Crazy Candidate of the Day

Today's Crazy candidate is Nevada's own David Lory VanDerBeek.

Nevada’s Next Governor David Lory VanDerBeek

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Like most of you, I had never heard of David VanDerBeek before today, when his political party came up in a story about pompous free-loader Cliven Bundy deciding that even the teabaggiest factions of the Republican Party weren't sociopathic enough for him, so he's joining the "Independant American Party of Nevada" because why even make any pretense at relevance?

Anyway, David VanDerBeek, or "The Beeker" as I assume he likes to be called, is running for governor of Nevada. And why wouldn't he be considered a legitimate candidate, given that he is the man who has posted stories like this one:

VIDEO Missile Used In Texas Fertilizer Plant Explosion? Nevada Governor 2014 David Lory VanDerBeek

Posted on April 25, 2013 by David Lory VanDerBeek

So why should you vote for the Beekester? well, let him explain in his own words, which are quite well-written,assuming that English is not hos first language:

VanDerBeek for Governor for you means a great career and income, world-class education, world-class healthcare, retirement in comfort and prosperity with your loved ones, and preservation and expansion of personal freedoms. Governor VanDerBeek will take office after the 2014 election in Nevada and has the support of the entire USA and around the world in restoring Constitutional law, natural rights, the rule of law, and freedom in all choices.

You may have thought that he was a complete unknown, but he has the support of the ENTIRE USA! And also of "around the world."

Most importantly, VanDerBeek for Governor means the Government based of  [sic] the Constitution, NOW and FOREVER, in defiance of all opposition and all tyranny.

Now, one might assume that he has some sort of an editor or proofreader looking over the copy before it gets posted to his official campaign website, but one would apparently be wrong.

Let's have a look at D-Van's platform positions, shall we?

My platform can be summed up in one phrase: Restoring Your American Dream. VanDerBeek for Governor means Restoring Your American Dream. The top priority of my campaign is to focus on those truths which will help you find a great career and income, get a world-class education, get world-class medical care, and retire in comfort and prosperity with your loved ones.

[emphasis in original]

So, you're saying that your plan is to undo the damage of the Reagan and post-Reagan years? Re-invest in our schools and infrastructure?  Go back to having affordable, first-class public universities? Increase Social security benefits? Just kidding, of course that's not what you mean.
Let's see the specifics:

1.Restore Nevada Lands to the People. The American people are being herded physically into the cities, because the federal government is stealing state lands in the name of various projects. 

Right. People don't move to the big cities because that's where the jobs are, or because city life is more interesting than farm life. No, it's obviously because the government owns too much barren wasteland in Nevada. And also the government is physically herding people into cities? I thought they were supposed to herd us into FEMA camps? Anyway, if the government would just quit owning land, everyone in Nevada would just run out and start their own farm, obviously.

2. Nevada State Bank.  All taxes that are taken in by the State will be funneled back into Nevada businesses in the form of low interest loans as is done in North Dakota who is enjoying record surpluses while lowering taxes. North Dakota is the only State that never suffered a recession and has the highest per capita income in the nation because of their stable financial system

Oh, that's why the economy in North Dakota is doing well. Here I thought it was the oil and gas booms they're currently experiencing, but obviously it must be the way they loan money to businesses. Although, I must say, that if all taxes taken in by the state are used for business loans, those businesses are going to have a hard time moving product to market with no roads. And they'll probaly have a hard time finding qualified job applicants when there are no schools. but details, details. . .


3. Multi-Currency Free Market System. While the State government is required to pay all of its debts in gold and silver, any thing free citizens deem of value in the free market can be used as a currency when the parties agree. This will facilitate an explosion of economic activity. 

 

Is that what's been holding back the explosion of economic activity? The fact that people have been, up until now, required to use actual money? The economy will skyrocket once we can begin buying things with twigs and pebbles!

4. Nevada to Stop All Payments to the IRS. It was shown conclusively by President Reagan’s Grace Commission Report that ZERO of the taxes collected by the IRS on income return to the citizens in the form of services or benefits. 

 

Where would you come up with this?
I don't have time to look up the Grace Commission, but I really don't need to.  Because no matter what the Commission may or may not have said, just look out your  fucking window. That's a fucking highway. It was paid for by monies collected by the IRS. You know what else is paid for by monies collected by the IRS? Oh, just the Army, the Navy, the Air Force, the Marine Corps, the FBI, the CIA, National Parks, the Coast Guard. . . how the fuck do yolu think those things get paid for? Private donations?

