Friday, September 28, 2018

Flashback Friday -- Appropriate Songs for This Week













Thursday, September 27, 2018

We're fucked.



I can'r even, as the kids say, with this whole Brett Kavanaugh thing. It's just so grotesque. It's hard to say who is more sickening, Kavanaugh, or his many defenders. And amongst his defenders, who is more sickening, the smug, smirking men or the women who have actually taken to the nation's airwaves to posit the idea that being forcibly groped is just one of those things that happen and how can you possibly hold it against this fine man?

Why has the GOP chosen this hill on which to die? Surely every other judge on the Federalist Society's list is just as right-wing, just as theocratic, just as awful as Kavanaugh. Why insist on him? I had heard that Hair Furor insisted on Kavanaugh because Brett was the only judge to state unequivocally that a sitting president can not be indicted or even subpoenad. But there is no way that the list of ghouls doesn't include plenty of judges who will happily insist that a sitting president may only be indicted if there is a "D" after his name. Hell, Kavanaugh was one of Ken Starr's hatchet men. Clearly he doesn't actually hold to any judicial principles. He's just a right-wing hack. Gotta think that the rest of the rogues' gallery Cheeto Mussolini was given to choose from are just as hacky as Brett.

So why keep fighting for this guy? They can't possibly think this doesn't hurt them politically. Publicly declaring that you believe these women are all lying about surviving sexual assault and that even if they are telling the truth you really don't care has to cost you some votes, right? It certainly can't gain you any.

Maybe it's just that this is the guy President Cartman picked and they will be damned if some woman is going to derail this nomination. Or some god damn liberals who would side with the victim of assault over the rich, entitled white man who went to the "right" schools and comes from a "good family" and should be allowed to molest as many middle-class girls as he likes. Maybe this is just them putting their collective foot down and saying "we have all the power, we're going to do whatever we want and there's nothing you can do about it."

This does seem to be the mentality of people like tRump and Kavannaugh and all these disgusting East Coast prep-school entitled rich boys. It's not enough that I have the money and the power, I need to be able to dominate and humiliate those without it. These people love hierarchies. They love pecking orders.

And apparently, it's not just the prep school boys. Until now, I never understood why rank and file Republican voters love Trump so much. They supposedly can't stand "elitists," whether it's the "liberal elite," the "Hollywood elite," the "Academic elite," or whatever. They supposedly hate the "Coastal elites" who look down their noses at the rubes in flyover country. But who is more of a coastal elite than a Manhattan billionaire (alleged) with an Ivy League education and a gold-plated toilet?

I think they love the security of a rigid hierarchical structure. They want to be in the pecking order, even if they aren't at the top and never will be, as long as there are others below them. And they would prefer that those below them not have the opportunity to rise. As long as everyone knows their place, and as long as that means they have someone to look down upon, they feel safe and secure. They're pack animals. Insecure dogs looking for an "alpha" to lead them. And rule them. And protect them from the threat of the other pack.

Maybe that's why so many Republican women are totally fine with a sexual predator president nominating a sexual predator judge to the highest court. They know they are not at the top of the conservative pyramid, and they never will be. And they're fine with that so long as they have status as white, Christian women. As long as they can look down on people of color and LGBTs, they're fine submitting to dominant males.

It's like being a small guy in prison. You're better off being some big tough guy's "girlfriend" because no matter how he degrades you, it's better than being left to the tender mercies of the general prison population. If you don't have the big scary guy protecting you, then you're everybody's "bitch." Better to be f'd by one asshole than to be passed around and sold for cigarettes. *

So I don't know whether this sociopathic little creep is going to be confirmed or not. I hate being in the position of hoping that Susan Collins does the right thing, that's a recipe for disappointment. But it seems like even some of the braying jackasses on FOX  are starting to realize they backed the wrong horse, so who knows? We are not in normal times. There are no more rules. And in the end, it probably won't matter, because some fucking mutant demon or other is going to wind up on the court and the process of dismantling everything decent about this country will be kicked into overdrive. We are fucked. Well and truly fucked.


