This guy is an actual senator!

Yeah, he's from Arkansas. Of course he is. He looks like one of the kids from Mud.

Sen. Tom Cotton (R-AR) suggested on Monday that population decline and drug abuse in poor areas could be the result of too many people on Social Security disability.

Speaking to the conservative Heritage Foundation on Monday, Cotton warned that communities with high a percentage of residents on Social Security disability had reached a tipping point that was linked to population decline. But he said that communities which used fewer benefits were enjoying a population increase.
“It’s hard to say what came first or caused the other, population decline or increased disability usage,” Cotton opined. “Or maybe economic stagnation caused both. Regardless, there seems to be at least at the county and regional level something like a disability tipping point.”

What the fuck is this guy even talking about?
Population decline?

You know, maybe he's right. Maybe people who are disabled are less eager to have kids? Maybe a lot of disabled people are thinking "Geez, how would I chase a toddler around in this wheelchair?" Or maybe, I don't know, maybe they're thinking "my disability payments are barely covering my living expenses and doctor bills, there's no way I can afford to have a baby."  So, maybe that's not a bad thing? People being responsible about family planning?

“When a county hits a certain level of disability usage, disability becomes a norm,” he continued. “It becomes an acceptable way of life and alternative source of income to a good paying full-time job as opposed to a last resort safety net program to deal with catastrophic injury and illness.”

Yeah. . . no. Not so much. Being on disability isn't something that goes in and out of style. People either are disabled or they aren't. And, yes, there are of course people who fake injury to scam the system. But it isn't like once one person does that faking it becomes contagious either. It's not like Heathers!

“At a certain point when disability keeps climbing and become endemic, employers will struggle to find employees or begin or continue to move out of the area,”

O my God. Has that ever happened? Has there ever been a community where so many people became disabled that companies couldn't find any non-disabled people to work for them anymore? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?

“The population continues to fall and a downward spiral kicks in, driving once thriving communities into further decline.”
“Not only that, but once this spiral begins, communities could begin to suffer other social plagues as well, such as heroin or meth addiction and associated crime.”

Heroin? Meth? Is that really what you think happens? Disablility somehow becomes an epidemic, there are no able-bodied workers left, so companies abandon the city, so then. . . heroin?

 

If only I had kept working after I injured my back!

Cotton revealed that he planned to introduce legislation that would single out non-permanent disability recipients and set a timeline for them to return to work.
Disabled people who are not ready to return to work would be forced to reapply for disability benefits, Cotton said.

Fuck you!
You know, I was on temporary disability once, after an ugly skiing accident. And it took a bit longer than predicted for my fractured hip to heal up. If I had had to go through the headaches of re-applying for disability, I mean -  I guess I would have because what choice would I have had, but still. Fuck you, Cotton. I paid into Social Security, I'm still paying in and probably will be for years to come. If I need to use it, I will. There's nothing in the world wrong with that. It's not a fucking handout, I paid for it. And the entire time that I was on disability, I swear to you that zero of my friends, family and/or neighbors found themselves suddenly disabled. No one said "well, Hell, if the Perfessor can do it, I can too!"  And no one started doing heroin.

How to be an asshole

Look at this asshole:










So, first you make up a totally fake bit of bullshit to wind yourself up about. This particular sack of bullshit this asshole is trying to gin up phony outrage about is that Starbucks changed their winter coffee cups from this:



To this:



So, as you can plainly see, they must really hate Jesus.
Because the old cup had snowflakes and an elk pictured on it which is obviously a way of praising the Christ-child, and the new one is just red. You know,  red like communists are.

 

And you know who else is red?

 

So now you've got your ginned-up fake agrievement. Now you go take it out on a bunch of people who are just trying to do their jobs and pay their rent and have no control over what the company does to their cups. Try to embarrass these kids who have to shout out "Merry Christmas" in the first week of fucking November, when you'd really be jumping the gun by saying "Happy Thanksgiving."

Then, act like you've somehow outsmarted the entire anti-Christmas-industrial-complex. Be really smug about it. Like this is a real accomplishment. Just wallow in your own absurdly inflated sense of acheivement, having "tricked" some teenager making 10 bucks an hour into saying something that he doesn't find remotely objectionable and probably says all the time IN LATE DECEMBER WHEN IT'S FUCKING APPROPRIATE!

Lastly, "challenge" other like-minded simpletons to do the same. As if it were some sort of an act of bravery to give the coffee lady a fake name. Like it isn't just a stupid joke that people do all the time. Like Bart Simpson has done about a million times.

Except that your fake name isn't clever or funny and the Starbucks employee isn't fooled by it because it doesn't sound like a real name.

And that's how to be an asshole!

Rick Santorum is a silly, silly man

Rick Santorum is, believe it or not, still technically running for president.

And here's proof:
(Via)

. . . in an effort to remind us all he’s out there, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide, Santorum sent out a delightful fundraising letter today, captured by Dave Weigel at the Washington Post. 

     

President Obama is chicken!
Yeah, I said it… because someone had to!