All of the taxes are consumed by the IRS bureaucracy and paid as interest to the private banskters behind the Federal Reserve bank. Nevada residents will no longer send any further payments to the IRS because there is no purpose in doing so. 

Well, not being arrested might be considered one purpose for doing so.

 Nevada law enforcement will be employed in arresting any agent of the federal government who attempts to collect IRS taxes from a Nevada resident. 

Oh, well. Problem solved, then. I'm sure local PD will be perfectly happy to get into a war with the Federal Government so that Nevadans can willfully violate federal law. Why wouldn't they?

America was built without an IRS or an income tax.  

And the circumstances today are precisely the same as they were in 1789.

The IRS is just a collection agency for the Federal Reserve, which is not federal and has no reserves and is just our national branch of the global banking cartel. We must just STOP paying them. We will bring economic warfare against the IRS and collapse it. 

It's good to set realistic goals.

 5. Replace and Phase Out All Taxation.

Right. Achievable, measurable goals.

7. Nevada Energy Independence. . . Once Nevada has recovered its stolen lands from the federal government, the state government will be able to lease and sell those lands to energy developers. Nevada will only give rights to Nevada-based energy companies to explore and develop our reserves of oil, coal, and natural gas in clean ways that preserve the sanctity of our land and wildlife. This will create jobs and keep the money in Nevada. At the same time, Nevada can encourage alternative energy sources such as solar and Tesla towers.

What could possibly go wrong?

 8. Minimize Business Taxes and Regulations and Eliminate Corporate Welfare.

 Minimize? You've already given up on replacing and phasing put ALL taxation?


14. Expansion of the Second Amendment. We must preserve the 2nd Amendment right to bear arms first, because it protects all of the rest of our rights. Freedom grows out of the barrel of a gun. As Governor, I will not enforce any of Mr. Obama’s gun regulations. I have taken the Oathkeepers oath and my own greater oath that I will fight to preserve  History shows that tyranny and mass murder by the government always follows disarmament of the people. If Obama sends police to take guns by force, there could be another civil war.

 Wow. where to begin? First of all,"Freedom grows out of the barrel of a gun?" You're paraphrasing Mao?

Second "I will not enforce any of Mr. Obama’s gun regulations.?" That'll be easy since there are exactly fucking ZERO.

Third "I have taken the Oathkeepers oath and my own greater oat?" The hell you have. there is no greater oath than the oath of the oathkeepers! Wait, did I say greater? I meant more insane.

Fourth "the right of Nevadans and all Americans to bear arms according to the original intentions of the founders in the Constitution." Great, so you will support the right od=f well-regulated militias to keep and bear single-shot muskets. No objection.

 Fifth " History shows that tyranny and mass murder by the government always follows disarmament of the people?" [Citation needed]

Sixth " If Obama sends police to take guns by force, there could be another civil war?' Be careful what you wish for. If you think your county sheriffs are going to stand a chance against the greatest military power the world has ever seen, I just don't know what to tell you, except that it's lucky for you that President Obama has shown ZERO interest in taking your guns.

Anyway, it goes on and on, but I'm getting tired. Let me just sum up by sayiong that if you live in Nevada and are completely bug-eyed. poo-throwing insane, consider casting your vote for David Lory VanDerBeek.! Then get professional help.


See more at:
http://nevadagovernor2014.com/

Crazy Candidate of the Day - You knew it was only a matter of time edition

You had to know it was only a matter of time until she threw  her tricorn tinfoil  hat into one ring or another.

Victoria Jackson Files for County Seat in Tenn.

THOMPSON STATION, Tenn. February 4, 2014 (AP)

 

Look at all these books I've never read!

Former "Saturday Night Live" cast member Victoria Jackson has filed to run as an independent candidate for a seat on a county commission outside Nashville, Tenn.

Jackson, who calls herself a tea party conservative, moved to Thompson Station in Williamson County last year. She told The Tennessean (http://tnne.ws/1n8zPjr) she filed as an independent because she's "very disappointed with the Republican Party."

 Really, Victoria Jackson? Are you really running for office?

Yes! I’m Running for Office! Vote Jackson!
Read more at http://victoriajackson.com/10501/yes-im-running-office-vote-jackson#sypL04QouHXlAW3K.99

Yes! I’m Running for Office! Vote Jackson!

Posted by Victoria Jackson on February 3, 2014 at 5:13 pm

Yes! I’m Running for Office! Vote Jackson!

I have just become an “empty nester” so I have time in between acting jobs to get involved.

 

 

A ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! "Between acting jobs!" Ahahahahaha!!!!

