It all started when I happened to see this little statistic:
Which I then "Tweeted" with the caption "Fuck you, NRA" in reference to the fact that the NRA is the primary reason why every state doesn't have these background checks.
Then about a day later, I get a "reply" or whatever from someone calling himself "Libtard=Derp" which is a pretty good indication of the kind of flawless arguments that are to come.
Libtard = Derp @CobraTheCdr Better idea? Women use their brains and stop dating psychopaths. #derp @akaProfessorCha
So, there's step one in the conservative argument technique. Blame the victim(s). The problem isn't the guys who murder their wives or girlfriends, the problem is the wives and girlfriends being foolish enough to get themselves murdered. Or something.
So, I was dumb enough to respond.
Professor Chaos @akaProfessorCha @CobraTheCdr Sure, if women were just smarter about dating, we'd have no reason to keep guns out of the hands of psychos! *eyeroll*
So I was treated to step two: the straw man.
Libtard = Derp @CobraTheCdr You make it sound like women are too stupid to know a psychopath. Are you sexist?@akaProfessorCha
Because if you can't refute the actual argument, make up a different argument that you can refute, even if it has nothing to do with what the other person has actually said!
Professor Chaos @akaProfessorCha @CobraTheCdr I didn't say anything that sounded remotely like that. I think you know that. I'm assuming you're not stupid.
Libtard = Derp @CobraTheCdr Aren't there better ways to stop this besides gun control? @akaProfessorCha
Ah, changing the subject and going with the completely baseless assumption that gun control is a sort of extreme radical approach to gun safety that really shouldn't even be considered until we've exhausted all other options like "doing nothing" and "getting women to only date non-murderers."
And for some reason, I opted to continue the discussion:
Professor Chaos @akaProfessorCha @CobraTheCdrNo.
And when all else fails: bullshit.
Libtard = Derp @CobraTheCdr Of course not, using a failing method is the best method.@akaProfessorCha
Of course, if you remember how this whole discussion started, it was with a statistic that indicated that background checks are pretty much the opposite of a failing method.
Professor Chaos @akaProfessorCha @CobraTheCdrI would refer you back to the original statistic, background checks are absolutely not failing.
Just ask "Traditional Catholic Priest" Father Peter Carota, whose website header has one of the most disturbing pictures I've ever seen on the internet, and dear God, have I seen some disturbing shit on the internet!
One year I was in Mexico for halloween. I saw so many mothers holding the hands of their children as the walked to them school. All the children were dressed up as little devils in red suites and horns. It was so sad to see Catholic mothers dressing their kids up as satan. I do not think they want their kids to be little devils at home causing all sorts of trouble. Who wants a devil for a child?
For that matter, who wants a pirate for a child? Or a ghost, or a Power ranger or any of the other things kids dress up for at Halloween that they are not in any danger of actually becoming in real life?
This, on the other hand, would be totally awesome!
Also, not every mother in Mexico is Catholic and it's kind of racist to assume that they are.
That night, in the property next to my parents house, there was a satanic gathering with a huge bonfire. All night long they screamed satanic incantations. It was the worst night I ever spent in my life, having to hear this over and over all night long.
Yes, I believe that gathering happened in the remote village of Nunca Pasó.
Also, I thought we were assuming that everyone in Mexico was Catholic?
Halloween is the night of satanic sacrifices and witch spells. I know this for a fact from hearing it from a wiccan’s mouth.
Also, I have never met a wiccan. The person told me that Halloween was the night of costumes and candy, which I assume was wiccan for "Satanic sacrifices and Witch Spells." And since this person spoke wiccan, I assume she must be an actual wiccan, case closed!
Seriously, that may be the stupidest two sentences I have ever heard from anyone not wearing a tricorn hat and holding a misspelt sign. No wiccan told you that. If someone did tell you that, that person was not a wiccan. Wiccans have nothing to do with anything "satanic" or with what you think of as "witches."
Pictured: Not a Wiccan.
Eight years ago, I was on retreat with all the priest from my diocese at San Damiano Retreat house in Danville California. I was praying before the Blessed Sacrament in their chapel when a group of people came in. I knew it would not be good because earlier I had seen them dancing around the peace pole.
Peace? Egad!
It was an ecumenical group (with a catholic Franciscan priest whom I know personally). That year their motto was “opening the circle”.
Oh. That sounds nice. But I'm guessing it wasn't!
To my horror as I knelt praying, the witch began a guided meditation. I remember very well when she said; “On Halloween we witches burn away the old and begin all things new.”
Um, okay, still sounds kinda nice. When do we get to the scary part?
“On Halloween we witches burn away the old and begin all things new.” I reported this to our bishop and the staff at the retreat center. I should have stopped them and kicked them out of the chapel, but I am a coward and will pay for it after I die.
Holy shit, you're going to hell for a lack of courage? Nice religion you got there, Padre.
What do you see when driving around neighborhoods before Halloween? Spiders, ghost, witches, skeletons and tombstones. People have me bless their houses to get rid of devils and then they decorate their houses for him to come back, “just out of fun”.
Yes, because when Satan, the Prince of darkness, wants to come to your house, he first has to see fake skeletons or spiders hanging up somewhere or he won't show up? Because it's rude to show up uninvited?
I also bring a nice bottle of wine. It's just good etiquette!
Trick or Treat” is fun. Dressing up in costumes is fun. Parties are fun. But does it please Christ the King? NO NO NO. It only pleases the prince of darkness.
If there's one thing I can't stand it's costumes!
Costumes and parties. The two things I can't stand!
I can't stand costumes and parties and free candy- Three things! Three things I can't stand.
Amongst the things I can't stand are costumes, parties, and free candy. . .
In the public park here in South Phoenix, where we went for the Altar boy hike. . .
Wait, what? The "Altar Boy Hike?" Okay, now this is getting scary.
In the public park here in South Phoenix, where we went for the Altar boy hike, I ran into a “Meat Market” for Halloween. It has human body parts plastered all over the front, ground human meat in the tray and a baby about to be ground up like they do at abortions.
Yes, that's exactly how abortions are done. A six-month-old baby is fed into a meat grinder. You must have had some medical training, eh father?
”But it is just make believe.” ”Come on Father, chill out! Cut some slack, we’re just having fun.” And then we wonder why young students are killing their teachers and parents. Why police are killing kids and kids killing police. And does anyone even think about the meat market of the abortion mills?
Wow. Where to begin? First of all, only an incredibly tiny percentage of young students are killing anyone, and of those that have committed patricide or gone on school-shooting rampages, were any of them affected by gruesome Halloween displays? It's a rhetorical question, I know you don't know. I don't either, which is why I don't make any claims either way.
Second, Meat market? The term "meat market" has two accepted meanings. One is an actual market in which people buy and sell meat. Surely you aren't suggesting that anyone is buying aborted fetuses as meat? The second meaning is any place where single people congregate in order to try to hook up for naughty fun times. I can't imagine you think that's going on at abortion clinics either.
Third, there's no such thing as an "abortion mill." There just isn't. Women seek abortions after careful consideration and weighting of options, I imagine it's an extremely difficult decision to make for most of them. And the doctors who perform the abortions are caring professionals who look after the health and well-being of their patients. No one is just thoughtlessly skipping off to the all-nite abortion-mart to willy-nilly terminate a pregnancy, you dolt.
All you priest reading this blog should offer The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass on Halloween night to fight the satanic sacrifices and witch spells being cast. The Latin Mass has so much power over satanic activity.
Oh my God. Why would it matter what language you say it in? Let's assume for the moment that this whole "satanic sacrifices and witch spells" thing was really going on. Believe me, it';s all in your imagination, but let's pretend for a moment. And let's assume that the mass has some sort of "power over satanic activity." Why Latin? Do you think that you're going to say the mass to cast out the devil and he's going to say "nice try, Father, but you said it in English, so I don't respect your authoritah!" Does the devil speak Latin? The Bible isn't even in Latin, it's in Greek and Hebrew. Even I know that and I've never been a seminarian.
Anyway, if Halloween is so terrible, what do you suggest people do instead?
Way ahead of Halloween, I start telling the people at Holy Mass, at Catechism, at the Catholic school and parents meeting that Halloween is not good and is getting worse every year (along with satan’s influence growing every year). I tell them they can have a party with saint’s costumes and tons of candy to rot their teeth and get them hyper. Of course, as usual, I am not popular because I do not go along with satanic fun.
Yes, that's why you're not popular. That must be it.
We don't have a lot of holiday traditions here at the Chaos Compound, but one we do observe religiously is the viewing of Hella Weenie every Halloween night. Please join us in observing this solemn tradition:
"Here's one thing I will tell you, Bill, the President ought to reimburse the American people for any cost that's associated with fixing or replacing this website. Over $400 million have been spent. It's been a flawed rollout. It's a waste of taxpayer dollars. The American people need to be reimbursed."
Perfectly reasonable. Of course the president should reimburse all the American taxpayers for any extra expenses associated with the we3bsite that a private, for-profit corporation built. Just like how the Bush Administration reimbursed all of us when their war that was supposed to last "six days, six weeks, I doubt six months" ended up running for a decade. And they happily reimbursed the treasury for the $60 billion that just disappeared in Iraq, or all the overcharges from the no-bid contracts with Halliburton. It's a generally accepted principle that all things any government agency does must cost exactly what is estimated with no overages or the President must pay out of pocket for any overruns. Everybody knows that.
Reasonable Congressman Number 2:
Cory Gardner (R-CreepySmileton)
Rep. Cory Gardner (R-CO) had a lofty request for Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary Kathleen Sebelius: exempt my entire district from Obamacare. “I would like to submit a waiver from my district from Obamacare and hope you consider waiving it for the fourth congressional district,” said Gardner, concluding a contentious exchange with Sebelius.
Perfectly reasonable request. Everyone knows that federal laws should only apply to places where their congressman agrees with them? Or something? It's only been, what, 150 years since the Civil war? It's about time we got back to states or individual districts nullifying any laws they don't like!
Remember how the Wall Street Journal was once one of the country's most respected newspapers? Me neither, but ask your grandparents, they'll probably remember.
Suzanne Somers: The Affordable Care Act Is a Socialist Ponzi Scheme
Oh, Jesus Christ. ..
What makes this even more of a beat-your-head-against-the-wall moment is the banner the Journal put above the column by Suzanne Somers:
Yes, in the eyes of the once-prestigious Washington Post, Chrissie Snow is an "expert" on the affordable care act.
We know Suzanne Somers is an expert on medical issues because we remember her 2009 discovery that chemotherapy is what actually killed Patrick Swayze, based on her extensive medical training and research consisting of "Hmm, he was alive, then they gave him chemo, now he's dead, ipso facto chemo killed him! I am so smart, I am so smart!"
S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
So, I think giving her a column in what was once one of the top newspapers in the country is a really just bizarrely stupid idea, but, hey, I could be wrong. Maybe she really is an expert. Let's take a look at what she has to say on the subject.
SUZANNE SOMERS: As a writer of 24 books mostly on health and wellness and by using my celebrity to get to the best and brightest doctors, scientists and medical professionals in the alternative and integrative health-care world, I have come to the following conclusions: First of all, let’s call affordable health care what it really is: It’s socialized medicine.
Oh, nice try! You got two whole sentences in without saying something blatantly false! Socialized medicine is what the rest of the civilized world has. I mean, we have it, too, in the form of the VA, Medicare and Medicaid, but the Affordable Care Act still has private for-profit companies providing the insurance, so totally not socialized medicine.
