Florida's Rick Scott is our Nation's Most Pathetic Governor.

Rick Scott, governor of Florida, frightener of small children, and Medicare defrauder, has a website.
Not that there's anything unusual about that, I'm sure most governors have websites.

And maybe a lot of them have a "Take Action" widget

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I don't know, and I'm not about to do the research. But I'm guessing that no other governor has anything this sad on his or her website:

Email a Newspaper Editor

Name
Your Email
City (optional)

There's a drop-down menu with the names of major Florida newspapers, and then the pathetic icing on the pitiful cake: The letter is already written for you!

Dear Editor,

When Rick Scott ran for Governor he promised to create jobs and turn our economy around. I voted for Rick because he’s always been a businessman, not a politician. While politicians usually disappoint us and rarely keep their promises, Rick is refreshing because he’s keeping his word.

Refreshing! That's what I look for in a candidate. Oh, wait. No, I mean a breath mint.

His policies are helping to attract businesses to our state and get people back to work.

That would be pretty impressive if he hadn't also included this handy chart on his site showing that Florida's unemployment is still considerably worse than the national average.


 

 Some of the special interests are attacking the Governor for making tough decisions, showing leadership, and doing what he told us he would do. 

Yes, that's exactly what's happening. The "special interests" Are upset about Scott making tough decisions. "Dammit!" they exclaim. "He's showing leadership again! And now he's doing exactly what he promised to do? well, that's the last straw!"

 I'm sure that's what they are upset about. I'm sure it has nothing to do with insignificant trifles like:

Florida Gov. Rick Scott rejects funding for high-speed rail

Gov. Rick Scott, citing concerns over potential cost overruns, rejected $2.4 billion in federal dollars to pay for construction of a high-speed rail line connecting Tampa and Orlando.

Or. . .

Education cuts show up in Rick Scott's budget

Says he never said he would keep education funding the same.

 

Or. . .

Health care services for women and children among Scott vetoes, crisis pregnancy centers untouched

Gov. Rick Scott yesterday vetoed almost $1.5 million for a handful of community health care clinics in Florida that provide adult and pediatric primary health care services, family planning, immunizations and  STD and HIV screening, among other services, to low-income and minority patients.

Yeah, I'm sure it's that darn showing leadership thing that has folks upset.

 And it goes on. . .

 Rick Scott deserves our unwavering and enthusiastic support.
How can we expect to elect leaders who will keep their word and do what’s right for our state if we don’t stand up for those with the courage to set priorities, make difficult choices, and actually deliver on their promises made? 

We must stand with leaders who will bravely cut education while courageously phasing out all corporate income taxes. Oh, if only more politicians had the courage to stand up for the poor, put-upon corporations!

But that's not even the most pathetic item on Governor Scott's website. He also includes a video praising his "accomplishments." A video featuring His Mom!




Support Rick Scott. His mommy thinks he's a good boy!
Holy cow!

I suddenly have the urge to take his lunch money.


Of course, if you want to see an actually relevant Rick Scott video, there's this:

Flashback Friday - Screaming Blue Messiahs

Gun Shy was another album I totally wore out in the '80's. (literally, unfortunately, since I bought it on cassette)

Then their next album came out with the single "I wanna be a Flintstone," and that was pretty much that. But still, Gun shy by the Screaming Blue Messiahs was one of the greatest rock and roll albums I have ever heard.
















I didn't find out 'til years later that that one was a Hank Williams cover.














All those songs were on the same album! And I'm sure I've forgotten at least one or two.


For more music, be sure to drop by Cafe' Chaos! Open 24 hours. BYOB.

How to Launch a Campaign

Human haircut and sedition enthusiast Rick Perry has yet to declare himself an official candidate for the presidency of the nation from which he would like to secede, but he's already off to a whiz-bang start!

 

First, he managed to snag the coveted endorsement of Bill "wrong with a smirk" Kristol.

Then he got a lot of publicity for sponsoring an event based around the idea that hey, there's nothing I can do to fix this nation's problems, we'd better all get together and pray real hard. Now that just inspires confidence.

Governor, this nation has big problems. You're in charge here, what are we gonna do?

Dang, I dunno. If I were you, I'd probably start prayin'!

 

It's called leadership, jerks. Look it up! 

Of course, who would you call in to run a Prayer*Con but the horrible awful American Family Association?

According to the Houston Chronicle, AFA leader Tim Wildmon  "acknowledged that a stated purpose of the August prayer event initiated by Perry - to pray for an end to the 'debasement of our culture' - refers to the increasing acceptance of homosexuality by American society."

Nice.

Anyway, the thing is being held in a football stadium, because what location could be more solemn or reverent?

Just like the Vatican, only not so foreigny.

Historic Crisis.
Historic Response.
Historic Breakthrough.