 

What are you working on Casual Sex? Part 2?

 

This is my first time running for office. I want to be an example to other moms, and regular folk to get involved in their local government. It’s the only way we will save America.

 

 

And if you're trying to save America, you're probably going to want to wait until the kids are out of the house and you have some spare time "between acting jobs." It's not like saving America is all that urgent or anything.

 

 

So what are Ms Jackson's (if you're nasty) policy positions? Well, she's in favor of AMERICA!! WOO HOO!!! And some other kinda crazy shit.

 

I’m against Common Core

Well, a lot of people are against Common Core. That doesn't sound all that crazy. Of course, the link she provides leads to a story on Wing Nut Daily by despicable harpy Phylis Sclafly entitled Education dictates more like 'Communist Core' So that seems pretty sensible.

 

 

I’m against Agenda 21, which is being implemented already at the local level,

 

No. No it isn't. What exactly going on that you think is implementation of "Agenda 21?"

 

Agenda 21, which is being implemented already at the local level, in offices like Main St. Franklin where “Franklin Tomorrow” pushes “innocent” policies like bike paths and walking trails, perhaps unaware of the United Nations plot to separate American citizens from their private property, eliminate suburbs, and concentrate people groups into cities, forcing mass transit, eliminating cars under the false-science guise of “human caused” global warming/climate change.

 

Oh my God! That sounds like something generally shouted through a bullhorn by someone standing on a milk crate on any streetcorner in Los Angeles! Anyone who sees a vast global conspiracy behind the building of a bike path is exactly the sort of person who should hold public office! People who see walking trails as a sign of an impending takeover of a scary globalist agenda are exactly the kind of people who should be put into positions of responsibility!

 

 

 

 

Terrifying!

 

Our Freedom of Speech is under attack. At the Manchester Muslim Community Outreach Event last year, State Attorney Bill Killian announced to a group of 1,000 that American citizens could be federally prosecuted for saying disparaging remarks against Islam. This is not Freedom of Speech. This is the beginning of the implementation of Shariah Law

 

Okay, I don't know who Bill Killian is,

                (maybe?)

 

 but if he said that, he is either a moron or a liar.

And if you really believed that criticizing Islam was a federal crime, would you really be posting shit like this on your own website?

 

". . .every civilization Muslims have infiltrated for the last 1400 years, they have annihilated. That’s why they’re bad neighbors.”
They are infiltrating America right now.

Islam is a Satanic cult written 600 years after the Bible. It takes the Word of God and rewrites, distorts it. Mohammed admits that he thought he was demon possessed when he got his first “revelations.” He practiced “black magic.”

 

That's pretty fucking bold. Aren't you worried that the black helicopters might come and take you away to a FEMA re-education camp?

 

Our Freedom of Religion is under attack. Pastors who preach the Bible, are being accused of “hate speech” if they agree with God’s view of homosexuality.

Because if someone criticizes the way you express your small-minded, hateful religious views, that's the same thing as attacking your freedom. Oh, excuse me, I meant  

 

 

I support fiscal responsibility, personal responsibility, and the Constitution. I’m for less taxes, less regulation, less government. I support small business. I want to keep District 2 rural. I think nature is important. But, something needs to be done about the traffic jam on Main Street/Columbia Pike.

Okay, I'm a little confused. You want to keep District 2 rural, but you don't want regulations? Because anything you, as a county commissioner to keep your district rural would be regulation. When you keep developers from building in your rural district, that's regulation.

Also, you want to keep it rural, but what, build more roads? How are you planning on easing traffic in some way that apparently would be harmful to nature, while keeping things rural but without taxes or regulation?

 

Well, I'm sure you'll explain all this during the debates!



Crazy Candidate of the Day - Dr Chaps

Gordon Klingenschmitt, or "Dr. Chaps" as he calls himself, candidate for Colorado state assembly, used to be a Navy Chaplain. He claims to have been honorably discharged from the service, but, a few seconds of Googling brought up this (source):
He was actually charged with disobeying an order and kicked out of the Navy for attending a political rally in front of the White House in March 2006 dressed in his Navy uniform, a violation of military regulations. Dozens of media reports over the years have since debunked Klingenschmitt’s dishonest statements about the nature of his court-martial.
Via Irregular Times, Captain Norm Holcomb (a fundamentalist Christian himself), says:

I was the dishonored ex-chaplain’s supervisor for the past 2 years. I found him to be totally untruthful, unethical and insubordinate. He was and is contemptuous of all authority. He was not court martialed for praying in Jesus’ name. I sent him out in uniform every week to pray at various ceremonies and functions. He always prayed in uniform and in Jesus’ name. He was never told that he could not pray in Jesus’ name. In fact, the issue of prayer had nothing at all to do with his dismissal from the Navy. He disobeyed the lawful order of a senior officer. I am sure that you understand that Navy Regulations forbid any of us, regardless of rank or position, to appear in uniform in support of any political or partisan event.
[...] He appeared in direct support of a political event, demonstrating contempt for the order of his Commanding Officer and Naval Regulations that we all swear that we will abide by…. The ex-chaplain is a man without honor and you have accepted his story and in doing so you have had “the wool pulled over your eyes.”

