Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Defeat ISIS with this one weird trick!

Okay, it's actually 7 weird tricks, but Dr. Ben Carson has the solution to defeating ISIS.





Ben Carson: Destroy ISIS with these 7 steps


http://anewdomain.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Screen-Shot-2015-10-26-at-12.51.07-PM-810x444.png


Guaranteed to work! Just as surely as the pyramids are filled with corn!







  • Congress must formally declare war on ISIS.

  • Yeah, because all we're doing now is dropping bombs on them. If we get a formal declaration of war, which you probably wouldn't because the only way Congress can issue a declaration of war is if the President asks for one and if President Obama asked for a declaration of war against ISIS, Congress would probably pass the "Defense of ISIS" bill, but if we did officially declare war on ISIS, then what? American soldiers on the ground in Iraq? Again? Honestly, it's been done to death.





  • The U.S. should lead the formation of a military coalition in the Middle East.

  •  With whom? Which countries do you think are going to be up for yet another coalition of the sort of grudgingly willing to fight yet another endless war in the Middle East?




  • The U.S. coalition should establish a “massive” military force of Sunni Syrian men to take on ISIS.

  • You mean like the Iraqi army we've been training for the last 10 years? The ones who saw ISIS coming and thought "fuck it, this isn't even my home town," dropped their weapons and fled?

    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/20140201/4967957/monty-python-run-away-o.gif


    Granted, those were mostly Shia, because we kicked  the Sunnis out of the Army, leaving them to form ISIS, but sure, we'd probably get tons of Sunni men to go to war against their fellow Sunnis. You know, if Uncle Sam is the one asking. They'd be greeted as liberators!




  • A refugee safe zone should be established in Syria. 

  • How? How would that happen? Who would be establishing and protecting this "safe zone?" The Syrians? Their country is in shambles. If there was any zone that was safe, they'd be in it. How do you think someone is going to walk into the middle of the chaos of a civil war and say "hey, fellas? From now on, um, this section here is, like, off-limits for killing, mmkay?"





  • Congress should establish a war-time emergency visa and immigration policy.  



  • Um, "no vacancy" is not really an immigration policy. We actually have an immigration policy already. It allows for refugees to come in to the "safe zone" known as the US, provided they pass enough checks and jump through enough hoops. An emergency war-time immigration policy might be a good idea if that policy is "get these refugees in here, get them safe, then we'll sort things out," but I'm pretty sure you meant the opposite of that because you are afraid of  refugees because you are a coward.

    http://www.jta.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/syriarefugees1.jpg

    Oh my God, they're terrifying!



  • U.S. military personnel should patrol the U.S. southern border and designated areas along the northern border.


  • Yes, we need to stop ISIS militants from storming over the borders from their strongholds in Guadalajara and Montreal!

    https://www.explorica.ca/~/media/Images/tour-collection-images/canadian-history.ashx

    Oh, God. Here they come!



  • The U.S. should designate the Muslim Brotherhood and similar organizations as terrorist organizations, and fully investigate the Council on American-Islamic Relations.


  • Yes. Let's investigate the group whose goal is to improve relations between Muslims and the West. They sound pretty dangerous.
    Also, you lost the right to do these kinds of investigations sometime between claiming that Huma Abedin was a Muslim Brotherhood mole and the fourth or fifth Benghazi sideshow.


    http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.466360!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/alg-weiner-abedin-jpg.jpg
    Huma Abedin. The Muslim extremist with the Jewish husband. 


     

    Monday, December 14, 2015

    Horrific solutions to made-up problems


    Made-up problem number one: Scary foreign types moving in to Georgia.

    Georgia governor Nathan Deal was, of course, one of the governors who said that he wouldn't allow any of those shifty, treacherous refugees into his state, forgetting that the South lost the Civil war so he doesn't actually get to make his own immigration policy. So, anyway a Syrian family has been re-settled in the state of Georgia over his stupid, spiteful, pointless objections. But Gov. deal has a solution to this non-problem. He's gonna starve 'em out!


