Ya Know, Just Because His Name Is NIxon. . .

. . . doesn't mean you have to impeach him.

A Missouri state House committee will hold hearings Wednesday into three proposed articles of impeachment against Gov. Jay Nixon (D), whom some Republicans say has committed offenses worthy of being removed from office.

Okay, so what high crimes and/or misdemeanors did this Nixon commit?

 One legislator has lodged a complaint over Nixon’s executive order last year that directed state tax officials to accept joint tax returns from same-sex couples who were legally married in other states. Nixon said in November, when he issued the order, that the state should accept the same sorts of tax returns as the Internal Revenue Service, which accepts joint returns from same-sex couples.

Wait. Are the rules different for governors? Can they be impeached without having been accused of a crime? Is "I don't like this guy" enough of a reason? I mean, I know it was enough of a reason for Issa and the Republicans to recall California governor Gray Davis, but there must be some sort of criteria for impeachment, right?

Another legislator said Nixon hadn’t moved fast enough to call special elections in three state House districts and a Senate district left vacant by resignations. State law directs the governor to call elections “without delay”; state Rep. Mike Moon’s (R) legislation accuses Nixon of breaking that law.

Um, no. No, that can not possibly be considered an impeachable offense by anyone. "Without delay" is such a vague term as to make that law virtually unbreakable. What one person might consider to be a delay another could think of as acting with prudence. And even if he did purposely delay these special elections, that seems about as serious an offense as a parking ticket. What else ya got?

 And a third legislator says Nixon deserves the boot for insufficiently punishing officials at the state Department of Public Safety for releasing a database of Missourians with permits to carry concealed weapons. In 2013, the state Highway Patrol said it had given the list of 163,000 concealed carry permit holders to a Social Security Administration agent in relation to an investigation into fraudulent disability claims.

Um, you're going to go to the mat to protect people with fraudulent disability claims? 

A top Highway Patrol official said at the time the state considered the federal request a part of a criminal investigation. Nixon didn’t immediately fire the officials responsible, as House Republicans had demanded.

Oh, he didn't immediately do what you demanded. Oh, why didn't you say so? Impeach the mother-fucker already!

 Jesus Christ, Missouri Republicans, what the fuck is wrong with you? If you don't like the governor, you go out and win the next gubernatorial election. You don't waste everyone's time and the taxpayers' money on petty vindictive bullshit that just makes you look like a bunch of mentally challenged clowns. Or, I guess you do. but you shouldn't.

Oh, and speaking of the California recall election that put a washed-up B-movie actor into the governor's mansion (because that always works out great) Darrell Issa was apparently one of the prime movers behind the recall. He invested a good chunk of his own personal fortune into the fiasco because he wanted to be governor. He was drubbed. He never came close. He was a laughingstock. The porn actress and Gary Coleman did better than he did, So it was kind of worth it.

My new favorite Wrestler

Okay, to be fair, I have never had a favorite wrestler before because I think professional wrestling is really really stupid and also gross and offensive, but Stone Cold Steve Austin just made my day.





And also I just remembered hearing Mick Foley on Air America back in the day and he was pretty fucking great, too.

Dick Bills

There sure have been a lot of dick bills being proposed and/or passed lately. And by "dick bills," I mean bills that don't actually accomplish anything positive, but are proposed by some legislator just because he wants to be a dick. (Or she. Ladies can be dicks too)

Dick Bill # 1:
Oklahoma.

Oklahoma House passes solar surcharge bill

A bill that would allow regulated electric utilities to impose a surcharge on customers who install rooftop solar panels or small wind turbines passed the Oklahoma House of Representatives on Monday.

So if you live in Oklahoma and you decide to save some money on your electric bill by putting a solar panel on your roof or a windmill in your back yard, the state of Oklahoma says " Ha! Not so fast! You have to pay the utility company anyway, because fuck you!"

I mean, that seems to be the only purpose of the bill. I don't see anyone who benefits by this other than the electric company. Maybe I'm missing something. . .

The bill was supported by the state’s major electric utilities, but drew opposition from solar advocates, environmentalists and others. 

Hmm, nope. That sounds like pretty much what I thought.
But boy, howdy that must have been some debate in the Oklahoma statehouse, with defenders of utility company profits going head to head with people who are concerned about the environment. Must have been quite the donnybrook!

Senate Bill 1456 passed 83-5 after no debate in the House.

Oh, right. Because Oklahoma.

Dick bill # 2:
United States Congress.

Blake Farenthold Introduces Bill To Withhold Eric Holder's Paycheck

In a targeted swipe against Attorney General Eric Holder, Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-Texas) announced legislation Tuesday that would prohibit federal employees found in contempt of Congress from receiving government paychecks.

And, yes, honest-to-God, Blake Farenthold actually looks like that. I thought maybe it was a bad picture, so I did a Google image search and came up with these:

 

  

 

  

But anywayyyyy. . .

This bill would allow the Angry Simpleton Caucus that currently controls the House to decide that they don't like someone like, say, Eric Holder, and find him in contempt and then declare that he doesn't get to have any monies. And it's not like there would have to be any sort of legitimate reason to find someone in contempt, I mean this is the Congress of Darrell Issa, for God's sake, they have absolutely no qualms about using their power for petty spiteful grandstanding. Also, pretty much anyone could be found to be in contempt of this Congress nbecause contempt is a natural reaction to a group this contemptible.