*I don't know if that's really how prison works. I only know what I saw on OZ.






Monday, September 24, 2018

fun with headlines





Policewoman fired after neighbor is shot dead




You could be forgiven, if you were unfamiliar with the story, for wondering what these two incidents have to do with each other. A better headline might be: "Policewoman Fired After She Shoots, Kills Her Neighbor."
or 
"Policewoman shoots neighbor in his own home, is fired only after public outcry."




  • Wait. Are you telling me that all these years later, this person is no longer a small child?  You'd beeter have some solid proof to back up that claim, mister!

The Royal Family's First Same-Sex Wedding Happened This Weekend

Lord Ivar Mountbatten married James Coyle on Saturday.


Finally, a royal couple that won't be inbreeding!




Who Is Tiger Woods' Girlfriend Erica Herman? Everything to Know



First thing to know: It doesn't concern you.
Second thing to know: It's not your business.
Third thing to know: You have no reason to give a shit.




Subway Manager Reveals the Sandwich You Should Never Order




Hint: it rhymes with "schmanything from Schmubway."



Kim Kardashian Has the Best Response to a Fan Claiming She Makes Everything About Herself


Is it "Why in the hell are you a 'fan' of someone who has never accomplished a single thing?"











Monday, September 17, 2018

Conservatives are never funny.


Well, that's not exactly true. I'm sure there are funny people who are conservatives. I think Drew Carey is supposed to be a conservative. But he doesn't do political jokes. You can be funny and be a conservative, but you can't be a funny conservative.

Exhibit A:






© AFP photo/Mark Knight/Herald Sun 


I mean, what is even the joke here?
Apparently, Serena Williams may have lost her temper a bit when she was penalized in a tennis tournament. You know, like John McEnroe, Jimmy Connors, Ilie Nastatse, et al made careers of doing. So this imbecile decides that what would be oh so humorous would be to draw Ms Williams having an exaggerated tantrum, and that the witty cherry atop this amusing bit of hilarity would be to depict her as some sort of neanderthal or cave-woman or something?
And then, havng the umpire ask the other player, who, in real life, by the way, looks like this:



so I can not imagine why he chose to draw her as a blonde white woman, but having the unpire ask her to just let Serena win - what is that even based on? That obviously didn't happen. Nothing at all similar to that hapened where that could be a satire or a parody or a caricature of the actual event. See, they don't understand how jokes work. The premise of a joke has to be based in reality. You can't make a joke about, say Barack Obama's tiny ears or Donald Trump's gigantic hands. I mean, you can but it won't be funny. Conservatives do not get this.So they are never funny.

So after the original cartoonist was called out online for being maybe a teensy bit of a, as the French say, a huge racist shitbag, a couple other conservative comic artists decided they'd better get in on mining this rich vein of comedy gold.

Playing off of the original not at all funny comic, a couple of other hacks try to show the humorous side pf being criticized for your racism.

notarapture:
“ agoodcartoon:
“ sometimes i wish there really were jackbooted pc thugs who would come for assholes like these in the middle of the night.
”
these cartoonists honestly think that it’s impossible to depict a dark-skinned Black woman...

So this guy at least lets you know right from the get-go that you're in for a heavy dose of douchebaggerry when he opens with the term "P.C." No one who has ever used the term "PC" or "politically correct/incorrect" is not a douche. It's like how no one who says "I'm not a racist, but. . ." is not a racist.

Anyway, I think I have a fairly good grasp of what people mean when they say "politically correct." They mean not racist, not misogynist, not anti-LGBT, etc. So how is portraying a strong athletic black woman as a dainty delicate white woman who seems to be completely incompetent at tennis supposed to be "P.C?" I can't begin to imagine. It's not funny. It doesn't make any fucking sense, it's based on nothing, it doesn't even qualify as a joke. There doesn't seem to be any point other than I guess he probably thinks it will "trigger the libs" or some such nonsense.








