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Tuesday, March 21, 2017

People who need to sit down and shut up

1. Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke

(Via: C & L) On Thursday, Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett ripped into Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke regarding Clarke's misplaced priorities:

On Friday, perhaps after celebrating with a few green beers, Clarke took to the official Facebook page of the Sheriff's Office to have his tantrum:
Comment from Sheriff Clarke in response to Barrett’s recent remarks about the sheriff:
“The last time Tom Barrett showed up at a crime scene he got his ass kicked by a drunk, tire-iron-wielding man who beat him within inches of his life. The milquetoast mayor trying to play cop foolishly thought he could simply talk the man who beat him senseless into backing down. Bet he won't try that again!
Timid Tom should leave policing to the professionals like me, and stick to coming up with a plan to reduce the violence, carjackings, random shootings that leave children dead, and the burglary ring currently plaguing the north side of Milwaukee.. . . Whoever told Barrett it was a good idea to come out of hiding and take shots at me gave him some bad advice. I will give Tom "Mr. Peepers" Barrett this much credit however - he would know what a crime scene looks like because Milwaukee is full of them. If you had to call for help, who would you rather see show up, me or timid Tom? Time to crawl back into your hole Tom, unless you want some more of this because I have some.”

Image result for now go away or i shall taunt you a second time gif

Okay, first of all, if you're gonna swagger around like a tough guy, threatening him with another round of mockery is pretty weak sauce.
Secondly, it's pretty pathetic to complain about how crime-ridden your city is when you're the fucking sheriff!
And third, I don't think that a man who confronts an angry, tire-iron-wielding criminal can really be described as "timid."

2. Former New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg.

Democrats: Don't Use Republican Playbook on Gorsuch


Democrats long complained about the way Republicans treated President Barack Obama. When Republicans refused to cooperate on legislation, when they threatened to shut down the government, when they stonewalled his Supreme Court nominee, Democrats lambasted them -- and justifiably so -- for dereliction of duty. Yet now that Donald Trump is in the White House, Democrats are threatening to adopt the very same tactics, concluding that they need to fight like Republicans. In other words, it’s their turn to act irresponsibly.
Of course, what goes around comes around, and the hunger for payback among Democrats is understandable. But the rule we all teach our children applies to Congress as well: Two wrongs don’t make a right

Ugh, I am so sick of this shit. I am so goddamm sick and tired of Democrats/Progressives/Liberals being told that we have to be the bigger person. It's like a parent telling the older child to just let the younger one have his way so he'll stop throwing a tantrum.

And this isn't even about the need for one party to be the grownup in the room so that some sense of decorum or maturity or whatever can somehow be restored to Washington. This is about the future of our country. This is about a Supreme Court justice that will serve for a generation, creating precedents and upholding or striking down laws that affect peoples' lives. And the only reason that this Gorsuch is even a possibility is because Republicans threw the tantrum of all tantrums and, in an unprecedented display of fucketry, refused to even consider any nominee from the last administration. Some even stuck out their lower lips and said they were happy to let the seat go unfilled for four more years should Hillary Clinton be the next President. And they got away with it in part because the Democrats felt obligated to be the bigger persons. The Democrats felt the need to be the mature adults in the room. They should have been in front of every camera and microphone they could find screaming bloody murder over this sickening display of rank partisanship, this utter disdain for 200 years of process. And the President could have and should have put Garland through as a recess appointment, or had Biden gavel in the Senate before the new members were sworn in just to vote on the nomination, but he didn't. Because he had to be the bigger man. And look where that got us.

So when a patrician little pipsqueak like Mike Bloomberg who won't personally feel the effect of any Supreme Court decision on his life, wants to tell the Democrats to be the grownups, I have just one thing to say to him:

3. Former Governor and current sack of crap Mike Huckabee

HUCKABEE: Well, it's springtime. It's time for the snowflakes to melt and accept the fact that Donald Trump is president. And if that is her message, she can be very honest and say look, we don't have to like what he proposes. We don't have to like him, but we have to accept that he is the president and we have to respect the office of the presidency.

Don't you mean it's time to pretend that the president isn't an American citizen? Or that it's time to accuse the President of being in league with terrorists? Or of being a gay-married, abortion-supporting enforcer of Sharia Law? Because you can't seriously be calling on people to "accept" the President and "respect the office" after the way you and your FOX buddies spent the last eight years.

