Thursday, December 17, 2015

On Second Thought. . .

. . .maybe it's best that you don't show up to work at all, Marco.


Marco Rubio Pushes to Block Low-Cost, High-Speed Broadband

In a rare senatorial act, full-time Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio joined with a handful of fellow legislators on Friday in an attempt to block local municipalities from undercutting big telecom companies by providing cheap, fast internet service
Rubio, who is raising campaign cash from the telecom industry for his presidential campaign, fired off a letter to the Federal Communications Commission asking the agency to allow states to block municipal broadband services.


Because conservatives really love local governance, ya know.
So a city, say Chatanooga, decides that it wants to offer its citizens low-cost broadband access. And it does and everyone's happy.
For less than $70 a month, [Chattanooga] consumers enjoy an ultrahigh-speed fiber-optic connection that transfers data at one gigabit per second. That is 50 times the average speed for homes in the rest of the country, and just as rapid as service in Hong Kong, which has the fastest Internet in the world. (source)

Rubio, and his fellow free-marketeers in the Senate's teabagging society, would like the state government of Tennessee to be able to step in and outlaw the city doing something good for its citizens.

Rubio, who notoriously has pretty much stopped showing up to work because he "hates it" there, decided that this was actually worth taking time away from his quixotic campaign for president and actually doing something.

For Rubio, it's not enough that he not do anything that might benefit people, he wants to prevent anyone else from doing anything that might be beneficial.

And, in true neo-Confederate fashion, he phrased his twisted logic in the language of "states' rights."

Rubio joined Sens. Deb Fischer, Ron Johnson, John Cornyn, Pat Roberts, John Barrasso, Michael Enzi, and Tim Scott in protesting the Commission’s interference in “overriding [Tennessee and North Carolina’s] sovereign authority to regulate their own municipalities.”

Hmm, suddenly you're all in favor of government regulations? How odd. I wonder why that might be?


Few candidates have closer ties to corporate telecom interests than Marco Rubio. AT&T lobbyist Scott Weaver, who works as the public policy co-chair of high-powered DC law firm Wiley Rein, is a close Rubio associate. Weaver, also assisting in litigation against the FCC to curb municipal broadband, is one of three lobbyist money-bundlers working on behalf of the Rubio campaign. He has raised at least $33,000 so far for the Florida senator.
Rubio has lived off AT&T’s generosity since his days in the Florida legislature, spending hundreds of thousands of dollars, including $22,000 in personal expenses, on a state Republican Party American Express card that was paid each month with funds donated by AT&T and other special interest

 Oh, and here's the best part:

"The [Federal Communications Commission] is promoting government-owned networks at the possible expense of private sector broadband providers," the letter reads. "The FCC should not be in the business of choosing winners and losers in the competitive broadband marketplace."


Um, okay, first of all, in most places, the broadband market is not very competitive. How many choices do you have where you live for  broadband service? Here, we have Comcast, AT&T, and I'm not sure if Clear is still around, but it's not like shopping for shoes or something where there are dozens of brands to choose from. There are very limited options. And a municipal broadband provider makes the market MORE competetive. The more competing providers there are, the more competeitive the market - it's the definition of the word! And if the for-profit companies can't compete with the municipal provider, hey tough luck. That's how the market is supposed to work, right? That's what capitalists have been preaching since forever, survival of the fittest, right? Whoever provides the best product at the best price thrives while competing companies either adapt and improve or fall by the wayside.

Plus, people like this. If people don't like municipal broadband, they won't sign up for it and it will go under. Problem solved. But since people do want this, and the city is willing and able to provide it, how do you justify the big boot of government crushing the city's efforts under its heel? (that's capitalist talk, right? I'm sorry, I'm not really fluent.)

 So, seriously Marco. Just go back to your flailing, moribund presidential campaign. Don't try to govern. We're better off with you doing nothing.


