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Monday, April 29, 2013

Sarah Palin Kinda Sorta Gets Something Half-Right






Kinda.
 


And the press just yucked it up along with him, no one had the common decency to even get up and walk out on this obscenity. That's why the WHCD is pathetic, not because the reporters and/or politicians are taking an evening off.

Also, "working our asses off?" OUR asses? You don't have a job, you nitwit. What is it you do all day? Is it hard work having another book ghostwritten for you? Or having one of your minions update your Facebook page with more bullshit? You quit the last actual job you had halfway through, you don't get to complain about other people not working hard enough.



Saturday, April 27, 2013

My New favorite Thing In the World, Just in time for Caturday!

It's cardboard Cat Art!
The next big meme: Cardboard Cat Art


I don't know who does these, but they are the best human-cat collaboration since Catwoman!

 
 
That was the only other human-cat thing I could think of.
I heard the movie is actually pretty horrible.
 
 



















Horrible Engagement Photos

The pictures are from ODDEE.

The captions are from my noggin.




Our engagement party theme is Lapdance at the Oasis





We aren't even married yet and I'm already justifiably disgusted by him!




I'm already beginning to suspect he's not really into chicks!




You know what they say about girls with big feet!
They don't?
Engagement's off!



NO!
No, no, no, no, no!
No.



NO.






Unless they're one of those weird horse-bondage couples, this is in really bad taste.
Actually, either way, it's in really bad taste.
 (link NSFW proceed at your own risk)



Not so much an engagement as a suicide pact.




The last second before both their faces were horribly disfigured for life.



Dude's facing the wrong way!



I'm not sure what you were going for with this pose, but um, suh-wing and a miss!






Jeezus, you two! You can't let up for 2 fuckin seconds while I take the picture?




Nothing says "we're mature enough to enter into a life-long commitment" like bunny pictures!



And nothing says "she could've done better" than this!





Run. Just run and don't look back.




Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Bush is Back!

The Bush legacy reclamation program is in full swing. Apparently, enough Americans have poor enough memories that Dubya's approval rating is surging towards the neighborhood of 50%! Or as horrible hack Jennifer Rubin writes in the once prestigious Washington Post (motto: resting on our Watergate laurels for 35 years!):

Bush is back



It took less than 4 1/2 years of the Obama presidency for President George W. Bush to mount his comeback. While doing absolutely nothing on his own behalf (he’s been the most silent ex-president in my lifetime), his approval is up to 47 percent according to The Post/ABC poll.

Um, staying silent and out of the spotlight was the best thing he could do on his own behalf. Well, that and painting himself in the bath.

 
 
Oh, my GOD, do not do an image search for "Bush + Bath"
 
 
 
 
 
Unless this sort of thing appeals to you.

Why the shift? Aside from the “memories fade” point, many of his supposed failures are mild compared to the current president (e.g. spending, debt).

 
 
Or, to be more accurate, his failures are mild compared to the bullshit that people like Jennifer Rubin pretend the current president has done. And the debt incurred under the current president is largely due to his continuing the wars started by George W. and extending W's tax cuts. Not that that makes him blameless, but you know, fuck you.
 
 Unlike Obama’s tenure, there was no successful attack on the homeland after 9/11.
 
True, there was no successful attack after 9/11, but you know what there was?  There was NINE-ELEVEN! Why does he get a mulligan for 9/11? His term didn't begin on 9/12, you know. (Also, the anthrax letters were relatively successful)
 
People do remember the big stuff — rallying the country after the Twin Towers attack

 
That's not the big stuff. 9/11 was the big stuff. Rallying the country by waiting to see how My Pet Goat was going to come out, then going into hiding, then telling everyone to go shopping? Not as big as 9/11.
 
