2013: The Year in Television

If you know me at all, and you don't, you know that I love me some television. So without further ado, the Daily Irritant is proud to present THE YEAR IN TELEVISION!

Best New Trend:
Original Programming on Netflix. Two of my favorite shows of this year were Netflix originals: Orange is the New Black and Derek with Ricky Gervais.

 

And, although I didn't care for House of Cards, I couldn't stand Kevin Spacey talking to the camera with that ridiculous Lindsey Graham accent, the missus loved it, and I think most people did too. So I'm counting that as another win for Netflix.

Best Network Sitcom:
I know, it's damning with faint praise, since the networks insist on churning out dreck like The Big Bang Theory and 2 1/2 Men, but ABC has stumbled onto something good with Super Fun Night.

And star Rebel Wilson continues another positive trend: the funny fat woman. For years, we've had funny fat men, from Oliver Hardy to John Belushi to Chris Farley, but even in comedies, women were always expected to be traditionally pretty/hot in order to be on camera.  Melissa McCarthy blazed the trail a few years ago, and now Saturday Night Live has its first "plus-sized" woman cast member, Aidy Bryant. Now Rebel Wilson has her own show and she is KILLING it!

Most Addictive Show:

Scandal.





This drama somehow managed to fly under my radar until this year when some of my wife's co-workers strongly recommended it To be honest, I almost gave up on this show after one episode because it was a little corny, what with the hero-worship the other characters have for lead character Olivia Pope and their ":we're not lawyers, we're gladiators in suits" schtick was bit cheesy, but both of those aspects get downplayed in later episodes, and once the plot twists started, I was hooked. we binge-watched the old episodes on Netflix and started watching it live on ABC. This show is definitely flawed, it can be slightly soap-operaish and some of the dialogue can get a bit Aaron Sorkiney, but every episode introduces a new twist and you just can't wait to see what happens next, as they strap on the water skis and head in the general direction of the shark but somehow always avoid jumping it.
Trigger warning: This show does have a problem with consent. It's not a spoiler to tell you that Olivia Pope is having an affair with a married man, but there are a few scenes in which that married man grabs her, pushes her against the wall and jams his tongue down her throat. And at least one scene where she clearly says "stop" and he doesn't. But creepily, almost every one of these scenes ends with seemingly consensual sex.  It's wrong,and I don't understands why this keeps happening in a show created by and executive-produced by a woman. But even that can't break my addiction.

Best Animated Show:
Bob's Burgers.



 I don't know how I missed this one, but I started watching it this year, and Kristen Schaal and Eugene Mirman just kill it on a weekly basis on this show. The rest of the cast is good, too, especially Megan Mullalley in a recurring role, but Mirman and Schall's gleefully anarchic shouts of pure id keep me laughing like no animated show since the glory years of the Simpsons.

Worst show that used to be good:
American Horror Story



God, season one was so good! Although, to be fair, it did run out of steam towards the end and the season finale was just awful, but for most of the year, they kept you guessing about what the hell was going on and what was going to happen next.

Season two was a bit of a train wreck. They couldn't decide whether it was going to be about the Nazi scientist and his human experiments, or about alien abduction, or about the serial killer with the worst serial-killer name in history, "Bloody Face." For a while, it seemed like maybe iut was going to be about devil possession, but the nun that got possessed just ended up being more fun, bringing a jukebox into the hospital and seducing men. Nothing scary at all. But Jessica Lange was so good that she made it all okay.

But, Lord. even Jessica Lange can't save Season Three. From the very beginning with the main character's "oh, well, I guess I'm a witch, *shrug*" voiceover, this season has been a disaster. The voiceover removed any hope of suspense as we already knew exactly what was going on. And it's never recovered. For one thing, they can't seem to make up their mind whether the witches are good or evil or neither or both. And they just seem to have been born witches which means they don't have to do any spooky, occultic ceremonies or rituals. And the main witch girl's power is that she can fuck guys to death? And she can't turn this power off, so she can never have sex with anyone she actually likes or anyone she wants to do it more than once with. What a stupid power!
But the worst sin this season commits is somehow coaxing really terrible performances from usually Oscar-worthy actresses Kathy Bates, Angela Bassett, and Gabourey Sibide. Just depressing.