So, technically, his discharge may have been "honorable," but come on.

If you're having trouble sleeping, go to his website and watch his zzz-inducing video, where he rambles on and on and on about his supposed accomplishments for almost nine fucking minutes!

Here are some of his "qualifications."

BUSINESS LEADER:

M.B.A., created two corporations, met payroll, patent applicant, inventor, entrepreneur

 

Patent "applicant!" Because, you know, not just anyone can apply for a patent. . . oh, wait!

Also, claims to have created two businesses, does not give name of either.

COURAGE UNDER FIRE:

As a Navy Chaplain, took a stand for 1st Amendment Religious Freedom to pray "in Jesus' name."  Vindicated by Act of Congress ('06)

See above.

COMPASSIONATE ADVOCATE

 

Pro-Life: Organized Personhood initiatives in 5 states affirming that Inalienable Rights Trump lesser "rights"

Also capitalizer of random Words.

Pro-Marriage:

 opposed Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, Defended DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act), Opposed ENDA infringement

 What does ENDA have to do with marriage? Hey, who knows? That's like asking why someone would use so many different fonts on one resume! Some things are just mysteries.

And Dr. Chaps is not afraid to stand up to those dastardly liberals, either:

Gordon Klingenschmitt will stand up to the liberals in Denver to:

 

DEFEND your First & Second Amendment rights, and the WHOLE rule of law!

 

CUT unnecessary tax increases illegally imposed without a vote of the people!

 

REVERSE the trend of full-time jobs being converted to part-time jobs!

 

PROTECT the elderly and innocent children from abuse and fetal homicide!

Yes, he will protect the WHOLE rule of law. Except for Roe v. Wade.
And the Affordable care act.
And any judicial decisions forbidding discrimination.
And taxes.
And, well you get the picture.

But more importantly, Dr. Chaps will stand up to those liberals who are, um, converting your full-time jobs into part-time? Are they really, um, are they doing that? It's not private businesses doing that? The private businesses with whom government must never interfere and on whom government must never put any regulations? Dr. Chaps is going to tell those private businesses that they have to make you full-time again? For freedom?

 Let's take a look at some of  Dr. Chaps' positions on important issues of the day. shall we?

On marijuana legalization:

"There is a demonic spirit of drunkenness," Klingenschmitt said, "but this drunkenness, this desire for pleasure where we invite these spirits into us ... and why do you think you have hallucinations? These spiritual visions that you have are not just biological; they're actually demonic"

Oh, that explains a lot:



 Of course, marijuana doesn't actually cause hallucinations, but if it did, you can bet they'd be demonic!

On the Affordable Care act? Here he is on the Ed show.

 

I think?

 

Chaplain Klingenschmitt: Obamacare takes healthcare away from, a half a billion dollars was taken away from old people, from Medicare to fund basically a slew of people who refuse to get jobs. …





John Fugelsang: . . . So I’d like to ask the chaplain if I could, Jesus never at any point in the gospels condemns abortion even though people were terminating pregnancies at the time. He does however come out quite frequently against killing the sinner through the death penalty. So have you sir ever once protested your tax dollars being taken to fund state sanctioned killing. …
Chaplain Klingenschmitt: Jesus said in Mark 15 that if anyone disobeys or dishonors his mother or father he should be put to death. Jesus said in Luke 17.


 So, I guess we'll be having the death penalty for smart-alecky children, then?


Here's his stance on ENDA, the employment non-discrimination act I mean the Death to Christianity! Act.

“If ENDA becomes law, Christians will be bankrupted in all 50 states, ordered to choose between obedience to God (refusing to participate in sin) and remaining in business. The First Amendment guarantees our freedom from such burden. The Government is now ordering you: Forsake God or starve to death. I pray that I would choose bankruptcy, starvation, even death, before disobedience to God.”

That seems a reasonable objection.