People do remember the big stuff — rallying the country after the Twin Towers attack, 7 1/2 years of job growth and prosperity,

 
Wait, what? Job growth? Because the Wall Street Journal, which ain't exactly a lefty rag, had this headline at the end of Dubya's administration:
 

Bush On Jobs: The Worst Track Record On Record
January 9, 2009, 12:04 PM 

 
The worst! Here's a snippet of the article:
 
 The Bush administration created about three million jobs (net) over its eight years, a fraction of the 23 million jobs created under President Bill Clinton‘s administration and only slightly better than President George H.W. Bush did in his four years in office.

 
Ouch! Check out the entire article HERE, it's totally worth it, if you want to see just how bad Bush's job-creation record was. (For instance, his 3 million net jobs in 8 years is less than a third of the 10-1/2 million created during just 4 years under Jimmy Carter, who is generally not considered particularly successful. Although don't talk any smack about Carter within hearing distance of me. Not if you enjoy having teeth.) Anyway, where were we?
 
Oh, yeah.
 
. . . , 7 1/2 years of job growth and prosperity, millions of people saved from AIDS in Africa, a good faith try for immigration reform, education reform and a clear moral compass.
 
Okay, I'll give you the AIDS in Africa thing, that's definitely a positive. But if we're to give Bush credit for "good faith tries" then don't we have to give Obama credit for trying to get a public option, or trying to get universal background checks, or trying to close Guantanamo? Because I don't. I think he caved on the public option and Gitmo because he hasn't got the stomach for a fight. And background checks would have been a baby step in the right direction when we should be implementing much stricter controls. If you are the most powerful man in the world, I don't think you get credit for givin' it the old college try, especially when your party controls the legislative branch for the majority of your term.
Also, I'm not sure that someone with a "clear moral compass" would approve the use of torture, or send thousands of his own people to be killed and maimed in the wrong country, or engage in "shock and awe." NOne of those things sound at all moral to me.
 
 
 
I'm pretty sure Bush is a Methodist.


And, it turned out that the triumvirate of Iraq-Iran-North Korea really was the Axis of Evil.

Do you know what an "axis" even is? Iran and Iraq are not part of any axis, they've hated each other for decades. And North Korea has nothing to do with either.

 He is responsible for one of the most popular and fiscally sober entitlement plans, Medicare Part D.

If by popular and fiscally sober you mean that people hate it and it's completely unfunded, adding greatly to the deficit, then sure! Also, it's designed specifically to enrich drug companies at taxpayer expense, forbidden to negotiate prices so drug companies can gouge us as much as they want, because yea for fiscal sobriety!


Anyway, she goes on and on like this, talking about Bush like a 12-year old Belieber. It's really pathetic and depressing. Although perhaps not so depressing as Ron Fournier's article for the National Journal entitled

Go Ahead, Admit It: George W. Bush Is a Good Man

By Ron Fournier | Monday, April 22, 2013 | 7:04 p.m.






And, may I add, NO!


You can read it HERE if you must, but the gist is that George W. Bush gave Ron Fournier a thank-you note once, and that outweighs all the war-crimes and whatnot.

And this is just the beginning. With the opening of the GW Bush presidential libarry in Texas, I assume we'll see a whole new wave of historical revision, burnishing the turd that is the legacy of George W. Bush.

Monday, April 22, 2013

The Best Name in Baseball. . .

 
. . . belongs to Chicago Cubs pitcher Kjuji Fujikawa.


 

Because when you say it out loud, it sounds like something you'd say while tickling a baby.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

On the subject of Military Tribunals and Miranda Warnings. . .

. . .let me just say this. Treating people like Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev as anything other than common criminals just gives them the validation they seek. I'm quite certain terrorists want to think of themselves as soldiers fighting for some sort of noble cause, and if we try them as "enemy combattants" or send them to military tribunals, or in any way treat them like they are different than any other murdering scumbag, we look like we agree with them. Just try Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev in a regular Massachussets court, and if he is found guilty, which seems nearly certain, throw him in a Massachussets prison and throw away the key, just as you would any street thug who murdered three people on the streets of Boston.  And we should long ago have brought Gitmo detainees to New York to face trial, if they actually had anything to do with 9/11, which most of them probably did not, because how many people does it really take to plan this sort of attack?