I’ve had an opportunity to watch the Canadian version of affordable health care in action with all its limitations with my Canadian husband’s family. A few years ago, I was startled to see the cover of Maclean’s, a national Canadian magazine, showing a picture of a dog on an examining table with the headline, “Your Dog Can Get Better Health Care Than You.” It went on to say that young Canadian medical students have no incentive to become doctors to humans because they can’t make any money. Instead, there is a great surge of Canadian students becoming veterinarians. That’s where the money is
Ooh, anecdotal evidence! Well, since that's what we're doing, Let me tell you my anecdotal evidence. A couple years ago, the missus and I went to Montreal to visit some of her relatives. At some point, the conversation turned to healthcare. They had some complaints about their system, but when I asked them if they'd like to exchange their healthcare system for the US one, they laughed and laughed and laughed. And they are what's known as "snowbirds" meaning they spend a lot of time in Florida during the winters, so they have some points of comparison. But do go on, you were saying that no Canadians are becoming people doctors anymore?
All of my husband’s cousins are doctors.
All of my husband’s cousins are doctors. Several have moved to the U.S. because after their years of intensive schooling, they want to reap financial rewards.
My God, a system in which doctors don't become as rich as they otherwise might? The horror!
Affordable care will allow for pre-existing conditions. That’s the good part for retirees. But, let’s get down and dirty; the word “affordable” is a misnomer. So far, all you are hearing on the news is how everyone’s premiums are doubling and tripling and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to recognize that the whole thing is a big mess.
See, now, back when newspapers had people called "editors" (ask your grandma) this is where that "editor" would step in and say, "Hey, wait a minute. This woman's no 'expert.' She just knows about 'all she hears on the news.' Please send her a polite rejection letter and let's get an actual expert, maybe someone who knows that rates are, in fact, going down for a whole lot of people."
Plus, even after Obamacare is fully implemented, there still will be tens of millions of people not covered. So what’s the point? Medical care will be degraded, the costs will skyrocket, and most frightening of all, your most intimate and personal information is now up for grabs.
Is any of that true? Let's start with the "personal information up for grabs" part. That has already been debunked everywhere other than inside the FOX News bubble. Will tens of millions still be uncovered? Seems like you ought to have some sort of citation for that kind of statistic. Maybe it is true, but that's tens of millions fewer uninsured than we have now. And you want to know where they don't have anybody not covered? Think for a second, you can get this one. . . . Yes, it's CANADA!
Also England.
And Germany.
And France.
And, well, you get the picture.
But I see what you're doing there. It's a common technique used by righties when they have no legitimate argument. Obamacare won't cover 100% of the people, so let's not have Obamacare. Gun control won't prevent 100% of all murders, so let's not have gun control. Etc, etc, etc. It's really so tiresome.
So, is affordable care a good thing for retirees? Perhaps over time, it might work if you don’t get too old and you don’t get too sick, and you don’t live too long.
Well, since retirees are generally covered by Medicare, I'm not sure any of them will be affected by the ACA.
But frankly, the economic ramifications with our already swollen debt load don’t add up.
Trying to use big words is only cute when you're a little kid. You're a grown woman and it just makes you look kinda sad.
It would have been adorable if she had tried to use the word "ramifications!"
Retirees who are on Medicare will suffer the consequences of 700 billions of Medicare dollars instead being used to cover the skyrocketing cost of Obamacare. In essence, less dollars for seniors, means less service. Not fair.
Oh my God, how many times does that factoid need to be debunked?
So, yeah, heck of a job, there, WSJ editorial board! Way to flush the last vestiges of credibility you still had! I'm sure Rupert will be pleased.
Exxxxxxcellent!
Addendum: The WSJ has issued the following correction which indicates that Somers' original column must have been even more batshit insane than the version I read:
CORRECTIONS AND AMPLIFICATIONS: An earlier version of this post contained a quotation attributed to Lenin (“Socialized medicine is the keystone to the arch of the socialist state”) that has been widely disputed. And it included a quotation attributed to Churchill (“Control your citizens’ health care and you control your citizens“) that the Journal has been unable to confirm.
Wow, I'm sorry I missed the version where she makes up quotes and attributes them to Lenin and Churchill. That must have been a doozy!
Professor Chaos @akaProfessorCha 
Libtard = Derp @CobraTheCdr