I mean, it's common knowledge that every act passed by the federal government is designed to in some way bring harm to Christians. That's why there are no Christians in the halls of Congress ever.

Well, this is not the first place and it may not be, sadly, the last place that Christians are punished by law for exercising their religious conscience objections,” the ex-Navy chaplain said. “We do see a demonic spirit of tyranny and persecution — and anti-Christian persecution, which violates our ability to obey God.”

Oh, of course, demons! I should have known!

Top Congressional Advisor

And what is his stance on the NSA spying on Americans? Well, he's against it, surprisingly. Although maybe not so surprisingly, when one considers the current occupant of the White House.

As “Dr. Chaps” explained today, there is a “Satanic, evil spirit” of “hiding” and “secrecy” that is behind the NSA program, just as there is a demon of tyranny that is using President Obama to oppress Americans. “Father in Heaven, we pray against the domestic enemies of the Constitution,” [Gordon] Klingenschmitt proclaimed; “against the demon of tyranny who is using the White House occupant and that demonic spirit is oppressing us” (source)

Of course! Now it all makes sense!

So, if you live in whatever horrible part of Colorado this assclown is trying to represent, and you're not too busy hallucinating on the pot, be sure to head to your polling place on election day and vote for absolutely anyone else who is on the ballot.


P.S. He also just makes shit up:

The most recent evidence of this fact is the story of Derrick Hayes, a high school runner in Texas who was allegedly disqualified from an event for thanking God after winning a race…Hayes and his family admit that he was not disqualified because of his faith…But just because the supposed victim of this tale of persecution admits that it is not true, that is not about to stop “Dr. Chaps” Gordon Klingenschmitt from using it in his latest prayer update or his “Pray in Jesus Name” television program where he claimed that Hayes was disqualified because “demonic spirits” had possessed the race officials.
Read more at http://wonkette.com/525674/third-rate-teevee-preacher-tells-all-obama-is-possessed-by-demons-and-thats-why-we-have-the-nsa#gwcFMTh3HSDOuuqK.99

Crazy Candidate of the Day - Really, Literally Crazy Edition

Today's crazy candidate, who may actually be really insane,
 is Alaska's Kathleen Tonn!





Of course, Alaska has a much higher standard of lunacy than the lower 48, or really anywhere else. So she's got quite a bar to clear!

Here's her little introduction from her Google-Plus page (I know, a Google-plus page, right? Who knew?)

Story

Tagline

Marching towards the Presidency of the United States of America! A candidate for Alaska US Senator 2014! Social and fiscal conservative republican.

Introduction

I formerly worked at Wayland Baptist University in Anchorage, Alaska. I handled financial aid and veteran's benefits. I have a Bachelors degree in Education and a Masters in Christian Ministry. I have two sons. I am from a family of 12 children; I am number 11. I love to worship the Lord! I love the Bible!  I stand for limited government, the Declaration of Independence and the American Constitution!  I hate socialism with a passion!!! When the country collapses, what are you going to do?

 

Oh, she cleared that bar with enough room to fit at least a couple of Palins!

Oh, and this is her profile picture:



No, I have no idea why.
A baby who has never met his daddy and may never meet him because his daddy is off fighting a war and may not live long enough to meet his own son? That's the most depressing photo since Dorothea Lange!

And this is her "Basic Info"

Basic Information

Gender

Female

Yep, that about sums it up!
I mean, what else would you need to know?

But so far, this is pretty garden-variety crazy. Or Republican-Primary Variety crazy, anyway. Here's where it veers into Roky Erickson-variety crazy:




This is really worth watching all the way through. But if you're reading this at work, (and shame on you!) or just don't feel like watching, let me give you the gist. She sings in tongues. Yes, sings. It's like speaking in tongues, only even sillier. Yeah, you're clicking "play" now, huh?

For those of you who can't watch, Wonkette has a partial transcript. Here's an excerpt:

“One point of clarification: Speaking in tongues or singing in tongues is very valuable because the message cannot be understood by Satan,” she continued. “But the Holy Spirit can use that message to bring deliverance, to bring clarity, to give discernment and words of wisdom and knowledge, and tongues is interpreted by a person who has the gift of interpretation. So I’m going to go fast.”

 Oh, yeah, it can not be understood by Satan. Or anyone else for that matter.
Okay, here's the thing about tongue-speaking. If you believe the Bible, and if you're a tongue-speaker, I assume you do, what it says about the tongue-speaking is this:

Acts chapter 2: 4-11

⁴ All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues^[a] as the Spirit enabled them. ⁵ Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. ⁶ When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken. ⁷ Utterly amazed, they asked: “Aren’t all these who are speaking Galileans? ⁸ Then how is it that each of us hears them in our native language? ⁹ Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia,^{[b] 10} Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome ¹¹ (both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and Arabs—we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!” 