And on the subject of Gitmo detainees, as I understand it, many of them are there because they are suspected "insurgents." Being an "insurgent" is not a crime. When a foreign army invades your country, you're supposed to fight against them. To not do so would be cowardly. Doing harm to American soldiers is absolutely what Iraqi and Afghani citizens should be doing, as long as those soldiers are in Iraq and/or Afghanistan. Don't get me wrong, I don't want any harm to befall any American soldiers. Nor do I want harm to befall any Iraqi or Afghani. That's why I was against these wars from the start. I don't want to see any person of any nationality killed or maimed. But when you invade a foreign country, it is the height of arrogance to suggest that the citizens of that country have no right to fight back.

Also, there's a pretty good chance that a lot of the detainees have done nothing against us. If they had, it shouldn't be that hard to just hold the damn trials already.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Bitches who can feel free to bring it at their earliest convenience








1. Anzor Tsarnaev

Anzor Tsarnaev, the father of the two suspects in the Boston bombings, called on his 19-year-old son, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, to give up peacefully.
He also said, in an ABC report, that “all hell will break loose” in the United States if police kill him. He did not specify further in the ABC report.


Oh, bring it on, bitch! I will personally pay for your airfare from Shittown, Absurdistan to America so you can "break loose" all your "hell." What do you think you're gonna do, hmm? Blow something up? Yawn. Say hi to your son when Boston PD sends you to meet him. We're not afraid of you. Bring it, bitch!








2. Kim Jong Un


Kim Jong-un threatens 'all-out nuclear war'

With maps of US targets on his walls, North Korea's leader is boosting his warrior status with unprecedented sabre-rattling


Oh, no! I'm so scared! Oh, wait, I'm not a fish 5 miles off the shore of North Korea, so I guess I'll be fine! I'm sure the North Korean military will launch a nuclear strike on the US as soon as it can build a nuke small enough to fit into their catapult!
What, you're going to launch a nuclear strike from this?



What is that, a Vic20?

I think the biggest threat from your nuclear missiles is that you might accidentally awaken Godzilla, and that's really more Japan's problem.


What little bitch just threw his shitty toy missile into my ocean?

So, go ahead, Kim Jong Un, launch a "nuclear" attack on the US. Bring it, bitch!

3. Glenn Beck




Oh, you're throwing down the ultimatum, are you/ You're issuing deadlines to the government of the most powerful nation on Earth? They "come clean" or you'll go public with what you know? Well, bring it, bitch! We know you don't know shit. Whatever it is you're going to claim to know on Monday is something you made up or something the voices in your head told you about. No one believes that you have any kind of secret information. You're just a demented crackpot with a microphone. There are guys like you on street corners all over America spouting this kind of stupid paranoia. So, go ahead and reveal whatever information your 6-foot tall invisible rabbit has whispered into your ear. No one cares. You don't bluff? You make promises? Bring it, bitch!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Texas fertilizer explosion completely predictable, preventable.

There was  no reason that the fire/explosion in the Texas fertilizer plant should have been able to happen. If the regulatory agencies in this country had not been gutted over the last 30 years, if this plant had been inspected, and if the regulations enforcement had some teeth, west Texas could have been spared this senseless tragedy.

Because, apparently, this is the way that inspections are handled these days:

(via WSJ)

Fertilizer Firm Cited Minimal Risks in Regulatory Filings

The operators of the Texas fertilizer plant where at least five people died in a blast Wednesday told government regulators there wasn’t a major risk of a fire or explosion from ammonia stored at the plant.
West Fertilizer Co. told the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency in 2011 that it was storing up to 54,000 pounds of anhydrous ammonia at the plant, north of Waco, as part of a required “risk-management plan.” The plan said that neither fire nor explosion has been identified as a significant hazard, according to a summary of the plan on the website of the Center for Effective Government, a nonprofit group that posts the EPA data.

