People Who Will Never be President

Lindsey Graham

Sen. Lindsey Graham, testing presidential waters, to make first trip to Iowa

Test the waters all you want, sir. You will never ever be President.



First of all, this guy. . .

. . .  is not going to get the nomination of a party that thinks Uganda has some good ideas.





And the Tea Party base just haaaaates him. Maybe because they remember when he used to be a teensy bit reasonable?

Seriously, there's a Facebook page called "Conservatives against Lindsey Graham that features shit like this:

Lindsey Graham, One of the Most Liberal U.S. Senators in History, Will Lose Senate Primary |...

You will see irrefutable evidence that places Lindsey Graham in rare company as one of history’s most...

presspatrol.com

 And it's not like they don't have a point. I mean, clearly Graham is both ultra-liberal and a huge Nazi who supports Barack Obama.

 

Plus there's just the general weirdness:

Lindsey Graham: I've never sent an email

By Eric Bradner, CNN

I don't know which would be weirder, if he actually has lived this many years without ever having sent an e-mail, or if he thinks this is something about which he needs to lie. Either way, weird!

But for some reason, someone asked the man who got a whopping zero point one percent in the CPAC straw poll what he would do first if he was elected President.

And here's the first thing I would do if I were president of the United States. I wouldn't let Congress leave town until we fix this. I would literally use the military to keep them in if I had to. We're not leaving town until we restore these defense cuts. We are not leaving town until we restore the intel cuts.

Oh my Gawd! Your first act as President would be to stage a military coup?

You would bring the military into Washington DC, in clear violation of the Posse Comitatus Act, to force Congress to vote the way you want them to? You would hold Congress at gunpoint until they restored whatever cuts you think were made to the military and intelligence budgets?
The US military would be holding the United States Congress hostage until they agreed to fork over more money to the military?
That's what you would do as President?



Man, oh man, it is a good thing that you will never ever ever be president!

Why do these imbeciles think they get their own foreign policy?

First there was Larry, Curly and Moe going over to Egypt to directly contradict the President's foreign policy. 



Then the #47Traitors committed a blatant, shameless violation of the Logan Act, a crime which pretty much borders on treason.




And it doesn't seem likely that they will ever face any consequences for their dickery.

Although they are doing some back-pedaling on the subject:

Rand Paul Says He Wanted To Strengthen The President's Hand - By Signing Iran Letter

Unnamed Republican sources now trying to claim Iran letter was meant as a 'cheeky' joke

Oh, nuclear arms treaty negotiations, what a rich vein of comedy gold you are!

Then today, I saw this:

[Rep. Steve] King told a local radio station last week that he was all set to travel abroad on “a very important diplomatic mission,” when he suddenly got word that official funding for the trip had been canceled.

A"'very important diplomatic mission?"  Dude, you're not a diplomat.
You don't go on "diplomatic missions."
That's not part of your job description.
When you visit another country, it's not a diplomatic mission, it's a junket. Or maybe an outing. Or an excursion. Or even an escapade. But it's not a mission of any kind, let alone a diplomatic one. And certainly not "very important."

“[The trip] had been signed off on, certified, authorized, everything all booked,” King told Iowa talk show radio host Simon Conway. “The order came down from the speaker’s office, ‘that shall be rescinded.’ And the people who [Boehner] most objects to for disagreeing with him are now grounded to the United States by order of the speaker.

 Yeah, because even John Boehner realizes what an embarrassment to the nation you are.

Music for International Women's Day

International Women's Day

Yes, toady is International Women's Day. That's right, women get an entire day all to themselves - #Misandry! #WhyINeedMeninism

And is our tradition here at the Chaos Compound, we present "Good Job, Women," a tribute to some of the amazing women throughout our nation's history.

Take it away, Will Forte!

The worst people in the world

Are there any worse people in the world than the petty dictators of homeowners associations?

I know, you were going to say "ISIS is," but  first consider this story:

Subdivision denies a playhouse to Raymore girl with leukemia

Okay, that can't possibly be true, can it? You'd think so, wouldn't you?

Okay, we need a little context. Maybe in context it doesn't sound so awful.

Ella Joe Schultz is a six-year-old girl who is battling acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Her survival chances are low but any increase in her morale is a hopeful sign that she will continue to fight to live as long as she can. So when the Make-A-Wish Foundation granted her wish for a playhouse to be built in her Raymore, Missouri front yard, Ella and her family were ecstatic.

 Oh, God. That's not getting any better.

But Ella’s dream for a playhouse complete with bedrooms, an upstairs, a dishwasher, and a working telephone just for her were dashed when an Oklahoma neighborhood association intervened and forbade construction workers from beginning the project.
Despite the fact that this could be Ella’s final wish, Stonegate Homeowners Association halted the project when they caught wind of it, nixing it because it supposedly violates neighborhood rules.

Oh, well that's a simple fix.  Fuck your stupid rules. Problem solved!

Ella is now in tears and has been taken back to the hospital for a fever and infection. Her neighbors, meanwhile, are also outraged because they all want this little girl to get her wish. But the Stonegate Homeowners Association is apparently content to force Ella to wait longer for her dream to become reality. SHOA Board President Stacy Bayers told KCTV that plan given to them violates the rules and refused to comment beyond that.

Wait, what was that part about the neighbors? "they all want this little girl to get her wish." They ALL want this little girl to get her wish. ALL the NEIGHBORS want the little girl to get her wish.

So I guess neighborhood associations do not actually represent the members of the neighborhood. So who do they represent? Who the hell knows? Apparently they are just petty, spiteful little people who get a sense of power from stringently enforcing their stupid arbitrary rules. Even if that requires breaking the heart of a six-year-old girl who might never get to be seven.

In a statement, SHOA claimed they sympathized and would work with Make-A-Wish to make the playhouse happen. “Our hearts are with Ella Schultz and her family as they battle this terrible illness. Our homeowners’ association board is committed to working with Make-A-Wish Foundation and J.E. Dunn to see if we can figure out a way to make Ella’s wish come true. 

Oh my God. Fuck you! You have to "figure out a way?" Seriously? All you have to do is NOTHING!
The Make-A-Wish people have the contractors ready to go. They have the supplies, they're ready to build. All you have to do is NOTHING!
Just let the good people do their good thing and. . . that's it! There's no fucking conundrum here. It's your stupid rule, waive it!
Honestly, you don't even have to do any kind of formal waiver, just do nothing. No one's going to complain. All the neighbors are in favor of this.
And what if someone did complain? So what? Tell them that a dying six-year-old wanted this playhouse so they can go fuck themselves if they object.
What are you afraid of? You think somewhere down the road someone's going to say "hey you let that one girl build a playhouse in the front yard, so now you have to let me build my nude statues of Ernest and Tova Borgnine?" Seems pretty easy to just say "when the Make-A-Wish Foundation gets involved, you can build your erotic sculpture garden. Until then, fuck off."