Asshole Quote of the Day

From full-time asshole Rick Santorum, who is apparently seriously considering a run for the presidency, because if you're too insane to hold on to a Senate seat, well , you've gotta like your chances nationally!

Anyway, here's is this moron scumbag's take on President Obama and abortion.

The question is — and this is what Barack Obama didn’t want to answer — is that human life a person under the Constitution? And Barack Obama says no. Well if that person — human life is not a person, then — I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, “We’re going to decide who are people and who are not people.”

Really, I think it's remarkable that a man who keeps a miscarried fetus in a jar would comment publicly on well, anything. But especially anything to do with fetuses.

He and Karen brought Gabriel's body home so their children could "absorb and understand that they had a brother," Santorum says. "We wanted them to see that he was real," not an abstraction, he says. Not a "fetus," either, as Rick and Karen were appalled to see him described -- "a 20-week-old fetus" -- on a hospital form. They changed the form to read "20-week-old baby." 

 (Washington Post)

 Although, if you're bringing the dead baby/fetus thing home to traumatize your other kids, then I guess that's not so strange after all. "Hey kids, here's your new baby brother! Oh, and he's dead! Just wanted to make sure that you understood that you had a brother who is now dead. I wouldn't want you thinking that mommy just had a miscarriage. I want you to truly feel the profound sense of loss."

Gawd! Is there any way that story could be more horrifying? Oh, there is?

Upon their son's death, Rick and Karen Santorum opted not to bring his body to a funeral home. Instead, they bundled him in a blanket and drove him to Karen's parents' home in Pittsburgh. There, they spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel with his three siblings, ages 6, 4 and 1 1/2. They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass. 

 Ladies and gentlemen, the next president of the United States!

How To Make It Worse

 You know, when you do something embarrassing and people are laughing at you, one option would be to shrug it off and just wait until another panda cub sneezes or the next socially awkward person acts out a sci-fi movie and everyone forgets about you. That would be one option. Or. . .

1. Woman Who Fell in Fountain in YouTube Video May Sue

   Remember how we all laughed last Friday at the cautionary tale that was “Girl falls into fountain while texting at the Berkshire Mall”? Well, the folks at the mall where the incident occurred probably aren’t laughing now, as Cathy Cruz Marrero (the fountain woman) is considering suing them. 

Or you could go on Good Morning America to discuss a potential lawsuit.

 

I gotta say, the video of her GMA appearance is waaaaaaay funnier than the video of her falling into the fountain. "Nobody went to my aid!" Um, maybe because it took you all of 3 seconds to climb out of the fountain?

"It could have been anyone's mother, it could have been a senior citizen!" Yeah, but it wasn't. An old lady falling into a fountain would not have been funny. A self-absorbed twit falling into a fountain, now that's hilarious!

 "The fountain could have been empty, I could be in the hospital. I could have got hit by a car!" You know what, you also could have knocked over an old lady with a walker. You could have trampled a toddler. Watch where the fuck you're going and you won't have this problem. 

I think she expects us to feel sorry for her. The only one I feel sorry for is George Stephanopolous. He's gotta be regretting his most recent career move. Goddammit, George, you used to work in the White House! Now you're interviewing the YouTube ninny of the week. Nice move.