Things that made me think of other things

1. Saw "Frozen" on an airplane.


https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-RhuwLTmtAg/mqdefault.jpg


It made me think of this:










2. Saw this cat video on Tumblr









It made me think of this:


http://45.media.tumblr.com/c90ce8a3a94845c292cbeaea23486914/tumblr_n3puge4CjB1rti868o1_r3_400.gif

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Defeat ISIS with this one weird trick!

Okay, it's actually 7 weird tricks, but Dr. Ben Carson has the solution to defeating ISIS.





Ben Carson: Destroy ISIS with these 7 steps


http://anewdomain.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Screen-Shot-2015-10-26-at-12.51.07-PM-810x444.png


Guaranteed to work! Just as surely as the pyramids are filled with corn!







  • Congress must formally declare war on ISIS.

  • Yeah, because all we're doing now is dropping bombs on them. If we get a formal declaration of war, which you probably wouldn't because the only way Congress can issue a declaration of war is if the President asks for one and if President Obama asked for a declaration of war against ISIS, Congress would probably pass the "Defense of ISIS" bill, but if we did officially declare war on ISIS, then what? American soldiers on the ground in Iraq? Again? Honestly, it's been done to death.





  • The U.S. should lead the formation of a military coalition in the Middle East.

  •  With whom? Which countries do you think are going to be up for yet another coalition of the sort of grudgingly willing to fight yet another endless war in the Middle East?




  • The U.S. coalition should establish a “massive” military force of Sunni Syrian men to take on ISIS.

  • You mean like the Iraqi army we've been training for the last 10 years? The ones who saw ISIS coming and thought "fuck it, this isn't even my home town," dropped their weapons and fled?

    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/20140201/4967957/monty-python-run-away-o.gif


    Granted, those were mostly Shia, because we kicked  the Sunnis out of the Army, leaving them to form ISIS, but sure, we'd probably get tons of Sunni men to go to war against their fellow Sunnis. You know, if Uncle Sam is the one asking. They'd be greeted as liberators!




  • A refugee safe zone should be established in Syria. 

  • How? How would that happen? Who would be establishing and protecting this "safe zone?" The Syrians? Their country is in shambles. If there was any zone that was safe, they'd be in it. How do you think someone is going to walk into the middle of the chaos of a civil war and say "hey, fellas? From now on, um, this section here is, like, off-limits for killing, mmkay?"





  • Congress should establish a war-time emergency visa and immigration policy.  



  • Um, "no vacancy" is not really an immigration policy. We actually have an immigration policy already. It allows for refugees to come in to the "safe zone" known as the US, provided they pass enough checks and jump through enough hoops. An emergency war-time immigration policy might be a good idea if that policy is "get these refugees in here, get them safe, then we'll sort things out," but I'm pretty sure you meant the opposite of that because you are afraid of  refugees because you are a coward.

    http://www.jta.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/syriarefugees1.jpg

    Oh my God, they're terrifying!



  • U.S. military personnel should patrol the U.S. southern border and designated areas along the northern border.


  • Yes, we need to stop ISIS militants from storming over the borders from their strongholds in Guadalajara and Montreal!

    https://www.explorica.ca/~/media/Images/tour-collection-images/canadian-history.ashx

    Oh, God. Here they come!



  • The U.S. should designate the Muslim Brotherhood and similar organizations as terrorist organizations, and fully investigate the Council on American-Islamic Relations.


  • Yes. Let's investigate the group whose goal is to improve relations between Muslims and the West. They sound pretty dangerous.
    Also, you lost the right to do these kinds of investigations sometime between claiming that Huma Abedin was a Muslim Brotherhood mole and the fourth or fifth Benghazi sideshow.


    http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.466360!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/alg-weiner-abedin-jpg.jpg
    Huma Abedin. The Muslim extremist with the Jewish husband. 


     

    Monday, December 14, 2015

    Horrific solutions to made-up problems


    Made-up problem number one: Scary foreign types moving in to Georgia.

    Georgia governor Nathan Deal was, of course, one of the governors who said that he wouldn't allow any of those shifty, treacherous refugees into his state, forgetting that the South lost the Civil war so he doesn't actually get to make his own immigration policy. So, anyway a Syrian family has been re-settled in the state of Georgia over his stupid, spiteful, pointless objections. But Gov. deal has a solution to this non-problem. He's gonna starve 'em out!


