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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sarah Palin Buys a Home in Hell's Waiting Room

Scottsdale, Arizona. A place where the damned congregate to acclimate themselves to the brutal heat and desolation which they will be facing for the next eternity.

Now Sarah Palin has purchased a home walled compound in this barren wasteland.

Seriously. This is it.

For some reason, people are taking this as a sign that she is seriously going to run for president. I can't see it. She wasn't willing to put in the work to be a halfway-decent vice-presidential candidate, I can't see her doing the exhausting work of a presidential campaign. Also, I can't really picture her giving speeches for which she is not paid.

So why would she purchase a $1.6 million home in Arizona, of all places? 

Here are a few possibilities I thought of:
# 1: She bought a $1.6 million dollar walled-in compound to get away from all those darned elitists.
      'Cuz she's jes' plain folks!

#  2: Living in a walled-in compound in the middle of a god-forsaken desert is a great way to meet some of    those hot Navy Seals. (Reason #1 for Todd Palin) 

# 3: Needs concrete walls to feel safe from Katie Couric.

# 4:Because it's all about Alaska. And Family. And America. But mostly her love for Alaska. And it's sad that you just don't get that.

# 5:  Because the Constitution, the Founding Fathers, God, America, Reagan.

# 6: Lots of room for free-range Mama Grizzlies.

# 7: To be closer to Bristol, because someone's gotta lug Trig around when the cameras are off!

# 8: Because living in Alaska was one more thing she could quit.

# 9: Going to live in all 50 states alphabetically.

# 10: Alaska no longer insane enough.