Bad Ads - Guinness

First of all, this is just so maudlin and dreary. My grandma would have called it "schmaltzy."  And using the strong emotional reactions that people have about the troops to sell your product is unseemly at best. It's just really tacky.

But the really odd thing is the choice of music. The song that they play under the ad is "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" which most people know either as a church hymn or as the song Robert Mitchum sings in Night of the Hunter. So it's either kind of sacrilegious or creepy.




Night of the Hunter, by the way, is an underrated movie. You should give it a viewing if its on Netflix or Hulu or whatever. Kind of a sad story about this movie, it was the first feature directed by actor Charles Laughton. The reviews were so cruel that he never directed another. Which is a shame because the problems with this movie were in the script, not the direction. He actually does some pretty cool camera stuff with light and shadows and whatnot. Check out Roger Ebert's glowing review : http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/great-movie-the-night-of-the-hunter-1955

Witch Hunt Fails to Find any Witches

So the final ultimate super-duper select committee on the BenghaziBenghaziBengahziImpeachTCOT!!! scandal has filed its final report and even the super sleuths of the Issa Mystery Machine committee found that there was zero wrongdoing on the part of the administration. Zero intelligence failures. Zero delays in response. Zero lies told to the American people.

So it's finally over. We can finally put this nonsense to bed and get on to dealing with actual problems that actually exist. And we'll never have to hear another word. . .

Hahahaha! You wish!

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) on Sunday blasted a House GOP-led investigation that recently debunked myths about the 2012 Benghazi attack. 
“I think the report is full of crap,” Graham said on CNN’s “State of the Union.”

Sighhhhhh. . .  of course.

Keep fucking that chicken, Lindsey!

Saturd80's - Fun Boy Three

Douche quote of the day

When asked if he felt embarrassed about his new contract paying him more per day than mosr Americans make per year, Giancarlo Stanton said this:


.

Dude.

You play a game for a living.

What you do is not really "work."  it is certainly not a "huge responsibility."

This is what a job with "huge responsibility" looks like:

 

This is what your job looks like:

Huge responsibility:



Your job:

 Spot the difference?

Of course, Stanton's answer may be less douchey than the headline under which it appeared:

Giancarlo Stanton Nailed It When Asked About Making More In 1 Day Than Most Americans Make In A Year

  By Cork Gaines

 Like that was the best possible answer he could have given. There is just no imaginable scenario in which a ballplayer comes up with a better justification for his obscene salary than "um, I do work!" Bullseye, motherfucker!

So why does Business Insider's Cork Gaines (wait. . .Cork? really?) think this was such a spot-on perfect answer?

What Stanton did not point out is that a lot of work went into getting to where he is. While many Americans work hard, Stanton happens to do it in an industry with a lot of money and he does it as well as anybody else in the world.

Ohhhh, right. . . lots of "hard work."

Yeah, it totally makes sense that someone who works hard and excels at a sports game should be paid as much ad, oh, say 500 people who work hard and excel at, say, putting their lives on the line in service to their country? Or educating the next generation? Or building our nation's infrastructure?

So, at Stanton's press conference to announce the contract signing, one reporter asked the slugger if he was embarrassed to make more in one day ($69,000 on average throughout the contract) than most Americans make in an entire year.

Showing why he is this country's next superstar that is more than just a great ballplayer, Stanton kept his poise, smiled, and delivered the perfect answer, noting that this contract "isn't like a lottery ticket."

Wow, I mean if you could keep your poise under those circumstances. . . being asked about the millions and m,illions of dollars you're going to be paid, I mean most of us would probably collapse weeping or throw a chair Bobby Knight style if someone asked us about our newly acquired vast fortune. But he actually managed to smile and say words? 

Superstar!

How is this a Congressman?

You know, they always say you can't judge a book by its cover, but sometimes you can. Because "Screwy Louie" Gohmert is exactly as stupid and nutty as he looks.

Just check out the sentence-fragment casserole he served up while discussing the inevitable next government shutdown that he and his fellow tantrum babies are undoubtedly going to produce:

“But if we’re funding everything he wants except for certain items that are his little pet piece [sic] or saying, like, we’re not going to fund any more golf outings or any more trips, vacations where he and his family travel on different planes. Just things in America go, really Mr. President, you can keep the government running and yet you’re the one saying, ‘No I want my golf outings, I want my czar for this and my czar for that,’ really, you will shut down the government over that?”

 

How does that even make sense?

I guess if you pretend that a president golfing is something shockingly unusual




And maybe if you pretend that "czars" are somehow , um, something that, um. . . presidents only appoint for frivolous reasons? Or that they're somehow sinister, or that Republicans weren't demanding the appointment of an ebola czar just, like, a month ago? Maybe that might make some kind of sense?

No. It still wouldn't.

I guess if you also pretended that Obama would allow you to shut down the government if you threatened to prevent him playing golf? And that you shutting down the government somehow equals the President shutting down the government?
Then, maybe?

Pretendin' is fun!

How is this a Congressman?

  

Think of the stupidest co-worker you've ever had. Gohmert is stupider. Think of your nuttiest relative - the one that you're dreading seeing this Thanksgiving. Gohmert is nuttier. And yet people thought it was a good idea to put him in a position of responsibility. It's mind-blowing. 

Although it's not as horrifying as the fact that this man used to be a judge! He got to make decisions that altered people's lives! Could you imagine going to court seeking justice and seeing this looking down from the bench?

 

Ah sentence you to be frozen in carbonite and sent to Tatooine!