    The state of Georgia won't process the application for food stamps and other state benefits filed by a newly arrived Syrian refugee family last week, the state Department of Human Services confirmed to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Thursday.
    The Department of Human Services sent a memo in November ordering employees not to process the applications of Syrian refugees after Gov. Nathan Deal (R) issued an executive order telling all state agencies to stop any involvement with the resettlement of refugees from Syria.



    http://www.picgifs.com/reaction-gifs/reaction-gifs/confused/confused011.gif

    You know, if you want to make sure that these newly-arrived guests in our country don't ever become radicalized and turn against us, the best way is to deny them food. No one ever did anything bad because they were desperate to feed their families. Except that prick Valjean, and I'll get him yet!

    Seriously, though. Is this even legal?

    The federal government has told Deal that he must roll back his executive order in order to comply with federal law. Jessica Shanin, associate administrator at the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, wrote a letter to the state in November warning that denying food stamps to Syrian refugees would violate federal law, noting that states cannot discriminate based on national origin or religion.


    Oh, okay then. That's the end of that, right?

    The state Division of Family and Child Services responded and said that they would continue to follow Deal's order. And the governor has said he won't budge on his decision not to administer food stamps to Syrian refugees.

    http://etherealoriginate.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/But-why.jpg


    Why? Why would you not change your behavior when it has been pointed out to you that said behavior is illegal? You're the governor of a state, you can't just go around breaking the law. I mean, apparently you can, because this is Tea Party America and federal laws are now optional and there's no Eisenhower to send in the National Guard to enforce them, but still. You shouldn't. You shouldn't break the law. Seems like that used to go without saying.



    Made-up problem number two: Homeless people maybe having sex sometimes?

    Women no longer accepted at homeless shelter after "sex problem"

    http://38.media.tumblr.com/a4950e5eb82100c4a806ef2fad9303f7/tumblr_n1pqftmEwE1qlujrso9_r1_250.gif


    That can't be right. that headline has to be misleading click-bait or something, right?

    WILLIAMSBURG, Ky. (WYMT) - A homeless shelter in Williamsburg will no longer accept women as a way to stop people from having sex.

    The director at Emergency Christian Ministries said people are having sex at the shelter and they cannot accept that.
    "It seems like these last days it's getting worse ... the ungodly type," Director Billy Woodward said.


    https://media.giphy.com/media/MRLc0oJPeTcIw/giphy.gif


    Really? Are people really hooking up at your homeless shelter? Really? Because I can't imagine that being homeless and in a shelter, a place with, I assume, very little privacy, is going to put anyone in the mood for love. I mean, being homeless has got to be incredibly depressing, I'm guessing taking care of basic hygiene is a difficulty, how is all this sexy funtime happening at a shelter?

    “I don’t know if what’s happening, uh, if it’s a whole because they know it’s a men and women’s shelter, they say, ‘well, we’re homeless — maybe we can find somebody, a mate or something,” he explained, adding that “if they done it right, they’d be fine but they go overboard with it.” Woodward did not explain how they could “done it right.”

    Um, I'm sorry. Are you saying that you suspect that people are using a homeless shelter as a singles bar? You honestly think people are going in to your shelter hoping to meet someone and get lucky? Is that really what you believe?

    Okay, let's say you're right. Let's say men and women are sneaking into each other's dorms for a little un-sanctioned action. Why kick out the women? Because, A: I guarantee you if there is any funny business going on, it ain't the ladies who are initiating it. and B: Women are much more vulnerable on the streets. Way worse things can happen to them out there than can happen to men. Why kick out the women?

    Oh, and children. You're also turning away children.

