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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Homophobia

First, The Family Policy Council of West Virginia posts an ad depicting same-sex marriage advocates as snipers taking aim at hetero families. (link)
Then, This:

Debating a gay-rights bill on the floor of the state Senate on Monday, a Republican lawmaker took the rhetoric to new heights by equating homosexuality as a sin with murder.

"I'm not saying this (homosexuality) is the only sin that's out there," said Sen. Scott Renfroe, R-Greeley. "We have murder. We have all sorts of sin. We have adultery. And we don't make laws making those legal, and we would never think to make murder legal."

Oh, right, being gay is like being a murderer. I get it now! How could I have not seen it? Obviously, Freddy Mercury = Ted Bundy. It makes so much sense.

Oh, and obviously, gay marriage is what is destroying breeder marriage. It's the gays' fault that 50% of all breeder marriages end in divorce. And obviously its' the gays' fault that so many kids are born out of wedlock. Why, none of this was happening before Massachussets allowed dudes to marry each other. Why, divorce was unheard of!

What kind of morons come up with this shit?

Dean Grose, mayor of Los Alamitos, CA

If you are going to send out a postcard like this:












with a caption about no more Easter egg hunts at the White House,

At least have the balls to stand up and say, yeah, it's a racial joke, I think its funny that the blacks, you know, they love watermelons. Don't puss out with a weaselly bullshit explanation like this:

“Bottom line is, we laugh at things and I didn’t see this in the same light that she did,” Grose told the AP. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t sent to offend her personally — or anyone — from the standpoint of the African-American race.”

Pathetic.

Dating Shows

Reality TV dating shows are, to paraphrase tracy pew, the anus of culture. Or, more accurately, what is expelled from the anus of culture. I always wonder how they get people to participate in these freak shows. I imagine the meeting goes something like this:

Location: a sidewalk in Santa Monica
Participants: The producer of "For the love of Ray J" and some unfortunate skank.

Say, you're an attractive woman with obvious self-esteem issues and no discernable talent. How'd you like to be in a contest?

What kinda contest?

Well, you and several other women will degrade and humiliate yourselves to win the attentions of the kind of man who would want you to degrade and humiliate yourselves.

I don't know. . .

Did I mention that this vile, loathsome man is a famous celebrity?

OOh, what is he famous for?

Pissing on Kim Kardashian.

Where do I sign?

Oh, I should mention that the humiliation and degradation will be taking place on national TV.

Hey, you had me at "pissing!"



Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Glenn Beck

Glen Beck has always been an asshole. And a smug, smirking little asshole at that. This is a guy who accused a U.S. Congressman of "working with our nation's enemies," asked a guest on his show whether Obama might be "the Antichrist," speculated that dennis kucinich had given his wife "the date-rape drug," etc. etc. etc.
But now Beck has accomplished something previously acheived only by the cackling witch Ann Coulter - he has made Bill O'reilly seem like the voice of reason! Beck is actually suborning armed insurection against the US government. Now, he won't come right out and say, "let's have a civil war," even Fox might fire you for that, and he's too much of a weasel, Instead, the conversation went like this:

BECK: I'm not -- Bill, I'm not looking for a revolution.

O'REILLY: But you're predicting it.

BECK: Well, wait a minute. Is that a problem? Is it a problem to point out -- wait a minute, is it a problem to point out Bill O'Reilly -- is it a problem. You get no food from me. You come knocking at my bomb shelter? I'm going to say, "Is that Bill O'Reilly? Can't hear you." Listen, here's the thing. It is not a problem to point out...

O'REILLY: I would rather starve, Beck. Than knock on your bomb shelter door asking you for food.

BECK: Oh, you will.

O'REILLY: I'll go down before I do that.

BECK: Listen, here's the thing. You come near it, you will. Anyway, here's the thing. It's -- I don't bring this up, because I want it. I bring it up to warn people...
Glenn Beck is just bug-eyed, poo-throwing crazy. What the hell is it going to take to get this owl-casting of a human being off the air and locked up in an asylum where he belongs?

Monday, February 23, 2009

Joe the Plumber

The most ignorant ass-clown to emerge from the last election cycle has somehow gotten another extension on his 15 minutes of fame. He has "written" a book which has somehow been published.
This makes no sense, unless the title of the book was "How to Achieve Unwarranted Fame through Unrelenting Douchebaggery."
But no, it is entitled "Something, Something American dream by some Ghostwriter."