If she would say that, then I'll believe she's trying to bring us together. If all she's going to do is raise her fist in the air and say resist, well look, it's too late to resist. That's what we do every four years. It's called an election. Donald Trump won and people need to accept it. Again, they don't have to like it.

Ah, the acceptance!

This is America. We're free to disagree. But we're not free to try to delegitimize the duly elected president of the United States.

Wow. "It's too late to resist" is probably the most terrifying thing I have ever heard a public figure say.

And as for "we are not free to delegitimize the president," I don't know what's worse. The stunning level of hypocrisy, or the utter failure to grasp how the 1st Amendment works. Either way, sit down and shut up, Gomer!

4. Unfunny comedian Tim Allen

(via: Slate)

Tim Allen Says Supporting Trump in Hollywood Is “Like ’30s Germany”

In this town, I’m not kidding, you gotta be real careful around here, you know, you can get beat up if you don’t believe what everybody believes. This is like ’30s Germany! I don’t know what, I don’t know what happened. If you’re not part of the group—“You know, what we believe is right … ” I go, “Well, I might have a problem with that.” I’m a comedian—I like going on both sides.

 Jeezus Christ, you right-wing crybabies have no perspective.
"Ooh, I didn't get the part I was up for. This must be what it was like on the Trail of Tears!"
"My agent isn't returning my calls. Now I know what the Bataan Death March was like!"
Being a conservative in Hollywood is like 1930s Germany? Fuck you it isn't.

Who has gotten "beat up" by Hollywood liberals? I know you haven't. You haven't even had trouble finding employment. You're the "star" of yet another awful sit-com despite your one-note, two-dimensional "acting" style and utter inability to be at all funny.  You haven't been persecuted. And neither have Kelsey Grammer, Jon Voight, Patricia Heaton, or any of the other Hollywood conservatives. When you keep getting paid huge sums of money to appear in movies and tv shows, it's pretty pathetic to whine about how tough you have it in Hollywood.
And even if you were being blackballed from showbiz, even if you did find it socially uncomfortable to express your conservative vbiews, no one is herding you poor, beleaguered right-wing actors onto train cars headed for death camps which is ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENED TO PEOPLE IN 1930s GERMANY YOU GODDAMM PIECE OF SHIT!

Saturday, March 18, 2017

RIP, Chuck Berry

Today we lost the legendary Chuck Berry. Probably the greatest writer of rock and roll songs and one of the greatest American songwriters in any genre. I put him in the same league as Hank Williams, John Prine, Townes Van Zandt, etc.

What makes this especially sad is the fact that he had recently announced plans to release his first new recordings in over 30 years. Hopefully the recordings were completed and can be released posthumously. 

Chuck Berry will always be remembered for the "duck walk" and the signature riff, but he never does get enough credit as one of the all-time great songwriters.

That's why EVERYONE covers Chuck Berry:


“If you had to give rock’n’roll another name, you might call it Chuck Berry” -John Lennon

“Why should I write songs when Chuck Berry wrote them all?” -George Thorogood

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

What I missed while I was out of town

Okay, I'm back. What'd I miss?

Well, the Drumpf administration sponsored a series of "March for Trump" rallies across this nation, and literally dozens of people showed up! 
Okay, fine. Hundreds. Not anywhere near the tens of thousands of people who showed up in every city in America for the Women's Marches, but still.

The largest, most spectacular rally ever. Believe me. 

But what they lacked in size, they made up for in sheer horror.

Trump Supporters Call For 'Liberal Genocide' and Deportation of Jews at Arizona Rally

Things get ugly fast at a "March for Trump" in Phoenix, Arizona.

Maricopa County burnished its reputation as the Trumpiest in America last weekend as hundreds of locals, including heavily armed militamen, white nationalists and even a few elected officials, gathered to support the 45th president.

"If she's Jewish, she should go back to her country," a 13-year-old Trump supporter said of a protester.
"This is America, we don't want Sharia law," one attendee explained. "Christian country," he added.

Quite right, sir! We do not want to live in a country whose laws are based on the Quaran. We want to live in a country governed by the Book of Leviticus! Less boning, more stoning I always say!

One man insisted that Senator John McCain was a "secret communist."

