Why I Steer Clear of Missouri

The Lafayette County Republican Central Committee is proudly celebrating a new crazy billboard on I-70 near Grain Valley. It calls for citizens to "starve the beast" and "vote out incumbents" -- and if that doesn't work, "PREPARE FOR WAR." (source)

Apparently, in Missouri it is perfectly acceptable to openly advocate armed insurrection against the government of the United States of America.

Also, it is apparently acceptable to just steal New Hampshire's state motto.

And using appalling grammar like "revolution of a corrupt government" is, I guess, one way to show your contempt for those Washington insiders and their grasp of the English language.

And yes, the Lafayette county Republicans are actually bragging about this billboard on their website. Check it out.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

New I-70 billboard replaces famed OBAMANATION sign. Reads: Vote Out Incumbents. Live Free or Die!

New billboard on I-70 replaces the nationally-and-highly publicized "Obamanation" billboard that quickly rose, in recent weeks, to statewide and national fame. (Sign is located east bound on the north side just before the Grain Valley exit).

And their assault on the English language continues unabated on this website of theirs.

Oh, and here is their previous billboard of which they seem to be so proud:
At least that one was just bug-eyed, poo-throwing crazy. It doesn't actually recommend an armed revolution (but only if option 1, tax evasion, doesn't work!)

So that's why we here in the Chaos compound tend to give Missouri a pretty wide berth. Because being in between Florida and Alabama is bad enough.

Oh, so THAT"S Why People Watch FOX!

Is this guy crazy or stupid, or just a lying scumbag?

So there's this website called "American Thinker."
And on this website is a guy who goes by the nom de plume "Robin of Berkeley"
And this guy is a sort of a cross between Glenn Beck and Jonah Goldberg.
He exists in this weird nexus of crazy and stupid, a condition I will call "crapid." (tm)
It rhymes with "vapid."

I honestly can't tell whether this person actually believes the nonsense he's writing or just figures his readers are dumb enough to believe it.

He starts out this particular column with a quote from John Lennon, which seems promising.

We're playing those mind games together

Pushing the barriers,

Planting seeds

Playing the mind guerrilla

Chanting the mantra, peace on earth

-John Lennon

But after reading the body of his text, it becomes apparent that this is not so much an homage to the late great Beatle as it is a symbolic disinterment of Lennon's body followed by a symbolic raping of said body atop the grave of George Harrison.

It's a chilling moment when the light goes out in someone's eyes. A once-radiant child hardens from abuse. A woman's heart shrinks after her husband's abandonment.

The person looks the same, maybe acts the same. But something is gone, and what's lost is irretrievable. It's like when a person dies: in a heartbeat, the soul vanishes.

Which, oddly enough is the look I had on my face after I finished reading this article.

I witnessed this alteration recently when I visited my goddaughter, a radiant girl. Her mom, a hardcore progressive, has started exposing her to the darkest elements of the left. And the last time I looked in the girl's eyes, the light had gone out. Disappeared. Just like that.

Okay, couple of things here.
One- what "hardcore progressive" would ask you to be the godfather to her child?
Two- what exactly are these "darkest elements of the left"? Has the light gone out in this little girl's eyes because her mother explained the progressive income tax to her? Has her mother shamelessly exposed her daughter to the idea that Medicare could be expanded to non-senior citizens? That would sure kill the light in my eyes! Did her mother dare to tell her that the minimum wage was too low, or that Unions have done a lot to improve the lives of working folks?
Of course, Robin never specifies what these supposed "darkest elements"are. I guess he just assumes that his readers will fill in the blanks with whatever devilment they think progressives practice. "Why, I'll bet that mother taught her daughter to be a Muslim lesbian!"

I see this phenomenon every day: a light dimming. The friendly shopkeeper snaps at me. My cheerful neighbor seems flattened.


Where do you live that there are still "shopkeepers?" Is your house in 19th Century London?

Also, I have to think that if everyone you come into contact with seems upset, maybe it's you.

And you hear it in the news: people acting strangely, going off the deep end. The most bizarre behavior becoming the new normal.

A thug bites off a finger. Sarah Palin's church is torched. Bullies intimidate voters. . . .Why now?

Yes, why now? Why would someone torch a church now? that certainly has never happened before! Except that the US Dept. of Justice said this 10 years ago: The NCATF [National Church Arson Task Force] has opened investigations into 670 arsons, bombings or attempted bombings that have occurred at houses of worship between January 1, 1995, and September 8, 1998.

And never before has a thug bit off part of another man's body!

