Wait, how long have I been gone?

How the hell did this happen?

GOP Rep. Sean Duffy: ‘Oppressive’ to Mandate Vaccines

by Josh Feldman | 5:47 pm, February 3rd, 2015Republican Congressman Sean Duffy said on MSNBC earlier today that only an “oppressive state” would mandate that all children get vaccines, and that shouldn’t happen in America.

Is this not still the 21st Century?

I know these monstrously stupid and narcissistic anti-vaccine imbeciles have been around for a while now, but how has this exploded as an issue now?

Chris Christie expressed concern about vaccine autism link 

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie suggested Monday that officials find a “balance” between requiring vaccinations and allowing parents to turn them down.

Why now? Why, at the exact moment in time that we are beginning to see the horrible consequences of  pompous, solipsistic  morons refusing to vaccinate their children, why is now the time that the right-wing decides to make "choice" a political talking point?

Rand Paul: Children Got 'Profound Mental Disorders' After Receiving Vaccines

Oh, great! They'll probably grow up to be Libertarians!

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) argued Monday that debate over whether to allow parents more choice in the vaccination of their children was a matter of "freedom," citing personal knowledge of kids "who wound up with profound mental disorders" after receiving immunizations for diseases like Hepatitis B and measles.
"I don't think there's anything extraordinary about resorting to freedom,"

Oh, fer fuck sake!
I know you guys are all about the FREEDOMMMMMMM!!!!!! but we are currently seeing the results of this kind of bullshit thinking, and it's not only those kids whose dickweed parents don't vaccinate who are at risk, it's everybody. And once your FREEDOMMMMMM!!!! begins to cause injury to your fellow citizens, it's no longer just about what you want.

I've heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking, normal children, who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines. I'm not arguing that vaccines are a bad idea, I think they're a good thing. But I think parents should have some input. The state doesn't own your children, parents own their children, and it is an issue of freedom. "

Oh my God, where to begin?
First of all, if you really believe this nonsense about children getting profound mental disorders from vaccines, how do you then turn around and argue that vaccines are a good thing?
Also, parents do NOT own their children. Children are human beings. No one owns them.  And sure, we give parents a ton of leeway in deciding how to raise the children for whom they are responsible, but when we are talking about something like vaccines, something about which there is no legitimate debate, if you as a parent are such an idiotic lunatic that you would deny your children something which prevents deadly diseases then, yes, the State needs to step in and say "yopu do not have the right to make that decision for someone else, especially not for a helpless child who can't possibly grasp the consequences of your fuckheaded decision."

We have laws that say you have to educate your children (even allowing for home-schooling which is a topic for another day). You are legally required to feed, clothe and shelter your children. So why not have vaccines be mandatory?

I can't think of any reason not to require vaccines for all children. I can think of a few reasons why we should.

US Measles Outbreak Growing, CDC Says - ABC News 

Ohio mumps cases at 35-year high, measles outbreak still growing

Whooping cough outbreak sickens 10,000 in California

Another thing I learned in Italy

1. Hoard olive oil!
Apparently, winters need to get down to a certain temperature in order for olive trees to produce olives that are worth harvesting for oil. Last winter did not reach this level, and it looks like this one won't either. (But don't worry, global warming is still fake!)
Anyway, I would expect the price of olive oil to go way up in the near future. So, even if you no longer need to dip your bread into it, you might want to load up on olive oil right now.

Things I Learned in Italy

Thing Number One:
Only Americans dip their bread into olive oil and/or balsamic vinegar. Italians do not do this. Which is crazy, because we're Americans, do you know how hard it was to talk us out of butter and into dipping it in olive oil? We only ever did it because we were told that that was the authentic Italian way to eat bread. And now we find out it's just something we made up?
Italians find this amusing. They're fine with it, once they see you're an American, they automatically bring bottles of olive oil and balsamic vinegar, they just don't get it.

Thing Number Two:
The word "Uscita" means "Exit" in Italian, and not, as I had previously assumed "Little USC."

Thing Number Three:
Romans are not big on signage.
In most cities, as soon as you get off the freeway, there are signs pointing "this way to the zoo," "this way to the museum," whatever. In Rome, not so much. I think there was exactly one sign pointing the way to the Trevi Fountain and you don't see that until you're pretty much right there. Which might not be so bad if not for thing number four.