Oh, Senator McCain! Aren't you glad that you thrust Sarah Palin into the national spotlight and enabled and emboldened these cousin-fuckers? Aren't you proud?!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_750/mccain-palin.jpg

"I think there's a lot there," another said of Pizzagate, a deranged right-wing conspiracy theory claiming that Clinton's campaign chairman John Podesta ran a child prostitution ring out of a Washington, D.C. pizzeria. "Definitely enough to warrant an investigation."

I just want to let them know that I can't wait for the liberal genocide to begin," an Oath Keeper shouted at a small group of protesters. "That's the way to make America great again," he later told Cohen.

So I'm expecting someone from the Drumpf Administration to publicly condemn this sort of violent, eliminationist rhetoric any day now.

Oh, and this happened in Ohio, which used to be one of our saner states:

Ohio bill to make marital rape illegal gets no support from state Republicans

Loophole means prosecutors seeking rape convictions must prove 'force or the threat of force' if a spouse is attacked

Wait, that can't possibly be right, can it?

A proposed law that would make it illegal for husbands to drug and rape their wives has found no backers among Republicans in Ohio.

The bill is the second introduced by Democrat state representative Greta Johnson to address the “unacceptable” loophole in Ohio law that means prosecutors must prove there was “force or the threat of force” for a sexual attack by a husband or wife to be considered rape.
Cases in which the spouse is drugged do not qualify for prosecution, Ms Johnson said.

And if you think that maybe there's something you're missing, some reason why anyone would not support an anti-rape bill, some sort of "law of unintended consequences" sort of thing, just read this response to the posting of this article on Tumblr ( :

SO you support a bill that would allow any woman to claim a man drugged her and raped her (keeping in mind women already have numerous advantages when it comes to making accusations), creating a scenario where it would be virtually impossible for any man to adequately defend himself, but would then get to go to Family Court with the word “rapist” hanging around his head?
No, seriously, how does one defend against such an accusation?
Her: “He gave me wine and then we had sex…”
Him: “Well, that’s true you’re honor, but we’ve had date nights for the past fifteen years…”
Judge: “That will be 20 years in prison for you, fucking rapist, and now she owns everything you’ve ever earned.”
You: *smugly nods* “Justice is done.”
Me, not a fucking psychopath:


Because, from what I can see on the internet, there are a lot of men out there who sincerely believe that women just go around making false rape accusations all the time, whenever a man pisses them off, and the justice system just takes these women at their word and jails the men who have been falsely accused instead of what actually happens, which is pretty much the exact opposite.

What else?
Oh, a sitting Congressman directly threatened the free press.

House Intelligence chair tells press to be 'careful': 'Do you want us to investigate you?

Because there's nothing fascisty at all about threatening the fourth estate.

House Intelligence Committee Chairman—and Trump transition team member—Rep. David Nunes (R-CA) gave a press gaggle Thursday a not so subtle warning to the press about pursuing the Trump-Russia connections.

"I'm sure some of you are in contact with the Russian embassy so be careful what you ask for here, because if we get —if we start getting transcripts of any of you or other Americans talking to the press, then we can, do you want us to conduct an investigation on you or other Americans because you were talking to the Russian embassy? I just think we need to be careful."

How delightfully Cheney-esque!
Hey, you better not do any reporting on Russia or we'll fire up the old HUAC machine so fast, it'll make your head spin!

Executive privilege, which wouldn't apply since the contacts between the Russians and administration officials took place prior to Drumpf taking office. And also, the Administration would be the one to claim executive privilege, not Congress. You can't claim executive privilege on behalf of the executive. That's like a prosecutor claiming attorney-client privilege on behalf of the accused. It makes no sense.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

10 things Drumpf did to seem "Presdiential"

1. Did not brag about the size of his penis. Or hands.

2. Was not escorted to the podium by a showgirl on each arm.

3. Did not once mention how much he'd like to bang his daughter.

4. Did not take time out to tweet insults at Rosie O'Donnell

5. Got through entire speech without lapsing into Russian.

6. No racial slurs.

7. Did not grab a single woman by the crotch the entire time.

8.  Was not attacked by any birds or other wild animals.

9. Managed to get through entire speech without calling Senators "losers."

10. Nothing. He did nothing but manage to read a speech off a teleprompter without falling down and the press decides that this is the perfect reason to further normalize him.