Crazy Candidate of the Day - Dr Chaps

Gordon Klingenschmitt, or "Dr. Chaps" as he calls himself, candidate for Colorado state assembly, used to be a Navy Chaplain. He claims to have been honorably discharged from the service, but, a few seconds of Googling brought up this (source):
He was actually charged with disobeying an order and kicked out of the Navy for attending a political rally in front of the White House in March 2006 dressed in his Navy uniform, a violation of military regulations. Dozens of media reports over the years have since debunked Klingenschmitt’s dishonest statements about the nature of his court-martial.
Via Irregular Times, Captain Norm Holcomb (a fundamentalist Christian himself), says:

I was the dishonored ex-chaplain’s supervisor for the past 2 years. I found him to be totally untruthful, unethical and insubordinate. He was and is contemptuous of all authority. He was not court martialed for praying in Jesus’ name. I sent him out in uniform every week to pray at various ceremonies and functions. He always prayed in uniform and in Jesus’ name. He was never told that he could not pray in Jesus’ name. In fact, the issue of prayer had nothing at all to do with his dismissal from the Navy. He disobeyed the lawful order of a senior officer. I am sure that you understand that Navy Regulations forbid any of us, regardless of rank or position, to appear in uniform in support of any political or partisan event.
[...] He appeared in direct support of a political event, demonstrating contempt for the order of his Commanding Officer and Naval Regulations that we all swear that we will abide by…. The ex-chaplain is a man without honor and you have accepted his story and in doing so you have had “the wool pulled over your eyes.”

So, technically, his discharge may have been "honorable," but come on.

If you're having trouble sleeping, go to his website and watch his zzz-inducing video, where he rambles on and on and on about his supposed accomplishments for almost nine fucking minutes!

Here are some of his "qualifications."

BUSINESS LEADER:

M.B.A., created two corporations, met payroll, patent applicant, inventor, entrepreneur

 

Patent "applicant!" Because, you know, not just anyone can apply for a patent. . . oh, wait!

Also, claims to have created two businesses, does not give name of either.

COURAGE UNDER FIRE:

As a Navy Chaplain, took a stand for 1st Amendment Religious Freedom to pray "in Jesus' name."  Vindicated by Act of Congress ('06)

See above.

COMPASSIONATE ADVOCATE

 

Pro-Life: Organized Personhood initiatives in 5 states affirming that Inalienable Rights Trump lesser "rights"

Also capitalizer of random Words.

Pro-Marriage:

 opposed Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, Defended DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act), Opposed ENDA infringement

 What does ENDA have to do with marriage? Hey, who knows? That's like asking why someone would use so many different fonts on one resume! Some things are just mysteries.

And Dr. Chaps is not afraid to stand up to those dastardly liberals, either:

Gordon Klingenschmitt will stand up to the liberals in Denver to:

 

DEFEND your First & Second Amendment rights, and the WHOLE rule of law!

 

CUT unnecessary tax increases illegally imposed without a vote of the people!

 

REVERSE the trend of full-time jobs being converted to part-time jobs!

 

PROTECT the elderly and innocent children from abuse and fetal homicide!

Yes, he will protect the WHOLE rule of law. Except for Roe v. Wade.
And the Affordable care act.
And any judicial decisions forbidding discrimination.
And taxes.
And, well you get the picture.

But more importantly, Dr. Chaps will stand up to those liberals who are, um, converting your full-time jobs into part-time? Are they really, um, are they doing that? It's not private businesses doing that? The private businesses with whom government must never interfere and on whom government must never put any regulations? Dr. Chaps is going to tell those private businesses that they have to make you full-time again? For freedom?

 Let's take a look at some of  Dr. Chaps' positions on important issues of the day. shall we?

On marijuana legalization:

"There is a demonic spirit of drunkenness," Klingenschmitt said, "but this drunkenness, this desire for pleasure where we invite these spirits into us ... and why do you think you have hallucinations? These spiritual visions that you have are not just biological; they're actually demonic"

Oh, that explains a lot:



 Of course, marijuana doesn't actually cause hallucinations, but if it did, you can bet they'd be demonic!

On the Affordable Care act? Here he is on the Ed show.

 

I think?

 

Chaplain Klingenschmitt: Obamacare takes healthcare away from, a half a billion dollars was taken away from old people, from Medicare to fund basically a slew of people who refuse to get jobs. …





John Fugelsang: . . . So I’d like to ask the chaplain if I could, Jesus never at any point in the gospels condemns abortion even though people were terminating pregnancies at the time. He does however come out quite frequently against killing the sinner through the death penalty. So have you sir ever once protested your tax dollars being taken to fund state sanctioned killing. …
Chaplain Klingenschmitt: Jesus said in Mark 15 that if anyone disobeys or dishonors his mother or father he should be put to death. Jesus said in Luke 17.


