And I know that there is nothing funny about homophobia, but sometimes its practitioners are just soooooo ridiculous that I can't help but laugh.
Case in point, Florida (of course) State Representative Charles Van Zant
(Presumablyno relation to Townes. Or to Little Steven) who offered up this gem:
These people, that will now receive $220 million from the state of
Florida unless this is stopped, will promote double-mindedness in state
education and attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can. I’m sorry to report that to you.
The part that makes me laugh is the "as homosexual as they can possibly be" line. Because I picture some sort of gayness coach saying things like "Okay, so you're attracted to members of your own gender, that's great. But I know you can be more homosexual than that. Come on, kid you can do it!"
Better!
Keep working. . ..
Getting there. . .
C'mon kid, I need you to be as homosexual as you possibly can!
Yeah! I knew you could do it!
Oh, by the way, the thing that's going to make Florida's children all turn as gay as they possibly can be? Common Core.
No, really.
Or, more specifically, the company that will be administering the tests.
Seriously.
Rep. Charles Van Zant says testing company promotes homosexuality
Lawmaker stands by comments in interview with Channel 4
I don't know how creating testing materials is supposed to turn kids gay. I could see how a paranoid troglodyte might think that a teacher could slip enough pro-gay propaganda into class materials to somehow influence little hetero kids into thinking "girls sure are purty, but have I ever really given dick a chance?" But how the testing company is supposed to do that is beyond me.
ORLANDO, Fla. - A state lawmaker from Clay County claims the company
charged with creating new state standardized tests in Florida promotes
homosexuality.
“Please, go on their website. Click the link to what they’re doing with
youth and you will see what their agenda really is," said Van Zant.
"They are promoting as hard as they can any youth that is interested in
the LGBT agenda and even name it 2-S, as they define as having two
spirits. The Bible says a lot about being double-minded."
It does? double-mindedness? That's something that comes up a lot, does it? Because in all my Bible-studyin' years, I don't remember that term ever coming up. But okay, I'll click the link, why not? American Institutes for Research
Adolescence marks a time of
tremendous opportunity for positive growth and development as young
people transition into adulthood. Exclusion, rejection or bias can make
this journey perilous. A disproportionate number of lesbian, gay,
bisexual and transgender youth experience physical and emotional abuse
at home, in school and in their communities simply because of their
identity.
Ooh! What a controversial stance! Many LGBT youth get treated shitty by people? That translates into "soon you will all join us on the dark side, by which I mean the gay side, bwah hah hah hah!!" ?
A
new guide provides information for educators, human service providers
and allies about supporting the health and well-being of children and
youth who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex
and/or two-spirit (LGBTQI2-S) and their families.
Or, in other words. . .
Join me, and together we will rule the Castro!
Also, it may be worth noting that they pretty specifically do not call homosexuality "S-2" or "two spririts. That is mentioned as a seperate category of being "intersex." Which is pretty different, I think. I mean, I'm not the biggest expert in what the scary non-breeder people are up to to try and destroy America, but I'm pretty sure that intersex and gay are two separate things.
Anyway, it may shock you to learn that while the AIR website says many positive things about treating LGBT youth like decent human beings, nowhere on the page does it mention anything about how to turn straight kids gay, let alone how to get them to be as homosexual as they can possibly be.
D'oh! Why did I provide a link to a page that shows how full of shit I am?
Oh, right. Florida!
Van Zant confirmed he made the comments at an event two months ago,
although he did not know he was being recorded on video. He said Common
Core could introduce homosexuality to children, something he said should
be left to parents to discuss with their kids. “I don't think that has any place being introduced in Florida schools,” Van Zant said.
And neither does science! Or History. Or Geography. The only textbooks we need are the Bible and everything by David Barton!
Who, perhaps not coincidentally, looks like the guy who kidnapped Helena on Orphan Black.
Anyway, here's the video, via Think Progress, in case you don't think that anyone could be this fucking weird and stupid.
I mean, I'm sure that by now there must be at least 10 or 20 million patriots swarming the Mall in DC demanding his ouster, and. . .
Oh.
Oh, I see.
But surely there must be a bunch more in other parts of. . .
Oh.