Best Drama now that Breaking Bad is gone:
Hell on Wheels







I don't know where the Hell Anson Mount has been all this time, but if there's a more charismatic lead actor in television today, I sure don't know who it would be. He's great, Common is great, Colm Meany is good, the large unknown supporting cast is terrific, and if you can suspend disbelief about a group of white trash men in the 1870's accepting Common in a position of authority, the show is damn-well written. If you're not to put off by violence and gunplay, this is a really compelling drama.

I know I'm forgetting something, there were a lot of shows I really liked this year, bu that's all I can think of right now.

Steve Stockman Continues to be Disgusting

Reprehensible human being Steve Stockman tweeted this high-larious tweet today:

Rep. Steve Stockman @StockmanSenate

Follow

The best gun lubricant around.

2:58 PM - 30 Dec 2013

 

 Ooh, good one! You know what else is a great gun lubricant? The tears of parents whose children have been senselessly slaughtered! Ha! Zing!

 Oh, oh, or the tears of the surviving family members of people who get murdered in movie theaters! Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Or the sons and daughters of police officers gunned down in the line of duty by criminals who never should have had access to guns in the first place! These jokes just write themselves! 

Oh, Steve Stockman, what a clever, hilarious jokester you are! Everyone must be just ROFLing right now, except for those folks who have a shred of human decency! Lucky for you those folks don't vote in Republican primaries.

 

Tom DeLay? Seriously?

Tom DeLay is back? Seriously? That smarmy little criminal? And yes, I know his conviction was, to use a social-conservative phrase, "overturned on a technicality," but still, how have we not seen the last of this little scumbag?
 

WND EXCLUSIVE

Tom DeLay on America: Lose God, lose greatness

Cites abortion, divorce, homosexuality, debt in calling situation a 'disaster'

What do divorce, homosexuality and debt have to do with each other?

No?

 Are you sure?

 

 No, definitely couldn't be that.

I'm sorry, we were looking for "Things that Republicans pretend are scary!"

Pictured: A lovely parting gift!

Anyway, back to what we were talking about:

Former U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay, R-Texas, who was elected House majority leader in 2002 but later left office in the middle of a battle against unsubstantiated claims of money laundering, says America is losing its greatness because it has abandoned God.

 If by "unsubstantiated," you mean totally true but legally we can pretend otherwise, then sure. Unsubstantiated!

Speaking at a meeting of the Texas Tea Party Republican Women, he cited Colossians 1:16, which reads, “For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.”

He contends the verse demonstrates God created America and the Constitution, and that both should be defended for this reason alone.

DeLay told WND the Founding Fathers, “along with most of the citizens of the colonies, were religious, moral, and well educated on which was based their worldview.”

“From that worldview, they knew there was a God, and they called on Him for guidance. They knew that God and the Bible were the solutions for the tyranny they faced,” he said.

Okay, and here is where we run into a little logic trouble. Because clearly the Founding Fathers did NOT believe in the Bible verse you cited. Obviously they could not have believed in that principle, in which much of the Western World did believe, of the "Divine Right of Kings" because if they had believed that, they would have no moral justification for the Revolutionary War. You can't believe that the King has been chosen by the Almighty to be your ruler and also think that you ought to have a violent overthrow of that king. God and the Bible can't be the solutions for the "tyranny" they faced, because God is the one who put the "tyrant" in charge in the first place. Also, if you think God is going to be the solution, why bother having an armed uprising? Why not let God handle it?

You can't have it both ways. You can't believe that "whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.” applies to George Washington but not to King George. You can't say that the all authorities are "created through him and for him, except for Barack Obama, let's have a second Revolution!" If you believe that God has put authorities and rulers and powers in placed, then you goddamm well better start showing some fucking respect for the leader He has chosen. Even if He chose a black guy this time.

What the Hell is Wrong With People?

I thought I'd seen it all when they came out with a Ted Cruz coloring book.



And then I saw on Colbert that people are actually buying it. It's number one on the Amazon coloring book list which is apparently an actual best-seller list. Of course, it's possible  that people are buying it as gag gifts, I mean it is pretty funny with Ted on the cover doing the Herb Tarlek finger-guns next to a daisy tree with giant butterflies like a verse that got cut from Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.