So, if you have a business that involves handling lots of dangerous chemicals, the EPA asks YOU to send them a plan in which you say "oh, there's no chance of explosion here! No sir, everything's just as safe as safe can be, no need to come look at anything!"

In the risk-management plan, West Fertilizer said the worst-case scenario would be an ammonia leak from a storage tank or hose. It didn't specify the likely consequences. The company said the plant had no alarms, automatic shutoff system, firewall or sprinkler system.


No alarms, no sprinklers, no firewall. How is it that they  were allowed to operate? Well, for one thing, they hadn't had an inspection in over FIVE YEARS! In fact, according to Think Progress:

The plant hasn’t been inspected in the past five years, and in fact only six Texas fertilizer plants were inspected in that time. The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) is chronically understaffed, which means that a given plant like West Fertilizer can only expect to get a state inspection once every 67 years on average.

This explosion was the inevitable result of 30+years of anti-government propaganda, of budget cuts, of conservative talking points about "burdensome regulations" and "keeping government off our backs." This was bound to happen, just like the tainted peanut butter from that plant in Georgia a few years ago.  This is what happens when businesses are left to their own devices, allowed to "self-regulate." Businesses will always cut corners to maximize profits, and safety equipment is one of those costly corners that are easy to cut if no one is watching. And no one is watching, thanks to the Grover Norquists, Howard Jarvises and Ronald Reagans of the world.

Just as the gun manufacturers would rather see a few kids get slaughtered now and again than potentially lose a few sales, the modern conservative would rather see people-killing explosions than "job-killing regulations." So this is what we get.
 

Journalistic Malpractice

I sometimes like to check the headlines on Yahoo News in the morning, to see what I missed overnight. This morning I saw, among the baby bumps and celebrity feuds, this "Exclusive":

Exclusive: Saudi National Once Considered ‘Person of Interest’ May Be Deported on ‘Security’ Grounds


Which seemed strange, because I was pretty sure that the Saudi kid had already been cleared of any wrong doing, what with running away from an explosion while looking Muslimy not technically being illegal yet. So I wondered, "who has this exclusive news? Well, imagine my surprise. . .

Exclusive: Saudi National Once Considered ‘Person of Interest’ May Be Deported on ‘Security’ Grounds — And How It’s Supposed to Be Framed

"I just learned from my own sources that he is now going to be deported on national security grounds next Tuesday."
The Blaze


The Blaze? Isn't that Glenn Beck?



Yep. It's Glenn Beck!

What the fuck, Yahoo News? The Blaze is NOT a news source. It is a clearing house for Glenn Beck's paranoid fantasies and asinine conspiracy theories. Now if you ran articles from the Blaze in a Yahoo Op-Ed section, or a Yahoo Insane Gasbags section, that might be excusable, but if you're going to entitle this section "Yahoo News," you can not include bullshit from the Blaze.

I don't know how long this has been going on, but on the Yahoo front page right now, there are these headlines:

A Look at Joe Biden’s Seriously Sketchy Gun Claim

"...blatantly inaccurate claims used to forward gun control."
The Blaze
 

Is the liberal anti-gun push backfiring?

After the Senate voted down increased gun restrictions this week, anti-gun advocates -- including President Obama -- insisted that the legislative process had been corrupted and that the vast majority of American people actually sided with them in favor of the measures. But how accurate is this…
The Blaze
 

MSNBC Publicly Shames Senators Who ‘Voted Against Common Sense,’ Warns Of Retribution In 2014

"You're not powerful enough to withstand the money I'm going to throw into your district or your state."
The Blaze
 
The Blaze
 
And more.
What the fuck, did Rupert Murdoch buy Yahoo? How do the "news" editors at Yahoo look at themselves in the mirror?
 
Maybe by telling themselves "at least we're not the New York Post."
 
