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Sunday, June 2, 2013

More Right-Wing Boys With Their Feelings Hurt







Bryan Fischer, leader of the American Family Association, or something like that, and just generally all-around terrible person finds (surprise, surprise) Biblical justification for his pathetic gynophobia. According to his reading of Scripture, God designed men to be "breadwinners," because that was totally a thing that existed in ancient hunter-gatherer / nomadic herder societies.

 I believe it was in the book of Genesis when the Lord said unto Adam "Yea, and thou shalt put on a tie and go to thine office each day, excepting of course for the Sabbath, and shall endure the wrath of Mr. Dithers so that thou shalt be able to bring home thy bacon which thou shalt not ever eat, for it is unclean unto thee. And Thou, Eve, shalt stay in thine house and raise thy children and bring unto thine husband a cocktail when he arriveth home. And verily, this child-rearing arrangement shall be so foolproof that there shall be very little chance that thy first-born son shall ever murder his brother."


 
 
Of course, I could be wrong. . .
 
 
 Of course, Fischer's real reason for why women should not out-earn their husbands is that the mens' feelings will be hurt. Seriously, that's his main reason. All these men are going to feel bad about themselves if they aren't the primary earner, because I guess they realize that money is pretty much all they bring to the relationship?
 
 
 
There is absolutely no other reason she would tolerate me!
 
 
 My wife earns more money than I do. A lot more, thank God, which is why we live in a house and not a cardboard box under an overpass. But I guess I'm supposed to feel bad about that. And if she was a decent God-fearing lady she would immediately quit her job and become dependent on me so that I could feel like there's some reason she keeps me around? Besides my cooking and a pretty nice head of hair. (Also, I can reach stuff on the top shelf, so I got that going for me.)
 
So basically, our 18 years of marriage have been a complete sham. It's almost as if she likes me because of who I am, not because of how much bread I can win. She must be insane!
 
 


Brave Miami Cops Neutralize a Threat


Oops, I mean "find creative excuses for roughing up a black kid with a puppy."