But if I thought that product was bad, which I did, that was nothing compared to this:



 

Yes, it's the Benghazi's Murderers Mug. No, really. Here's the entire design:



Now forget for a moment how stupid this is. People buy stupid products all the time. there's definitely a market for stupid products. But let's say you're the kind of person who actually believes that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton literally murdered Benghazi. Why would you want them on your coffee mug? Why would you want your morning coffee accompanied by pictures of people you hate and that you think are murderers?

 

With my afternoon tea, I like to stare at a photo of Jeffery Dahmer!

I can't imagine the person who would buy this. Someone who hates hates HATES Obama and Clinton but needs to be reminded of that on a regular basis?What the hell is wrong with people? What would make someone want to start off their day with a dose of hate and anger? I would have thought that was the worst product ever. Then I saw this:

Yes. It's a 'not-equal" sticker. It's being sold by a group called "Mass Resistance" and being marketed like this:

 

Tired of having the homosexual "equal" sign always thrown in your face? Stick it back at them -- and counter the gay agenda -- with MassResistance's stickers!

Have some fun countering the "gay" agenda

Wow.

 This is a product for the person who wants to proudly display the message "sorry, Mr. Gay Person, but I have convinced myself that I, as a heterosexual person, am in some way superior to you. And, that being said, I  actually have gone out of my way to proclaim that no, you are NOT equal. You, Mr. gay person, are not equal to me, a mouth-breathing bag of hatred and fear, for I am a hetero!"

What the hell is wrong with people?

Who the hell is this little prick?

Before today, I had never heard of Douglas Ernst, even though, judging by his last name, we could possibly be related.  (please, God, no!)

Anyway, today Lizz Winstead tweeted a link to something he wrote about her, and it immediately raised the question "who the hell is this little prick?"

Apparently, he's this guy:


And he writes for the Moonie Times which is just synonymous with credibility and sanity in my book!

And he writes this blog:

Douglas Ernst

Bareknuckled Commentary mixed with Pop Culture.

Yeah, "bareknuckled" commentary. "Bareknuckled." Because nothing says "tough guy" like typing away on a computer. I know I feel pretty bad-ass right now!

Anyway, he has many thoughts about Lizz Winstead and none of them are good.

Now, I don't know Lizz Winstead, I've never met Lizz Winstead, I don't really know a lot about her. But I know she created The Daily Show which makes her a national fucking treasure, but let's hear what this smug little prick has to say about the great Lizz Winstead.

Lizz Winstead: Planned Parenthood’s personal narcissist

ooookayyyyyy. . . Obviously this is going to be a totally rational discussion.

Lizz Winstead has called motherhood “indentured servitude.” She recalls that even as a child she never wanted to be a mom. Perhaps. She can tell herself that. Although,  it’s also likely that the abortion she had as a teenager might have something to do with it.

Yes, I suppose it would. I suppose her desire to refrain from motherhood would have some relation to her decision to terminate a pregnancy. What the fuck point is this little prick even trying to make?
Also, she can tell herself that, but clearly Douglas Ernst has a much better idea of what she really thinks! Duh!

Liberal feminists have a long history of denigrating stay-at-home moms. One could argue that raising children (and raising them right), is quite possibly the most important job there is.

Yes. One could argue that. One could also argue that Justin Bieber is the best singer there is. One could argue pretty much anything. And if raising children correctly is the most important job there is, shouldn't people be really selective about going in to that line of work? If it's really so important, not just everyone should be doing it, there should be some sort of qualifications. You should be pleased that those who don't have an aptitude for parenthood don't choose to go into that line of work.

One could argue that raising children (and raising them right), is quite possibly the most important job there is. And yet, time and time again they act is if all the wonderful technology we have today always existed and that those evil men banished them indoors anyway. For that, Lizz only needs to travel to the Middle East… [elipses in original. This is actually the end of the paragraph.]

What the fuck does that even mean? What does wonderful technology have to do with being banished indoors? I don't even get what he's trying to say here.

Liberal feminists act as if being a mother is a “chore,” when in fact the ability to give life and then nurture it into someone who will be a good, honest contributing member of society is a blessing.

How would you know? How many babies have you given life to? You don't have a uterus, how would you know what motherhood is like?
Honestly, it does seem like it would be a chore.