 Yeah, no. No one had to say that. No one had to lob a juvenile playground taunt at the president. Especially one that seems based on absolutely nothing.
 If you're going to call someone "chicken," you have to be able to back that up with something. You have to be able to say "President Obama is chicken. I totally double-dog-dared him to jump off the top of the monkey bars and he totally wouldn't."



President Obama is chicken!
Yeah, I said it… because someone had to!
I’ve dealt with the liberal mainstream media for years. They hate us!


 Okay, see. . . that doesn't follow. If you're going to open with "President Obama is chicken," you need to follow that with "but I'm totally not. I'm the bravest boy in the world. This one time, I went to a cemetery at night all by myself." You can't follow up "Obama is chicken" with "boy, don't you hate that mainstream press?" That's not a smooth segue. It's not a segue at all. It's more like a jarring jump-cut for no reason.



I’ve dealt with the liberal mainstream media for years. They hate us!
But last week’s CNBC debate was a joke and everyone knows it!

Well, when you put up a slate of candidates that look like the cast of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, you can hardly  be surprised it turns into a joke.

Now President Obama mocks us – CONSERVATIVES - for standing up to CNBC? Give me a break! He doesn’t have the guts to appear with Sean Hannity or Mark Levin, let alone take on radical world leaders!

Well, sure, if by "standing up to" you mean whining and crying about how the big meanies at CNBC  were so unfair to you, then sure. You totally stood up to them.
And also, sure the President should totally take time out of his busy schedule to go on with one of the most ridiculous right-wing hacks on FOX and/or some guy I never heard of who apparently has a radio show, you know, if he wasn't so scared of them.

 

I’ve taken on the ladies of The View. I’ve gone toe-to-toe with Bill Maher. And I’ve debated Rachel Maddow and won.

 AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! The Ladies of the View!
Ooh, you took on Raven Symone and lived to tell the tale?

You stood up to the Fearsome Foursome and survived?

 I'm scared just looking at them!

Also, you may well have debated Rachel Maddow, but I promise you you didn't win.

More importantly, I’ve taken on ISIS and Iran.

When?
When have you taken on ISIS?
I'm pretty sure it would have been on the news if you had strapped on a helmet, picked up a weapon and flown to Syria to take on ISIS.

 

It's really disturbing how much "cute kid soldier" clip-art is out there.

You're just lying. Even your glue-sniffing, cousin-loving supporters aren't going to believe that you've "Taken on ISIS and Iran." How can you just throw that out without anything to back it up?

Unless. . . do you mean that you've "said bad things" about ISIS and Iran? That you've wagged your finger or shaken your fist at ISIS and Iran?
Did you give them the frowning of a lifetime?

 

I’ve taken on ISIS and Iran. They know who I am and I know who they are! 

Okay. But honestly, pretty much everyone knows who ISIS and Iraq are. Whether they know who you are is somewhat less likely. But if they do, I assure you, they are laughing.
Because Rick Santorum, you are a silly, silly man!

Ben Carson is some kind of moron.

I'm beginning to think that either Ben carson is not really a doctor or he is the most extreme example of an idiot-savant the world has ever seen.

Ben Carson believes Joseph built Egypt’s pyramids to store grain

“My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain,” Carson said in a 1998 commencement speech at Andrews University,

Super.
Your personal theory means nothing. you have no training in history or archaeology or Egyptology, or any relevant field. Your theory is as valid as my theories on astro-physics.

“Now all the archaeologists think that they were made for the pharaohs’ graves. But, you know, it would have to be something awfully big — when you stop and think about it, and I don’t think it’d just disappear over the course of time — to store that much grain.”

This:



This is what you think they used to store grain. This.
You think they needed a place to store grain, so instead of, say, a silo, they went with a gargantuan structure that would take years to build and is almost entirely solid stone? So that only a tiny percentage of this structure could be used for storage?
Do you think that the Egyptians built an empire by being stupid?
Let's build a 450-foot tall stone monstrosity that will cost us millions of whatever we ancient Egyptians use for money, take years to build and has a tiny room in which we can store some grain, and then if someone can find their way through the maze of tunnels into that room and then find their way back out, then it's grain for everyone!


And then. Then. When the pharaoh dies. When the monarch, the most revered and respected man in the nation, the man believed to be the descendant of the gods themselves, when that man passed on to the realm of the dead, the Egyptian people carefully preserved his body then said "hell, I dunno. Just chuck him into the grain storage thing, I guess." This is what you think happened?



And people want this man to be president!

Maybe the internet wasn't such a great idea.

Because now we have things like this:
(Via)

I just have to share this... because it has got to piss off PTB.
Who would have known... I have been looking at cures for Candida, ever since I hit one of those ads on conspiracy sites for freeze dried food, and all that, there was one for Candida cure, but they wanted over $150 bucks. I knew of course it was some savvy internet marketer cashing in... So I did a little research...

Okay, you know that whenever one of these people say they "did their own research," it means they went to InsaneConspiracyTheories.Com and pretended that that was the same thing as doing actual scientific studies.
(Also, PTB seems to stand for "powers that be?")

