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Sunday, July 19, 2009

Who's Wearing the Crazy Pants Today?


Why it's Randy Sharp, of the American Family Association.
The AFA has a large supply of crazy pants, so all its members can have at least one pair!

Here's Randy's advice for husbands:

Husbands, love your wives – build hedges

Hedges?

My marriage hedges are nothing more than a few simple rules, cultivated over 23 years of marriage. They are designed to protect me, my wife, and my children from a lifetime of suspicion, hurt, and mistrust.

They’re all based on one simple premise, “If I take care of the way things look, I take care of the way things are.”

They're all based on this patently false premise? Ooh, Let's hear 'em!

Hedge #1 -- I do not allow myself to be alone with a woman who is not my wife or immediate family member … EVER … EVER! By doing so, I’ve completely eliminated the possibility that anything inappropriate will take place. I am especially careful at work, where most extra-marital relationships begin. Therefore, I also make it a practice not to engage in conversation with another woman regarding her or my personal life.

Yes, we can all learn a thing or two from fundamentalist Muslims.
I actually have a simpler way to avoid having an extra-marital affair, I love my wife. So I can converse with women without jumping on them like a leg-humping puppy. But living a normal life isn't for everyone!

And by the way, ladies,
if you were married to this:










Would you be all that concerned about him straying? I mean, his wife may feel obligated to occasionally touch him, but who the hell else would?

Hedge #2 -- On work-related trips out of town, I take a family member with me if at all possible. My wife or one of my daughters goes with me.

Yikes! Is it really that difficult to keep it in your pants? "Oh, if my wife or daughter isn't with me, my weiner might accidentally fall in a lady!"

Hedge #3 -- I will not stay at hotels where pornography is available. Before I make a reservation, I ensure that the hotel does not offer pay-per-view or free adult programming. I use www.CleanHotels.com,
an online site that lets me know which hotels are safe.

You mean there are enough guys like you to support a website dedicated to finding hotels with a lack of porn? I think most folks who don't want to see porn just don't order it on pay-per-view. It's really not that difficult. Oh, and I do appreciate you letting me know that something which begins "www" and ends in ".com" is an online site. I would have spent hours wandering through the mall looking for the CleanHotels store, and there would have been women there other than my wife, and inevitably, an affair would have ensued.

Hedge #4 -- I let my wife know where I am at all times. With cell phone and texting technology so available, my wife appreciates my thinking of her.

Is that what she tells you?
I know women are from Venus, men are from Mars and all that, but I'm pretty sure that "God! Can't you give me a moment's fucking peace?" means pretty much the same thing in any language.

So Congratulations Randy Sharp!
It's your turn to wear the crazy pants!

Do You Really Not See The Irony?

At issue: Students' religious rights in graduate program
Charlie Butts - OneNewsNow - 7/18/2009 4:10:00 AM

Michigan State Representative Tom McMillin has introduced a resolution dealing with a Christian's right to stand behind her religious beliefs.

Okay, so right away, you know this is going to be kinda nutty.

Julea Ward was a part of the Eastern Michigan University Graduate School of Counseling. With only two months left until graduation with a master's degree, she was dismissed for declining on religious grounds to provide counseling to a homosexual who was trying to improve his relationship with his partner.

Seems reasonable, she refused to do the assignment and was dismissed. That's kinda how the world works. But here comes State Representative Tom McMillan to crazy it up.

"I was just calling on Eastern Michigan University to end this kind of discrimination based on somebody's religious beliefs, and ask our state's attorney general to conduct an investigation to see if her civil rights were violated, which certainly appears to be [the case]," Representative McMillan contends.

See, she was being discriminated against by not being allowed to discriminate against the other guy. No irony there!

McMillin, however, wants to add to the investigation.

"And we're also looking at funding. Michigan is in a very difficult budget situation right now, and I feel that if the university's going to be giving that kind of discrimination that the taxpayers would like for them to have a little of their funding pared back as a result," he notes, "and so I am going to be working on that as well."

Yes, the best tried-and-true remedy for discrimination is, of course, blackmail!

The state lawmaker believes some university instructors have an elitist, politically correct mentality that should not be tolerated.

I will not tolerate an attitude which will not tolerate me not tolerating someone else's tolerance of, um oh I lost my train of thought.
My head hurts now.