Comedienne and co-creator of the Daily Show, Lizz Winstead, is Exhibit-A for the case against the liberal-feminist worldview. Or perhaps I should say Exhibit-Z4, since no one really knows who she is.

Well, she's well-known enough for you to write about her. I would venture to guess that more people know who Lizz Winstead is than know who the fuck you are.


. She states:

One time my mom gave me a stove, a toy stove, for Christmas and I was like, are you kidding?! Even at 8, I was like, cooking is not a game. You know, this is not a game. I want to be outside. I want to do anything but cook and have a baby that pees and that you call that a game. That is not a game, that is a baby that pees. That is not fun for me. That’s indentured servitude.

Indentured servitude. It takes a special kind of narcissist to refer to motherhood as “indentured servitude.”

How is that narcissistic? Not wanting to play with a pretend stove? Not wanting to get peed on by a baby? That's narcissism? And it doesn't seem like she was referring to actual motherhood, it seems like her 8-year-old self was referring to playing mother. Although one could certainly argue that actual motherhood is comparable to indentured servitude in that it is a thankless, unpaid job from which there is no getting out for 18 years.

 It takes a special kind of narcissist to refer to motherhood as “indentured servitude.” Of course, when you think the world should revolve around you that’s the logical progression of thoughts, I guess. With that said, I can’t help but think that perhaps there’s more to the story than an 8 year old little girl who never wanted to be a mommy. Perhaps Winstead’s antipathy toward motherhood doesn’t trace back to her Barbie days, but her…abortion.

The abortion again? I really think you have it backward. Not wanting to be a mother leads to having an abortion, not the other way around. How would having an abortion sour one on the idea of motherhood? If teenage Lizz had wanted to someday experience motherhood but had an abortion because she wasn't yet ready, being a teen and all, how would the abortion change her outlook? How would the abortion create an antipathy for motherhood? Think about it. It makes no sense!

If we've learned nothing else from Judge Judy, we have learned this.

 



And he includes a link to a video which I haven't watched because who has time, but he has plenty to say about it.

Please, watch the entire video. It’s a fascinating case study of denial and projection. Lizz, a staunch supporter of Planned Parenthood, talks about her experience as a 16 year old—she became pregnant the first time she had sex. In her desperation she went to a religious organization to get tested anonymously. After tests came back, besides being told that she could have the child or give it up for adoption, a woman deadpanned: “It’s either mommy or murder.”

Harsh words for a 16 year old? Sure. But what does one expect when they go to an organization that believes life begins at conception? That’s like being surprised you got pregnant after having sex without a condom. At eight Lizz was smart enough to be thinking about ‘indentured servitude,’ but at 16 she wasn’t smart enough to go to the drug store for a pack of condoms. Teenage Liz wasn’t too bright, but then again, we’re all lucky that being a good person isn’t dependent on IQ.

And someone who isn't smart enough to buy condoms is exactly the kind of person who should be doing the MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN THE WORLD (tm).
And what does being not too bright have to do with denial and/or projection? And what do any of those things have to do with Winstead's supposed narcissism?

 

Who the Fuck Knows?

The most telling takeaway from her pro-choice tale seem to be:

In response to being told she had the baby’s life to think about: “What about my life? What are my choices? … I have pom-poms in my room! I can’t be a mom! … I felt so alone … How could she be pro-life when she wasn’t pro-my-life? That wasn’t pro-life, that was profane.”

Lizz never wanted choices—she wanted an abortion.

 That's a choice!

She had a choice between abortion and not an abortion, and she chose abortion. That's what the word choice means. It means you choose the choice you want. seriously, it's not hard to understand!

Lizz never wanted choices—she wanted an abortion. And she didn’t want just an abortion, she wanted to be told that it was okay. A clinic worker who didn’t tell Lizz she could live a life without consequences was somehow “profane”? Nice try.

So she wanted to not be condemned for her choice? She wanted to not be called a murderer? She wanted to be able to control her reproductive system without having a scarlet A glued to her chest?  What a narcissist! And yes, that's really not the definition of "profane," I think she was making a pun, you know, "pro-life" /  "pro-fane?" It's a play on words.

Also, you know who probably knows what Lizz Winstead was thinking even better that Doug Ernst does? LIZZ WINSTEAD. So shut up, Douglas Ernst, you smarmy little prick!