Monday, September 9, 2013

Least Surprising Headline of the Day



George Zimmerman questioned by police in Florida after alleged gun threat against wife Shellie Zimmerman
5:17 PM, Sep 9, 2013      



And because it's still Florida, the second least surprising headline of the day:


George Zimmerman won't be charged after alleged domestic incident


By Vivian Kuo, CNN
updated 6:10 PM EDT, Mon September 9, 2013
 
 
 
Fuck you, Florida.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Bad Ads - Gumout

So Gumout's new ad slogan is "Think with your motorhead."







Wow. That is so stupid in so many ways.

First of all, it's just dumb. I mean, just look at these guys.





Second, those are not motors they have for heads, those are engines.

Third, a guy who's really into cars is called a "gearhead," not a "motorhead."

But most importantly, do you not know who IS called a motorhead? A speed freak.

Why do you think Lemmy chose the name "Motorhead" for his awesome amazing ass-kicking band? Because "Motorhead" was a slang term for an amphetamine abuser which Lemmy was. That's what "motorhead" means, not a person knowledgeable about motors.






Friday, September 6, 2013

They're at it again

Conservative nuts just wanna secede from everything!

Whenever things don't go their way, they want to pick up their bat and ball and go home.

Plans for the new state of "North Colorado" are, of course proceeding apace, by which I mean "will never have a snowball's chance in hell of happening."

But of course, they aren't the only ones. One county in the far northest part of California has just officially voted to pack up their belongings and move back in with their parents -- I mean form their own state.

State of Jefferson: California county votes for secession from state



The Siskiyou County Board of Supervisors voted 4-1 on Tuesday for a declaration of secession, the Record Searchlight of Redding reported.

Residents of the majority-Republican [duh!] Siskiyou County lobbied the board in August to consider secession, according to the Record Searchlight. In addition to a lack of representation in Sacramento, they cited concerns about water rights and a rural fire prevention fee.

A lack of representation in Sacramento. Of course, they have the exact same amount of representation in Sacramento that every other Californian, but why should that get in the way of a piping-hot right-wing narrative?

And God forbid that anyone should pay a fee for fire protection! Who needs the fucking Nanny State when we've got garden hoses and buckets?
(By the way, the fee is a whopping $150 per year for fire prevention!)

Of course, there are other reasons for wanting to secede:

"We realize it is not a resolution; it is not an ordinance," Liz Bowen said. "We do appreciate the county board of supervisors knowing that our economy is really poor here. We're having a terrible time for a lot of reasons, and the biggest reason is over regulating."


Of course! Of course that's why the economy is suffering! The regulations! Just think how much better the local farmers would be doing if they were just allowed to sell e-coli flavored spinach! Or think of how much more money the local fisherman would bringing in if only the salmon had been allowed to go extinct like God intended!

So that's Colorado and California wingnuts trying to storm off in a huff and make it all by themselves on their own. Ball's in your court, Texas!

Powerful Texas Republican Advocates For Seceding From The United States

By Scott Keyes on September 6, 2013 at 10:05 am

Texas Railroad Commissioner Barry Smitherman, who is running to be the next state Attorney General, is preparing his state to secede from the United States and become an “independent nation.”


Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!


In an interview with WND, a right-wing birther hub, Smitherman argued that Texas not only has the capability to survive without the rest of the country, but is actively taking steps to prepare for that day. “Generally speaking, we have made great progress in becoming an independent nation,” he declared. “I think we want to continue down that path so that if the rest of the country falls apart, Texas can operate as a stand-alone entity.”


Yeah, that would be a lot more impressive if you weren't currently incapable of paving your goddamm roads!

Texas can’t afford paved roads, replaces them with gravel

Published time: August 20, 2013 20:43

Officials in Texas this week began converting 83 miles of asphalt road to unpaved lanes of gravel. Years of heavy truck travel has ravaged entire routes in south and west Texas, and going back to gravel is for now the only affordable answer.



But sure, yeah, you're obviously pretty well-positioned to go off on your own.
Don't let me stop you!
Or reality. Don't let reality stop you!

Stupid marketing



The "French Fry Burger."

You put some French fries on  your burger.

Couldn't I just do that myself?

Couldn't I go to a good burger place and put some good French fries on a good burger?

Wouldn't that be just as easy?

Except it would taste good.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

This was actually published in a real newspaper

Seriously, this was actually published in a real newspaper!