So, which million of you guys are going to be the ones to stay for the long haul?
And the best part is, those people who did show up? They're surprised by the "dismal turnout!"
Jackie Milton, 61, who came all the way from Texas for the protest said
he was disappointed with the numbers. “It’s a very dismal turnout,”
Milton told The Washington Post. “It ain’t no million. And it ain’t looking like there’s going to be millions,” he said.
So how does this happen? How do people really get their hopes up that millions and millions of people are really going to show up to demand the resignation of most pf the government? Granted, these are the same people who were completely stunned when Mitt Romney lost the election to Barack Obama even though ALL the polls predicted exactly that. But how does that happen?
I suppose that's what happens when you live in the FOX News /AM talk radio bubble. Because in the bubble, everyone, absolutely everyone just hates hates HATES Barack Obama. And absolutely everyone knows that he is just constantly violating the Constitution on myriad uncountable and unexplainable ways. Everyone in the bubble knows that the future of the Republic is in danger if these darn liberals like Barack Obama and Mitch McConell aren't immediately removed from office.
And if 100% of the folks in the bubble think this way, it's only reasonable to assume that something close to 100% of ALL people must think that way, it's just simple statistical analysis. So, let's say maybe 90% of 300 million people, and maybe only half are able to make it to DC, I suppose some folks can't afford cars because of Obama's job-killing policies, that means that. . . um, carry the one. . about . . . 135 million people who could be reasonably expected to show up.
[Tucker]Carlson also pointed out that he preferred the Grateful Dead to rap music because it was “wholesome.”
Fuck you, Carlson. Don't you ruin the Dead for me. This is worse than the time that teenage me was playing some record and my mom walked by my room and said "oh, I like this song." Because no one wants to like any music that their mom likes but at least my mom wasn't a shit-eating little prick like Tucker Carlson.
And by the way, I know that a lot of the FOX/talk radio assholes are doing it for the money, but Tucker Carlson has never had to do anything for the money. He was born with a silver spoon up his ass, he's just horrible for the fun of being horrible.
And he's saying that the Grateful Dead are "wholesome?" Where does he come up with that? Has he ever heard any of their lyrics?
I come in from Memphis
where I learned to talk the jive
When I get back to Memphis
be one less man alive
Good Mornin Mr. Benson
I see you're doin well If I had me a shotgun
I'd blow you straight to Hell
or how about
And it's three days ride from Bakersfield and I don't know why I came
I guess I came to keep from payin' dues
So instead I've got a bottle and a girl who's just fourteen
And a damn good case of the Mexicali Blues
. . .
I went down to those dusty streets, blood was on my mind
I guess that stranger hadn't heard the news
'Cause I shot first and killed him, Lord, he didn't even draw
And he made me trade the gallows for the Mexicali Blues
or
One of them cowboys, he starts to draw,
And I shot him down, Lord he never saw.
Well I grabbed a bottle, cracked him in the jaw,
Shot me another, oh damn he won't grow old.
In the confusion, my uncle grabbed the gold,
And we high-tailed it down to Mexico.
I love those cowboys, I love their gold,
I loved my uncle, God rest his soul,
Taught me good, Lord, Taught me all I know
Taught me so well, I grabbed that gold
And I left his dead ass there by the side of the road.
or
Got a wife in Chino, babe
And one in Cherokee
First one says she's got my child
But it don't look like me
I set out running but I take my time
A friend of the Devil is a friend of mine
(via MPS) From Lunatic hate-monger Tony Perkins of Family Research Council comes this quote:
“Contraception is made available as if it were candy which sends a message. . .
Okay, so you think you've seen this movie before. Contraception is widely available and it's turning our innocent young ladies into giant slut-bags, etc. . .
well it’s there, it must be there for a reason. . .
Or maybe it's the one about how no young person would ever get it into his head to go out and do sex to a lady if it were not for society's evil influence, placing contraception within his grasp and what-not?
and then we’re surprised when — this is not justification, it’s wrong, we are all responsible for our actions — but we’re surprised when people act on these outside factors that they are surrounded by.
Oh, no wait. Maybe it's the even worse movie where a right-wing moralizer makes excuses for rapists? It's not the boys' fault that they get so tempted by the slutty temptresses, what with evil secularist society making contraceptives so readily available, how can they control themselves? One of those quotes?
