, enough to put him in the country’s top 1 percent by income, doesn’t cover his family’s private-school tuition, a Kent, Connecticut, summer rental and the upgrade they would like from their 1,200-square- foot Brooklyn duplex.

“People who don’t have money don’t understand the stress,” said Alan Dlugash, a partner at accounting firm Marks Paneth & Shron LLP in New York who specializes in financial planning for the wealthy. “Could you imagine what it’s like to say I got three kids in private school, I have to think about pulling them out? How do you do that?”

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Scheiner said he spends about $500 a month to park one of his two Audis in a garage and at least $7,500 a year each for memberships at the Trump National Golf Club in Westchester and a gun club in upstate New York. A labradoodle named Zelda and a rescued bichon frise, Duke, cost $17,000 a year, including food, health care, boarding and a daily dog-walker who charges $17 each per outing, he said.

Still, he sold two motorcycles he didn’t use and called his Porsche 911 Carrera 4S Cabriolet “the Volkswagen of supercars.”

Scheiner pays $30,000 a year to be part of a New York-based peer-learning group for investors called Tiger 21. Founder Michael Sonnenfeldt said members, most with a net worth of at least $10 million, have been forced to “re-examine lots of assumptions about how grand their life would be.”
While they aren’t asking for sympathy, “at their level, in a different way but in the same way, the rug got pulled out,” said Sonnenfeldt, 56. “For many people of wealth, they’ve had a crushing setback as well.” 

 But Wall Street millionaires aren't the only ones suffering, although their suffering is more poignant than most. Just listen to these sad stories:

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I used to be even handsomer when I was younger.


http://sports.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/tom-brady-surgery.jpg 
Do you know how long it's been since I WON a Superbowl?

http://www.quickflashnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/george_lucas.jpg  

The second trilogy wasn't as well received as the first!

http://tv.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/ray-romano.jpg 

My second TV series got cancelled. Now all I have is the Ice Age movies.
 And residuals from Raymond.

Getting the Headline Totally Wrong.

(via ABC News)
Obama Birth Certificate Maybe Forged, Sheriff Joe Arpaio Says

Way to write a headline, ABC. Do you have any idea what you're doing? You wrote the headline as if Arpaio's claim had some merit. When you lead with the claim, it implies that the claim is true or has a good chance of being true. Let me give you an example.


Rain Likely, Says Meteorologist. 
See, that headline implies that "rain is likely" is a prediction that has a good chance of coming true, and that the reason it is likely to be correct is that it was made by an expert, a meteorologist. And your headline implies that bullshit birtherism has some validity because it is being alleged by Arpaio.

Your headline should have read:
Arpaio Asserts Demonstrably False Claim.
or
Racist Sheriff Makes Outrageous Allegation.
or
Stupid Person Believes Stupid Thing.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

With so much experience slut-shaming, you'd think they'd be better at it.

So Limbaugh says this about law student Sandra Fluke:

She's having so much sex she can't afford the contraception. 

Jeezus! Do you really not understand that the amount of pills is the same no matter how much or how little sex you're having? It's not like you have to take one pill for each sex act, or one per partner or something. The libertine and the prude both pay the same amount for birth control pills. Idiot!

Andrew Breitbart, Dead at 43.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Worst Slogan Ever

The worst slogan ever in the history of slogans anywhere in the world ever:



I don't even have a joke here. I have nothing to say except I miss Mr. Whipple. I miss the days when toilet paper companies just assumed that we knew what their product was for and didn't need to discuss it.

http://buzzcanuck.typepad.com/agentwildfire/images/2007/11/23/whipple111907.jpg 
It feels soft against your face. No need to mention what else it might feel soft against.

Charmin was already on my enemies list for their obnoxious bear in the woods ads.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_LILyM_4xfBbr7ksrmyTQsr_QIncDLzFpdAKB8lLxkhhGchMP2eK-XjcSCxFZo4Q5N6pnsty7DV-hLgLbt44sh9wZU2-A_KAkpDzclWyBVx8dCJwFEvx7tp-uVnS4QxvQ48PhZ-A4Sa5M/s320/charmindingleberries-102507.jpg

 Do we really need to be subjected to cartoon bears with bits of tissue stuck to their hinders shaking their tushies in our face to sell us Charmin? (hint: no.) 

But now they've really gone over the edge. Look at their new web presence:

Welcome to the playful side of TP. Where we believe going to the bathroom is a thing to enjoy — even celebrate.



If our Bears don’t do the trick,
 check out this video to learn more about Enjoy the Go.
Roll the clip









Yes, I'd love to read random people describing their experience with Charmin toilet paper! Don't leave out any details!