I heard a few minutes of the most recent Republican debate on the
Majority Report's MST-style coverage. There wasn't a whole lot of interest, unless you enjoy hearing Jeb! and the others pushed into their lockers and given wedgies by Donald Trump. But I did enjoy this awkward moment from hillbilly Elmer Gantry Mike Huckabee's opening statement.
FORMER GOV. MIKE HUCKABEE, R-ARK.:
I'm Mike Huckabee. I'm delighted to be on this stage with some remarkable fellow Republicans.
None of us are a self-professed socialist.
Oh, you know he thinks he just zinged Bernie Sanders! Like ooh, what a sick burn! You do know what "self-professed" means, right Cletus? It means he's not embarrassed or ashamed or whatever of being a socialist. It means he refers to himself that way. You're not insulting him. It's like calling me "incredibly handsome" and expecting me to hang my head in shame. But I'm not offended, I would say "yes, I know. I say that to myself in the mirror every day."
Like this, only handsomer.
But that wasn't even the awkward part. I mean, sure it was awkward, but then came this:
None of us on this state
are under investigation . . .
Then there's this awkward little pause when he realizes that Chris Christie and Scott Walker are on stage with him.
. . .by the FBI . . .
Um. . .
because we destroyed government
records, or because we leaked secrets.
I think I handled that pret-ty well!
Marco Rubio tried the self-effacing humor route:
SEN. MARCIO RUBIO, R-FL.:
Thank you. My name is Marco Rubio. I'm from Florida. . . And I'm also aware that California has a drought, and so that's why I made sure I brought my own water.
Now the CNN Transcript says (Laughter) but that is a lie. That joke fell flatter than a Polish joke at a Polish funeral.
John Kasich decide to go with Plain-style babbling:
GOV. JOHN R. KASICH, R-OHIO: Hello, I'm John Kasich, the Governor of
Ohio. Emma, and Reese, my children, and Karen, love 'ya girls. Thanks
for watching tonight.
By the way, I think I actually flew on this plane with Ronald Reagan
when I was a congressman, and his goals, and mine, really much - are
pretty much the same. Lift Americans, unify, give hope, grow America,
and restore it is to that great, shining city on a hill.
Yes, he was a great one, and I learned much from watching him. The
most important thing, hope to Americans, unify, lift everyone in
America.