Nope!
Here's the actual ending of this Tony Perkins quote:
It leads to tyranny.”
How the what? Leads to tyranny? I would've bet money he was gonna say "leads to whoredom" or "leads to fornicationville" or something that at least has some relation to the availability of sex stuff, but tyranny? Just to be sure, here's the quote in its entirety:
“Contraception is made available as if it were candy which sends a message, well it’s there, it must be there for a reason, and then we’re surprised when — this is not justification, it’s wrong, we are all responsible for our actions — but we’re surprised when people act on these outside factors that they are surrounded by. It leads to tyranny.”
I've searched the intertubes for some context, and this is all I can find:
“It leads to tyranny,” added Perkins."This is the challenge we have when we abandon objective truth and jettison the moral law and live by an arbitrary standard that is put in place by government.”
How exactly making birth control available has anything to do with objective truth, or what "objective truth" has to do with abandoning moral law or what any of that has to do with tyranny is anyone's guess.
Hey, everybody. Pay attention, now. Totally not-delusional weirdo Ted Cruz has issued a very super-important report that is totally serious, you guys. Seriously, for real!
And you can see how important it is because he went with this cover:
instead of his first choice:
Anyway, it is entitled:
THE LEGAL LIMIT: THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION’S ATTEMPTS TO EXPAND FEDERAL POWER
Because apparently it can be expanded beyond what Bush expanded it to? (but that didn't count because "keeping us safe" and "war on terror" and "fredommmmm!!!!")
And after a long, self-important introduction, which I will spare you. . . oh, hell, I had to read it, so do you! Here's just a little taste.
Of all the troubling aspects of the Obama presidency, none is more dangerous than the President's persistent pattern of lawlessness, his willingness to disregard the written law and instead enforce his own policies via executive fiat.
In the more than two centuries of our nation’s history, there is simply no precedent for the White House wantonly ignoring federal law and asking others to do the same.
Except for that one guy who decided habeus corpus was optional and that warantless wiretapping was only illegal unless he really really wanted to, and that torture was perfectly fine as long as you didn't call it torture. . .
"Enhanced Fondling." Perfectly legal! anyway, then he lists the various categories of supposed misdeeds: Governing by Executive Fiat National Security Obamacare Economy Executive Nominees and Personel Free Speech and Privacy Other Lawless Acts Other Abuses of Power
Let's have a look at a few of these totally illegal lawbreakings, shall we?
1. Disregarded 1996 welfare reform law in granting broad work waivers for work requirements of Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF).
Wow, right out of the gate! That's a lie. Or Mr. Cruz is stunningly misinformed, either way it is just not true. And this is the Very first misdeed on the misdeed list! You'd think you'd begin with actual wrongdoings before you have to resort to blatant falsehoods to pad out the list.
5. Extended federal marriage benefits by recognizing, under federal law, same-sex marriages created in a state that allows same-sex marriage even if the couple is living in a state that doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage.
Um, okay, at least that one is true, but how is it an "abuse of power" or "lawlessness" or whatever? It has always been the case that a marriage that is legal in Michigan is legal in Mississippi is legal in Maryland. The fact that some fucktard bass-ackwatrds states choose not to recognize valid legal marriages from other more enlightened states doesn't change that. If the President has decided to honor the principle of equal protection under the law, I don't see how you can say he's doing anything wrong. He's just doing something you don't like.
NATIONAL SECURITY
1. Falsely portrayed the Benghazi terrorist attack as a spontaneous protest against an anti-Muslim YouTube video, and then lied about the White House’s involvement
Wow, I can't believe he waited this long to go to the #Benghazi, Behghazi, Benghazi!!!
#Benghazi #tcot
I'm pretty sure that it is not a crime for the intelligence community to say "let's not let the terrorists know that we know it's them, because strategy." Also, the huge demonstrations which the terrorists used to aid their attack absolutely were spontaneous protests against an anti-Muslim video. Also, fuck you, Ted Cruz. Never heard a peep out of you when Dubya was lying about WMDs. Those lies cost thousands of American lives. "Lying" about Benghazi, and there's no real reason to think that these were even lies, cost exactly zero. But which one are you assholes holding hearing after hearing about, hmm?
