This explains a lot

From Michele Bachmann's recent appearance on Hannity:

BACHMANN: People do find out [in my book] that I did not get asked to my senior prom.
HANNITY: Well, neither did I. And nobody would go with me.

No wonder they're such miserable, bitter, angry people.

Guys, it was like 40 years ago. Get over it!

This is why we can't have nice things.

(via)

[Republican strategist Rick] Wilson said he recently conducted a focus group where Republicans were asked whether, if they had a choice, they would rather “kill Obamacare” or have killed Osama bin Laden.
“They would have killed Obamacare and waited for the actuarial tables [to] play out for bin Laden,” Wilson said.

They actually hate the Affordable Care Act more tham they hate OSAMA BIN LADEN!

They would rather have the mastermind of 9/fucking/11 roaming around free for several more years than have a few more sick people get access to medicine.

These are the people we're dealing with. these are not reasonable people. These are not sane people. 

I think the divide is no longer between left and right, or conservative and liberal, it's now a divide between sane and insane. 

I'm going to prescribe 1000mg of Not Being Allowed to Vote.

If you believe that increased access to health care is a type of death-panel-infested tyranny, that's not being a conservative, that's being insane.

If you believe that Bush and Cheney planned 9/11, that's not being liberal, that's being insane. 

If you believe that Michele Bachmann is remotely qualified to hold any position of responsibility, you should probably be committed.

 

I thought she made some good points, and my friend Harvey agrees. Don't you, Harvey?

Ooh, Good Point, Frothy!

Rick Santorum continues to prove what a goddamm imbecile he is.


“If hunger is a problem in America, then why do we have an obesity problem among the people who we say have a hunger program?” Santorum asked.

  

Good point, Santorum! If some people are fat, then that must mean that, um. . . no it doesn't mean anything.

Okay, wait. I think I got it now, Santorum's theory is that if some people aren't getting enough to eat and others are eating too much, then on average, we're a pretty healthy country!

              

  

 Average American

It is now officially OK to vote for Michele Bachmann. God said so.

From the geniuses at Wing Nut Daily:

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Michele Bachmann's 2nd surge

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With Herman Cain out of the race, is Michele Bachmann poised for a second surge? And is there a biblical precedent for electing a woman president? 

Well, since there are exactly zero elections in the Bible, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that no, there is no biblical precedent for electing a woman president.

I know I didn't vote for him, did you?

Many people forget that Michele Bachman had a first surge that briefly made her the GOP presidential primary frontrunner. 

No, we haven't forgotten. