Bad News, Ladies.

Christian Author Mack Major Says Female Masturbation Is ‘Direct Path To Satan’

Too many Christian women are losing their salvation because they masturbate. Dildos and all of those other sex toys have been used for thousands of years in demonic sex rituals. It's one of the main ways ancient pagan societies worshiped their demonic gods.

Uh oh!

Masturbation is a direct path to Satan. There's nothing normal about it. And shame on any Christian that says so.

Many of you who are reading this have sex toys in your possession right now.

Looking at you, readers of the Daily Irritant, you naughty sex piggies!

And whether you want to accept it as fact or not: those sex toys are an open portal between the demonic realm and your own life. 

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and not accept that as fact. Mainly because it is very silly and has no basis in any kind of reality and also doesn't really make a lot of sense.

 And because this would make a lousy sex toy.

“There are such things as sex demons. And the danger in masturbating is that one could inadvertently summon a sex demon to attach itself to you through the act of masturbating.

Okay, so let me see if I got this straight.
Demons are fallen angels whom God has sentenced to an eternity in Hell. They are trapped in the lake of fire for all eternity. Unless someone masturbates. That's the loophole. 

  

Every time a vibrator buzzes, a demon gets his wings!

 I bet God wishes he'd set the sentencing guidelines a bit more carefully.

 Now we'll be safe from the demons. I mean, unless someone touches her ladybusiness. 

But who would ever do that?

Sex is God's chosen method for bringing into physical existence His own children. But Satan very cleverly determined that sex could also be used to empower demonic entities via human sexual activity. And it's been his chosen method above all others to deceive and destroy humans.

Wow! So much to unpack from this short paragraph. First of all, it sounds like you're saying that Satan really outsmarted God on the whole sex thing. Also, "physical existence?" Does that mean that before our parents made us we existed in some otherwordly dimension? Like we were souls floating around waiting for our parents to make bodies for us to live in? I'm no fancy big-city theologian, but that doesn't really seem biblically sound.
Also, saying that sex is used via human sexual activity? That's like saying that bacon is used via bacon. Mmmmm, bacon. . . .

“Dildos and all of those other sex toys have been used for thousands of years in demonic sex rituals,” he wrote. “It’s one of the main ways ancient pagan societies worshiped their demonic gods.”

Really? well, according to Satan_supplies.com, your one-stop shop for satan-worship supplies (I'm not even kidding) other items used in satanic rituals include pendulums, bells and incense, so I guess I should avoid grandfather clocks, kitchen timers, and hippies?



Also, it's really odd that this whole summoning demons thing seems only to apply to female masturbation. Demons just aren't interested in dudes jacking it? It's only when a woman uses a dildo that they. . . actually, yeah, I can see that. Demons are probably all hetero males.



And speaking of dildos and vibrators. . .

Holy fuck, look at these monsters!
This is pretty much exhibit A for why you should never use the word "pussy" to refer to someone who is weak or not tough or wimpy or whatever. Banging these things is what "pussies" do for FUN! These things are terrifying!
You know what's weak and not tough and can't take the slightest hit? Testicles. If you want to call someone weak, you should call him a testicle.

Read more about the connection between sex. masturbation and demons here: https://www.edendecoded.com/blog-2/item/lust
and
https://www.facebook.com/edendecoded/?fref=nf 

It's worth a few minutes of your time!

Grover Norquist is smart, knows stuff.

Grover Norquist is apparently still around, because I guess no one has had the sense of irony to drown him in a bathtub, but not only is he still around, there is a once-prestigious newspaper that sees fit to publish his idiotic masturbation fantasies

These six new voting blocs won’t want Hillary Clinton in the White House

By Grover Norquist April 7

There are new voting blocks? What combination of activity and family member haven't we already come up with? Billiard Dads? Carpentry Moms? Shuffleboard Uncles?

Democrats have approached the 2016 presidential election with great confidence, arguing that changing demographics will guarantee them victory.

Actually, it's Republicans' willingness to nominate Trump or Cruz that gives Democrats great confidence.

By this, they mean the growing number of African Americans, Hispanics and Asian Americans expected to vote in November.

Even in print, you can hear his disapproving tone of voice.

However, other dramatic changes in the electorate over the past 30 years give Republican candidates an advantage. 

You mean the 30 years that FOX has been brainwashing the conservative portion of the electorate? Because I'm pretty sure that's the only change that could possibly favor Republicans.

  Hillary Clinton, the likely Democratic nominee, has insulted — and telegraphed her plans to damage the issues important to — these groups of Americans. Clinton began her political life in the late 1970s, and her understanding of who votes and why predates the emergence of these voting constituencies — in some cases by decades.

Yes. That's it exactly. She began her career in the 1970's and therefore is unaware of any societal changes that have taken place since 1979. For instance, she has no idea that America has finally gotten to the point where a black man could win the race for President. Or that most Americans are now totally fine with gay marriage.

 

 Is this the groovy new dance step that the hepcats are all doing in the discotheques?

So, okay. Let's hear what these new voting blocks are supposed to be.