Eventually it lead me to an article by Dr Jennifer Daniels. Who was talking about a cure that was used by the poor folks in her Grandmother's time

Okay, stop right there. There is a reason that whatever you're about to suggest was used only by poor people, ie people who couldn't afford doctors or medicine. And there is also a reason why it hasn't been used since your grandmother's time. And they're the same reason. It Doesn't Work. If it worked, people would still be using it.

I found more articles... I had just uncovered another goldmine.

Um, yeah. If it was a goldmine, someone'd be mining it. They wouldn't be giving out maps to the goldmine on the god damn internet!

This next bit probably made more sense in the original gibberish:

Another suppressed conspiracy (will post all these articles. Who would have thought that taking 100% pure gum spirits cures parasites, fungus, cancers!) But then again the big secret is that all these things are related. Then there is arthritis, rheumatism, allergies, autism... guess what more relation... it's all about parasites due to lack of healthy bacteria.

And 100% gum spirits? What exactly is that? Googling, googling. . . .Holy Fuck, it's turpentine!

Well surely they're not suggesting that turpentine. . . be taken. . . no. Not internally? Or externally? I mean, you have to wear gloves when working with turpentine because it's like super skin-burny and caustic and it's fucking poison!

Then I read the Rockefellers used to sell kerosene as a cancer cure, until of course they moved over to the far more lucrative chemo-therapy, and everyone knows the poop on that.... And I heard Eastern European references to kerosene, but just assumed that they must have been talking about something else.. apparently not... 

Oh fer fuck sake. People used to sell snake-oil as a cure for shit too. They sold cheap booze, opium and cocaine as cure-alls. It's a fraud.  If Rockefeller ever did sell turpentine as mediceine, and I have no idea if he did, then he was even more of a scumbag than we already knew he was.

Now of course your first reaction is danger, you'll kill your liver,

Yeah, if you don't die first from your stomach lining dissolving.

Now of course your first reaction is danger, you'll kill your liver, well apparently that is not the case either,

Sure, science and medicine and common sense say that that is the case, but. . . um. . .  it is apparent? I guess? That they are all wrong?

and this is in fact "hidden" in the MSDS documents, which put a huge focus on getting it in your lungs, but as one author says, getting water in your lungs could kill you... (good point)

Oh, I get it. Because the writers of the MSDS didn't think it was necessary to spend a lot of time emphasizing the obvious point that you shouldn't drink deadly poisons, that indicates that it's probably fine to drink! Well, let's just apply that principle to every aspect of life! No one has ever told me not to shave my head with a cheese grater, so it's a pretty safe assumption that cheese-grater-shaving is the safest and most effective form of hair maintenance.

And like urine therapy, it is hidden in plain site.

That's not therapy! Drinking your own piss is not therapy! At best, it does nothing for you. Except make you a gross, revolting monstrous creature that no one wants to kiss.

I had come across a video series called "my strange addiction" it's mostly women (or so it seems) who have bizarre fetishes to eat things like chalk, dirt (actually I knew that was good for you...) sponges, deodorant, drywall, plastic, nail polish, etc (crazy I know...) and this one girl was addicted to compulsively drinking gasoline! like little cups of it, sipping it! But you know, don't knock her, she has just revealed something to us... taking small tinctures is definitely not as dangerous as we thought.

So, it's possible to not die from drinking poison in small amounts. Eureka! What a revelation! Let's all drink caustic industrial chemicals. After all, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger, right? That's just science!

You know, there's also a show called "Intervention" that shows people who ingest really heroic amounts of heroin, meth, Oxycontin and other drugs. And they don't die. So all those things must have tons of health benefits that "they" don't want you to know about!



And by the way, this is the drinking gasoline video she links to:





 "It makes my tongue numb, like burns a little bit. I feel light headed." Yeah, sounds pretty healthy to me!

The most compelling point for me, that hit home was the rise of all these diseases we get today can be tied to molds, mildews, fungus, candidiasis, why? Because we live in the age of ANTI-BIOTICS.... and that was a big mistake, mercury may be a factor in autism, but it may in fact be because the body creates more parasitical bacteria that is attracted to the mercury in the first place.

Okay, none of that is true. Some diseases are caused by molds, but most are caused by viruses and bacteria. And mercury does not cause autism, nor does it cause the body to create more bacteria. Other than that, though, you may be on to something!

In fact I would definitely say based on my reading of the Old Testament it was super obvious that they were very serious about molds and mildews, and explains why they developed such ritualistic behaviours around these cleanliness behaviours, literally becoming religious edicts.

Well, there's no scientific text more authoritative than the Old Testament!

the original 'unclean' if you handled something that had mold, the instructions were to isolate that person, burn the item, burn your clothes! etc. They KNEW... (but they didn't seem to know about pine oils and resins?... hmm... and my understanding is that there are pine trees in Lebanon???? (ok, that's another story... )

Um, yeah. They didn't know about pine resins. Because they didn't know anything about science. Or medicine. But even they weren't crazy enough to drink turpentine!