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Friday, September 11, 2009

This Is Your Headliner?

Today I received an e-mail from Tony Perkins. Naturally, i thought it was Psycho, Fear Strikes Out Tony Perkins, so I eagerly opened it.
And this, THIS! is what I saw!

Former Miss CA Carrie Prejean Confirmed for Next Week's Summit--Register Today!




Who the fuck would think that Airhead McSilicone would be a big draw?

Even Billy Bush can barely disguise his contempt!


Maybe because the roster of speakers at this little "summit" runs the gamut from the merely douchey



To the Batshit insane.
To the blatantly corrupt

Seriously, check out the lineup of dullards, dolts, dunces and dimwits who will be filling the rostrum at this convocation.

Confirmed* and Invited Speakers for 2009

  • Bill O'Reilly
    Host, The O'Reilly Factor

  • Gov. Sarah Palin
    Governor of Alaska

  • (someone needs to tell the organizers of Stupidpalooza that Palin is no longer Governor)
  • Phyllis Schlafly
    Founder, Eagle Forum

  • (Someone needs to tell the organizers that Phyllis is no longer among the living)

  • Sean Hannity
    The Sean Hannity Show

  • (in Sean's defense, he has been invited but has yet to accept)

  • Rep. Michele Bachmann
    U.S. House of Representatives

  • Rep. John Boehner
    Congressman (OH)


  • Amy Kremer
    National Coordinator, Tea Party Patriots

  • (that would be the National Coordinator of the totally spontaneous, grass-roots tea party demonstrations)

  • Bill Bennett
    Host, Morning in America

  • (If they can drag him out of the casino)

  • Stephen Baldwin
    Actor

And so on. . . .

So, if that's your lineup, then yeah, maybe Former Miss California Carrie "huh?" Prejean would be your big draw.

So what is the point of this meeting of the minds?




Let's look at some of the "sessions" planned for the Value Voters Summit.

TRUE TOLERANCE: COUNTERING THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS
OK, so anti-gay hatred, that's predictable.

OBAMACARE: RATIONING YOUR LIFE AWAY

Anti-healthcare fear-mongering, that's to be expected.

MARRIAGE: WHY IT'S WORTH DEFENDING AND HOW REDEFINING IT THREATENS RELIGIOUS LIBERTY

Hatred of the gay people AND paranoid fear-mongering together in one session? Well, that'll save time!

GLOBAL WARMING HYSTERIA: THE NEW FACE OF THE "PRO-DEATH" AGENDA.

Okay, I get the anti-science thing, but "pro-death"? What the fuck?

SPEECHLESS - SILENCING THE CHRISTIANS

Paranoia. Portraying Christians as a persecuted minority, it's almost cliche at this point.

THUGOCRACY - FIGHTING THE VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY

Good old fashioned conspiracy theory!

DEFUNDING PLANNED PARENTHOOD

Just being assholes.

THE NEW MASCULINITY

I'll bet you Ten Dollars that's going to be creepy as fuck.

But here's my personal favorite:

5:00 - 5:30 p.m.

Book Signing - Diplomat Foyer

  • Stephen Baldwin
Yeah, Steven Baldwin. I think how this works is you just bring Steven any book and he signs it. Look it's my Steven Baldwin autographed copy of Interview With The Vampire!