Thing Number Four:
Nearly everyone in Rome is in on this enormous practical joke involving the Trevi Fountain. When someone asks "Scuzi, Quale modo per Fontana Trevi?" they not only act like they have no idea where it is, but as if they've never ever heard of the goddamm Trevi Fountain, which is only the most famous fountain in the fucking world is all. "Trevi?" "Fontana?" They're completely perplexed. Ask them how to get anywhere else and Romans are super friendly and helpful and nearly all speak really good English and know theie way around, but the Trevi Fountain? They suddenly are just as lost as you are. We spent half the night trying to find that goddamm fountain, which might not have been so bad had it not been for thing number five.

Thing Number Five:
Every now and then the Trevi Fountain has to be completely drained of water and have maintenance performed on it.

So, instead of seeing this:



You see this:





Not quite the same "Roman Holiday" experience.

Thing Number Six:
Bottled water is completely superfluous in Italy.
All over Rome, Florence, Venice and Milan, you see these:

And the water which constantly flows from these is cold and clean and tastes better than any mineral water you might buy. The first one of these we stumbled upon was amongst the wreckage of Julius Caesar's Forum, and the water was still flowing and it was the best water ever, probably due to being filtered through rocks, I don't know. So we just kept refilling our bottles from these free spigots and whenever we took a drink we'd say "thank you, Caesar!" Yet every restaurant sells bottled water that costs more than wine. I don't know how they get away with it!

Thing Number Seven:
Italy gets cold as fuck in the winter.
Especially Milano which is spitting distance from the Alps. No one warned us!

Thing Number Eight:
Everyone in Italy says "Ciao!" not just pretentious douchebags like here in the States. I could never bring myself to say it because I had never heard anyone sayiong it who wasn't a pretentious American douche, but it is actually a perfectly acceptable greeting/farewell in Italy.

Thing Number Nine:
It doesn't take Mussolini to make the trains run on time.
In all four cities we visited, the trains, buses, streetcars and subways run like clockwork. Even the water buses in Venice run right on time. I really envy anyone who gets to live in a city with good public transportation. God knows we don't have that in Atlanta.

Thing Number Ten:
Anyone who says that "America is the greatest country on Earth" has never traveled.

Nothing against the good ol' U.S. of A, we're a terrific place to live. If you're white. And hetero. And cis-gendered. And it helps to be male. But we could sure learn a lot from our European friends. Starting with how to cook a steak.



This is "Bistecca Fiorentina" It is how they do steak in Florence. Each steak is about the size and weight of a manhole cover, charred on the outside, rare in the middle, and I don't know what the hell they do differently, but if you ever get the chance, order one. Best steak you'll ever have in your life!

A Brief Hiatus

The Chaos Compound will be dark for the next two weeks as we are heading out to check on some of our overseas operations.

 

The upkeep has been somewhat lacking.

We leave tomorrow for Rome, then off to Venice, Florence, and Milan. So keep an eye on the international news for stories of evildoers being defeated in Italy. That'll be us.

 

Award Season Continues

And the winner is. . .



. . . Louie Gohmert!





Louie Gohmert has been named "Legislator of the Year!"



Oh, wait. I'm sorry, that's "Texas Legislator of the Year."

 

Sorry, that's "EAST Texas Legislator of the Year." Still, though. Still pretty good.

Congressman Louie Gohmert was recognized as the “Deep East Texas Legislator of the Year 2015.”

Ahahahahaha!!! The DEEP East Texas Legislator of the Year? What, you had to narrow it down to a single Congressional district in order for Gohmert to win?


That's like my wife telling me:

"you're my favorite person."
                   


                                              "in this house."
               

                                                                        "To whom I'm married"
                                                 


                                                                                                                "Currently."

                                           
Which she actually did say the other day, and now that I think about it. . .

But anyway. . .

Congressman Louie Gohmert was recognized as the “Deep East Texas Legislator of the Year 2015.”

Wait, 2015? He's the legislator of the year for 2015? The year that has been going on for an entire 15 days? What the hell could he possibly have accomplished in two weeks to earn this "honor?"

The award is given biannually to a legislator that has shown outstanding efforts on behalf of the people of Deep East Texas.
His assistance of veterans and support of the Veterans Administration Clinic in Lufkin were noted during the ceremony. State Senator, Robert Nichols, a past recipient of the award, made the Presentation.

Really?

That's it? He supports veterans and the Veterans Administration clinic? Are there a lot of Deep East Texas legislators who don't? That's like getting an award from the humane society for going a whole year without having kicked any puppies.

So, anyway um, congratulations? Louie Gohmert? You must be so proud?