Screwy Louie is Really Screwy

This is actually worth watching. Pour yourself a couple fingers of good Kentucky bourbon and revel in this.  Just marvel at the fact that this is a grown man with an education and this is actually what he thinks.





So, first of all he refers to a man who "doesn't know which he is" by which I assume he means a transgendered man. I really am shocked that in 2016 anyone is still going with the "oh, he's just confused" approach to LGBT folks.
And where in the Hell does Screwy Louie come up with the idea that throughout our history, trans men have been "loved and encouraged?"

 Even in our supposedly enlightened age, I'm pretty sure that LGBT people still face a sickening amount of  undeserved opprobrium, mockery, and violence. What time in our history is Gomer referring to when the dominant cis/het culture looked at their LGBT brethren and sistren with love and understanding, taking pity upon them while trying to help them find their way out of their confusion? Up until very recently, one could be jailed for being homosexual or transgendered. I mean, one still could in a lot of horrible places, but a generation ago, one could in civilized countries like England.  (Sexual Offences Act 1967)

 Then he rues the fact that "we now have a government that says 'forget what the Bible says., forget what Moses says.'" Well good! That's what they're supposed to do. This is not a theocracy. We don't stone disobedient children or make rape victims marry their attackers anymore either. (well, most of us don't)

And as far as Jesus saying "what God has joined together let no man put asunder," that's an argument against divorce. It has nothing to do with gay marriage, or transgendered people or whatever the hell he's on about.

Oh, but we haven't even gotten to the really stupid part yet.

First he claims that the founders believed that Jesus was part of the Holy Trinity. Honestly, this is an argument we need to stop having. Because, if you want to believe that the Founding Fathers were devout Christians, you can find plenty of examples of Founding Fathers who were devout Christians. If you want to believe that the Founding fathers were deist intellectuals, you can find plenty of examples of Founding fathers who were Deist intellectuals. The Founding Fathers couldn't agree on much, that's why the Constitution is littered with things known as the "Great Compromise," the "three-fifths compromise," etc. They were not a monolithic group. It's stupid to say that the founders believed something or didn't believe it. Because on pretty much any subject, some believed it and some didn't. Hell, these bastards couldn't even agree on whether black people should be counted as human beings.

Also, in the time of the Founding Fathers, people believed that the best cure for any ailment was to open up a vein and drain out some of that faulty blood. Would you like to resume that practice, or do you enjoy having modern medicine?

Then he makes the weird argument that if you don't believe in God, you should be worried about what will happen when you meet God. Which is something like Woody Allen saying that he is an atheist but is afraid that God is going to punish him for it. Only not clever. Just weird.

But that's still not the really stupid part.


At about the 2:00 mark, Screwy Louie starts talking about what if an asteroid was coming to destroy earth like it did to the dinosaurs which, I guess I have to give him credit for realizing that dinosaurs were real and didn't die off in the Flood. But what if we had to go to Mars like Matt Damon?

Okay, first of all, if there was a humanity-destroying-sized asteroid headed toward Earth, instead of sending Matt Damon to go colonize Mars, why not just send Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck to blow it up?






And if you could put 40 people on a spaceship, how many would be same-sex couples? Really?
Okay, number one, I wouldn't put any couples on that spaceship. Because if the goal is to perpetuate the species (and honestly, what have we ever done as a species to deserve to be perpetualted?) but if the goal is to populate Mars, you're going to want a whole lot more women than men. because if watching Judge Judy has taught us nothing else, it's that one man can easily impregnate multiple women. So I'm thinking maybe like 25 women and 15 men? So basically, I want Mormons.

 

I'd send everyone in this picture to outer space right now, asteroid or no asteroid.

Also, I'm pretty sure if the survival of humanity depended upon it, gay men and lesbians could spend the occasional evening together for reproductive purposes. Most of the gay folks I know have had hetero relationships at some point and I'm pretty sure that human life wasn't hanging in the balance. Hell, I know one gay man who fathered 2 wonderful children before he finally couldn't take living that lie anymore. So if he could do it, I'm pretty sure gay astronauts could close their eyes and picture Brad Pitt for the few minutes it would take to save the human race. Hell, if you strand two straight guys on a desert island with no women, they'll be banging each other by sundown. Pretty sure it could work the other way 'round, too.

Then he seems to think that someone has "abolished" the first words of the First Amendment, and I'm not even sure how that would work, but the first words of the First Amendment are: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion. 
Now, Louie was just saying, like a minute ago, that our government is ignoring the words of God and Moses and Jesus which is exactly what the government must do in order to fulfill the words of the First Amendment, so I'm really getting confused now. 







Also, no one is prohibiting the free exercise of religion. It's not even worth going into, but in the USofA, you can practice whatever religion you want. You know this, you lightbulb-headed old hick.


Oh, and the US was founded by the grace of God? As an instrument to bless the world?  I gotta think the Almighty must have regretted that move once he saw what we did to the Native Americans and people we kidnapped from Africa.




We've had enough blessings, thank you.

And he ends with the best closing line ever. "This nation. . . is still a fact!"
Yes, Gomer. It is. This nation really is still a fact. Now maybe go have a lie down?

Charlie Daniels is a very silly man.

So Charlie Daniels has a message. A message for the EyeYa-Toll-Ah and the terrisits.





First of all, I love how this is presented as a message to the Ayatollah. I picture somewhere in Tehran, a harried aide rushing into the office
"your holiness, a message! From Charlie Daniels!"
"You mean that fiddle player who had a couple hits back in the Seventies? Assemble my advisors!"

And then he says "you may have met our fresh-faced, flower-child president and his weak-kneed Ivy-League friends." To which I assume the "terrisits" would respond "you mean the guy who sends drones to bomb the fuck out of  our people every day? The guy who sent the SEALS in to put a bullet in bin Laden's eye? That fresh-faced flower child?"