    According to WYMT, Woodward said he would accept a male child “if his father and he were homeless,” but would not accept single mothers and their children because, in his words, “of the female factor.”

    http://45.media.tumblr.com/f8a22deacbea5ed1c946f8774b2ae48f/tumblr_n32a0etAeo1rzik3go1_500.gif 



     You're seriously throwing women and children out on the streets - in December -- because you're that afraid that people might have some sex? Women and children!


    http://www.kirkwilcox.com/Comics/mob2.png


    You are putting women and children into a situation where they could die of exposure because you're afraid someone might get some. Think about what you're doing here. You'd rather put someone into a position where she could be raped rather than take a chance on her having consensual sex. That is horrific.




    Thursday, December 10, 2015

    Bad Christmas Songs - Volume IV

    Time for the Daily Irritant's fourth quasi-annual salute to Christmas songs with bad lyrics.


    Previous editions here, here, and here.

    To begin with, here's one I hadn't ever heard before this year.


    The Happiest Christmas Tree

    I'm the happiest Christmas tree
    Hoo hoo hoo, hee hee hee
    Someone came and they found me
    And took me home with them



    Really? You're happy about this? There you were, out in the forest, minding your own business when someone chopped you off at the ankles, tied you to the roof of their car like you were the Romneys' dog, and hung decorations on you so they could sit around you and sing carols while they watch you die. because, make no mistake about it, you are going to die in that house. No matter how much water they put into that dish that holds the stub where your roots used to be, you are going to slowly starve in front of this family and they will toss you out on the curb like yesterday's trash.

    Being the happiest Christmas tree is like being the happiest Thanksgiving turkey. Nothing good is going to happen to you.




    Our second entry is a song I have heard before, but never really paid attention to the lyrics.
    I t starts out sounding kind of cloyingly cute:

    I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas
    (S. Tepper, R. Bennett, 1955)

    Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas
    Mommy and Daddy are mad.
    I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
    'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.


    Okay, so far so good. At this point I'm thinking "what did you do to make mommy and daddy so mad? Get caught with your hand in the cookie jar? Stay up past your bedtime?" You'd think so, but holy fuck!

    I broke my bat on Johnny's head;
    Somebody snitched on me.


     What the fuck? You broke your bat over someone's head? Are you in the mafia?

    http://t.fod4.com/t/eb454775aa/c480x270_50.jpg

     That's not cute. That's not funny. That's not being a mischievous child. That's being a psychopath. That's more Sammy the Bull than Dennis the Menace.

    I spilled some ink on Mommy's rug;
    I made Tommy eat a bug;



     Jeezus, this kid's the neighborhood bully. He's going to grow up to be a serial killer. This is a terrible song for Christmas. This should be a Halloween song.

     I put a tack on teacher's chair
    Somebody snitched on me.
    I tied a knot in Susie's hair
    Somebody snitched on me.
    I did a dance on Mommy's plants
    Climbed a tree and tore my pants
    Filled the sugar bowl with ants
    Somebody snitched on me.


    Good! Someone should have snitched on you. They should've done more than that. They should've called the police on you.  Johnny's probably dead now, you know. And you're worried that you're going to miss out on Christmas presents because someone snitched on you? What a little thug!


     https://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/filepicker%2F8ZDhYfTT3ubodfG7QsUc_snitches_get_stitches.jpg


    Our third selection is one that i hear every year and it drives me up the wall every year.

    "The Holiday Season (Happy Holiday)"
    Kay Thompson

    It's the holiday season
    And Santa Claus is coming back
    The Christmas snow is white on the ground
    When old Santa gets into town
    He'll be coming down the chimney, down
    Coming down the chimney, down


    Why? Why the extra "down?" It makes no sense. "He'll be coming down the chimney" is sufficient. It's a complete sentence, it expresses the intended action, it doesn't need another superfluous word tacked on to the end for no reason. Adding the extra "down" on the end just ruins the sentence. It makes sense without it. With the extra word, it's nonsense.

    And that might be forgivable (no, it wouldn't) if the rest of the lyrics weren't trying so hard to sound like a 1950's  North Beach hepcat with lines like:

    It's the holiday season
    With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock
    And don't forget to hang up your sock



    Geez, I can't believe the word "daddy-o" didn't force its way in.


    Anyway, don't let the bad songs ruin your holidays. Here's a good one: