Now up to 70% less Daily!

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

President Gibberish gives speech, probably has dementia


Some highlights excerpts from Il Douche's speech to the Boy Scout Jamboree:


TRUMP: Thank you, everybody. Thank you very much. I am thrilled to be here. Thrilled.
(APPLAUSE)


 Okay, well that's a lie for a start. No one is "thrilled" to be addressing the convention of nerdy kids and creepy dads in khaki shorts and neckerchiefs.


https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/4f/6f/11/4f6f11ce27440a813c3975c8a59f0ae6--cub-scout-uniform-cub-scouts.jpg

And if you think that was an easy trip, you're wrong. But I am thrilled.
(LAUGHTER)


 Of course it was an easy trip! You go from Air Force 1 to a goddamm limousine, maybe with a ride on Marine 1 in there somewhere. You think you're fooling anyone? You think we believe you, what, took a bus here and then hiked in the last couple miles?



19th Boy Scout Jamboree, wow, and to address such a tremendous group. Boy, you have a lot of people here. The press will say it's about 200 people.
(LAUGHTER)


 Ahahahaha! That's so funny, because the press, um, actually reported honestly on the size of the tiny crowd that attended your inaugural.



Tonight we put aside all of the policy fights in Washington, D.C. you've been hearing about with the fake news and all of that. We're going to put that...
(APPLAUSE)
We're going to put that aside. And instead we're going to talk about success, about how all of you amazing young Scouts can achieve your dreams, what to think of, what I've been thinking about.


Yes, if there's one group that's really up on all the policy fights in Washington,it's the Boy Scouts!


 http://shannonbrown.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83452920069e201a51177033a970c-800wi
 Sorry, what did you say? I was just so engrossed in this month's The Economist!

Also, did you just say you're going to tell them "what to think of?"


 TRUMP: You are the young people of character, integrity who will serve as leaders of our communities and uphold the sacred values of our nation.

Like colluding with Russian mobsters and grabbing strange women by the genitals!


 The Scouts believe in putting America first.

Yeah, I'm not sure that they do, seeing as how the Boy Scouts are an international organization founded in Great Britain.



You know, I go to Washington and I see all these politicians, and I see the swamp, and it's not a good place. In fact, today, I said we ought to change it from the word "swamp" to the word "cesspool" or perhaps to the word "sewer."
(APPLAUSE)
But it's not good. Not good. And I see what's going on. And believe me, I'd much rather be with you, that I can tell you.
(APPLAUSE)
I'll tell you the reason that I love this, and the reason that I really wanted to be here, is because as president, I rely on former Boy Scouts every single day. And so do the American people.
It's amazing how many Boy Scouts we have at the highest level of our great government.


Holy shit, that gave me whiplash! That's what, about 5 seconds from "everyone in Washington is a disgusting sewer person" to " the reason our government is so great is because of all the terrific former scouts that are in it!"
Is he ad-libbing, or do his speech writers also contradict themselves constantly?


Many of my top advisers in the White House were Scouts. Ten members of my cabinet were Scouts. Can you believe that? Ten.
(APPLAUSE)


Yeeeeeah, you might want to hold your applause until you hear who he's talking about.

 
The vice president of the United States, Mike Pence -- a good guy -- was a Scout, and it meant so much to him.

http://media.salon.com/2017/04/MikePenceCOVER.png
Eeeeewwwww!!!
I am convinced that Mike Pence never poops. I think when he was a baby, his mother expressed disgust at one of his diapers and he hasn't pooped since. That's why he always looks like he's in abdominal discomfort.



Secretary of Energy Rick Perry of Texas, an Eagle Scout from the great state.


Governor Oops? I gotta think alot of kids will be turning in their neckerchirfs after this speech!
Also, if I had ever been an Eagle Scout I would NOT want anyone finding out about it. When you're old enough to have an interest in girls and you choose to spend your time dressed like this:

https://www.waukonstandard.com/sites/default/files/styles/article_image_full_node/public/field/image/Dougherty%20Eagle%20Scout.jpg?itok=Pech6oLjhttp://myvalleynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/9-11-15-EDU-Eagle-Scouts-1.jpg

 that's not something I would brag about.
And the same goes for teen boys who are developing an interest in other teen boys. If you have any interest in dating/sex, you are too old to be going to "jamborees."


The first time he came to the National Jamboree was in 1964. He was very young then. And Rick told me just a little while ago, it totally changed his life.
[insert your own offensive joke here]


So, Rick, thank you very much for being here. And we're doing -- we're doing a lot with energy.
(APPLAUSE) And very soon, Rick, we will be an energy exporter. Isn't that nice? An energy exporter.
(APPLAUSE)
In other words, we'll be selling our energy instead of buying it from everybody all over the globe. So that's good.

 In other words, I have absolutely no idea how energy markets work.


 And I'll tell you what, the folks in West Virginia who were so nice to me, boy, have we kept our promise. We are going on and on. So we love West Virginia. We want to thank you.

 Wait, I remember you promising to build a wall. I remember you promising to bring back coal. When did you promise to go on and on?
Also, are you really using the royal "we?"


Boy Scout values are American values. And great Boy Scouts become great, great Americans.

 Actually, that is true. Or at least, Boy Scout values are what American values should be.
Here are a few of the merit badges scouts can earn:


  • Environmental Science or Sustainability
  • Citizenship in the Community
  • Citizenship in the Nation
  • Citizenship in the World

http://esq.h-cdn.co/assets/17/08/1600x800/landscape-1487823864-alex-jones.jpg

 Auuuugh! Globalism!!!!!



By the way, just a question, did President Obama ever come to a Jamboree?
(APPLAUSE)
And we'll be back. We'll be back. The answer is no. But we'll be back.


 Hmm, it's almost as if Barack Obama had an entire nation to run and maybe didn't have time to go to every ego-stroking applause opportunity that came up. But you'll be back, because of course you will. Anything to keep you away from doing any real work and you'd go to the gathering of the Juggalos if you thought they'd applaud for you.


I'll tell you a story that's very interesting for me. When I was young there was a man named William Levitt. You have some here. You have some in different states. Anybody ever hear of Levittown?

Well, I was familiar with Levittown (ticky tacky), but I didn't really know anything about William Levitt. So I looked him up. One interesting fact about the man that Trump admires: despite being Jewish himself, Levitt would not sell his houses to Jews. Because I guess business was more important than principle or dignity or common decency?
Oh, and he wouldn't sell to black people either, because duh!


And he was a very successful man, became unbelievable. . .and at night he'd go to these major sites with teams of people, and he'd scour the sites for nails, and sawdust and small pieces of wood, and they cleaned the site. . .  and then he was offered a lot of money for his company, and he sold his company, for a tremendous amount of money, at the time especially. This is a long time ago. Sold his company for a tremendous amount of money.
And he went out and bought a big yacht, and he had a very interesting life. I won't go any more than that, because you're Boy Scouts so I'm not going to tell you what he did.
(CROWD CHANTING)
Should I tell you? Should I tell you?
(APPLAUSE)
You're Boy Scouts, but you know life. You know life.


 Seriously? You think they "know life" enough that it's okay to joke about the floating Playboy Mansion that Levitt partied on with at least one of his three wives? (Levitt set the template for men like Trump and Newt Gingrich - cheating on wife #1 with wife #2, cheating on wife #2 with wife #3.. .)


 So look at you. Who would think this is the Boy Scouts, right?

 Um, who would look at a group of boys in Boy Scout uniforms and think that they were Boy Scouts?
Pretty much anyone, I would think.


https://m.popkey.co/8a8199/edRd1.gif


So look at you. Who would think this is the Boy Scouts, right? So he had a very, very interesting life, and the company that bought his company was a big conglomerate, and they didn't know anything about building homes, and they didn't know anything about picking up the nails and the sawdust and selling it, and the scraps of wood. This was a big conglomerate based in New York City.
And after about a 10-year period, there were losing a lot with it.


Yes. That's obviously what happened. This conglomerate lost money, not because of the fluctuations in the housing market, or the economy or whatever, but because they failed to pick up and sell scraps of wood and stray nails. Why that's literally pennies going to waste every day!
For fuck sake, I thought the one thing this dolt understood was the housing development game!

 And after about a 10-year period, there were losing a lot with it. It didn't mean anything to them. And they couldn't sell it.
 So they called William Levitt up, and they said, would you like to buy back your company, and he said, yes, I would. He so badly wanted it. He got bored with this life of yachts, and sailing, and all of the things he did in the south of France and other places. You won't get bored, right? You know, truthfully, you're workers. You'll get bored too, believe me. Of course having a few good years like that isn't so bad.


 "You won't get bored, right?" "Believe me,you'll get bored." Can you go two fucking sentences without contradicting yourself? 



But what happened is he bought back his company, and he bought back a lot of empty land, and he worked hard at getting zoning, and he worked hard on starting to develop, and in the end he failed, and he failed badly, lost all of his money. He went personally bankrupt,


Wait. When is the part where this story gets inspiring?



https://media.giphy.com/media/26gBjpCd2TvZN5RDO/giphy.gif




And I saw him at a cocktail party. And it was very sad because the hottest people in New York were at this party. It was the party of Steve Ross -- Steve Ross, who was one of the great people. He came up and discovered, really founded Time Warner, and he was a great guy. He had a lot of successful people at the party. And I was doing well, so I got invited to the party. I was very young.