Okay, so if you are speaking in tongues, Whoever hears you should understand exactly what you're saying no matter what language they speak. However, when these people "speak in tongues" all anyone hears is "argle bargle gooble gobble glarrrph!"

 Also, if the tongue-speaking/singing can only be understood by someone with the "gift of interpretations," what are the odds that your sauna buddy has that particular gift? Isn't it highly likely that she is a "normal person" and you're just wasting her time singing gibberish at her?


Anyway. . .Kathleen Tonn is running for Senate now, but it's almost a certainty that her journey ends at the White House. And don't worry, she's well prepared to lead this nation:

Kathleen Tonn

Shared publicly  - 

I had a dream! That America will collapse under the weight of sin in the nation! My preparation is for how to lead a nation that is terrified by the collapse!!!

Well, I know I feel comforted!

Crazy Candidate of the Day

Today's crazy candidate:  Illinois' Susanne Atanus.

She looks pleasant enough. . .

Like most candidates, Susanne has a website.
According to ABC, it is  www.atanusforuscongress.com
If you click on the link to her website, you get this:

Atanusforuscongress.com

Related Links

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So, that's pretty promising!

Although, it's probably better that her real website doesn't come up, because then you might get your brain assaulted by shit like this:

Chicago GOP hopeful: Autism and dementia are God’s punishments for LGBT rights

Yeah, apparently she is!

Candidate Susanne Atanus believes that autism and forms of dementia are punishments sent by God because of the growing support for marriage equality in the country and the prevalence of abortion.

Because no one ever suffered from dementia before Roe?

“I am a conservative Republican and I believe in God first,” Atanus said at an endorsement session with the Daily Herald on Monday. God controls the weather, she said, and tornadoes are evidence of his wrath.

Which is why they always hit those atheist strongholds like Kansas and Oklahoma! You never see a tornado spinning down Castro Street, or knocking down Planned Parenthood Headquarters.

“God is angry. We are provoking him with abortions and same-sex marriage and civil unions,” she said. “Same-sex activity is going to increase AIDS. If it’s in our military it will weaken our military. We need to respect God.”



If elected, Atanus is expected to propose throwing virgins into volcanoes to appease the fire gods and poking pins into dolls made to look like our geopolitical enemies.

Crazy Candidate of the Day

With the mid-term elections coming up, the crazy candidates are coming out of the woodwork. First up: South Carolina's ironically named Lee Bright.

 

 

Lee is mounting a primary challenge to sitting Senator Lindsey Graham, because Graham is basically the love child of FDR and Emma Goldman, you know. And he's got a snappy slogan:

 

 

Bright: For Liberty, For Senate. I know.

 

I wondered who this guy was who was running to the RIGHT of Lindsey Graham, so I looked him up on Right Wing Watch. Here's the first headline that came up:

South Carolina Senate Candidate: Impeach Pro-Equality Judges, Give Teachers Machine Guns

 

Let's just skip right ahead to the giving teachers machine guns part.

 

"You look over at Israel, and that’s an armed group of folks over there,” he said. “I mean, they are teachers with machine guns on playgrounds, because you got terrorists over there that would choose to harm children and whose teachers are there to protect them. When you’ve got folks that are armed and able to defend themselves, the threat of terrorism goes down drastically."

And as we all know, there is no safer place in the world to be than ISRAEL! They never have any terrorist attacks in ISRAEL!

 Also, I  very much doubt that that is even true. I really doubt that Israeli teachers are walking around with fucking machine guns. Maybe you're thinking of Texas?
Honestly, how much good would a gun even do against a guy wearing a suicide vest? You know terrorists don't come into schoolyards and punch children or jab them with pointed sticks. Terrorists use explosives. Anyway, it took me all of about 30 seconds to find this article from Israel Today:

There is a picture going around the Internet that I have seen about a dozen times today that claims that Israeli teachers are packing heat. Well, are they? The answer is “NO.”

In the picture, the students are on an outing. While it appears that the teacher is holding a rifle, I have never seen such a thing in ten years of living here. Rest assured however, they are under armed protection. In most cases it is an armed guard or a soldier that will accompany a class, not the teacher. And my guess is that the woman with the gun is a security guard, not a teacher.