 Home-schoolers: Thirty years ago, home schooling was illegal in almost every state. Today, all 50 states allow home schooling, and about 2 million children — nearly 4 percent of K-12 students — are home-schooled.

 Okay, 2 million homeschooled children, figure about an average of two parents for every 19 kids. . .

 

And counting!

That's a total of about. . . one hundred thousand voting-age adults. Half of whom are women, half of whom are not allowed to vote, or drive, or wear pants, or leave the kitchen. . . Yeah, that's a hell of a powerful voting block there! I see why you'd want to lead with that one!

 Charter school supporters: There are nearly 3 million students in public charter schools, an educational choice not available before 1992. Clinton has been endorsed by teachers unions, which see as a top priority bringing unionized teachers and work rules into public charter classrooms, destroying the very educational environment that parents of charter school students fought to win for their children.

 Really? I wasn't sure what Ms Clkinton's views are on charter schools (or what they will be next week - ZING!) so I Googled "Hillary Clinton + Charter Schools" and found these interesting tidbits:

Charter School Champion Hates Bernie Sanders, Prefers Hillary Clinton

And

Already, she is being pulled in opposite directions on education. The pressure is from not only the teachers who supported her once and are widely expected to back her again, but also from a group of wealthy and influential Democratic financiers who staunchly support many of the same policies — charter schools and changes to teacher tenure and testing — that the teachers’ unions have resisted throughout President Obama’s two terms in office.

 And

 

Another major Democratic donor, Eli Broad, refused requests for contributions from another friendly super PAC, and only changed his mind after personal reassurances from former President Bill Clinton and campaign chairman John Podesta that Mrs. Clinton will support charter schools.
…
He said he was reassured after conversations with Messrs. Clinton and Podesta that Mrs. Clinton would in fact support charter schools, and he said he believes she will support teacher-accountability measures. He said he now expects to financially support her campaign.
“I think when push gets to shove, she’ll be more like Bill Clinton and perhaps [Obama Education Secretary] Arne Duncan than we think right now,” he said.

So I'm not sure that the charter school folks are going to line up all that solidly against her. What else you got?

Concealed-carry permit holders:


 Say no more. Gun nuts won't vote for Hillary Clinton, I'll give you that. But gun nuts have never voted for anyone with the slightest whiff of progressivism about him/her, so this is hardly a new development.

 Fracking workers: It has historically been an easy decision for Democrats to insult and belittle the oil and gas industry. Energy workers lived in Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana and Alaska — unlikely states for a Democratic presidential candidate to win. But the emergence of fracking has opened up oil and gas exploration in Ohio, Pennsylvania and Colorado. 

Okay, let's say that people with jobs in the fracking industry will all vote against Hillary Clinton (or Bernie Sanders, this race ain't over yet). Seems like they might be offset by the block of voters whose drinking water is now flammable, or whose cows are getting sick and dying, or who suddenly have to worry about earthquakes. Seems like a wash at best.

Users of e-cigarettes and vapor products:

Oh, fer. . . no. Vapers? Vapers are a voting block? Ugh. Let's not even bother with this one.

Uber drivers and others in the sharing economy: There was no Uber before 2009. Today, there are 400,000 Uber drivers who take at least four trips a month. 

So people who need to chauffeur  a bunch of drunk strangers home from bars to supplement their income are going to vote Republican?
Sure, they might.

 Clinton watched her husband run for the presidency and win in 1992 and 1996. But that was before vaping, fracking, Uber, concealed-carry, charter schools and home schooling became prevalent in the United States.

 Yeah, it was also before Republicans had to choose between an arrogant fascistic game-show host and a Canadian theocrat whose own colleagues hate him.

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Music and Words

Recently, Debra honored me with the Music and Words Award. Thank you! (Takes bow)
Here are my answers to the accompanying questionnaire.

1. What does music mean to you?

I don't think I know how to answer that question.

I love music. I think it's one of the great joys of life. I wouldn't want to live in a world without music. But I don't know what it "means" to me. But I'm definitely in favor of it.

Here's a song I like a lot:


2. What's your first music-related memory?

Maybe seeing the Osmond Brothers perform David Bowie's "Fame" on the Donnie and Marie Show? That was so surreal it really stuck in my memory bank.


Hmm, I guess it was just Donny. I would have sworn it was the Osmond Brothers. Oh well.



3. What was the first album you purchased yourself?


The first album I remember actually going into a record store and buying was Adam Ant's "Friend or Foe." I may have bought records at garage sales before that, but that's the first one I remember buying.







4. What's the latest music you purchased?

The most recent cds I purchased were gifts for the Missus, The Cure Live in Paris and a Live Clash recording.The most recent music I bought for myself was Emmylou Harris Live at the Ryman at the friends of the library sale.





5. What's the last song you listened to? (be honest)

Mexicali Blues

Why we can't have nice things

Don Young is an actual, honest-to-God member of Congress. The United States Congress. And sure, he represents Alaska - Bedlam on Ice- but still. His vote counts the same as a representative from a normal state.
And he says things like this. Out loud. Into a microphone.