 So, I guess we'll be having the death penalty for smart-alecky children, then?


Here's his stance on ENDA, the employment non-discrimination act I mean the Death to Christianity! Act.

“If ENDA becomes law, Christians will be bankrupted in all 50 states, ordered to choose between obedience to God (refusing to participate in sin) and remaining in business. The First Amendment guarantees our freedom from such burden. The Government is now ordering you: Forsake God or starve to death. I pray that I would choose bankruptcy, starvation, even death, before disobedience to God.”

That seems a reasonable objection.



I mean, it's common knowledge that every act passed by the federal government is designed to in some way bring harm to Christians. That's why there are no Christians in the halls of Congress ever.

Well, this is not the first place and it may not be, sadly, the last place that Christians are punished by law for exercising their religious conscience objections,” the ex-Navy chaplain said. “We do see a demonic spirit of tyranny and persecution — and anti-Christian persecution, which violates our ability to obey God.”

Oh, of course, demons! I should have known!

Top Congressional Advisor

And what is his stance on the NSA spying on Americans? Well, he's against it, surprisingly. Although maybe not so surprisingly, when one considers the current occupant of the White House.

As “Dr. Chaps” explained today, there is a “Satanic, evil spirit” of “hiding” and “secrecy” that is behind the NSA program, just as there is a demon of tyranny that is using President Obama to oppress Americans. “Father in Heaven, we pray against the domestic enemies of the Constitution,” [Gordon] Klingenschmitt proclaimed; “against the demon of tyranny who is using the White House occupant and that demonic spirit is oppressing us” (source)

Of course! Now it all makes sense!

So, if you live in whatever horrible part of Colorado this assclown is trying to represent, and you're not too busy hallucinating on the pot, be sure to head to your polling place on election day and vote for absolutely anyone else who is on the ballot.


P.S. He also just makes shit up:

The most recent evidence of this fact is the story of Derrick Hayes, a high school runner in Texas who was allegedly disqualified from an event for thanking God after winning a race…Hayes and his family admit that he was not disqualified because of his faith…But just because the supposed victim of this tale of persecution admits that it is not true, that is not about to stop “Dr. Chaps” Gordon Klingenschmitt from using it in his latest prayer update or his “Pray in Jesus Name” television program where he claimed that Hayes was disqualified because “demonic spirits” had possessed the race officials.
Read more at http://wonkette.com/525674/third-rate-teevee-preacher-tells-all-obama-is-possessed-by-demons-and-thats-why-we-have-the-nsa#gwcFMTh3HSDOuuqK.99

Every now and then, it gets to them

Every once in a while, even a FOX on-air personality can't take the toxic sludge that spews out of the FOX/AM radio/ right-wingblogosphere. It's happened to Shep Smith a couple of times. (here) And Megyn Kelly had some pushback against the misogyny recently. This time, it's Greta Van Sustren

Here's her take on right-wing fixture Erick Erickson, the droplet of butt-crack sweat that taught itself to talk and thought its opinions should matter:



 http://gretawire.foxnewsinsider.com/

What is wrong with this guy? He is such a jerk! He is a repeat offender!

Apparently, she has a middle-schooler compose her headlines.

I don’t care how much you disagree or agree with Texas’ Wendy Davis, you have to agree that this guy, Erick Erickson, is a real jerk and is really lousy at being a spokesperson for his views:

And for some reason, she writes in italics.


Calling her an “Abortion Barbie?” 
 
Really? Does he think that makes him look smarter?  It makes me think he is a jerk.  

Of course he's a "jerk!" That's the first line in the job description for right-wing commentator! You have to be rude, offensive, insensitive, morally bankrupt and intellectually dishonest or they toss your resume' in the trash before the first interview. How long have you been with FOX?

 

Have you not met this guy?

 

 

PS – I read someplace that he was a CNN contributor and is a Fox News contributor.  He has never been on TV with me.  His name sounded familiar and I checked back on GretaWire and I blogged about him once before May 30, 2013.  CLICK HERE 


Oh, come on! You're seriously going to pretend you didn't know he was a FOX guy? You work at FOX! I don't even watch your crapfest network and I knew that!