    The state of Georgia won't process the application for food stamps and other state benefits filed by a newly arrived Syrian refugee family last week, the state Department of Human Services confirmed to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Thursday.
    The Department of Human Services sent a memo in November ordering employees not to process the applications of Syrian refugees after Gov. Nathan Deal (R) issued an executive order telling all state agencies to stop any involvement with the resettlement of refugees from Syria.



    http://www.picgifs.com/reaction-gifs/reaction-gifs/confused/confused011.gif

    You know, if you want to make sure that these newly-arrived guests in our country don't ever become radicalized and turn against us, the best way is to deny them food. No one ever did anything bad because they were desperate to feed their families. Except that prick Valjean, and I'll get him yet!

    Seriously, though. Is this even legal?

    The federal government has told Deal that he must roll back his executive order in order to comply with federal law. Jessica Shanin, associate administrator at the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, wrote a letter to the state in November warning that denying food stamps to Syrian refugees would violate federal law, noting that states cannot discriminate based on national origin or religion.


    Oh, okay then. That's the end of that, right?

    The state Division of Family and Child Services responded and said that they would continue to follow Deal's order. And the governor has said he won't budge on his decision not to administer food stamps to Syrian refugees.

    http://etherealoriginate.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/But-why.jpg


    Why? Why would you not change your behavior when it has been pointed out to you that said behavior is illegal? You're the governor of a state, you can't just go around breaking the law. I mean, apparently you can, because this is Tea Party America and federal laws are now optional and there's no Eisenhower to send in the National Guard to enforce them, but still. You shouldn't. You shouldn't break the law. Seems like that used to go without saying.



    Made-up problem number two: Homeless people maybe having sex sometimes?

    Women no longer accepted at homeless shelter after "sex problem"

    http://38.media.tumblr.com/a4950e5eb82100c4a806ef2fad9303f7/tumblr_n1pqftmEwE1qlujrso9_r1_250.gif


    That can't be right. that headline has to be misleading click-bait or something, right?

    WILLIAMSBURG, Ky. (WYMT) - A homeless shelter in Williamsburg will no longer accept women as a way to stop people from having sex.

    The director at Emergency Christian Ministries said people are having sex at the shelter and they cannot accept that.
    "It seems like these last days it's getting worse ... the ungodly type," Director Billy Woodward said.


    https://media.giphy.com/media/MRLc0oJPeTcIw/giphy.gif


    Really? Are people really hooking up at your homeless shelter? Really? Because I can't imagine that being homeless and in a shelter, a place with, I assume, very little privacy, is going to put anyone in the mood for love. I mean, being homeless has got to be incredibly depressing, I'm guessing taking care of basic hygiene is a difficulty, how is all this sexy funtime happening at a shelter?

    “I don’t know if what’s happening, uh, if it’s a whole because they know it’s a men and women’s shelter, they say, ‘well, we’re homeless — maybe we can find somebody, a mate or something,” he explained, adding that “if they done it right, they’d be fine but they go overboard with it.” Woodward did not explain how they could “done it right.”

    Um, I'm sorry. Are you saying that you suspect that people are using a homeless shelter as a singles bar? You honestly think people are going in to your shelter hoping to meet someone and get lucky? Is that really what you believe?

    Okay, let's say you're right. Let's say men and women are sneaking into each other's dorms for a little un-sanctioned action. Why kick out the women? Because, A: I guarantee you if there is any funny business going on, it ain't the ladies who are initiating it. and B: Women are much more vulnerable on the streets. Way worse things can happen to them out there than can happen to men. Why kick out the women?

    Oh, and children. You're also turning away children.

    According to WYMT, Woodward said he would accept a male child “if his father and he were homeless,” but would not accept single mothers and their children because, in his words, “of the female factor.”

    http://45.media.tumblr.com/f8a22deacbea5ed1c946f8774b2ae48f/tumblr_n32a0etAeo1rzik3go1_500.gif 



     You're seriously throwing women and children out on the streets - in December -- because you're that afraid that people might have some sex? Women and children!


    http://www.kirkwilcox.com/Comics/mob2.png


    You are putting women and children into a situation where they could die of exposure because you're afraid someone might get some. Think about what you're doing here. You'd rather put someone into a position where she could be raped rather than take a chance on her having consensual sex. That is horrific.




