I sometimes think I have spent years unlearning what I learned earlier in my life. For instance, it was not George A. Custer who was attacked at the Little Bighorn. It was Custer — in a bad career move — who attacked the Indians.
Wait, really? You really didn't know that? Did you get all your Amercan history knowledge from 1950's Westerns? And are you telling me that maybe those movies fdidn't portray Native Americans fairly?
Much more important, slavery was not a benign institution in which mostly benevolent whites owned innocent and grateful blacks. Slavery was a lifetime’s condemnation to an often violent hell in which people were deprived of life, liberty and, too often, their own children.
Holy. . . well, you know. How is this possible? How is it that a man intelligent enough to read and write could ever have thought that slavery was a "benign institution?' I mean, it's called "slavery!" There's no real secret to what it is. It's not like they called it "fluffy bunnies" and then in your research you discovered that "holy shit, fluffy bunnies means ensving people!" How could a sentient human being see the word "slavery" and think "well, that sounds pretty benign?"
So what was it that finally convinced you that slavery is, in fact, a terrible thing?
Steve McQueen’s stunning movie “12 Years a Slave” is one of those unlearning experiences. I had to wonder why I could not recall another time when I was so shockingly confronted by the sheer barbarity of American slavery.
A movie?
You really had to see a movie?
You had to see a movie IN TWO THOUSAND THIRTEEN to fnd out that slavery was bad?
Seriously?
So up until YESTERDAY, you thought that "mostly benevolent whites owned innocent and grateful blacks?" For SEVENTY TWO YEARS you were under the impression that slavery was a harmless arrangement between benevolent slaveholders and grateful slaves? You were sixty-one years old when it suddenly occurred to you that, "hey, based on what I've seen here in the cineplex, maybe black people weren't all that grateful to be enslaved!" I sthat seriously what you're telling us?
Also, had you never seen ROOTS?
beginning with school, I got a gauzy version. I learned that slavery was wrong, yes, that it was evil, no doubt, but really, that many blacks were sort of content. Slave owners were mostly nice people — fellow Americans, after all — and the sadistic Simon Legree was the concoction of that demented propagandist, Harriet Beecher Stowe.
Really? Because according to your Wikipedia bio, you attended Far Rockaway High School in New York City, not Jefferson Davis Memorial High in Cousinfuck Holler, Arkansas. Were New York City teachers really referring to Harriet Beecher Stowe as a "twisted propogandist?"
Faculty photo day, Far Rockaway High School, 1957
And of course, slavery was not only incomprehensibly cruel — it had to have had consequences. You can see those consequences in this marvelous, harrowing and concussively powerful movie.
Or you could just be a conscious human adult and have the common sense to know that slavery had consequences. It's like you don't have to watch The Poseidon Adventure to know that ships sinking have consequences.
Anyway, his column goes on and on in this vein (did you know that Gone With The Wind was not a realistic portrayal of black-white relations in the antebellum South? oops-spoiler alert!) and somehow does not conclude with Richard Cohen resigning his position at the Washington Post.
It all started when I happened to see this little statistic:
Which I then "Tweeted" with the caption "Fuck you, NRA" in reference to the fact that the NRA is the primary reason why every state doesn't have these background checks.
Then about a day later, I get a "reply" or whatever from someone calling himself "Libtard=Derp" which is a pretty good indication of the kind of flawless arguments that are to come.
Libtard = Derp @CobraTheCdr Better idea? Women use their brains and stop dating psychopaths. #derp @akaProfessorCha
So, there's step one in the conservative argument technique. Blame the victim(s). The problem isn't the guys who murder their wives or girlfriends, the problem is the wives and girlfriends being foolish enough to get themselves murdered. Or something.
So, I was dumb enough to respond.
Professor Chaos @akaProfessorCha @CobraTheCdr Sure, if women were just smarter about dating, we'd have no reason to keep guns out of the hands of psychos! *eyeroll*
So I was treated to step two: the straw man.