I blogged about him once before May 30, 2013.  CLICK HERE 
The headline on the post was:


Just quit.
Quit working for this open sewer of an organization. Quit working for a network that routinely makes sexism and misogyny a filler between homophobia, race-baiting, and victim-bashing. You're shocked by the comments coming from the men of FOX? Quit! Storm out. March into Murdoch's office, flip his desk over and shout "fuck all y'all" as security drags you out. It isn't like these comments are anomalies. It isn't like there are a few bad apples there that, once they've been dealt with, FOX will become a decent, inclusive workplace. Have you met the guy who runs this place?



It's like you went to work for the mafia and you're shocked that your co-workers keep shooting people!

Mental gymnastics

It always amazes me , the mental gymnastics right-wingers have to go through to be able to paint themselves as the perpetual victims. It's especially weird, considering their obsession with masculinity and machismo. The epitome of this nexus was on display several days ago when Brit Hume felt that he had to defend Chris Christie. According to Hume, poor, defenseless Governor Christie was being picked on because he is too "muscular" and "masculine." Let that sink in for a minute. The "masculine and "muscular" man is being victimized by what Hume called our "feminized" culture. Does it make any sense? Well, maybe not to you, but that is because you are a "normal" person and can't possibly grasp the complexities of right-wing logic!

It's particularly odd that Hume would be defending masculinity and muscularity, since I'm fairly sure that Sean Hannity takes his lunch money every morning.

Anyway, speaking of right-wing victimization theory, this was published in the Wall Street Journal recently:

Progressive Kristallnacht Coming?

I would call attention to the parallels of Nazi Germany to its war on its "one percent," namely its Jews, to the progressive war on the American one percent, namely the "rich."

Who is the lunatic who thinks a "progressive Kristallnacht" is coming?

Tom Perkins

San Francisco

Mr. Perkins is a founder of Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers.

Which is apparently a venture capital firm located in Menlo Park, Ca., so, you know, a "job-creator!"
Anyway, here is what Mr. Perkins has to say on the subject of being baboon-ass crazy:

Regarding your editorial "Censors on Campus" (Jan. 18): Writing from the epicenter of progressive thought, San Francisco, I would call attention to the parallels of fascist Nazi Germany to its war on its "one percent," namely its Jews, to the progressive war on the American one percent, namely the "rich."

Seriously? This nut actually sees a parallel between criticism of the most powerful 1% of our population with the demonization of the weakest one percent of 1930's Germany? How is that possible?

From the Occupy movement to the demonization of the rich embedded in virtually every word of our local newspaper, the San Francisco Chronicle, I perceive a rising tide of hatred of the successful one percent.

Yeah. Some people don't like you. Some people resent the fact that you have all the money. That's totally the same as being a Jew in Nazi Germany.
Also, unless the San Francisco Chronicle has undergone a HUUUUUGE shift to the Left since I lived in Cali, you've got to be awfully paranoid to see some sort of demonization of the rich in its pages. Seeing demonization of the rich in "virtually every word" of the Chronicle is pretty much the same level of rationality as hearing instructions to murder people in the White Album.

There is outraged public reaction to the Google buses carrying technology workers from the city to the peninsula high-tech companies which employ them. We have outrage over the rising real-estate prices which these "techno geeks" can pay. We have, for example, libelous and cruel attacks in the Chronicle on our number-one celebrity, the author Danielle Steel, alleging that she is a "snob" despite the millions she has spent on our city's homeless and mentally ill over the past decades

.

Oh my God! People are upset about rising real-estate prices? How is that possible? usually people are thrilled to be priced out of home ownership!
Also, Danielle Steel is SF's number one celebrity? The lady about whom people often ask "oh, is she still alive?" She's the number one celebrity in SF? Not Robin Williams? Not Chris Issak?, Not George Lucas or Bob Weir or Nicholas Cage? Danielle Steel is number one?
And you might want to invest in a dictionary if you think that calling someone a "snob" is libelous!
Although I suppose calling someone a snob is the sort of thing that the Nazis would've done!

This is a very dangerous drift in our American thinking. Kristallnacht was unthinkable in 1930; is its descendant "progressive" radicalism unthinkable now?

Yes. Yes, it is unthinkable you bug-eyed poo-throwing lunatic!


By the way, that is the entirety of his letter. That's it. There is not another scrap of evidence offered to support the thesis that a new holocaust is coming. That's it.
Can you imagine the mental gymnastics you would have to go through to see the suggestion that maybe the super-rich ought to pay a higher income tax rate as the gathering storm clouds of a new holocaust?

Crazy Candidate of the Day - Really, Literally Crazy Edition

Today's crazy candidate, who may actually be really insane,
 is Alaska's Kathleen Tonn!





