It isn't going to work.
by Sam Schulman
Well, thought I, that's at least a new perspective. Let's see what all this is about. MISTAAAAAAAKE!!! I should have known better. Here's a sample of Mr, Schulman's theory:
I think that the reason people think that opposition to gay marriage is based on Biblical literalism and bigotry is because it is based on Biblical literalism and bigotry.
Oh, and Mr. Schulman, the literalists and bigots never throw down their weapons and never leave the trenches. That is a common right-wing paranoid fantasy, that the big, mean lefties have so much power and influence that the right-wing nutsos are forced to give up the fight. If there were any truth to that, wouldn't at least ONE of the talk-radio nuts have been forced off the air? Limbaugh, Liddy, Hannity, O'Reilly, Ingraham, Beck, Boortz, Savage, Scarborough, etc. etc. etc. None of them show any signs of being cowed by pressure from progressives.
And things that are not wrong, but simply unneccessary must. of course, be BANNED!
That is why our society has wisely banned potato salad, the iPhone and professional sports.
(just ask Matthew Sheppard!)
Right, when has there ever been a stubborn residue of bigotry in this country? It's just like after the Civil War, when Black folks were no longer slaves, white America couldn't wait to give them equal rights. Except for the rights that were, you know, unneccessarry - like the right to vote, to be served in a restaurant, to not be lynched.
Oh, do explain!
Consider four of the most profound effects of marriage within the kinship system.
Oh, my God! Really? the purpose of marriage is to prevent women from being raped? Because apparently, single women are fair game! It's not as though we have laws, police, courts and jails to protect women from predators. Only a husband can do that.
It must be magical being married to you! How I envy Mrs. Schulman! I imagine the pillow talk, "Darling, I wish to have exclusive sexual access to you. Other men must be denied access to your nether regions now that you are an adult."
"Oh, Sam! You know just what to say! Of course you may have sexual access to me!"
So the point of marriage is to protect and CONTROL the child-bearing sex? Control? What century are you living in? Oh, also, in this century virginity until marriage is not really a motivating force for hetero marriages. Not in the last century either, as I remember.
Actually, there is one reason: EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever met any gay people? What kind of debauched libertines do you think they are? And by the way, when you say "blissfully free of these restraints," it sounds to me like someone who wishes he could do his sister. I'm just saying.
See, now I would think that being free from racial or religious prejudice would be a good thing, but that's just me.
Third, marriage changes the nature of sexual relations between a man and a woman. Sexual intercourse between a married couple is licit; sexual intercourse before marriage, or adulterous sex during marriage, is not. Illicit sex is not necessarily a crime, but licit sexual intercourse enjoys a sanction in the moral universe, however we understand it, from which premarital and extramarital copulation is excluded.
So we must keep gay marriage illegal so as not to spoil the fun for all the lucky gays who still get the thrill of illicit sex no matter haow many years they've lived as a couple. Is that the point you're trying to make here? You really wish you were gay, don't you?
Hygienically conceived? You've spent a lot of time thinking about this, haven't you? here's something maybe you didn't consider. What if an un-married hetero couple produces an illegitimate son that is then adopted by a gay man? Then who's legitimate?
So now I think I see what it all comes down to for old Sammy. He envies the gay people's ability to have what he imagines is wild, unfettered wanton sex with any willing partner (even a sibling). He resents the fact that he can only have guilt-free sex within the bonds of matrimony. Mrs. Schulman, your husband hates being married! He only submitted to the aggravation of marriage because he believes that society still condemns non-marital sex!
But let's let him sum up.
Yes, without a medieval system of kinship based on, among other things, vineyard ownership, gay marriage is doomed to fail. How can it possibly acheive the rip-roaring success rate of hetero marriage if the gay folks realize that they can escape the horrible burden of fidelity with no penalties or retribution?
Our Mom? AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How horrible to be crushed by the rules against incest. Sam, I take it back. You obviously don't want to fuck your sister. But if I were your mom, I wouldn't turn my back on you.
Oh, and how "complex" are the rules about incest? You don't fuck your parents, your siblings, or your offspring. Who has any trouble navigating the subtleties of that?
You know, Sam, this may surprise you, but some people actually enjoy being married!
So if the failure of gay marriage will not affect gay people, who will it hurt? Only everybody else. As kinship fails to be relevant to gays, it will become fashionable to discredit it for everyone.
But you just spent several paragraphs explaining that the kinship system does not apply to the gay people.
Do you have any idea what's going on out in the world? What kind of Norman Rockwell, nuclear-family society do you think we're living in? Many couples live without marriage. many even raise children without actually being married. I know, hard to believe, isn't it? Some couples actually have s-e-x and aren't even married! Shocking! And of those of us who do marry, over 1/2 of our marriages end in divorce. So I think that the important thing to work on now is figuring out a way to blame the gays for that.