Secondly, they are not armed in the classroom. Is that really the image you want to imprint on the minds of six-year-olds? (That would be Hamas) On the other hand. I have never seen a school in Israel that was not fenced in. You must go through a locked gate that is guarded by an armed shomer, a security guard.  . .  And he or she would not let you bring a weapon inside.

 

So, yeah. Like I thought. You're full of shit.

Now let's go back to the judge part.

 

Discussing the recent federal ruling legalizing marriage equality in Utah, Bright told Tea Party Express, “Congress ought to stand up and do its job and impeach one of these federal judges. And I think when you do that, being a federal judge is a pretty good gig, and I think if you’ll impeach just one, the rest of them will do the right thing. And they’ll do it out of necessity, because self-preservation is an instinct that so many folks have.”

 

 

 

 

 



 You do know that the Judiciary is a co-equal branch of government, right? And you know about separation of powers, right? It's all in that Constitution thing you teabaggers pretend to worship. The Legislative branch is not supposed to intimidate judges into making decisions that they approve of. You can't impeach a judge because you don't like his decision, and you sure as fuck can't impeach him as a threat to other judges. I mean, you can, I guess, but it's a really horrible idea. The Judicial branch is supposed to be independent. That's how it works. This isn't North Korea, you don't punish judges for reaching the "wrong" conclusion.

 

And here's the most recent Lee Bright headline on Right Wing Watch:

 

SC Senate Candidate Lee Bright Warned of IRS-Obamacare 'Brown Shirts'; Called FEMA A 'Scam'

 

Brown Shirts? Really? I expect that kind of rhetoric from guys in tricorn hats holding misspelt signs, but from a candidate for the United States Senate?

 

 

 

At a speech in August, South Carolina state senator Lee Bright, who is challenging Sen. Lindsey Graham for the Republican nomination, warned that IRS “Brown Shirts” might start enforcing Obamacare with semiautomatic rifles.

 

Oh, Jeezus Christ! How would that even work? Why would they need assault weapons to, um, do whatever it is you think they're going to do, I don't even get it. Why would you think they're going to turn semi automatic weapons on Americans who, what, don't sign up for insurance? Or something?

 

Bright cited a conspiracy theory promoted by Rep. Jeff Duncan (R-SC), who started spreading the alarm in June when he witnessed “IRS agents are training with a semi-automatic rifle AR-15.” In real life, this is because the IRS has a criminal investigations unit that has since the 1920s pursued drug traffickers and other criminal organizations, and which during the Bush administration started providing extra support for anti-terrorism efforts – activities which require special agents to be “equipped similarly to other federal, state and local law enforcement organizations.”

But according to Bright, “If that’s true, and they’re going to assault weapons training, the Brown Shirts are next. Because that’s the enforcement group for Obamacare is the IRS. And if you don’t have an IRS, you don’t have Obamacare.”

 

 

Ohhhhh! Now it makes sense! A law enforcement agency enforcing the law! Clearly the next step is Brown Shirts!

 

After Bright presented his theory about the IRS-Obamacare Brown Shirts, an audience member asked him what he thought of various anti-government conspiracy theories, including that “FEMA is training a militia.”

 

Oh, oh! I know this one! The correct answer is "sir, you are clearly insane and here is the number of a qualified psychiatrist." I assume he must have answered something along those lines, right?

 

“Most of the federal government is a scam,” Bright said, adding that “FEMA is the biggest scam in the world.”

 

What? That's not even an answer? I thought this was a Q&A, I guess it was a who can say the craziest thing contest.

 

So, couple of things. First-if the federal government is, as you say, a "scam," why are you so eager to be a part of it?

Second-FEMA a scam? FEMA?

 

 

Does this look like a scam to you?

 

 

Does this?

 

How the hell is FEMA a scam?

 

To make his point, Bright told a story of the mayor of Charleston, South Carolina asking for private donations to help with the relief from an earthquake and getting so many that he had to stop accepting aid – all without the help of FEMA

 

Cool story, bro! Did it ever actually happen? I don't have the time to research that, but the folks at RWW, who presumably do have, say this:

 

We would really like to know what earthquake he is talking about that was small enough that FEMA wouldn’t intervene but large enough that it required a large-scale private donations effort

Yeah, that's what I figured.

Later in the speech, Bright claimed that federal earthquake and tornado relief, along with food assistance, were not the role of the federal government and were just being used to “get votes.”

Yeah, what a scam! What total sellouts!   You gotta just let disaster victims drown or you're just pandering!

 

How a real man handles disaster relief.

 

So, if you live in South Carolina, you may want to consider voting for Lee Bright. I mean, probably not, but you may. If enough people vote for him in the primary, he could become this year's Christine O'Donnell!