    Thursday, December 10, 2015

    Bad Christmas Songs - Volume IV

    Time for the Daily Irritant's fourth quasi-annual salute to Christmas songs with bad lyrics.


    Previous editions here, here, and here.

    To begin with, here's one I hadn't ever heard before this year.


    The Happiest Christmas Tree

    I'm the happiest Christmas tree
    Hoo hoo hoo, hee hee hee
    Someone came and they found me
    And took me home with them



    Really? You're happy about this? There you were, out in the forest, minding your own business when someone chopped you off at the ankles, tied you to the roof of their car like you were the Romneys' dog, and hung decorations on you so they could sit around you and sing carols while they watch you die. because, make no mistake about it, you are going to die in that house. No matter how much water they put into that dish that holds the stub where your roots used to be, you are going to slowly starve in front of this family and they will toss you out on the curb like yesterday's trash.

    Being the happiest Christmas tree is like being the happiest Thanksgiving turkey. Nothing good is going to happen to you.




    Our second entry is a song I have heard before, but never really paid attention to the lyrics.
    I t starts out sounding kind of cloyingly cute:

    I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas
    (S. Tepper, R. Bennett, 1955)

    Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas
    Mommy and Daddy are mad.
    I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
    'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.


    Okay, so far so good. At this point I'm thinking "what did you do to make mommy and daddy so mad? Get caught with your hand in the cookie jar? Stay up past your bedtime?" You'd think so, but holy fuck!

    I broke my bat on Johnny's head;
    Somebody snitched on me.


     What the fuck? You broke your bat over someone's head? Are you in the mafia?

    http://t.fod4.com/t/eb454775aa/c480x270_50.jpg

     That's not cute. That's not funny. That's not being a mischievous child. That's being a psychopath. That's more Sammy the Bull than Dennis the Menace.

    I spilled some ink on Mommy's rug;
    I made Tommy eat a bug;



     Jeezus, this kid's the neighborhood bully. He's going to grow up to be a serial killer. This is a terrible song for Christmas. This should be a Halloween song.

     I put a tack on teacher's chair
    Somebody snitched on me.
    I tied a knot in Susie's hair
    Somebody snitched on me.
    I did a dance on Mommy's plants
    Climbed a tree and tore my pants
    Filled the sugar bowl with ants
    Somebody snitched on me.


    Good! Someone should have snitched on you. They should've done more than that. They should've called the police on you.  Johnny's probably dead now, you know. And you're worried that you're going to miss out on Christmas presents because someone snitched on you? What a little thug!


     https://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/filepicker%2F8ZDhYfTT3ubodfG7QsUc_snitches_get_stitches.jpg


    Our third selection is one that i hear every year and it drives me up the wall every year.

    "The Holiday Season (Happy Holiday)"
    Kay Thompson

    It's the holiday season
    And Santa Claus is coming back
    The Christmas snow is white on the ground
    When old Santa gets into town
    He'll be coming down the chimney, down
    Coming down the chimney, down


    Why? Why the extra "down?" It makes no sense. "He'll be coming down the chimney" is sufficient. It's a complete sentence, it expresses the intended action, it doesn't need another superfluous word tacked on to the end for no reason. Adding the extra "down" on the end just ruins the sentence. It makes sense without it. With the extra word, it's nonsense.

    And that might be forgivable (no, it wouldn't) if the rest of the lyrics weren't trying so hard to sound like a 1950's  North Beach hepcat with lines like:

    It's the holiday season
    With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock
    And don't forget to hang up your sock



    Geez, I can't believe the word "daddy-o" didn't force its way in.


    Anyway, don't let the bad songs ruin your holidays. Here's a good one:






    Tuesday, December 8, 2015

    Terrible Ideas



    Yesterday, the new Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, summed up his House Republican agenda – vowing to pursue legislation that would frame a stark choice for voters in 2016.
    



“Our No. 1 goal for the next year is to put together a complete alternative to the left’s agenda,” he said.