Why now? This may be the most important question of our time. Why are some people reaching the boiling point? Why do many others look vacant, like an Invasion of the Body Snatchers? The shootings at military bases, from Little Rock to Fort Hood -- why now?

Ooh, I wonder what answer he'll come up with?

Wait for it. . . . .

It's Obama, of course.

Wow! Never saw that one coming!

Liberals will excoriate me for writing this. They'll insist that bad behavior is not Obama's fault. He's a man of peace.

Stupid liberals will ignore the fact that there never was any bad behavior until Obama became president!

But study the phenomenon of cults, and the dynamics are always the same. The leader can incite violence without ever getting his hands dirty. Obama is controlling the marionette of the masses.

And this statement needs no backing up at all. No evidence of any kind needed to defend this toatally obvious fact of trueness!

If Obamamania is a cult, then Obama is the cult leader.

Yes. If Obamamania existed, then perhaps Obama would be the leader of this thing that would exist.
Also, if the New York Yankees are a cult, then George Steinbrenner is the cult leader!
And if the Oprah Winfrey Show is a cult, then Oprah Winfrey is a cult leader!

I don't understand why some people seem to find Obama's popularity so ominous. Why would you think it strange that a fellow who was elected president would be well-liked and popular? Remember when Bush was super-popular after 9/11? You know, before most people realized what a colossal fuck-up he was? Why weren't these fucktards concerned about Bush-o-mania back then?

Cult leaders routinely pull the strings of their followers. The most extreme example is Charles Manson. He rots in prison for murders he never committed. He didn't have to do the dirty work. His brainwashed charges did his bidding.

Um hm, and this is relevant because. . .?
I'm not saying Obama is a Charles Manson.

Of course, I'm not saying he isn't!

I'm not saying Obama is a Charles Manson. There are varying degrees of manipulation, from using sexy blondes to entice men to buy cars all the way to hypnotizing them to drink poisoned Kool Aid. But there's a common denominator in all mind control: manipulating people through mind games.

So there is a continuum from automobile advertisements to Jonestown? And Obama is somewhere on this continuum? Well, since the continuum would necessarily include just about fucking everything and everyone, yeah I guess he would be.

As soon as Obama came on the scene, the programming began. His face was plastered everywhere like Mao.

Right, because major-party presidential candidates are rarely paid attention to. No other candidates had their faces on magazine covers or paid for billboards, TV commercials or yard signs! Clearly if someone becomes well-known, that's just like being Chairman Mao!

Hey, look! It's the Chairman Mao of the 1990's!

In his speeches, Obama lulled audiences with a melodious voice and feel-good phrases repeated over and over. And he began inciting people with his charming smile.

Oh! My! God! It's totally true, you guys! Obama DOES have a pleasant speaking voice! And a nice smile! I'm totally getting incited! Incited to, um, go and uh, do . . . something? I guess?

First, the vultures starting swooping down on Hillary. Obama chose not to call off the dogs.

Maybe the dogs were trying to protect Hillary from the vultures?

Then thugs invaded caucuses. Again, silence.

Silence! After the thing that never happened! Shame, shame, shame!

Which led to vicious misogyny against Sarah Palin and threats on her life. From Obama: not a peep.

Okay, when was palin's life ever threatened? And what vicious misogyny was aimed at her? I remember people at palin's rallies shouting "kill him!" whenever sarah mentioned Barack Obama. And I remember her smiling her charming smile and saying nothing, but who was threatening Palin? again, no documentation, no evidence, no links to news stories regarding palin's life being threatened, we're just supposed to accept this as established fact?
And as for misogyny, to what are you referring there? People pointing out that Palin was an empty-headed, inexperienced demagogue is not misogyny. It's just pointing out the obvious. But of course, blame the messenger. Poor little Sarah has to always be the victim!

We even saw armed thugs at polling places. Ignored and not prosecuted by Obama's Attorney General.
Also, we saw unicorns and mermaids! Then the drugs wore off.
After the drugs wore off, we also realized that it would have been George W> Bush's Attorney General who would have been the one declining to prosecute, since Obama would not take office until Jan 20, AFTER the ELECTION!

The moment Obama became president, he upped the signals. At the swearing in, the entire family eerily chose to wear black and red, colors associated with communism and black nationalism.

OH MY GOD! LOOK AT THESE BLACK NATIONALIST COMMUNISTS!

He gave a white police officer a dressing down for doing his job, in effect calling him a racist.

Yes, specifically avoiding calling the cop a racist, then sharing a beer with him is, in effect, calling him a racist!

Obama's greatest magic trick? Brainwashing the masses to believe that racism is a greater danger than radical Islam, and that Obama himself is in constant peril.