Of course, Alaska has a much higher standard of lunacy than the lower 48, or really anywhere else. So she's got quite a bar to clear!

Here's her little introduction from her Google-Plus page (I know, a Google-plus page, right? Who knew?)

Story

Tagline

Marching towards the Presidency of the United States of America! A candidate for Alaska US Senator 2014! Social and fiscal conservative republican.

Introduction

I formerly worked at Wayland Baptist University in Anchorage, Alaska. I handled financial aid and veteran's benefits. I have a Bachelors degree in Education and a Masters in Christian Ministry. I have two sons. I am from a family of 12 children; I am number 11. I love to worship the Lord! I love the Bible!  I stand for limited government, the Declaration of Independence and the American Constitution!  I hate socialism with a passion!!! When the country collapses, what are you going to do?

 

Oh, she cleared that bar with enough room to fit at least a couple of Palins!

Oh, and this is her profile picture:



No, I have no idea why.
A baby who has never met his daddy and may never meet him because his daddy is off fighting a war and may not live long enough to meet his own son? That's the most depressing photo since Dorothea Lange!

And this is her "Basic Info"

Basic Information

Gender

Female

Yep, that about sums it up!
I mean, what else would you need to know?

But so far, this is pretty garden-variety crazy. Or Republican-Primary Variety crazy, anyway. Here's where it veers into Roky Erickson-variety crazy:




This is really worth watching all the way through. But if you're reading this at work, (and shame on you!) or just don't feel like watching, let me give you the gist. She sings in tongues. Yes, sings. It's like speaking in tongues, only even sillier. Yeah, you're clicking "play" now, huh?

For those of you who can't watch, Wonkette has a partial transcript. Here's an excerpt:

“One point of clarification: Speaking in tongues or singing in tongues is very valuable because the message cannot be understood by Satan,” she continued. “But the Holy Spirit can use that message to bring deliverance, to bring clarity, to give discernment and words of wisdom and knowledge, and tongues is interpreted by a person who has the gift of interpretation. So I’m going to go fast.”

 Oh, yeah, it can not be understood by Satan. Or anyone else for that matter.
Okay, here's the thing about tongue-speaking. If you believe the Bible, and if you're a tongue-speaker, I assume you do, what it says about the tongue-speaking is this:

Acts chapter 2: 4-11

⁴ All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues^[a] as the Spirit enabled them. ⁵ Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. ⁶ When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken. ⁷ Utterly amazed, they asked: “Aren’t all these who are speaking Galileans? ⁸ Then how is it that each of us hears them in our native language? ⁹ Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia,^{[b] 10} Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome ¹¹ (both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and Arabs—we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!” 

Okay, so if you are speaking in tongues, Whoever hears you should understand exactly what you're saying no matter what language they speak. However, when these people "speak in tongues" all anyone hears is "argle bargle gooble gobble glarrrph!"

 Also, if the tongue-speaking/singing can only be understood by someone with the "gift of interpretations," what are the odds that your sauna buddy has that particular gift? Isn't it highly likely that she is a "normal person" and you're just wasting her time singing gibberish at her?


Anyway. . .Kathleen Tonn is running for Senate now, but it's almost a certainty that her journey ends at the White House. And don't worry, she's well prepared to lead this nation:

Kathleen Tonn

Shared publicly  - 

I had a dream! That America will collapse under the weight of sin in the nation! My preparation is for how to lead a nation that is terrified by the collapse!!!

Well, I know I feel comforted!

Oh, and another thing. . .

Getting back to Downton Abbey and my defense thereof. . .

 

In Daniel D'Addario's un-called for hit piece, he refers to Lady Sybil's death as her punishment for having married below her station. He also claims that the show seems determined to prop up Lord Grantham as a wise patriarch. He is, of course, wrong on both counts.

Lady Sybil dies because Lord Grantham, who is always portrayed as a rather foolish old man, unable to cope with the changing modern world, refuses to listen to the simple country doctor who has treated Sybil since infancy. Instead, he sides with the more prestigious Sir Philip, who turns out to be tragically wrong. Lord Grantham, wedded to the old class system, insists that the doctor from the upper caste, the man with the title, must be right, even when Cora recognizes how wrong he is, and begs Lord Grantham to listen to Doctor Clarkson.

So Lady Sybil dies, not as punishment for her betrayal of the class system, but because of Lord Grantham's fealty to it. Clinging to the class system cost Lord Grantham his daughter, not exactly a ringing endorsement of the class system.