    Okay, that's how you know you have no ideas. When your entire agenda is "whatever they're doing, let's do the opposite."
    Well, I shouldn't say "no ideas." Because Ryan does have a few terrible ones.


    https://media.giphy.com/media/L7DUwZJZc4agU/giphy.gif


    Although, to be fair, they're pretty much the same bad ideas that Republicans have been promoting since at least the 1980's.

    Here are what Robert Reich calls "Paul Ryan's 7 Terrible Ideas"


    http://images.sodahead.com/polls/001732697/3025505138_polls_TerribleIdeas_1738_426687_answer_3_xlarge_answer_2_xlarge.png




    1. Reduce the top income-tax rate to 25% from the current 39%. 

    Because when your number one fake domestic concern is the deficit, the first thing you want to do is take in less revenue. Now, sure it's never worked, can't work and won't work, but that's no reason to stop doing it now!

    You know, if Ronald Reagan couldn't make Reaganomics work, what the hell chance do you think you have?

    2. Cut corporate taxes to 25% from the current 35%

    See above.

    3. Slash spending on domestic programs like food stamps and education for poor districts.

    Well, the downside is that this would make life even worse for people who already have it tough. But on the other hand, it would do virtually nothing about the deficit.
    Wait, what's the upside again? 


    4. Turn Medicaid and other federal programs for the poor into block grants for the states, and let the states decide how to allocate them.

    Even Florida?


    http://images1.miaminewtimes.com/imager/replica-of-the-simpsons-springfiel/u/original/6556806/simpsonsflorida.jpg

    5. Turn Medicare into vouchers that don’t keep up with increases in healthcare costs. 

    Because fuck old people and their "medicine" and "doctors." 


    6.  Deal with rising Social Security costs by raising the retirement age for Social Security. 

    Sure, we could raise the cap, but wouldn't be easier to just make people labor into their seventies? I mean, what, they think they should be able to retire with dignity? Ha! Should have been born rich. Like, say, Paul Ryan.


    7. Finally, let the minimum wage continue to decline as inflation eats it away.

    Nothing makes a country great like having tons of working people living in dire poverty!



    http://media.makeameme.org/created/your-ideas-are-vo9s3g.jpg









    Thursday, December 3, 2015

    A disgusting response to a despicable act.




    Erick Erickson may have had the most revolting reaction to the Planned parenthood terror attack in Colorado:


    The Most Surprising Thing About the Colorado Springs Shooting



    This past Friday, a lunatic who lived in a shack with no running water or electricity killed three people in Colorado Springs, CO. He wound up going into a Planned Parenthood facility. Three people were killed. None of those were abortionists or patients. A pro-life Christian preacher/police officer was one of the victims.


     And since the gunman didn't ask for identification to see who were the doctors and who were the patients and just shot at everyone who was in the Planned Parenthood clinic, clearly that proves that this had nothing to do with abortion. Guy just wanted to shoot people, I guess. Go figure.


     At 3:30pm on Friday, while the facts were shifting and things were still unknown, I was already getting emails from leftists blaming me, my rhetoric, RedState, talk radio, Center for Medical Progress videos, etc. for the killings. Again, at that time the facts were still unknown and even now a lot of facts are unknown. The man was neither a church goer nor a pro-life activist. He was a lunatic.

     He was a "lunatic" who said "no more baby parts" when being taken into custody. His motivation is NOT 'unknown." And he was clearly inspired by the fraudulent, deceptively-edited videos from "center for Medical Progress" and all the figures on the right who have been disingenuously bleating on about PP supposedly selling baby parts.

    But the left had its narrative. It had been searching for a moral equivalence since Paris and could not resist the fundraising opportunity to claim pro-life Christians were even a bigger threat than muslims. After all, according to the left, if someone shoots up a Planned Parenthood facility, it is proof that all Christians are one degree away from a terrorist related rampage. But when a Muslim walks into a place screaming “Allahu Akbar,” it’s just workplace violence.


