Showing posts with label the crazy pants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the crazy pants. Show all posts

Monday, September 7, 2009

Being Glenn Beck

Today, I try to imagine how things look in the mind of someone like Glenn Beck.

September 07, 2009

U.S. President Barack Obama attends an AFL-CIO Labor Day picnic at Coney Island in Cincinnati, September 7, 2009. (Reuters)

Controversial school speech posted


And it's more insidious than anyone could have imagined!

Prepared text of Obama's speech to school students

OBAMA: Hello, everyone — how's everybody doing today? I'm here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia.

A grown man fraternizing with underage high-school girls! Disgusting!

I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school.

Where I come from, that's called rubbing it in!

And no matter what grade you're in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer, and you could've stayed in bed just a little longer this morning.

In bed? He doesn't even try to hide the sexual innuendo!

I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia for a few years,

It's like he's saying that it'e OK to have lived in Indonesia. Which is not even part of
America!

and my mother didn't have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school.

Shamelessly admitting that he's not really an American!

So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday — at 4:30 in the morning. Now I wasn't too happy about getting up that early.

Obviously a slam at home-schoolers!

Every single one of you has something you're good at. Every single one of you has something to offer.

Sounds suspiciously like "from each according to his ability," eh comrade?


Maybe you could be a good writer — maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper —

Encouraging children to grow up to be a part of the liberal media elite!

You'll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS,

A cure for God's punishment for people who have sex? And women who get breast cancer because they shamelessly have breasts? Who does he think he is?

We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems.

Passing our nation's problems on to the children? Have you no shame?

If you don't do that — if you quit on school — you're not just quitting on yourself, you're quitting on your country.

You mean nothing as an individual. You have importance only in as much as you can be of service to the state! Sound pretty Hitlerey/Staliney to me!


Now I know it's not always easy to do well in school.

Wow! The soft bigotry of lowered expectations! Why not just tell them to give up?
My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother

As if that's OK! Way to encourage the breakdown of the nuclear family!

a single mother who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn't always able to give us things the other kids had.

Fomenting class resentment! A slippery slope leading to BOLSHEVISM!

Jazmin didn't speak English when she first started school. Hardly anyone in her hometown went to college, and neither of her parents had gone either. But she worked hard, earned good grades, got a scholarship to Brown University, and is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to being Dr. Jazmin Perez.

Oh, sure! Scholarships for illegal aliens! I'll bet a deserving citizen had to give up his place at Brown to accommodate Little Miss Jumping Bean!

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career.

Why do you have to tear down anyone who is successful? Why do you hate success? You notice no one from the mainstream press will ask Obama that! Even Micheal Jordan is probably afraid to confront him lest he be attacked by ACORN Thugs.

If you get in trouble, that doesn't mean you're a troublemaker,

Yes, that's exactly what it means. Quit being soft on crime! Lock him up and throw away the key!

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.

Don't you mean Allah?


You know what? That is kinda fun! I should put on the crazy pants more often!















Sunday, July 19, 2009

Who's Wearing the Crazy Pants Today?


Why it's Randy Sharp, of the American Family Association.
The AFA has a large supply of crazy pants, so all its members can have at least one pair!

Here's Randy's advice for husbands:

Husbands, love your wives – build hedges

Hedges?

My marriage hedges are nothing more than a few simple rules, cultivated over 23 years of marriage. They are designed to protect me, my wife, and my children from a lifetime of suspicion, hurt, and mistrust.

They’re all based on one simple premise, “If I take care of the way things look, I take care of the way things are.”

They're all based on this patently false premise? Ooh, Let's hear 'em!

Hedge #1 -- I do not allow myself to be alone with a woman who is not my wife or immediate family member … EVER … EVER! By doing so, I’ve completely eliminated the possibility that anything inappropriate will take place. I am especially careful at work, where most extra-marital relationships begin. Therefore, I also make it a practice not to engage in conversation with another woman regarding her or my personal life.

Yes, we can all learn a thing or two from fundamentalist Muslims.
I actually have a simpler way to avoid having an extra-marital affair, I love my wife. So I can converse with women without jumping on them like a leg-humping puppy. But living a normal life isn't for everyone!

And by the way, ladies,
if you were married to this:










Would you be all that concerned about him straying? I mean, his wife may feel obligated to occasionally touch him, but who the hell else would?

Hedge #2 -- On work-related trips out of town, I take a family member with me if at all possible. My wife or one of my daughters goes with me.

Yikes! Is it really that difficult to keep it in your pants? "Oh, if my wife or daughter isn't with me, my weiner might accidentally fall in a lady!"

Hedge #3 -- I will not stay at hotels where pornography is available. Before I make a reservation, I ensure that the hotel does not offer pay-per-view or free adult programming. I use www.CleanHotels.com,
an online site that lets me know which hotels are safe.

You mean there are enough guys like you to support a website dedicated to finding hotels with a lack of porn? I think most folks who don't want to see porn just don't order it on pay-per-view. It's really not that difficult. Oh, and I do appreciate you letting me know that something which begins "www" and ends in ".com" is an online site. I would have spent hours wandering through the mall looking for the CleanHotels store, and there would have been women there other than my wife, and inevitably, an affair would have ensued.

Hedge #4 -- I let my wife know where I am at all times. With cell phone and texting technology so available, my wife appreciates my thinking of her.

Is that what she tells you?
I know women are from Venus, men are from Mars and all that, but I'm pretty sure that "God! Can't you give me a moment's fucking peace?" means pretty much the same thing in any language.

So Congratulations Randy Sharp!
It's your turn to wear the crazy pants!