Ask GOPPY, the GOP advice elephant!

Note: GOPPY is not an actual elephant. He represents the personification of the problem-solving skills of today's G.O.P.

Question #1:
Dear GOPPY, the Bush tax cuts created huge deficits. What should be done to correct this?




I know, make the tax cuts permanent!


Question #2: 
Dear GOPPY, de-regulating the banks led them to take huge risks with other peoples' money, crashing the economy and leading to a taxpayer-funded bailout. How can we ensure that this doesn't happen again?

Hmm, let me think. . .




I know, fewer cumbersome regulations! 




Question #3:
Dear GOPPY,  A bunch of kids got killed with guns.
What would you recommend to prevent this from recurring?

 

That's an easy one! More guns!






Question #4:
 Dear GOPPY, My marriage is in trouble because my husband can't forgive me for having an affair.
What can I do to regain his trust?



HMM. . .That is a difficult issue. . .

I know! You should fuck a bunch of different dudes!




Question #5:
Dear GOPPY, I think I may be an alcoholic. I want to stop, but I'm afraid I can't. What should I do?



Try drinking lots of booze!







Goppy the GOP elephant! Doubling down on bad ideas since at least 1980.

So that's what it takes.

I've been wondering for a while what could it take for the remaining semi-sane members of the Republican party to finally come to terms with the misanthropic skull-fuckery with which they have gotten into bed.

Apparently, this is it.

John Boehner refusing to bring hurricane relief to a vote in the house is apparently the final straw that breaks the elephant's back. The Republican leadership being too afraid of the teabag extreme to do the simple, decent thing, yet knowing that they daren't vote no, because they need some relatively sane humans to vote for them, that seems to be the bridge too far for at least some Republicans.

“I’m here tonight saying to myself for the first time that I’m not proud of the decision my team has made,” said Rep. Michael Grimm, R-N.Y.

Wow! Mull that over a minute. He's never, up to this point, not been proud of the decisions made by the Republican Party. Think of all the assholetry he's been OK with up 'til now.

Even if he's only referring to the two years he's been a member of Congress, he's apparently been fine with holding the nation's credit hostage in the debt-ceiling fiasco. He had no objection to the party's allowing themselves to become the vassals of Grover Norquist and the Koch brothers. No problem with leadership demanding that tornado relief for the midwest be offset with spending cuts elsewhere or those folks can lump it. But this is beyond the pale.

And it's not just him. Lunatic Peter King (R-NY)  broke Ronald Reagan's 11th commandment. In fact he shattered it, then stomped on the shards.

 

 

Peter King, pictured giving his fellow Congressmen the frowning of a lifetime.

“Tonight’s action not to hold this vote is morally indefensible,” King said. “There are thousands and thousands of people throughout Long Island, Rockaway, Staten Island, New Jersey, throughout the Northeast, who are homeless tonight, who are without jobs, who lost their business. “This is absolutely indefensible.”

“Boehner is the one,” the New York Republican explained. “He walked off the floor. He refused to tell us why. He refused to give us any indication or warning whatsoever… I’m just saying, these people have no problem finding New York — these Republicans — when they’re trying to raise money. They raise millions of dollars in New York City and New Jersey, they sent Gov. [Chris] Christie around the country raising millions of dollars for them. I’m saying, anyone from New York and New Jersey who contributes one penny to the Republican Congressional Campaign Committee should have their head examined. I would not give one penny to these people based on what they did to us last night.”
Raw Story (http://s.tt/1xSns) 

 

 

 

 

Holy Shit!

Keith Olberman never gave it to 'em that hard!

 

“I’m going to do what I have to do,” King insisted. “I’m going to be independent minded. Sometimes, as John Kennedy said, party loyalty demands too much. And I would — as all of us do — often, you give the benefit of the doubt to your party. We are a two-party system. But I’m over that because as the very least, you’re expected to be treated fairly… When your people are literally freezing in the winter and they’re without food and they’re without shelter and they’re without clothing and my own party refuses to help them, then why should I help the Republican Party?”
Raw Story (http://s.tt/1xSns)

 

 Suddenly, you're not a part of the Republican Party? Suddenly, you're going to start referring to them in the third person? Like we're going to forget what a sack of shit you are?

 At least be man enough to own your part in the party's rat-fucktitude. Like Chris Christie did:

"There's only one group to blame for the continued suffering of these innocent victims: The House majority and their speaker John Boehner," Christie told reporters in a press conference today. "Last night, my party was responsible for this." (emphasis added)

 

  

Artist's approximation

"Last night, politics was placed before our oaths to serve our citizens. For me it was disappointing and disgusting to watch," he said. "If the people of New Jersey feel betrayed today by those who did this in the House last night, then they have good company. I'm with them." 

So, this is what it takes. The nominally sane members of the GOP will gladly go along with the gleeful destruction of all that is good about America, but they draw the line when the nihilism affects them directly.