Richard Cohen
Richard Cohen
Opinion Writer

Miley Cyrus, Steubenville and teen culture run amok


Now, what with you being a sane person and all, you're probably wondering what a second-rate pop singer has to do with a horrific rape case. Silly normal person, let Richard Cohen explain how it's all connected:


Miley Cyrus twerked. I had to look up the word since my indefatigable spell checker had no idea what I meant. . . That’s precisely what Cyrus did at the recent MTV Video Music Awards, for which she has been amply and justifiably criticized. She’s a cheap act, no doubt about it, but for me her performance was an opportunity to discuss one of the summer’s most arresting pieces of journalism — a long New Yorker account of what became known as the Steubenville Rape. Cyrus should read it.


Why would you need an "opportunity" to discuss a news story in a news paper? Has Cohen been aware of the case for the last year or so, but felt unable to discuss it in his column until he could find some sort of half-assed pop-culture tie-in?
So what take-aways does Cohen think we should get from this horrible case?

The first thing you should know about the so-called Steubenville Rape is that this was not a rape involving intercourse.


 Oh my God!
So I guess it's okay that this girl was horribly sexually violated because none of the perpetrators actually stuck his penis in?  So it's  a "so-called" rape? What the fuck?

The next thing you should know is that there weren’t many young men involved — just two were convicted
.

Oh, well, only two. What's everyone even so upset about?
Also, only two being convicted (convicted of RAPE by the way) does not mean only two were involved. Watch a Law & Order sometime, geez!

 
 
MORON
 
 
Then he starts talking about a New Yorker piece about the Steubenville case and kinda starts to seem like he's going to start making sense. Don't worry, it doesn't last long.
 
 


The New Yorker piece was done by Ariel Levy, a gifted writer. When I finished her story, I felt somewhat disconcerted — unhappily immersed in a teenage culture that was stupid, dirty and so incredibly and obliviously misogynistic that I felt like a visitor to a foreign country.

Okay, good. You've realized that rape culture is a thing that exists, that's the first step.

That country, such as it is, exists on the Internet — in e-mails and tweets and Facebook, which formed itself into a digital lynch mob that demanded the arrest of the innocent for a crime — gang rape — that had not been committed.


Wait, what? You were immersed in a culture of misogyny and you think that the misogynistic culture is what caused innocent young men to be charged with rape? How does that even make sense?

It also turned the victim into a reviled public figure, her name and picture (passed out, drunk) available with a Google query.

I don't think both can be true. I don't think the same societal factors that slimed the victim could also demand that the boys be punished for violating her. It's kinda gotta be one or the other.

And yet what indisputably did happen is troubling enough. A teenage girl, stone-drunk, was stripped and manhandled. She was photographed and the picture passed around. Obviously, she was sexually mistreated. And while many people knew about all of this, no one did anything about it. The girl was dehumanized.

So what's your problem with the perpetrators being arrested and convicted, exactly? And what the hell does any of this have to do with Miley?


 
Yeah, when do we start talking about Meeee?

Well, we have to skip ahead all the way to the very last paragraph for that:


So now back to Miley Cyrus and her twerking. I run the risk of old-fogeyness for suggesting the girl’s a tasteless twit — especially that bit with the foam finger. (Look it up, if you must.) But let me also suggest that acts such as hers not only objectify women but debase them. They encourage a teenage culture that has set the women’s movement back on its heels. What is being celebrated is not sexuality but sexual exploitation, a mean casualness that deprives intimacy of all intimacy. Cyrus taught me a word. Now let me teach her one: She’s a twerk.


I've read that paragraph over and over, trying to see the connection between Miley and the Steubenville case. I don't get it.
I guess it comes down to a bit from a little earlier in the column, when Cohen refers to

 . . . a teenage culture that was brutal and unfeeling, that treated the young woman as dirt. “ ‘She’s deader than O.J.’s wife. She’s deader than Caylee Anthony,’ ” one kid exulted in a YouTube posting. “ ‘They raped her harder than that cop raped Marsellus Wallace in “Pulp Fiction.”. . . She is so raped right now.’ ” Yes, I know, they were all drunk, woozy and disoriented from a tawdry cable TV and celebrity culture.

So I guess Richard Cohen is saying that women dancing suggestively on the television is what causes young men to commit rape? Because it can't possibly be their fault. There were never any bad people who committed horrible crimes before the invention of television and the young women dancing on it.  And this is honest to God printed in a real actual newspaper.