Libtard = Derp @CobraTheCdr You make it sound like women are too stupid to know a psychopath. Are you sexist?@akaProfessorCha
Because if you can't refute the actual argument, make up a different argument that you can refute, even if it has nothing to do with what the other person has actually said!
Professor Chaos @akaProfessorCha @CobraTheCdr I didn't say anything that sounded remotely like that. I think you know that. I'm assuming you're not stupid.
Libtard = Derp @CobraTheCdr Aren't there better ways to stop this besides gun control? @akaProfessorCha
Ah, changing the subject and going with the completely baseless assumption that gun control is a sort of extreme radical approach to gun safety that really shouldn't even be considered until we've exhausted all other options like "doing nothing" and "getting women to only date non-murderers."
And for some reason, I opted to continue the discussion:
Professor Chaos @akaProfessorCha @CobraTheCdrNo.
And when all else fails: bullshit.
Libtard = Derp @CobraTheCdr Of course not, using a failing method is the best method.@akaProfessorCha
Of course, if you remember how this whole discussion started, it was with a statistic that indicated that background checks are pretty much the opposite of a failing method.
Professor Chaos @akaProfessorCha @CobraTheCdrI would refer you back to the original statistic, background checks are absolutely not failing.
Just ask "Traditional Catholic Priest" Father Peter Carota, whose website header has one of the most disturbing pictures I've ever seen on the internet, and dear God, have I seen some disturbing shit on the internet!
One year I was in Mexico for halloween. I saw so many mothers holding the hands of their children as the walked to them school. All the children were dressed up as little devils in red suites and horns. It was so sad to see Catholic mothers dressing their kids up as satan. I do not think they want their kids to be little devils at home causing all sorts of trouble. Who wants a devil for a child?
For that matter, who wants a pirate for a child? Or a ghost, or a Power ranger or any of the other things kids dress up for at Halloween that they are not in any danger of actually becoming in real life?
This, on the other hand, would be totally awesome!
Also, not every mother in Mexico is Catholic and it's kind of racist to assume that they are.
That night, in the property next to my parents house, there was a satanic gathering with a huge bonfire. All night long they screamed satanic incantations. It was the worst night I ever spent in my life, having to hear this over and over all night long.
Yes, I believe that gathering happened in the remote village of Nunca Pasó.
Also, I thought we were assuming that everyone in Mexico was Catholic?
Halloween is the night of satanic sacrifices and witch spells. I know this for a fact from hearing it from a wiccan’s mouth.
Also, I have never met a wiccan. The person told me that Halloween was the night of costumes and candy, which I assume was wiccan for "Satanic sacrifices and Witch Spells." And since this person spoke wiccan, I assume she must be an actual wiccan, case closed!
Seriously, that may be the stupidest two sentences I have ever heard from anyone not wearing a tricorn hat and holding a misspelt sign. No wiccan told you that. If someone did tell you that, that person was not a wiccan. Wiccans have nothing to do with anything "satanic" or with what you think of as "witches."
Pictured: Not a Wiccan.
Eight years ago, I was on retreat with all the priest from my diocese at San Damiano Retreat house in Danville California. I was praying before the Blessed Sacrament in their chapel when a group of people came in. I knew it would not be good because earlier I had seen them dancing around the peace pole.
Peace? Egad!
It was an ecumenical group (with a catholic Franciscan priest whom I know personally). That year their motto was “opening the circle”.
Oh. That sounds nice. But I'm guessing it wasn't!
To my horror as I knelt praying, the witch began a guided meditation. I remember very well when she said; “On Halloween we witches burn away the old and begin all things new.”
Um, okay, still sounds kinda nice. When do we get to the scary part?
“On Halloween we witches burn away the old and begin all things new.” I reported this to our bishop and the staff at the retreat center. I should have stopped them and kicked them out of the chapel, but I am a coward and will pay for it after I die.
Holy shit, you're going to hell for a lack of courage? Nice religion you got there, Padre.
