Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sunday Funnies

I try out a new feature today -- Sunday Funnies!



Retro~LIFE 09.jpg (144037 bytes)

Would You like white or dark meat, Mr. record player?

Retro~SchoolDance2.jpg (32620 bytes)

Dammit, these 1950's lap dances suck!

Retro~LIFE 03.jpg (504940 bytes)

Mom, are you sure they won't suspect that we smeared shit on their bread?

Retro~LIFE 05.jpg (52175 bytes)

Goddamit, ironing is hard!

Retro~LIFE 06.jpg (49685 bytes)

You should try washing dishes! It's a refreshing change of pace!

Retro~PhoneBoothCram.jpg (151321 bytes)

Why no, Chet. I don't think this is gay at all, do you?

Retro~LIFE 07.jpg (48381 bytes)

My cake brings all the boys to the yard. And they're like, it's better than yours."

Retro~LIFE 02.jpg (444377 bytes)

Ha ha! When you offered me a tiny weiner, I thought, oh never mind!

~Retro~Kitchen1.jpg (37682 bytes)
Junior! Get your dick out of the oven!

Retro~Dance4.jpg (41211 bytes)

Boy, did I pick the wrong day to go commando!

~Retro~Kenner Give-A-Show Projector (1963)..jpg (49815 bytes)
Now good luck finding a Give-A-Shit audience!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Charles Krauthammer's Universe









Why do I do it? When I see Charles Krauthammer's acerbic, caustic mug looking out from the op-ed page, why don't I just turn the page? Why do I read his belligerent drivel? Especially when it is headlined
Obama Shows Ambivalence About U.S.

and it begins with this:

WASHINGTON -- When President Obama returned from his first European trip, I observed that while over there he had been "acting the philosopher-king who hovers above the fray mediating" between America and the world.

You have to wonder about a guy who begins by quoting himself.

Now that Obama has returned from his "Muslim world" pilgrimage, even the left agrees. "Obama's standing above the country, above -- above the world. He's sort of God," Newsweek's Evan Thomas said to a concurring Chris Matthews.

By this point, I should know that we are about to take a journey through Charles krauthammer's world, which I imagine looks something like this:








That's right, in the Krauthammerverse, dogs wear suits, rabbits run butcher shops and this:is Mrs. Krauthammer.


Also, in his world, Charles can read minds. Especially the President's.

Not that Obama considers himself divine. (He sees himself as merely messianic, or, at worst, apostolic.)

How does he know what Barack Obama considers himself to be? He can read minds!
But he's apparently not the only one.

Recently Rush Limbaugh stated:

"I am better than most people but I don't think I'm God. Obama does. He's got a messianic complex."

How does he know? He can read minds! A year earlier, he had this to say:

Obama and a lot of Democrats think Americans and America are backwards. You know that they're embarrassed of this country. They think we deserve to be in a constant state of decline because of our excesses and our bullying and our imperialism. They enjoy the suffering of Americans at the gas pump because they think it's Americans' fault.

In a 2008 editorial, the CarolinaCoastOnline stated:


Well, should Mr. Obama be elected, he plans to change the part about our being able to cling to guns — because he intends to severely curtail our right to cling to them by taking them away


Did Obama ever say anything about taking away guns? he didn't have to, because even the Carolina Coast Online News can read his mind.

But in the Krauthammerverse, not only is the president's mind easy to read, it is filled with "cheap condescension, an unseemly hunger for applause and a willingness to distort history for political effect."

How does the president distort history? Apparently by mentioning it.

He told Iran that, on the one hand, America once helped overthrow an Iranian government, while on the other hand "Iran has played a role in acts of hostage-taking and violence against U.S. troops and civilians."

So, does Krauthammer deny that the US once sponsored a coup against the Iranian government? Not exactly.

A CIA rent-a-mob in a coup 56 years ago does not balance the hostage-takings, throat-slittings, terror bombings and wanton slaughters perpetrated for 30 years by a thug regime in Teheran.

Of course, there might never have been a "thug regime in Tehran" had the CIA not overthrown the democratically elected government of Iran and re-installed the hated Shah as dictator. And it seems unlikely that the Iranians would have considered the US to be their enemy had we not been responsible for the tyrannical oppressive rule of the Shah. So without the CIA "rent-a-mob" coup, there probably would have been no hostage-taking and no terrorist-sponsoring theocrats running Iran. But that's beside the point. The real problem (on planet K-hammer) is Barack Obama's compulsion to find fault with his own country For instance:

Obama offered Muslims a careful admonition about women's rights, noting how denying women education impoverishes a country -- balanced, of course, with "meanwhile, the struggle for women's equality continues in many aspects of American life."

Now to a normal person, living in the real world, that sounds perfectly reasonable. Who would deny that women have yet to realize full equality in the US? (women still earn about 75 cents for every dollar their male counterparts make) But what is Krauthammer's perspective on this?

Well, yes. On the one hand, there certainly is some American university where the women's softball team has received insufficient Title IX funds -- while, on the other hand, Saudi women showing ankle are beaten in the street, Afghan school girls have acid thrown in their faces, and Iranian women are publicly stoned to death for adultery.

Ok, Chuck, no one said that women don't have it a lot worse in the middle east, but are you really saying that the biggest problem faced by American women is Title IX funding?
Did you know that, according to FBI statistics, in 2008, there were 229 forcible rapes reported in Birmingham, Alabama alone. There were 257 just in Anchorage, Alaska. Your home townof New York, NY reported 890 rapes in 2008. And that around 1 million women per year seek medical attention due to domestic violence. I'm sure you must have had some idea, since you were a psychiatrist at massachussets general in the 1970's. But you're going to ignore that, just so you can pretend that Barack Obama was "creating false equivalencies."