Crazy Candidate of the Day

Florida's Mark Oxner.

Submitted without comment except to say that Alan Grayson apparently has a pretty good chance of returning to Congress, if this is any indication:

Crazy Candidate of the Day

Well, it's election season again. Time for the crazy candidates to come out of the woodwork.


Today's crazy candidate is Alabama's Kathy Peterson, who is running for some position that they have in Alabama.

If elected, Ms Peterson will prevent the EPA from eliminating people to create their "perfect world," because that's what the EPA does. They eliminate people. They're like a combination of the CIA and the Mafia, basically, with a little Batman Villain thrown in.
What Alabama needs is business-type people in charge of its public service commission, because public services just aren't being run profitably. So, if you live in Alabama, please consider Kathy Peterson. Don't make her husband come shoot you in your stupid, environment-loving face!

Crazy Candidate of the Day

Oh, my God! This is so ridiculous, it looks like a Saturday Night Live parody. Except funny.



I don't know where to begin with this ad. Maybe the lady screaming "I'm Korean!!!!" for no apparent reason? Or maybe the candidate reassuring her that being Korean isn't necessarily a bad thing, heck even my wife is Korean!

Could a political ad possibly get any worse?
Haha, of course it could!



I don't know what's the most ridiculous part of this. Maybe it's the worst trash-talking of all time? "Oh yeah? well my dad's a lawyer!" Is that supposed to psych him out? You're supposed to say something like "you can't beat me, you got no game, don't bring that weak shit in here," or something, I don't know, basketball-related?
And "gets shit done" is pretty much the job description of every unemployed baby-daddy on Judge Judy. What do you do for a living? Oh, you know, I do my thing. I get shit done. So, sure, vote for me for Congress!

And when did Patty Duke go insane?



Thank God they cut away before the big gross foursome started. Unfortunately, they didn't cut away before Patty Duke made a bunch of old-lady-pooping-her-pants noises.

Crazy Candidate of the Day

Today's crazy candidate is Florida's Allen West



Mr. West is running for Congress from Florida's 22nd District.

West was a Lt Colonel in the US Army, which is pretty impressive. What's less impressive is this:


(From the Boston Globe)

US officer to resign for assaulting Iraqi

A disciplinary proceeding found that the actions by Lieutenant Colonel Allen West were serious enough to "merit a court-martial." But the military said in a statement that mitigating circumstances -- specifically, the "stressful environment" of combat -- and West's distinguished service record prompted the Army to instead relieve West of his command, fine him $5,000, and order him back to the United States, where he will be allowed to retire.

Yeah. He was kicked out of the Army. The only reason he wasn't court-martialed was that the Army figured he had just snapped under the stress of combat.

"Frustration and anger overcame his professional ethics and personal values, and he performed what he knew to be illegal and immoral acts," said the statement issued by the Army's Fourth Infantry Division.

So, hopefully being a member of Congress won't be too stressful, or he might just kick someone's ass right there in the chamber.

Just kidding! No, Allen doesn't need to get violent anymore. He has goons for that now.

Video: Allen West's Biker Supporters Threaten and Harass Dem Staffer

Apparently, West has some sort of ties to the Outlaws Motorcycle gang.

Last night, NBC News reported that Allen West has ties to an infamous motorcycle gang, the Outlaws, and was “proud” to have been guarded by the Outlaws. The Department of Justice has said the Outlaws are a gang known for making and distributing meth, committing homicide, and prostitution.  The Outlaws have been called “organized crime” syndicate.  The Outlaws have a history of denigrating women and considering women property –actually branding women like cattle. [Justice Department, National Gang Threat Assessment 2009, Published January 2009]

Columns written by Allen West, a former Army officer who is running against Democratic Rep. Ron Klein in a race that has become a national battleground, have appeared since 2008 in "Wheels on the Road," a racy and sometimes lewd biker magazine. Photos from the October issue include ads promoting an upcoming event with text written on a scantily clad woman's bottom along with sexually explicit columns.
The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee cited one of the magazine's writers who said women exist "to serve man" and suggested they should wear "slave chokers" as accessories. They also allege the magazine promotes the Outlaws, a motorcycle gang linked to criminal activity.


Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/10/25/1890616/dems-criticize-gop-challengers.html#ixzz13b2binRk

The WOTG website is here if you're interested.

Anyway, if that weren't enough reason to vote for whoever is running against West, there's this:

  

EEEEEEWWWWW!!!!!!! Pam Geller!