What do you see when driving around neighborhoods before Halloween? Spiders, ghost, witches, skeletons and tombstones. People have me bless their houses to get rid of devils and then they decorate their houses for him to come back, “just out of fun”.
Yes, because when Satan, the Prince of darkness, wants to come to your house, he first has to see fake skeletons or spiders hanging up somewhere or he won't show up? Because it's rude to show up uninvited?
I also bring a nice bottle of wine. It's just good etiquette!
Trick or Treat” is fun. Dressing up in costumes is fun. Parties are fun. But does it please Christ the King? NO NO NO. It only pleases the prince of darkness.
If there's one thing I can't stand it's costumes!
Costumes and parties. The two things I can't stand!
I can't stand costumes and parties and free candy- Three things! Three things I can't stand.
Amongst the things I can't stand are costumes, parties, and free candy. . .
In the public park here in South Phoenix, where we went for the Altar boy hike. . .
Wait, what? The "Altar Boy Hike?" Okay, now this is getting scary.
In the public park here in South Phoenix, where we went for the Altar boy hike, I ran into a “Meat Market” for Halloween. It has human body parts plastered all over the front, ground human meat in the tray and a baby about to be ground up like they do at abortions.
Yes, that's exactly how abortions are done. A six-month-old baby is fed into a meat grinder. You must have had some medical training, eh father?
”But it is just make believe.” ”Come on Father, chill out! Cut some slack, we’re just having fun.” And then we wonder why young students are killing their teachers and parents. Why police are killing kids and kids killing police. And does anyone even think about the meat market of the abortion mills?
Wow. Where to begin? First of all, only an incredibly tiny percentage of young students are killing anyone, and of those that have committed patricide or gone on school-shooting rampages, were any of them affected by gruesome Halloween displays? It's a rhetorical question, I know you don't know. I don't either, which is why I don't make any claims either way.
Second, Meat market? The term "meat market" has two accepted meanings. One is an actual market in which people buy and sell meat. Surely you aren't suggesting that anyone is buying aborted fetuses as meat? The second meaning is any place where single people congregate in order to try to hook up for naughty fun times. I can't imagine you think that's going on at abortion clinics either.
Third, there's no such thing as an "abortion mill." There just isn't. Women seek abortions after careful consideration and weighting of options, I imagine it's an extremely difficult decision to make for most of them. And the doctors who perform the abortions are caring professionals who look after the health and well-being of their patients. No one is just thoughtlessly skipping off to the all-nite abortion-mart to willy-nilly terminate a pregnancy, you dolt.
All you priest reading this blog should offer The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass on Halloween night to fight the satanic sacrifices and witch spells being cast. The Latin Mass has so much power over satanic activity.
Oh my God. Why would it matter what language you say it in? Let's assume for the moment that this whole "satanic sacrifices and witch spells" thing was really going on. Believe me, it';s all in your imagination, but let's pretend for a moment. And let's assume that the mass has some sort of "power over satanic activity." Why Latin? Do you think that you're going to say the mass to cast out the devil and he's going to say "nice try, Father, but you said it in English, so I don't respect your authoritah!" Does the devil speak Latin? The Bible isn't even in Latin, it's in Greek and Hebrew. Even I know that and I've never been a seminarian.
Anyway, if Halloween is so terrible, what do you suggest people do instead?
Way ahead of Halloween, I start telling the people at Holy Mass, at Catechism, at the Catholic school and parents meeting that Halloween is not good and is getting worse every year (along with satan’s influence growing every year). I tell them they can have a party with saint’s costumes and tons of candy to rot their teeth and get them hyper. Of course, as usual, I am not popular because I do not go along with satanic fun.
Yes, that's why you're not popular. That must be it.
We don't have a lot of holiday traditions here at the Chaos Compound, but one we do observe religiously is the viewing of Hella Weenie every Halloween night. Please join us in observing this solemn tradition:
Professor Chaos @akaProfessorCha 
Libtard = Derp @CobraTheCdr