Young said that potential Democratic presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt. -- and “progressives” generally -- “don't want individualism.” 
That means the “government controlling everything you do … Everybody will be under some form of government mandate to do this, this or this,” and that includes “when to get up, what to eat, what you’re thinking, what school you’re gonna go to and what you’re going to be,” Young said.

And I don't think he's engaging in hyperbole or speaking metaphorically, or any other words too big for Don Young to understand.

He continued: “They don’t want entrepreneurship … You can’t think on your own … And whatever they do, whatever you do to benefit yourself has to go to Uncle Sam. And it’s the basis of total socialism, and that’s what they really want to do,” Young said

“I can guarantee … Hillary Clinton, Sanders, even Trump to some degree: They don’t understand where real wealth comes from. Real wealth comes from resource development,” Young said. 

Yes. The only way to gain wealth is to exploit natural resources. No one ever got rich without strip-mining,  fracking, or drilling, baby, drilling!


   


Nope, can't think of a single person who ever became wealthy by any means other than developing resources!



And Don Young (R-YouKiddingMe?) has a history of saying pretty nutty things.

Think Progress has collected a few, including:


Environmentalists are “waffle-stomping, Harvard-graduating, intellectual idiots.”

Now, how an intellectual idiot is able to graduate Harvard, I shall never know.

Yale, sure! But Harvard?

Also, what environmentalists have against waffles remains a mystery.

Young, who is a big advocate for drilling in the arctic and strongly disbelieves in climate change, said that environmentalists are a “self-centered bunch of waffle-stomping, Harvard-graduating, intellectual idiots” and “are not Americans, never have been Americans, never will be Americans.”

Ohhh, that clears it up!


Drink alone to avoid domestic violence.

If she hadn'ta been drinking with me, she'da been fine!

“”Watch the alcohol and the drugs,” he said. “You look at the relationship between violence against the loved ones you love, (it) is usually related to either one of those. And I’m going to suggest for those that may be drinking together – Stop it! If you want to drink by yourself, you may do it. But when you drink together, the possibility of harm becomes greater every day.”

  

I mean, it's not like you could just NOT do drugs or drink to excess, right? 

What are we, Mormons?

 And the all-time classic:

The BP oil spill is not an environmental disaster.

 Don Young, everyone! The TWENTY-TWO TERM Congressman from the Great state of Alaska! Yes, he's not only been elected to Congress, he's been re-elected 21 times! Even after doing this:

Your Liberal Media Strikes Again!

I am so sick of this shit




Really? John Kasich? John Kasich should be HRC's running mate?
First of all, just assuming that she's going to win when Bernie Sanders is still very much alive in this race is total bullshit. And how Chris Matthews is allowed to opine on the Democratic Party when Hillary Clinton is helping Mathews' wife run for some office or other is, well, I was going to say "shocking," but sadly, I'm not shocked at all.

But setting that aside, this is the same bullshit we've been hearing since at least 1992. When Bill Clinton won with a plurality of votes, the punditocracy came out with the idea that since Clinton didn't have a "mandate," he should really consider putting at least one Republican in his cabinet. Of course, 8 years later when G.W. Bush "won" with an actual minority of the popular vote, no such similar trope was trotted out. It was full steam ahead, time to re-make this country in the image of Dubya!
Now Matthews wants John Kasich to be Hillary's running mate? Fuck that!
First of all, I am so sick of the double standard that Democrats are always expected to reach out across the aisle and offer olive branches and compromise and yada, yada, yada.
Republicans are encouraged to play to their base. Democrats are always encouraged to ignore, abandon, and even repudiate theirs. Every Democratic candidate is supposed to come up with his/her own "Sister Souljah" moment to prove that they aren't beholden to the populist left.

Also, since when is John Kasich a "moderate?"
Sure, he doesn't froth at the mouth like Ted Cruz or encourage violence at his rallies like Trump, but since when does being relatively sane equal moderation?
Just Google Kasich + moderate and you'll find inconvenient facts like:

In 2013, Kasich approved a budget that included some of the harshest anti-abortion legislation in the country. . .
The only state in America that has closed more clinics than Ohio is the state of Texas. Ted Cruz had better watch his back if he wants to remain the poster boy for right-wing extremism.  John Kasich might give him a run for his money.  (Salon)

Across the state he has made an enemy of public sector unions, teachers and environmentalists with attacks on collective bargaining, cuts to funding of public schools alongside scandals in the charter school education sector, and enthusiastic support for oil and gas production via fracking – even though that has not brought as much prosperity to the state as some think. (Guardian.com)

He would cut the top marginal tax rate to 28 percent, reduce the capital gains tax to 15 percent and repeal the estate tax, a long-standing conservative goal.
Kasich wants to cut Social Security as part of his plan to balance the budget. When a New Hampshire audience member said a lower monthly benefit would be a problem for him, Kasich told him to “get over it.” (MSNBC)

And this is the guy Matthews thinks should be added to the DEMOCRATIC ticket. Fuck Chris Matthews. That guy is the absolute worst!