Yes, the dreaded "PC Gestapo." Because if there's one thing a gestapo won't abide, it's racist caricatures of minorities!
Basing a joke on the premise that this cartoon that was freely published is somehow not allowed to be published because being criticized is somehow reminiscent of Hitler's Gestapo - that doesn't work. How do these conservatives not get that editorial cartoons especially need to be based on reality? Although, I guess when you live in the FOX/Bretbart/Limbaugh virtual reality world, maybe these absurd premises do seem to reflect some sort of real-world phenomena?

Which, of course, brings us to the absolutely not at all funny case of SCOTUS niminee Brett Kavanaugh's "alleged" sexual assault. Now there's obviously nothing funny about sexual assault. If you're a normal person. But if you're a conservative? Well, put me in front of a brick wall and hand me a microphone, 'cuz I got some new material to work out!

Huckabee ‘Defends’ Kavanaugh With Bigoted ‘Joke’ About Him Wearing A Dress And Hanging Out In Women’s Restrooms


I really don't know why Mike Huckabee,since finally giving up on having a career in politics, has decided to re-invent himself as a Twitter comedian. If you've ever seen any of the "jokes this guy Tweets out," hoo boy! Here's a timely f'rinstance:




Jon Stewart Middle Finger


Ahahahaha! I\see, it's funny because a harmless schoolboy prank is pretty much at the same level of seriousness as locking a girl in a room, pinning her to the bed, muffling her screams and. . . wait. that's not right. God damn it, Huck you're an ordained Baptist minister. Is it only consensual sex that you think is a sin? Do you seriously not have a problem with sexual predators?


Friend fo life: Mike Huckabee (above with Josh Duggar) is once again coming to the defense of the Duggar family


MIKE HUCKABEE ENDORSES JUDGE ROY MOORE



Oh, right.

And in case you thought "well maybe he didn't mean that the way it sounded":





Yeah. The joke is that an attempted rape is no more serious than licking frosting off a cupcake. No wonder he's okay with Josh Duggar assaulting his own sister.

Anyway, here's the "joke" Huckbee saw fit to make on national television:

HUCKABEE: I’ll tell you the one thing that the left would love him for. If he would wear a dress and hang out in women’s restrooms, that would be the one thing that they would suddenly applaud and say, “He’s fit for the court.”

If, IF, Brett Kavanaugh was a trans person and showed the courage to dress in a manner befitting his gender identity and use the restroom (not "hang out in the restroom") that matches his identity, then sure. He could, in theory, hear a tiny bit of applause form  "the left." But after the applause died down, those few people who were applauding his courage would, en masse, remind everyone that no, he absolutely should not be on the Supreme Court, or any court because he is a horrible person who has committed at least one sex crime. So there's no basis for the joke other than that asshole conservatives think that trans people are funny. Or that acceptance of trans people is such a ridiculous idea that it seems funny to say that "the left' would be accepting of a trans version of Kavanaugh. Either way, there's no joke there.


Not o be outdone, the loathsome son of the loathsome president decided that he, too, could score a few laughs on the subject of sexual assault:




You shouldn't have to explain, even to a shithead like Don Jr, why there is nothing funny about this.
Conservatives are never funny, but god damn it, they will not stop trying.




Thursday, September 13, 2018

Dumb Idiot Jerks of the Week



Oh my, there is quite a field of competitors for this week's dumb idiot jerk of the week award.

First the obvious:


Trump skewered after calling Hurricane Florence 'tremendously big and tremendously wet'

Which is really only worth mentioning because it gives me the chance to post this:







then there's this guy:



Louisiana Attorney General Jeff Landry said this week he would not investigate allegations of sex abuse within the Roman Catholic Church at parishes within the state's borders, blasting critics who pushed back on that decision and comparing them to the Ku Klux Klan. (PHOTO CREDIT: Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call)



Louisiana Attorney General Jeff Landry said this week he would not investigate allegations of sex abuse within the Roman Catholic Church at parishes within the state’s borders, blasting critics who pushed back on that decision and comparing them to the Ku Klux Klan.

dos equis facepalm GIF by Dos Equis Gifs to the World

How? How does. . . I mean. . . what the hell is his rationale here?