Who has been brainwashed? Do you know how hard it is to brainwash someone? The Vietcong tried for how many years to brainwash John McCain and couldn't do it. Granted, John McCain was a tougher SOB than most, but still, it takes a lot of concentrated effort and a lot of time to brainwash...but perhaps I've said too much!

Oh, and as far as Barack Obama "brainwashing" people to believe that he himself is in constant peril? Just look at this headline from the London Guardian:

Barack Obama faces 30 death threats a day, stretching US Secret Service

Yeah, that's 30 death threats EVERY FUCKING DAY! So, I'd say he's in a certain amount of peril!

Opposing health care means you oppose Obama. Oppose Obama and you're part of a vast right-wing racist conspiracy.

No, opposing health care means you are an asshole who doesn't mind that a lot of sick people don't have access to affordable medical treatment. And you are part of a vast stupid-wing carnival of dickishness.


Thus, more and more people are finding themselves on the receiving end of a fist, figurative or literal

Ow! The figurative fist!

After the White House released a directive for his followers to strike back hard, a frail, diabetic black man at a Town Hall was beaten up.

Ok, we've been over this already, remember?
The frail black man was not beaten up. There was no order given to "strike back."

Even women can get slugged in the face. Obama signaled during the primary that women were fair game.

What? What the fuck are you talking about? When did candidate Obama signal that it was OK to punch women? That just goes beyond ludicrous! Do you mean that the fact that he defeated a woman in the primaries was some sort of indication that he condones violence against women?

Anyway, this clown goes on for awhile in this same vein, and I'm too tired to deal with anymore of it. If you want to read the whole thing, it's here. I do just want to highlight one more sentence, though. Speaking of violent fringe groups from the '60's and '70's he writes:

Patty Hearst morphed into bank robber Tania after weeks of isolation, rape, and beatings by the SLA.

So here, he kind of refutes his own earlier claim that Barack Obama has brainwashed the American people. See, this is the kind of effort it takes to brainwash someone. weeks of isolation, beatings and rape. Not appearing on television and speaking in a pleasant tone.

So I'm still not sure if this "Robin of Berkeley " actually believes his own b.s. I don't know if he's that stupid, or that crazy, or if he's just that scummy. But I know my head hurts after reading just one of his crapid articles.

I think She Lost a bet

From AFP

I get screwed again!

Johnny Depp wins his 2nd 'Sexiest Man Alive' title

Seriously, People magazine?

You're telling me this:

Is sexier than THIS?


Obviously, the fix was in! Hey Depp, who'd you sleep with to win this one?

Eeeww! Never mind. You earned it.

Oh, this just keeps getting better!

According to super-reliable wingnut site "NewsMax" there is a possibility of a Palin/Beck ticket in 2012.

Palin-Beck Ticket? Sarah Doesn't Rule it Out

Palin/Beck?







No, even sillier!



It's no secret that former GOP vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin and Fox News host Glenn Beck share great respect and admiration

Really?
So I guess you have to be as crazy as Glenn beck to admire Sarah Palin, or as dumb as Sarah Palin to respect Glenn Beck? Yeah, that adds up.

. . .so their fans can be forgiven for wondering: Is a "dream ticket" of Palin-Beck ticket completely out of the question?

No. No they can not be forgiven for wondering that. They can be pitied, they can be ridiculed, they can be shunned for considering Palin and Beck a "dream ticket," but not forgiven.

"I can envision a couple of different combinations, if ever I were to be in a position to really even seriously consider running for anything in the future, and I'm not there yet," Palin tells Newsmax. "But Glenn Beck I have great respect for. He's a hoot.

I'm sorry, a hoot? Did you really say he's a hoot? You have great respect for Glenn beck because he's a HOOT?
He's a hoot. He gets his message across in such a clever way.

I don't think you know what the word "clever" means.
Or the word "message."
Mouth-frothing, bug-eyed, baboon-ass crazy is really not a "clever" method of getting one's "message" across. And wild paranoid bouts of lunacy are not really "messages."

And he's so bold, I have to respect that.

maybe you have to, but the rest of us sure as hell don't.
He calls it like he sees it, and he's very, very, very effective."

I don't think you understand what the word "effective" means. Perhaps you meant to say Defective? Also, there's got to be a limit on how many "very's" you can string together in one sentence. I think the limit is probably one, I'd be willing to accept two, but three just means you couldn't come up with a better word.

So in summary, I guess I would just add: Please, God let this happen. A Palin/Beck ticket would be the political train-wreck of the century.