4.Killed four Americans overseas in counterterrorism operations without judicial process.
Oh my God, how are you not leading with this? How is it that on your list of misdeeds, killing 4 Americans without due process is NUMBER FOUR in SECTION TWO? Where are your priorities? This is the only one that seems like an actual crime. (And if it isn't, it should be.) But to you, it's apparently an afterthought, tucked in between "Failed to enforce the Magnitsky Act" and "Continued to give Egypt aid" You have some seriously fucked-up priorities, Cruz.
Then we get in to what is really the most super-illegal impeach-now category of high crimes:
OBAMACARE 2. Delayed the individual mandate for two years.
So, he did what the Republicans had begged/demanded that he do? Impeach!!!
Also, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but in our system (not the Canadian system with which you're familiar) the Executive Branch is in charge of implementing laws. If the executive decides that a delay ion implementation is necessary, that's his perogative. He has to administer the laws, hence the phrase "Obama Administration)
4. Extended the deadline to enroll in Obamacare.
See above.
Also, you are really getting desperate if extending a dealine is one of your "abuses of power!"
I mean, you could hardly get more ridiculous than that!
9. Illegally required people to violate their faith via the Obamacare contraception mandate.
Oh, I stand corrected.
Enforcing the law of the land is illegal now? It's illegal if some uptight Bible-thumpers are uncomfortable with aspects of the law? What about the law that says that Rastafarians are not allowed to smoke pot even though it is part of their religion? What about the law that says you can't be a bigamist even if your brand of Mormonism is totally okay with that? What about fuck you, you don't get to impose your religious beliefs on your employees?
10. As of May 2011, over 50% of Obamacare waiver beneficiaries were union members (who account for less than 12% of the American work force).
Um, that is a statistic. Not a scandal.
I don't know whether it's true, and since the source you cite for this claim is the Washington Times, I doubt that it is, but either way, a statistic is not a crime.
FREE SPEECH AND PRIVACY 1. Illegally targeted conservative groups for heightened IRS scrutiny.
Jeezus, how many times does that need to be debunked?
OTHER LAWLESS ACTS
1. Aided drug cartels instead of enforcing immigration laws—as found by a federal judge. Border Patrol agents, multiple times, knowingly helped smuggle illegal immigrant children into the U.S.
What? The border patrol helping drug cartels? And helping the drug cartels by smuggling children. . . what? Where the fuck would you even come up with so insane an idea?
Stephen Dinan,
Border Patrol helps smuggle illegal immigrant children into the United States Wash. Times, Dec. 19, 2013.
Oh, of course. You do know that the Moonie Times is not a reliable source of. . . oh, never mind. Of course you don't.
2. Illegally sold thousands of guns to criminals, in the operation known as Fast and Furiousand then refused to comply with congressional subpoenas about the operation
How many times does THAT need to be debunked? Seriously, that is NOT what happened. And F&F wasa program initiated by the Bush Administration. And the drug dealers were able to buy weapons of war in Arizona because gun nuts like you have eviscerated Arizona's gun laws to the point that pretty much anyone can buy an assault weapon there.
3. Dismissed charges filed by Bush Administration against New Black Panther Party members who were videotaped intimidating voters at a Philadelphia polling station during the 2008 election.
True. Of course, that had a lot to do with the fact that there was no complaining witness. No one reported being intimidated by the Panthers who were legally observing the polling station. But other than that, yeah. Scandal!
4. Argued for expansive federal powers in the Supreme Court, which has rejected the Administration’s arguments unanimously 9 times since January 2012
How is that a "Lawless Act," exactly? Pleading your case in court? That's lawless now? Better go arrest every lawyer in America!
5. Sued Louisiana to stop school vouchers and keep low-income minorities trapped in failing schools.
It's unlawful to file a lawsuit? I mean, shit, it has the word "law" right in it! Right before "suit!" How can that be lawless?
Any way, there are so many more, but who has the strength? The point is, Ted Cruz is a nutty, stupid piece of shit with no soul, no conscience, and very little grasp of reality.