“As a practicing Catholic, I wholeheartedly support efforts to root out pedophile priests and end the horrific misconduct by Church authorities,” he said. “Those who sexually abused children and those who covered up their despicable acts should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”

"If only I were in a position to do something about it - some sort of law enforcement position, perhaps," said the Attorney General of the State of Louisiana.



The Times Picayune quoted several people chastising Landry for not pursuing these alternative approaches. The paper also noted Landry had overstepped his authority before, operating a special crime task force in New Orleans that led to at least 16 arrests, against a federal judge’s order.


"Yes, but those people were Protestants and not even white!" He presumably did not say out loud.



In the wake of that report, Landry issued another statement, saying he was “deeply offended” by the paper’s “false insinuations.”
“The headline and entire tone of the story smacked of blatant, religious bigotry,” he said. “As a father and a Catholic, I am deeply offended. This article by the Times Picayune is pure unadulterated religious bigotry which we have not seen in this State since the hey-day of the Ku Klux Klan.”

Judge Judy Pee GIF - JudgeJudy Pee Leg GIFs


Okay, I get that anti-Catholic bigotry is a real thing that might even still exist down on the bayouu. But that's not what this is. Anti-Catholic bigotry is saying "you know, you cani't trust them swarthy Cat-O-Lics what with all their weird rituals and shit. You know they ain't even good 'Mericans, not with them havin' all their loyalty to Rome and whatnot."  That's very different from saying "I'm not happy about this organization being full of child molesters and the enablers of child molesters and I think that law enforcement should investigate and hold the molesters accountable for their crimes." Do you see the difference?  Do you really believe what you're saying here or is it just a cheap shabby way to deflect criticism?


undefined



Our next contestant hails from the great state of Maine:


Susan Collins Calls Crowdfunding Push Against Her A 'Bribe'



judge judy facepalm GIF by Agent M Loves Gifs


Ohhhhh my God. Do you seriously not know what a bribe is?



“I consider this quid pro quo fundraising to be the equivalent of an attempt to bribe me to vote against Judge Kavanaugh,” Collins said. “If I vote against him, the money is refunded to the donors. If I vote for him, the money is given to my opponent for the 2020 race.”


So. . .  in no case does the money go to you, which would pretty much be a requirement for it to be a bribe. 

You want to know what a bribe looks like?
It looks like General Dynamics Corp handing you $87,000 for the 2018 campaign. 
It looks like Lockheed Martin chipping in about $40K.
It looks like Raytheon contributing $36,400 and Northrup Grumman adding another $32.5K all while you sit on the Defense Appropriations Subcommittee. 

But I guess appearances can be deceiving. Obviously those contributions are on the up and up, it's when ordinary citizens decide to put a little of their hard-earned cash behind a candidate that more closely matches their viewpoint on horrid despicable right-wing hack judges that suddenly we see the word "bribe" raise its ugly head.


And then there's perennial contender for the dumb idiot jerk championship Tammy Laren:


Tomi Lahren: Educating Kids About Hillary Clinton Makes Them Unemployable




confused jon stewart GIF

How could educating kids about any subject possibly make them less employable?


Fox News contributor Tomi Lahren argued on Wednesday that children should not be taught that Hillary Clinton has a “strong character” because they will not be able to get jobs after graduating.


Go On GIF - Excited Listening GoOn GIFs


She continued: “Teachers are spending more time with their liberal indoctrination than they are actually teaching things that are very important like math.”

frustrated george costanza GIF

Ugh. Do some math, Tammy. I dare you. I will be shocked if you can solve a simple arithmetic equation. You hardly seem like someone who should be commenting on academia. Or on unemployability for that matter. If you hadn't been able to afford enough plastic surgery to make Roger Ailes want to fuck you, no legitmate employer would even offer you an interview.