Also, why is "fresh-faced" an insult? Because the President washes his face and is clean-shaven, that's supposed to mean he's somehow deficient in some masculinity or something? Did you mean "baby-faced?" Also, why is "Ivy League" only an insult when it applies to Barack Obama or Bill Clinton, people who actually earned their way into our country's most prestigious Universities? Why isn't it an insult for Yale legacies?

"But you haven't met Amerrrrica! You haven't met the Heartland."
Oh, God. Here we go with the Sarah Palin "real America" bullshit.

"the people who will defend this nation with their bloody, calloused bare hands"

Yeah, okay. Let me just stop you there. That won't be neceessary. I don't know if you're aware of this, but we actually have an Army. And a Navy, and Air Force and a Marine Corps. Your bare-knuckle defenses will definitely not be needed.

Why I'll give that Ayatollah a sound thrashing!

I'll certainly give him what-for, eh?

And if Iran were to invade the United States, they would come with guns and bombs and what-not, so your bloody bare hands wouldn't stand much of a chance, but thanks anyway.

"You haven't met the steelworkers, or the hard-rock miners."

Do we still have steelworkers? Isn't all our steel production done overseas now?

Also, I don't know what you think "hard-rock mining" looks like, but nowadays, it looks a lot more like this:

. . .than this:





"or the swamp folks in cajun country that can wrestle a full grown gator out of the water."

First of all, is that even true? I mean, I know there are guys who wrassle gators. But they do it on dry land. I wouldn't think you could get a gator out of the water, he's going to be much more agile in the wtaer than a person. But either way, your gator-rasslin' skills will not really be relevant if there is either an invasion or a terrorist attack. No one was looking at the carnage at Ground Zero thinking "if only someone from swamp country had been here to rassle those planes away."

 "you haven't met the farmers, the cowboys, the loggers, the truck drivers"

The truck drivers? I work with truck drivers every day and they are not an intimidating lot. Half of them can barely reach the steering wheel over their third-trimester beer bellies. These are guys and gals who make a living sitting down. They can barely walk from the cab to the receiving door without getting winded. Truck drivers! Please.

Also, are there still cowboys? Are there still cattle drives going on in this country?

Doesn't count.

"you don't know the mountain men who live off the land."

Is that still a thing? Are there still wild men living off the land up in the mountains? I mean, Eric Rudolph did it for a while, but I assume the terrorists do know him, being in the same line of work and all. Or maybe Charlie thinks that the Revenant took place in modern times?

Wait, so DiCaprio didn't really fight a bear?

"or the brave cops who fight the good fight in the urban war zones."

Okay, the less said about that the better, but Charlie, we all know what you mean when you say "Urban."  Dog whistles really ought to be a bit more subtle.

You know, when this started, I figured Charlie was still stuck in the Seventies, still mad at the Ayatollah. But now I think maybe he is in an eralier century all togetenr.

NBA lookalikes

Watching the Western conference finals between the Golden State Warriors and the Oklahoma City Thunder, I can't help but notice some look-alikes.


Warriors assistant coach Luke Walton

Looks like Ben Affleck

Warriors center Festus Ezeli

Looks like Luther star Idris Elba

Thunder center Enis Kantor

Looks like Freddy Mercury

Warriors forward Mo Speights

Looks like George Foreman

Thunder forward Kevin Durant

Looks like The Wire actor Wood Harris

Warriors Guard Klay Thompson

Looks like Jay Sherman's son Marty with a goatee

Warriors head coach Steve Kerr

Looks like Neil Patrick Harris

 

Thunder center Steven Adams

Looks like Captain Morgan

 

Bad Ads - Infiniti

I assume, and correct me if I'm wrong, that for a young LGBT person, coming out to one's parents is probably one of the scariest, most gut-wrenching things you can do. Knowing that your parents may reject you, may disown you, may treat you with contempt. . . I can't imagine how much nerve it would take. One woman I know told me that when she came out, her mother said "you sicken me." They've since repaired their relationship, but still, that had to be an unimaginably hurtful thing to hear.

So to take something this fraught with emotional hazards, so angst-filled and use it as a cheap joke to sell your cars is sinking pretty damn low.





And even if it weren't offensive, it's just a really stupid ad. Why in the hell would the father be upset by his son's choice of  rich-guy douchemobile?
Goddammit, we're a BMW family, how dare you turn your back on your heritage?
If he had told his father he was converting to Islam or something. It's a fucking car, who would possibly be that butthurt over a fucking car?

 

Who has two thumbs and hates you for your choice of auto? This guy!

And there is nothing in this ad to recommend the Infinit. They don't ever say that it outperforms the BMW or is more reliable or holds its resale value better. It's just this idiotic idea that "just because your father drives a Beemer doesn't mean you can't buy an entirely different luxury sedan. Oh, sure, it's likely to upset the old guard, the traditionalists will never accept it, but you're the new Pepsi generation and you don't have to play by their stuffy old rules." which no one has ever thought ever.
No one is sitting around with $50k burning a hole in his pocket thinking "man, I wish I had the guts to buy an Infinit! But I'm not a courageous man, I'll probably just by a BMW so no one gets upset. Damn this middle-child syndrome! When is it MY turn to be happy?"


Also, fuck you, Infiniti, for trivializing the "coming out" experience. Taking a flippant, jocular approach to what is often (I assume) an extremely painful and highly anxiety-filled moent in many a young person's life is just really shameful.

Bowling Green Babies

Saw these in a park in Bowling Green, KY. If anyone knows what kind of duck that is that has polka-dotted babies, please let me know in the comments.