Free Rap Boasts

Featuring special guest Flava Flaaaaaaaaaaav!!!!!


For years, rappers have been searching for comparisons to illustrate how mad are their skills. The boasts usually go something like this:

I've got more action than my man John Woo

And I've got mad hits like I was Rod Carew

--Beastie Boys, Sure Shot

I'm sure they must be running out by now, so I've come up with a few to help out. Aspiring rappers, feel free to incorporate these into your songs:



I got more beats than my man Slim Shady
And I rock the Mike like I was Carol Brady!

Aww, yeah! She always rocked Mike's world!

Okay, how about this:


My rhymes are so fierce you gotta run for shelter
And I give more speeches that Cato the Elder!






Yeah, Boyeeee! 2nd Century BC!

I'm known as a man of indeterminate  gender
And I sit in more freezers than Murray Lender!

 

Uh huh, uh huh, bagels yo!

Okay, here's another good one:

 I'm strong on defense just like Robert Gates

And I bust more rhymes than William Yeats!

Yeh, yeh yeh, pronounced "Yates" not "Yeets, " suckas!

Or try this on for size:

I got mother issues like Norman Bates
And I run the firm like I was Larry Tate!

 

Yeeeeeh, Larry Tate! The original Mad Man!

Okay, one more:

Like Jimmy Boeheim, I'm workin' the refs
And I get more young tail than Warren Jeffs.

Nah, man. Not cool.

Just no.