 Yes, Donald, You were doing so well. So very very well. Can we go back to our campout now?


And I see sitting in the corner was a little old man who was all by himself. Nobody was talking to him. I immediately recognized that that man was the once great William Levitt, of Levittown, and I immediately went over. I wanted to talk to him more than the Hollywood, show business, communications people.
So I went over and talked to him, and I said, "Mr. Levitt, I'm Donald Trump." He said, "I know."


 Yes, Donald. All the important people knew who you were. You were very very important. Can we go toast marshmallows now?


 I said, "Mr. Levitt, how are you doing?" He goes, "Not well, not well at all." And I knew that. But he said, "Not well at all." And he explained what was happening and how bad it's been and how hard it's been. And I said, "What exactly happened? Why did this happen to you? You're one of the greats ever in our industry. Why did this happen to you?" And he said, "Donald, I lost my momentum. I lost my momentum."
 And I thought about it, and it's exactly true. He lost his momentum, meaning he took this period of time off, long, years, and then when he got back, he didn't have that same momentum.
Or maybe, and I'm just spitballing here, maybe he bought a failing business that the conglomorate couldn't wait to unload?  And they couldn't find another buyer? Maybe that was why he failed?
Maybe he succeeded the first time around because he started out during the housing boom when soldiers were returning home from WWII in droves, buying houses on the GI bill. And maybe, when he bought the company back, it was the 1970's, the era of "stagflation?" But, no, sure, that momentum thing. That was huge too, probably.

 In life, I always tell this to people, you have to know whether or not you continue to have the momentum. And if you don't have it, that's OK. Because you're going to go on, and you're going to learn and you're going to do things that are great. But you have to know about the word "momentum."

Momentum is super important, but if you don't have it, that's fine too and you're going to go on and do great things either way, as long as you are aware that there is a word called "momentum."

 But the big thing, never quit, never give up; do something you love. When you do something you love as a Scout, I see that you love it. But when you do something that you love, you'll never fail.

Oh, that's totally true. When I was younger, I loved basketball, Played every chance I got. I did what I loved and now I'm a famous NBA star - - - - oh, wait.  I'm a slow-footed 6-foot tall white guy with poor hand-eye coordination. My love of basketball somehow did not overcome these hurdles. Hmm, go figure!

What a day.
Do you remember that famous night on television, November 8th where they said, these dishonest people, where they said, there is no path to victory for Donald Trump. They forgot about the forgotten people.
By the way, they're not forgetting about the forgotten people anymore. They're going crazy trying to figure it out, but I told them, far too late; it's far too late.
Image result for doomed is your soul and damned is your life


 You're a-too late, Buckaroo! Doomed is-a your soul and damned is-a your life!


But you remember that incredible night with the maps, and the Republicans are red and the Democrats are blue, and that map was so red it was unbelievable. And they didn't know what to say.
(APPLAUSE) And you know, we have a tremendous disadvantage in the Electoral College. Popular vote is much easier.
And may I wish you a happy opposite day!
The electoral college, like the Senate, is unfairly weighted towards low-population rural (white) states like the Dakotas, Nebraska, Wyoming, etc. Because the number of electors each state gets is equal to the total number of Senators and Congresspeople from that state. So, when California and New York get the same number of Senators as Montana and Kansas, well you see how candidates who appeal to white rural conservatives have an advantage.  But hey, who ever said you're not supposed to lie to kids, right?

And by the way, under the Trump administration you'll be saying "Merry Christmas" again when you go shopping, believe me.
(APPLAUSE)
Merry Christmas.
They've been downplaying that little beautiful phrase. You're going to be saying "Merry Christmas" again, folks.

For fuck sake, are we still trotting out that turd of a canard? No one is stopping anyone from saying Merry Christmas. You can say it right now. Here, I'll show you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

See, nothing happened. None of the liberal leftist thugs that read this blog have even attempted to stop me from saying Merry Christmas.


http://media.breitbart.com/media/2016/09/hillary-angry-getty-640x480.jpg
 I'll get you for that, Perfessor! You'll rue the day you mentioned "Christmas!"


 Anyway, it goes on and on and honestly, it's just almost sad. He's clearly losing it. He may have been a smart person twenty years ago, but his brain is decomposing. If he wasn't such a despicable person, it would be sad.