     No one said that. No one has ever said any such thing. No one has ever said that any of the many acts and threats of violence directed at abortion providers is any sort of indication of the temperament of "all Christians." Everyone knows that the set "All Christians" contains everyone from Scott Roeder and Tim McVeigh to Jimmy Carter and Mother Theresa. You are just lying.
    And no one has ever claimed that acts of terrorism committed by Muslim fanatics are "just workplace violence." I know that's a thing on the right, to claim that Barack Obama said that about the Fort Hood shooting, but the thing is, he never said that. The official reports from the military classified the murders as "workplace violence" because they had to check off a category and there wasn't a box marked "killed by domestic terrorist" because that had never happened on an Army base before. No one was trying to downplay the seriousness of the Fort Hood murders. But you knew that, you're just being a lying sack of shitweasels again.


    Oh, and also, there is a moral equivalence between gunmen who murder in the name of Allah and gunmne who murder in the name of Jesus. They're both twisted, depraved terrorists and this scumbag in Colorado does not represent Christianity any more than the gunmen in Paris represent Islam. No one has to "search" for a moral equivalence. It's right out there in plain sight. .



    Now, up until this point this is just typical Erick Erickson right-wing dissembling bullshit. But now it's about to get really shocking:

    There is one surprising thing about the Colorado Springs shooting at the Planned Parenthood clinic. It is that it is a rare event.

    Um. . . rare?

    http://apps.voxmedia.com/at/vox-violence-against-abortion-clinics-and-providers/?initialWidth=755&childId=vox-violence-against-abortion-clinics-and-providers__graphic

    (click for bigger version)

    A) violent attacks on abortion providers really aren't all that rare, and
    B) The rareness is surprising to you? Are you saying what it seems like you're saying? Are you saying "geez, given the constant incitement to violence being spewed out on right-wing airwaves and websites, it's really surprising that more members of our unhinged, unstable audience doesn't commit murder against the people we constantly demonize and vilify." Cuz that's the only reason I can think of that you'd be surprised by the relative rarity of these attacks.

     According to NARAL, there have been eight people killed and seventeen injured in attacks on American abortion providers in twenty-five years. And they have been getting rarer: this is only the second such killing – after the 2009 murder of George Tiller – in this century. In Chicago alone over Thanksgiving weekend, there were eight people killed and twenty wounded.

    Okay, hold on a second here. You're saying 8 killed and 17injured. But those aren't the number of attacks, those are the numbers of casualties. According to the National Abortion Federation: "There have been at least 73 successful attacks on American abortion clinics since 1997. Forty of those acts of violence were arson attacks, including four in 2012. There have also been 20 attacks aimed at abortion providers themselves with different weapons, either shootings, stabbings, or acid attacks."  
    So, even if your numbers are correct, they're intentionally misleading. Just because these "Army of God/Operation Rescue" types aren't very good at violent attacks doesn't mean they aren't trying them.

    It really is surprising more Planned Parenthood facilities and abortionists are not being targeted. It speaks to the pro-life movement being faith based and turning to their better angels.

    Surprising? You mean disappointing?
    And which "better angels" told someone to throw acid at abortion doctors 19 times in three states in 1998? Which "better angels" came up with the idea to commit seven arsons in 1999? (source) If those are the better angels, I'd hate to meet the worse ones.

    The left is desperate to compare the American pro-life movement to terrorists. They damn well better be glad Christians follow a faith that tells them to honor and pray for their leaders, follow the law, love everyone, and let the state and not the individual act as the sword bearer for God.

    What the fuck?
    Jeezus, I don't even know where to begin with this shit. Honor and pray for their leaders? You mean like the president of the United States? When has anyone in the "pro-life" movement, or in any of the subsets of the Conservative movement ever honored President Obama?
    I know there have been some pro-lifers praying for him:

    Christian Pastor Preaches For Death Of Obama And Calls His Mother A Whore

    n 2009 Pastor Anderson told his congregation that his disdain for the President wasn’t because of Obama’s policies, but that he actually hated Obama himself.  He said that he prays every night that President Obama will die and go directly to hell.
    “And I’m going to tell you something. I hate Barack Obama. You say, well, you just mean you don’t like what he stands for. No, I hate the person. Oh, you mean you just don’t like his policies. No, I hate him.”
    “And you’re going to tell me that I’m supposed to pray for the socialist devil murderer infanticide who wants to see young children and he wants to see babies killed through abortion, you’re gonna tell me I’m supposed to pray for God to give him a good lunch tomorrow when he’s in Phoenix, Arizona. Nope, I’m not gonna pray for his good. I’m going to pray that he dies and goes to Hell…When I go to bed tonight, Stephen J. Anderson is going to pray for Barack Obama to die and go to Hell.”