Speaking of interviews, here it is in all its splendor:



It begins with the obvious lie that a mathematics class at Penn State University is "focused on" Hillary Clinton. This is obviously not true. A History class might, or a political science class, or women's studies. But how would a mathematics class focus on Hillary Clinton or any person, really? Okay, maybe Pythagorous or Euclid, but certainly not a political figure.

Then there's the snide remark about Hillary Clinton'e "strong character." I don't know Hillary Clinton. I've never met Hillary Clinton, and I don't know what exactly you mean by "strong character." If you're saying she's a strong person, well that seems apparent. She has suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous conservatives for 20+ years and stood strong. If you mean she has strong principles, or strong moral values or whatever, then I have no idea. You never know what a public person is really like in private. But who cares? I'm getting sidetracked here.

The point was that somehow a college professor mentioning Hillary Clinton was supposed to make her students less employable. And that is just stupidity of Biblical proportions. I mena, sure, if you went to Penn State and every class was just some dumb ol' liberal professor waxing mournful about the Hillary Administration that might have been, then sure. That would be a problem. But one mathematics professor in one mathematics course saying something like "If I have 5 Hillary Clintons and I give you 3, how many Hillary Clintons do I have left?" or whatever, I gotta say you're really grasping at straws, Tonie.








Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Strange Things



As Sister Rosetta Tharpe tells us, there are strange things happening every day.






And things just keep getting stranger and stranger.


Like this, for instance.






I can see where poor delicate Ms Loesch would be upset by this. I mean, a kid's show? Adding FEMALE characters? And one of those female characters is AFRICAN?  Won't this just confuse the children? All this time they've believed, rightly, that trains are boys and that trains are British which, last time I checked, is 100 percent true! Now they have to be subjected to lady trains?

season 7 episode 23 GIF

I mean, my God! If even weird English children's shows can't be a safe place for white males, what hope is there for these poor boys growing up in a world where even animated trains no longer belong solely to them? If you let your kids watch this and they turn out all gay you've got no one to blame but yourself!



Okay, that was weird. But maybe not as weird as this:


Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) told a crowd at a campaign rally Saturday that Democrats are raising “millions of dollars” to transform Texas into California with its “tofu, silicon and dyed hair.”



Oh. Right. That's a powerful message there, Ted. Because we all know how Texans hate dyed hair and fake tits.

NFL Cheerleaders: Week 5
This is almost as brilliant a strategy as reminding Texans that Beto O'Rourke was in a band in college! Texans hate musicians!


Willie Nelson's 4th Of July Picnic At Austin360 Amphitheater


Then there was this weirdness at the 9/11 memorial observance.

Trump giving a thumbs up at a 9/11 memorial.







Does he think that the anniversary of 9/11 is some sort of a celebration?

Maybe.





Oh.
He thinks 9/11/01 was when we "turned the tide." Like things for our nation were going poorly  against our enemies up until then. It looked extremely rocky for the Mudville 9 on Sept. 10. But the next day - oh glorious day! - the tide began to turn. September 11 was the day that American heroes finally started to get the best of their adversaries! That seems to be what he actually thinks. And that's fucking weird.


This, on the other hand, is both strange and a little terrifying:


John Bolton says U.S. will not cooperate with International Criminal Court




Okay, I mean. . . this was totally unprompted. It's not like someone asked him "Mr. Bolton, do you plan on cooperating with the Internatuional Criminal Court?" No one asked him anything, this was in a speech he gave to the Federalist Society.




"Today, on the eve of September 11th, I want to deliver a clear and unambiguous message on behalf of the President of the United States," Bolton said. "The United States will use any means necessary to protect our citizens and those of our allies from unjust prosecution by this illegitimate court.We will not cooperate with the ICC," Bolton said. "We will provide no assistance to the ICC. And we certainly will not join the ICC. We will let the ICC die on its own. After all, for all intents and purposes, the ICC is already dead to us."



What the HELL is Bolton planning?





nuclear bomb explosion blast city shutterstock_639638614




 Whatever it is, he seems fairly sure that the ICC is going to be issuing warrants for members of this administration and he's just letting everyone know that he is planning on defying them. This can't be good.