Oh, Republicans. You're so predictable!

 

How Bad Does the "Pledge to America" Suck?

So the long-awaited "pledge to America" was finally released, and surprisingly, it's a sad, flaccid little joke!




You want to know how lame this "pledge" is?

Erick "assclown" Erickson is ripping on it. And he's right! Erickson is right! That's never happened before. Do you know how disconcerting it is to read Erickson critiquing something and think "hey, he's got a point?"

Perhaps the Most Ridiculous Thing to Come Out of Washington Since George McClellan

Posted by Erick Erickson (Profile)

Wednesday, September 22nd at 6:47PM EDT

I don't know what his beef is with George McClellan. According to CivilWarHome.com, he was considered "A brilliant engineer and highly capable organizer." But I guess when you're Erick Erickson, you have to lead off with something moronic and jerky so people know for sure that it's you writing.

But anyway, here's the opening of the Wedgie to America:

America is more than a country.

America is also a crappy band from the early Seventies!

America is an idea – an idea that free people can govern themselves, that government’s powers are derived from the consent of the governed, that each of us is endowed by their Creator with the unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

That free people can crib shamelessly from Thomas Jefferson!

America is the belief that any man or woman can – given economic, political, and religious liberty – advance themselves, their families,
and the common good.<--Communism!

Whenever the agenda of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to institute a new governing agenda and set a different course.

Yeah, I think everyone already knew about that. We call them "elections" and in those "elections" we vote for the folks whose agenda we would like to see enacted. And then you assholes filibuster, stonewall and otherwise impede that agenda.

An unchecked executive, a compliant legislature, and an overreaching judiciary have combined to thwart the will of the people and overturn their votes and their values, striking down longstanding laws and institutions and scorning the deepest beliefs of the American people.

but enough about us. . .

An arrogant and out-of-touch government of self-appointed elites makes decisions, issues mandates, and enacts laws without accepting or requesting the input of the many.

If by "self-appointed," you mean "duly elected," then yeah, I see your point. Obviously every action a presidential administration takes should be decided by a plebiscite, you know, the way the Bushies did!

Like free peoples of the past, our citizens refuse to accommodate a government that believes it can replace the will of the people with its own. The American people are speaking out, demanding that we realign our country’s compass with its founding principles and apply those principles to solve our common problems for the common good.

Well, you know, THESE American people:




These people are obviously concerned with "the common good"

With this document, we pledge to dedicate ourselves to the task of reconnecting our highest aspirations to the permanent truths of our founding by keeping faith with the values our nation was founded on, the principles we stand for, and the priorities of our people. This is our Pledge to America.

None of that means anything.
Even Erick Erickson can see that:

Yes, yes, it is full of mom tested, kid approved pablum that will make certain hearts on the right sing in solidarity. But like a diet full of sugar, it will actually do nothing but keep making Washington fatter before we crash from the sugar high.
(Red State)

It's really surreal, looking at something Erick Erickson wrote and thinking "hey, that's true. I can't argue with that."

We pledge to advance policies that promote greater liberty, wider opportunity, a robust defense, and national economic prosperity.

We pledge to honor families, traditional marriage, life, and the private and faith-based organizations that form the core of our American values.

we pledge to promote greater liberty, and also give the government the power to decide who may marry whom, and restrict reproductive choice.

We pledge to uphold the purpose and promise of a better America, knowing that to whom much is given, much is expected and that the blessings of our liberty buoy the hopes of mankind.

That also means nothing. This is an agenda? It's like saying here is my plan. Step one: Be awesome! Step two: Do really cool stuff. Step Three: Be an inspiration to others.
Wow, I think I've actually met all those goals!

Supposedly, this thing goes on for 21 pages. http://pledge.gop.gov/ only shows the one page.
So I may have to take Erickson's word for it when he says:

The pledge begins by lamenting “an arrogant and out-of-touch government of self-appointed elites” issuing “mandates”, then proceeds to demand health care mandates on insurance companies that will drive up the costs of health care for ordinary Americans.

and

The plan wants to put “government on the path to a balanced budget” without doing anything substantive. There is a promise to “immediately reduce spending” by cutting off stimulus funds. Wow. Exciting.

There is a plan to cut Congress’s budget, which is pretty much what was promised in 1994. Seriously? In 4 years did the Democrats really blow up the Congressional budget? No — the GOP did that too.

Hey, GOP. Do you have any idea how shitty your plan has to be for Erick "ass-hat" Erickson to rip on it? He's the guy who tweeted this about a dumb TV ad:

Tebow's mom didn't abort. That's enough for Erickson to conclude that all pro-choice groups have no credibility. This is the guy you couldn't excite with your little "Dredge America" agenda. Do you have any idea how hard it is to NOT impress this little nozzle of a man? In a way, it's almost impressive!