    Kansas GOP speaker's prayer for President Obama's death



    Wiley Drake Prays For Obama's Death
    Submitted by Kyle Mantyla on Thursday, 6/4/2009 4:39 pm
    The other day I noted that Wiley Drake, Alan Keyes' vice-presidential running mate, had declared that George Tiller's murder had been the answer to his "imprecatory" prayers.
    Now Drake has proclaimed that he is likewise issuing such prayers against President Obama in hopes that he also dies:
    A former Southern Baptist Convention officer who on June 2 called the death of abortion provider George Tiller an answer to prayer said later in the day he is also praying "imprecatory prayer" against President Obama.

    Oh, and "follow the law?" You mean other than the laws against murder, arson, assault, making terrorist threats, bombing, vandalism and blocking access to clinics? Other than that, yeah your movement is really big on law-following. Oh, and it goes without saying that you looooove everyone!

    https://cdn-webimages.wimages.net/0518eb1559af52133586316d4c06a52bf36a1c-wm.jpghttp://i.huffpost.com/gen/1301486/images/o-KANSAS-ABORTION-facebook.jpg

    https://publichealthwatch.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/anti-choice-violence1.jpg



    The pro-life movement is most typically represented by men like Garret Swasey, who though pro-life and Christian, worked as a police officer to save lives in Colorado Springs, CO.

    No. No it is not. The "pro-life" movement is most typically represented by the people who block the sidewalk in front of clinics and scream "baby killer!!!" at women going in.


    Cecile Richards is about the closest we have come in the United States to Joseph Mengele. Under her leadership at Planned Parenthood, doctors have been killing children and harvesting the children’s organs. In some cases, the children are born alive. In some case, whole children are born and then carved up.
    This has all been caught on tape repeatedly. The media and left would prefer you ignore it. They’d prefer you believe the tapes were altered, edited, or fabricated. But we should not be ashamed of speaking the truth. It is the truth that Planned Parenthood sells baby parts and its employees were caught on tape talking about the value, the sale, and the altering of abortion procedures to preserve organs for sale.
    Planned Parenthood butchers millions of children.
    A) None of that is true. The videos have been exposed as fraudulent. Several red states have launched investigations of PP and none have been able to find any wrongdoing.
    B) Comparing someone, anyone, to Mengele is the sickest type of character assassination imaginable. It's beyond despicable and maybe even slanderous.
    and
    C) this is the type of rhetoric that gets people like this Colorado Springs "lunatic" to act out violently.

    Given the public light shed on the atrocities committed by Planned Parenthood and both the government and media’s turning a blind eye to it, dismissing it, laughing it off, or lying about it, it really should be surprising that Americans convicted of the need to stop the murder of children have not taken the law into their own hands.


    But it's not the law. The law says that abortion is legal and donating fetal tissue to research facilities is legal. So when a pro-lifer commits acts of terrorism against Planned Parenthood, he is doing the opposite of taking the law into his own hands. Taking the law into your own hands is like hunting down the guy who shot your brother and killing him like in an old western. What you're talking about is just murdering people that have a different point of view. And the more that you say how surprising it is that there aren't more of these killings, the more it sounds like you're encouraging them.  Especially when you spin these lurid fantasies of children being butchered like the cover of "Yesterday and Today, " and tell your demented readership that the law is powerless to stop the alleged slaughter of innocents and boy, isn't it surprising that there aren't more people willing to stand up and fight these monsters? You have blood on your hands, you know it, and I'm guessing that you don't care.


    PS for our younger readers:
    http://buythebutchercover.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/The-Beatles-Butcher-Cover.jpg

    PPS:
    Going to California for a few days to visit family. Regular blogging should resume mid-week.