Dick Bill # 3:
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Florida City About To Make It Illegal For Homeless People To Have Possessions In Public

. . . the city of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida is on the cusp of passing a new regulation that would make it illegal for anyone to store their personal things on public property. Specifically, it would empower police to confiscate any personal possessions stored on public property, provided they have given the homeless person 24-hours notice. If the homeless people wish to retrieve their items, they must pay the city “reasonable charges for storage and removal of the items,” 

So, unless the city fathers truly believe that taking away a homeless person's meager possessions is going to help that homeless person stop being sop homeless all the time, this bill serves no purpose except as a means of being a total dick to homeless people. Naturally, the proposal passed unanimously because Florida.


Dick Bill # 4:
Oklahoma again

Oklahoma Governor Signs Minimum Wage Hike Ban

Now I know this sounds like just the normal amount of churlishness one would expect from a Republican governor, like a refusal to raise the state's minimum wage, but this goes that extra step into total dick land.

OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) — Cities across Oklahoma are now prohibited from establishing mandatory minimum wage or vacation and sick-day requirements under a bill signed into law Monday by Gov. Mary Fallin.

Yes, that's right. It's not enough for Mary Fallin (told you ladies could be dicks) to refuse to raise the state's minimum wage, this law would prevent any city that wanted to do the decent thing from doing the decent thing. No matter that the citizens of Anytown, OK  might decide that they would like their town to require businesses to pay a living wage, the state has decided that that is not to be allowed, because Conservatives have so much respect for local governance, don't ya know.

So other than just being total dicks, what benefit do the bill's supporters claim it will have?

Supporters say the measure would prevent a hodgepodge of minimum wages in different parts of the state

Although they are apparently unable to explain why that would present a problem. (hint: because it wouldn't)

 Those against the bill also say it specifically targets Oklahoma City, where an initiative is underway to establish a citywide minimum wage higher than the current federal minimum wage. Organizers have been gathering signatures to support raising the city's minimum wage to $10.10 an hour.

Ah. That explains it. The people of Oklahoma City were trying to do a decent thing and obviously that must be prevented.  obviously, the State Government must step in to prevent a city from trying to do something positive.

Fucking Oklahoma, man! Bunch of dicks.

Can we all just stop pretending to give a shit about the Boston Marathon?

God damn it, if I hear one more fucking word about Boston or the marathon or Big fucking Papi I swear I'm going to scream

 

Or "Boston Strong," for that matter.

Apparently, we're all supposed to be just super-impressed that after a really bad thing happened in Boston the city, what. . . continued to exist? The entire populace didn't just weep in the fetal position for the rest of time?

 

Does Boston have any idea what weenies they look like making such a melodramatic spectacle of themselves after New York managed to survive NINE-FUCKING-ELEVEN? Oh, wow, Boston, you managed to pick yourselves up and dust yourselves off and go on with your lives after an entire three people were killed in your city? That's a slow afternoon in Chicago. And Three THOUSAND lives were lost on 9/11, so it's kinda hard to really feel like you had that big an ordeal. Hell, Sandy Hook had twenty children murdered in one day and you don't see them on tv every five minutes bragging about being "Sandy Hook Strong."

 

Your terrorist attack was closer top the Atlanta Olympic bombing. Two people died in Centennial Park and a hundred-plus were injured, and you didn't see anyone talking about "Atlanta Strong" or saying that the Braves had to win the World Series so that the nation could heal.

 

A very bad thing happened in your city. Get over it. Bad things happen everywhere. Right now, as you read this, someone is being murdered somewhere in the US. And that's tragic. But the city in which that person is being killed is not going to see this murder as an opportunity for obnoxious self-aggrandizement.

 

PS, no one gives a shit that an American won the Boston Marathon this year, because no one has ever given a shit about who wins any marathon because marathons are relentlessly boring and no one cares. And because the assholes who bombed the finish line at the Boston Marathon weren't actually angry at marathons, or eager to prevent people from running them, so it's not really that big a fuck-you to those scumbags to have an American win.



Probably seemed like a good idea at the time

Utah high school teacher who had kids brainstorm genitalia slang gets paid leave

Wait, what? Genitalia slang?

“We had some students who reported to administration that a teacher was having an exercise where they were put into groups, male and female, to come up with names for genitalia,” Weber School District spokesman Nate Taggart told the Standard-Examiner. “These were any names that the kids could come up with, and then they were listed on the board.”

And you didn't see any potential problems with this?
 You didn't think anyone was going to be offended by having your students come up with new versions of "dick" and "pussy?" In UTAH?

When the concerned students told school officials about the exercise, the officials rushed to William’s classroom.

“It was still on the whiteboard, and they had her erase it immediately,” Taggart told the Standard-Examiner. He also noted that the school district found the lesson inappropriate.

Inappropriate? Jeezus Christ, Larry Flynt would find that inappropriate!

Okay, no he wouldn't. But still. . .

A spokesman for the local teachers union, Matt Ogle,

Wait. Ogle? Seriously, Ogle?

Okay, anyway. . .

Matt Ogle, explained that Williams got the idea to have students share colloquialisms for male and female genitalia when she attended a Career and Technical Education conference at which other teachers imparted their favorite classroom strategies.

Wait. There's at least one other teacher using the "weiner/coochie" technique? And she's out there recommending this to other teachers?  And they invite this teacher to Education conferences?

Okay, I must be missing something here, maybe this “Adult Roles and Financial Literacy” class is about sexual anatomy? Or maybe the "Adult Roles" class has a module on behaving like children?

A course description obtained by the Standard-Examiner explains that the course is designed to prepare students to “understand the nature, function and significance of individual and family relationships integrated with general financial literacy.”

Oookay. So much for that idea.

The class offers concurrent college credit to enrolled high school students.

I'm assuming you can get credit from the University of South Carolina?


Or maybe Oregon State?
 

The union spokesman noted that Williams won’t have students brainstorm about sex organ monikers in the future.

Seems wise.