Because what the Post did this morning is beyond appalling.
 
 
New York Post fingers 17 year old kid as bombing suspect 
 
This is a lie. The feds were absolutely NOT seeking "these two." These two are just two random guys who attended the Boston Marathon while carrying bookbags.  According to Daily Kos:
 
In the article attached to the story, The Post admitted it had no idea whether the cover was accurate:
It was not immediately clear if the men in the law-enforcement photos are the same men in the surveillance videos.
But even though they had no idea their front page was accurate, The Post decided to run with it anyway.
 
How utterly unconscionable! How completely indecent! How disgraceful! The Post just put these two kids' lives in danger on a whim? This picture has been passed around the web as a photo of alleged bombers, how long before some vigilante decides to take a shot at one of them?
 
Salah Barhoun, 17, said he went to the police yesterday to clear his name after he found himself tagged in pictures online. He had just gone to watch the race, he said, but soon after the explosions, he was singled out by internet sleuths as looking suspicious. Federal authorities passed around images of Barhoun, attempting to learn more information about him, sources told ABC News.
 
Why hasn't Murdoch had his newspaper-publishing privileges revoked? I hope these kids sue the fuck out of that slimy reptile and his whole scummy operation. This is so much worse than what happened to Richard Jewel. At least Jewel really was a suspect, really had been questioned by law enforcement. There was absolutely no reason to finger these two as suspected terrorists. Disgusting!
 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Democracy Offically Over


Senate Blocks Drive for Gun Control

 Published: April 17, 2013   
WASHINGTON — A wrenching national search for solutions to the violence that left 20 children dead in Newtown, Conn., all but ended Wednesday after the Senate defeated several measures to expand gun control.



That's it, I'm calling it. Time of death 8:00pm, April 17, 2013. Democracy is officially dead in the United States. When a measure supported by 90% of the public can't get through the Senate, it's time to stop pretending that we have a representative form of government.

I don't know what's worse, the fact that these overwhelmingly popular measures didn't pass by overwhelming margins, or the fact that 54 votes is not enough to pass anything. Thank you very much, Harry Reid, you worthless, sniveling little coward. You promised filibuster reform. Remember, you were going to do it on Day One! Instead, we got, what, some sort of gentlemen's agreement that was never going to be honored?

How the hell does Harry Reid keep his job? I swear to God, I'd rather have Sharron Angle in that seat. At least she doesn't pretend to be on the side of decency.


I tell you what, every one of these mother-fuckers who voted against this needs to have that vote wielded against them like a cudgel in their next election. I want to see ads all over TV saying "Senator so-and-so voted against a measure that 90% of the population was in favor of because he is too in love with or too afraid of the lunatic fringe of the NRA." "Senator so-and-so finds it more important to assuage the black helicopter and tinfoil hat element than vote for a simple no-brainer law that might prevent the next slaughter of children."

And it would be bad enough if it were just the Republicans blocking this common-sense bit of common decency, four sniveling, craven "blue-dog" Democrats voted against it too.
Max Baucus (Mont.), Mark Begich (Alaska), Heidi Heitkamp (N.D.) and Mark Pryor (Ark.) Each of these gun-felaters better face primary challenges from actual Democrats. Even if they're not particularly progressive, they should at least be able to have the backbone to do something so obviously right. Max Bauchus already fucked us over on Healthcare, he needs to go.  I get that these worms represent red states and they're worried about re-election, but what the fuck is the point of being elected if you can't even do this?

Fuck these guys. Fuck all 46 of these pricks who voted no on this. And fuck every one of the pricks in the House who would have voted no there. Fuck all of these mother-fuckers, they got to go. If you can't do the most simple, basic thing to lessen the chances of another slaughter because you're too worried about offending the 10% of the public that thinks the moon landing was fake and Red Dawn was real, you have no business representing un in DC You have no business being a member of decent society. You should resign in shame, although I'm guessing you are incapable of feeling shame. Fuck you!






Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Well, if Twitter is any indication. . .

. . . the Boston bombings were obviously the work of every Muslim in the world and also the fault of Barack Obama.



Yes, Bush kept us safe for 8 years! Except for that one day, back in September, but who remembers?




Oh, that's a rational response. I don't know who this Eric Rush is, but apparently there's something about having the word Rush in your name that turns you into a complete sack of assholes.

 
 
Ugh, just look at these pricks!


Seriously, though, how insane a racist do you have to be to actually believe that all Muslims are evil and should be killed? Do you want to kill Kareem Abdul Jabbar? What about Dr. Oz? (Okay, bad example) How about Aasif Mandvi or Maz Jobrani?


Then there's the weird obsession with whether or not President Obama uses certain words:







Because just saying "make no mistake, we will get to the bottom of this, and we will find out who did this, we'll find out why they did this."

Any individuals or groups responsible for the "senseless" bombing, he added, will "feel the full weight of justice."


is somehow lacking a certain je ne sais quoi, I guess? Bringing the perpetrators to justice is all fine and good, but if you don't use the magic "T" word, it doesn't count! Just like how killing Osama bin Laden doesn't really count as a victory in the "War on Terror" because Obama didn't say "terrorism" when he first spoke about Benghazi.



On a related note, since we're still in the baseless speculation segment of this particular news story, I'd lioke to go on the record as saying that
a pipe bomb
filled with improvised shrapnel,
left in a duffel bag or backpack,
at an international sporting event?

Sounds more like Eric Rudolph than Al Queda. My money's on crazy militia type.

Oh, and also I should go on the record as saying that I have no problem with the band Rush. I hear they're pretty good guys.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Sad, Pathetic Man Not "Very Vocal"



This headline is actually not from the Onion:

Gay RNC member says he voted against GOP marriage resolution: ‘It just wasn’t very vocal’


Why would there be such a thing as a gay RNC member?
I get the concept of a gay conservative. There's no reason why a gay guy might not be in favor of lower taxes, weaker federal government, endless wars, etc. But a gay Republican? That doesn't make sense. One of the main planks of the Republican party is their fear and loathing of gay folks. Why would a gay guy join a party that makes no bones about its contempt for him?
 
LOS ANGELES—When the National Republican Party took a voice vote to approve a resolution reasserting the party's opposition to same sex marriage, Robert Kabel, a gay committeeman from the District of Columbia who supports allowing same sex nuptials, didn't speak up. At least not loud enough for anyone to hear him

 Yeah, I'll bet! You would probably been forcibly removed from the premises!

Immediately after the vote at RNC's quarterly meeting here Friday, Chairman Reince Priebus declared that all 157 members present had supported the measure.

But despite the tally, which officially recorded the vote as unanimous, Kabel insists he dissented.

"I voted against the resolution. I did, it just wasn't very vocal," Kabel said after the meeting. "It's hard to hear in here."
 
 
 
All in favor of continuing to deny gay people equal rights?
 
 
AYYYYYE!!!
 
 
 
All Opposed?
 
 
 Nay
 
 
 
 
It's unanimous!
 
 
I was saying "nay."
 
 
 

People who know how Brad Paisley Feels

What you wear can so easily be misinterpreted. Like some folks might think that Brad Paisley was some sort of racist for sporting the Stars & Bars. But it's not just him. Ask these people:




 

Why would you assume I'm a Christian? I'm just fascinated by ancient forms of capital punishment!




 
Muslim? No, I'm an astronomy buff!






I'm a big fan of designer Donna Karan.





Who are you calling a Communist? Since when is it a crime to love hand tools?

 

I've never been to California. I just love the films of Samuel Fuller.




No, it's just. . . okay, you got us.














That's actually a picture of the Windsor Swastikas, a women's hockey team who used the ancient symbol decades before the Nazis adopted it. They were totally NOT Nazis.