Let me get this straight "Joe," if that is your real name, which it isn't, you stumble into a microphone, ask a spectacularly uninformed question, and now you're some kind of spokesman for conservatives? I know a lot of conservatives, and frankly, you don't represent them. Most of them are reasonable, intelligent people who aren't tax cheats (in other words, the opposite of you.) So now you are a part of the Republican Party's devolution from the party of these guys:




To the Party of these Stooges:

Great Work, Moron!



UPDATE:
11 entire people show up to see Joe at Borders. (Most were just in the store anyway and thought theyd'd stick around and watch the train wreck) --Link--http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/26/AR2009022600005.html

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Alan Keyes


Professional looney Alan Keyes is at it again. http://www.politicususa.com/en/Keyes-Obama

Alan, dude, nobody takes the "born in Kenya" bullshit seriously who doesn't wear a tinfoil hat. Really, even you can do better than that.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

On a Claire day

Believe it or not, some newspapers actually expend newsprint on this:

Want to write your own "Claire Day" Comic? Why wouldn't you, when its this easy!
Just use this simple template:

Frame 1: A character says something.

Frame 2: A brief conversation which seems like it could be a set-up for a punchline.

Frame 3: Someone makes a simple declarative statement about something obvious.

Why waste time being funny or clever or amusing or thought-provoking when you can make money with this can't-miss formula?

Here's an example:

Frame 1: Claire to co-worker: "what's wrong?"

Frame 2: Co-worker to Claire: "I have a headache!"

Frame 3: Claire: "Headaches Hurt!"

POW! Money in the bank! And it only took me like, ten seconds to compose!

Here's another tip:
Never take an art class. Being able to draw well is NOT a requirement for entry into the fun, fast-paced world of comic strip hackery!

Now you're ready. Grab a pen and start hacking!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Mormons

Apparently, California's prop 8 was financed largely by the Mormon Church. The Mormons. Taking a stand to defend "traditional marriage." Mormons. Members of a religion based largely on treating women like pokemons (gotta collect them all!) are horified that a man might marry another man, instead of a baker's dozen of sister-wives like the good Lord intended.

Hey, Mormons.
You know your religion is made up, right? There were never any magic books or magic rocks or pink hearts or yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, or blue diamonds. You know that, right? Just because your founder has slightly moer credibility than say, L. Ron Hubbard doesn't mean you get to decide how other people live their lives. Perhaps you should concern yourself with, oh, I don't know, the fact that members of your "church" have such a high suicide rate. That can't be good. Or you could worry about fighting the other two great threats to society, masturbation and Chinese people: http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/2009/02/words-of-mormon-wisdom.html#links

Update: There they go again. This time, it's a Mormon state senator in Utah who compared gays to Islamic terrorists, and who said that gays pose the greatest threat to the world today. http://www.americablog.com/2009/02/those-crazy-mormon-bigots.html

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Miley Cyrus


Ok, Miley. Now, God knows I'm no Prude, but 15-year-old sideboob, that's just, well, awful.
How about this: You put 'em away until you're 18, and we'll all just take your word for it that you have boobies. In fact, I will be the first to publicly acknowledge that you are an all-grown-up big girl now. So now, you go back to the sweet innocent act, and we'll go back to pretending that you're not gettin' busy with a daddy-approved 20-year-old.

(Insert your own achy-breaky hymen joke here)

Billy Ray gives this ole boy the Achy-Breaky Mullet of Approval!

Or, you could just follow your father's career path and plunge into well-deserved obscurity.

Abstinence-Only

So, How's the abstinence-only thing working out?













OH.












Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Donald Trump


Ok, so Trump's casinos have just filed for bankruptcy for the THIRD TIME. Now can we all stop pretending that this putz is some kind of business genius? This guy could not be more irritating. First of all, this is a guy who could afford John Edwards' barber, and his hair looks like this?




Oh, and John Edwards, really? A $400 haircut? Those of us with any sense know that caring about poor people and pampering yourself are not mutually exclusive, but come on! You were running for president. As a Democrat. If you do anything that has the slightest whiff of hipocrisy about it, you will be attacked by the right and abandoned by the left. That's how it works. How do you not know this?

Anyway, back to Trump. Please stop putting this guy on TV, it just inflates his already ridiculous ego. He thinks he coined the phrase "you're fired!"
Oh, and hoojie-mamas, stop sleeping with this schmuck.