A Palin/Beck ticket would be the "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls." of Presidential politics.

Palin and Beck would be the Gary Busey and Nick Nolte of national campaigns.


















A Palin/Beck ticket would be the political equivalent of OJ Simpson and Phil Spector being tried together for killing Micheal Jackson. With Paris Hilton as the prosecuting attorney.

Seriously, Palin and Beck would be to politics what BritneySpears and Lindsay Lohan are to Hollywood.

Palin and Beck would be the Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty of the campaign trail.

I got a million of 'em!

The Latest Threat

When you get an e-mail with this as the subject line:

Join us to see the next religion to threatening Christianity

You gotta figure you're in for some good crazy.

If nothing else, the phrase "to threatening" promises some nuttiness.

And the first line of the actual e-mail?

Join us to see the next religion to threatening Christianity

So the writer apparently believes this is correct English!

Important free broadcast - Not Evil Just Wrong – Global Warming Science or Religion?

This Should be the shortest broadcast ever. "Science. Thank you, and good night."

Tim Wildmon and Crane Durham of AFA will be joined by Ann McElhinney and Phelim McAleer, the makers of the movie "Not Evil Just Wrong" along with other guests including members of Congress and business people as we discuss the Green Religion that is being scared upon us by the secular humanists.

Not involved in this discussion: anyone who knows what the fuck he's talking about.

So who are Ann McElhenney and Phelim McAleer? Here's what i turned up with a quick Yahoo search:

Laura Ingraham hosted Phelim McAleer and Ann McElhinney, Irish husband and wife documentarians, on their soon-to-be-released film, Not Evil Just Wrong.

Hmm, Laura Ingraham and atrocious syntax? This should be good.

McElhinney said that environmentalists seem to leave people out of the equation as with the number of children who have died thanks to the pesticides ban.

Also left out of the equation was the fact that there isn't actually a pesticide ban. Sure, DDT has been banned and I'm sure a few others have, but many many pesticides are still readily available. Just walk into any Home Depot and ask someone to point you to the pesticide aisle. So how is it that the imaginary ban has killed a bunch of children? They don't say, but I'm going to go ahead and assume that the answer is "it didn't."

McAleer said that environmentalism is anti-capitalism, anti-human, anti-American.

So clearly, they're taking a sober, objective look at the issue, and the obvious conclusion is that a movement which seeks to prevent Earth from becoming unlivable for the Human race is undoubtedly Anti-Human.

They said that banning CO2 will be as deadly as banning DDT.

Of course no one is considering banning CO2, since it would be impossible, like banning dirt. But don't let that get in the way of a good diatribe!

But back to the e-mail.

Get the facts and counter the myths. We have brought out the experts to arm you.

Oh, experts? You mean climatologists? Physicists? Scientists of some sort?

Yeah, not so much.

. . .guests including members of Congress and business people as we discuss the Green Religion. . .

None of whom remotely resemble "experts" in any field of science.

See why our leaders have embraced this movement to grab total control of our lives and use population control to satisfy there [sic] reckless desire for power.

Um, I'm sorry, our leaders are doing what now? I thought healthcare was their tool to seize total control of everything.

Global warming alarmists want Americans to believe that humans are killing the planet. But Not Evil Just Wrong, a new documentary by Phelim McAleer and Ann McElhinney, proves that the only threats to America (and the rest of the world) are the flawed science and sky-is-falling rhetoric of Al Gore and his allies in environmental extremism.

Yeah, someone needs to explain the difference between "proves" and "states emphatically" to these bozos.

Not Evil Just Wrong warns Americans that their jobs, modest lifestyles and dreams for their children are at stake. Small towns in the heartland, like Vevay, Ind., will become bastions of unemployment and poverty.

Which would be different from what we have now?

Breadwinners like Tim McElhany in Vevay will lose their jobs

Okay, what's the obsession with Vevay, Indiana?

Breadwinners like Tim McElhany in Vevay will lose their jobs -- and will have to start borrowing money again just to buy bread for their families.

And then Inspector Javert will pursue him across France! Oh Noes!

Not Evil Just Wrong exposes the deceptions that experts, politicians, educators and the media have been force-feeding the public for years.

They're all in on it!

Man-made pollution is not melting the polar icecaps. The ocean will not rise 20 feet in a flash. And the only polar bears dying because of man are the ones who try to eat men.

yep, for solid-gold crazy, you just can't beat

An Excerpt from "Going Rogue"

Here is an excerpt from Sarah Palin's upcoming book which she totally wrote all by herself!

(from Wonkette)

I have to assume this conversation is heavily edited. I imagine the real conversation went something like this. . . . .