On August 6, the nation will come together at Reliant Stadium in Houston, Texas for a solemn gathering of prayer and fasting for our country.

 Fasting, because if God won't listen to your prayers, a hunger strike will sure get his attention!

Also," Historic Response?" I guess that's true. Normally our political leaders' response to crises has been to try and do something about them, not to try and twist God's arm into doing it for us.

But really, why the fasting? Why would you think that God wouldn't want you to eat? God went to all the trouble to make apples and oranges and corn and cheeseburgers, I'm pretty sure he'd want you to eat. Imagine if you came home from work and your spouse had been slaving over a hot stove for the last couple of hours and you said, "no, I'm not going to eat anything. Sure, I'm hungry - I'm starving, but I'm not going to eat anything in the hopes that you will do me a big favor."  I can tell you that wouldn't go over too well in the Chaos Compound.
(for the record, I would have been the one slaving over the hot stove in that hypothetical)

Anyway, you can imagine how much favor this is currying Governor Perry with the faith community.

Houston Clergy Council Opposes Rick Perry's 'Response' Prayer Rally 

 Um. . .

faith-based groups coordinate protest against prayer/fast by Perry, AFA

 

Oh. Uh-oh.

Well, in general, Rick Perry is not at all popular in his home state of Texas, where people are living with the consequences of electing a nutbag on the basis of hair quality and overall handsomeness.

 

The Next Mayor of Houston.

But Perry understands why he's not appreciated at home:

It's because he's too much like Jesus? Or something?
Really, if you're having trouble winning over the Christian vote, start by comparing yourself to Christ. That should do it.
Really, the "a prophet is not loved in his hometown" line, That's a paraphrase of one of Jesus's lines.

 

Quit Stealing my Material!

That's the kind of delusions of grandeur that would make Sarah Palin blush. No wonder Bill Kristol is sold on him!

 

And I'm never wrong! 

No, wait. I mean always! Dammit!

So, I think it's safe to go ahead and call it right now, Ladies and gentlemen, the next president of the United States!

Neil Boortz Is a Bag of Scum

Neil Boortz has always been an asshole. He's the main rpromoter of the "Fair Tax" scam, for instance. But this is just beyond the pale.

 "And you do in fact need to carry that gun and we need to see some dead thugs littering the landscape in Atlanta."

He's encouraging his listeners to go Chuck Bronson on any "thugs" they see around Atlanta.

Really.

Here's the context, via C&L:

BOORTZ: You know what? I, for one, am tired of putting up with this crap. And you want to know why I moved out of Atlanta and only spend a couple of weeks a year in this town? That's one of the reasons. Carjackings, violence, people getting shot. It's ridiculous. This city harbors an urban culture of violence. And I want you to look around. You drive into the city. The railroad overpass is on the downtown connector covered with graffiti. And that-- That is just an advertisement for everybody coming into this town that we really don't give a damn about those who would screw up our quality of life around here. We really just don't care. We don't care enough to paint over graffiti on the overpasses that come into our city, advertising welcome to Atlanta, here's some of our finest graffiti, from some of our finest urban thugs and their little gang signs. And pick up the paper tomorrow morning. Read about all the carjackings. Read about the innocent people shot for the pure de-hell of it.







This town is starting to look like a garbage heap. And we got too damn many urban thugs, yo, ruining the quality of life for everybody. And I'll tell you what it's gonna take. You people, you are - you need to have a gun. You need to have training. You need to know how to use that gun. You need to get a permit to carry that gun. And you do in fact need to carry that gun and we need to see some dead thugs littering the landscape in Atlanta. We need to see the next guy that tries to carjack you shot dead right where he stands. We need more dead thugs in this city. And let their -- let their mommas -- let their mommas say, "He was a good boy. He just fell in with the good crowd." And then lock her ass up.

Now, I've lived in Atlanta for almost 6 years, and I have yet to be robbed, mugged, carjacked or murdered. But that may be because my muscular physique is so intimidating to the criminals. Maybe it's different for other residents.
Or maybe not. Because C&L links to this chart from the FBI:

 

Which would seem to indicate that violent crime is on the decline in the ATL. Not that a rise in crime would justify the sort of vigilante shooting spree Boortz is calling for. And in case anyone is unsure of who the targets are, Boortz even drops this lovely hint.
 

And we got too damn many urban thugs, yo,

 
"Urban Thugs, YO"
 
Urban thugs wasn't enough? You had to add "Yo?"
 
The next time some ass guns down a random black guy in Atlanta, that blood will be on Neil Boortz' hands.

I'm Not Proud of This

But I came up with an Anthony Weiner joke.

I hear Anthony Weiner is probably going to quit soon. I hope he decides to stick it out a little longer.


Sorry.