Obama undoubtedly thinks he is demonstrating historical magnanimity with all these moral equivalencies and self-flagellating apologetics.

There he goes, reading Obama's mind again. But he's not very good at it, since Barack Obama did not make moral equivalencies or self-flagellate.

Distorting history is not truth-telling, but the telling of soft lies. Creating false equivalencies is not moral leadership, but moral abdication. And hovering above it all, above country and history, is a sign not of transcendence but of a disturbing ambivalence toward one's own country.

No, you know what's disturbing? Someone who refuses to see any fault in one's own country. Someone who brushes aside a history that includes slavery, the genocide against Native Americans, Jim Crow, overthrows of foreign governments (Iran, Guatemala, Chile, etc.) and just insists that anyone who acknowledges our past transgressions is "distorting history." If I thought it were possible for Charles Krauthammer to feel shame, I would suggest that he should be feeling it now. But that would be kind of pointless. Asking Krauthammer to feel shame is like asking a Swede to be Chinese. It just can't happen, and it won't even make sense to the Swede.




Thursday, June 11, 2009

Attractive Eighties Women Need Your Help!





















Atlanta's own Attractive Eighties Women need your help to record their new album.



Are they worth the money? You be the judge:

WARNING Lyrics are definitely NSFW







Go here (LINK) to donate, and tell 'em the perfesser sent ya!

Someone Save Sheppard Smith!

How long can Sheppard Smith survive on FOX with one foot in the real world?

First there was this:



Then this:



Now it seems that his having a grasp of reality has earned him the wrath of the FOX watchers. Here are a few excerpts from the transcript of his latest show:

I read a lot of email around here, and the email, to me, has become more and more frightening. This is not a new thing. It’s been happening over the past few months. It’s been happening, you know, to some degree since the election process went along.

I’m going to read to you a little bit from one v — and I’m not going to read the name. But this is, I promise, a representative sample of the kinds of things we get here:
“Shepard, how dare you tell us to get over Obama not being a U.S. citizen. Where is the birth certificate? Where? He won’t show it, so why are you so trumped up to believe it? I cannot stand Hussein. He is a socialist-Marxist who is at fast rate destroying our country.”

If you are one who believes these sorts of things about the president of the United States — and I could read a hundred of them like this…I mean from today. People who are so amped up and so angry for reasons that are absolutely wrong, ridiculous, preposterous. Yet they are mad. They are very mad that I just called it preposterous…

And as if to prove him right, the wingnuts responded with e-mails to the official website of the lunatic fringe "Free Republic."

E-mails like this:


Shep Smith saying now of Napolitano’s DHS report: “They were right”

Let FoxNews know how you feel about this little angry queer.


I am DONE with FoxNews. They fire this asshole or I am gone.

Wow, I think that might be what we call delusions of grandeur. Do you have any idea how many viewers FOX has? Do you think Rupert Murdoch gives a flying fuck if one inbred mouth breather takes his business elsewhere? Ooh, I'll show them, I'll stop watching! Then they'll have to give in to my moronic demands!


…

We need to call Fox and complain. This is ridiculous! This guy is just your run of the mill jew hater..JUST LIKE THE MUSLIM TERRORIST THAT KILLED ONE OF OUR SOLDIERS!!

This stuff is being stoked by our president kissing up to terrorists and pulling away from Israel! Obama hates jews too!

OBAMA’S FAULT!!
Isn't everything?

Shep having a meltdown right now and mentioning the DHS memo like this now makes it legitimate and bringing up the guy’s military background. I wish I could reach through the TV and ring his scrawny little neck sometimes.

yeah, you should totally try that. If you hit the screen hard enough, you'll go right through it! Then you can wring some necks!

Shep Smith blaming people who “question Obama’s birth certificate…THIS MUST STOP!” and also referred to those who think Obama is a Muslim as “garbage.”

Actually, I think he referred to the crazy notion that Obama is a "secret muslim" as garbage. Not those who believe this particular brand of bullshit. But here, I'll say it for him. If you think that President Obama is a secret Muslim You are Garbage! There, how's that?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Michelle Malkin


Back in April, the Department of Homeland security issued a report warning of a possible rise in right-wing extremist violence. (here) and (here)

Well, a lot of people had some harsh criticism for the report. But none so harsh as professional lunatic Michelle Malkin


(seen here in one of her more lucid moments)




who had things like this to say about the report:

The “report” (PDF file here) was one of the most embarrassingly shoddy pieces of propaganda I’d ever read out of DHS. I couldn’t believe it was real (link)

the piece of crap report issued on April 7 is a sweeping indictment of conservatives. My b.s. detector went off the chart, and yours will, too, if you read through the entire report — which asserts with no evidence that an unquantified “resurgence in rightwing extremist recruitment and radicalizations activity” is due to home foreclosures, job losses, and…the historical presidential election.

Well, within a week, we've now had the assasination of Dr. George Tiller, and a white supremacist shooting up the Holocaust Museum. So maybe the report had a point?
What does Malkin have to say now?

"The truth is, this guy’s a deranged Holocaust denier. He represents no one on the conservative right - not me, nor any of those with whom I associate.”

Yeah, that was the point, moron! The report warned about EXTREMIST NUTS, not garden-variety conservatives.

Prepare for a wall-to-wall onslaught of gleeful finger-pointing on the Left

Prepare for DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano’s defenders to gloat about vindication.

Um, genius, it's not janet Napolitano being vindicated here since, once again, she had NOTHING to do with this report. The report was ordered by the Bush administration.


Why can't you either just admit that the report was pretty prescient in its warnings or just shut the fuck up about it?