Sarah: I'm not a quitter, Track. That's why I have to quit.

Track: I'm going to pray for you, mom. I'm going to pray that someone teaches you the definition of the word "quit."

Sarah: Fast about it for a day.

Track: Hey, you're the one who's quitting a job she took an oath to complete, why the fuck should I be punished?

Sarah: Okay, forget fasting food. fast from cussing for a day then.

Track: How about I fast from having a normal person's name for the next, um, my whole fucking life? How would that be?

Sarah: I'm a maverick!

Track: Yeah, yeah, I know. You're a maverick, mom. How about you quit on this phone call halfway through?

And scene.

I can't imagine how someone hasn't taken sarah aside and told her to top telling the quitting story. Her agent, her publisher, her handlers, someone's gotta tell her that quitting to prove that your not a quitter doesn't really make you look all that smart. Or sane. Or not an idiot.

Also, how does her editor not do something about the phrase "fasting food?"
One can not fast food. The verb to fast doesn't work that way. It's what you call an intransitive verb. It doesn't take an object, except in the very unusual usage of making someone fast as in: to fast a patient for a day before surgery. (dictionary.com)

I think what she means to say is "refrain from," as in "refrain from cussing for a day." But at any rate, "fasting food" really makes no sense. At least "fast from cussing" sort of makes sense although it is incorrect, as Merriam Webster defines "fast" as: 1 : to abstain from food 2 : to eat sparingly or abstain from some foods.

Seriously, most of us learned this shit in high school.

The Worst Non-Profits

The Worst Non-Profit organizations to which to donate your money:



The American Befuddlement Society.

The March of Dime Bags.

Rabid Cats for Humanity.

Project Open Handed Slap to the Face.

The Salvation Navy

The Boys and Girls Pubs of America.

The Bake a Fish Foundation.

Doctors Without Barnes & Noble.

Friends of Roman Polanski

The Apathy Fund

St. Jude Law Children's Hospital.

And the Number One Worst Non-Profit:


SarahPAC.

This Is Getting Creepy

So, first of all, here's what you need to know about the comic strip character Luann DeGroot:
(courtesy of Knight Features)

About Luann

---

Get hooked on the life of this sixteen year-old girl.

Okay, she's sixteen. The other kids in this series of panels are her classmates, so it's safe to assume that they are also 16, or possibly 17, maybe 15, I don't know. The point is they're sixteen years old.

Okay? So here we go.

So these 16-year old girls seem to be saying that their idea of "service" is to go down to Walter Reed as eye candy for wounded soldiers. That can't really be what they mean, right?

Ok, yeah that is the plan. Go down to the hospital and get ogled at by GI's. And to be sure we don't misunderstand, they make a point of explaining the plan to school bimbo Tiffany. Surely when they get to the hospital, the first responsible adult they run into will explain that this is completely inappropriate, right?

Yeah, not so much. This doctor or administrator or whatever is all too ready and eager to toss these girls into the soldiers' rooms, adding "don't be shy!"





And the wounded veteran is portrayed as ready and eager for a little statutory rape. Unless this strip takes place in a state wherein the age of consent is 16, then it's just wildly inappropriate. And creepy. Although not as creepy as the way Tiffany is drawn, jutting her low-cut top out at the soldier.

Although this is not the first time the strip's author Greg Evans has displayed Tiffany in a far-too-suggestive way.

At least in this series, the school principal is there to act as the responsible adult and tries to get Tiffany to show some self-respect.

Anyway, back to the hospital.

Don't think that I didn't get your little double entendre there, Delta. I know your follow-up line is "morale isn't the only thing that just went up!"


God, even the orderly comes in to leer at sixteen-year-old Tiffany! I think this is supposed to be a heartwarming story of kids who selflessly decide to volunteer their time to help others, but honestly it just creeps me out.

Luann needs some cheering up in the last panel. Don't worry Luann, today is Tiffany's turn to be treated like a sex object, you had your turn earlier. Remember?

Yes Luann, you are! In the world of Luann, high-school girls working as escorts is a rich vein of family-friendly humor.
But don't take my word for it, here's more from Knight Features:

Readers of all ages love Luann, the exciting comic strip by Greg Evans that brings to life the daily drama of being a young woman.

And who has more insight into what life is like for a young woman than this guy?
Evans is also applauded for touching on the real issues that teens face -- from puberty and unrequited love to peer pressure, drugs and alcohol.

And prostitution!

In all storylines, Evans holds Luann up as a fine example of the positive power cartoons can have.

Yeah, not all storylines.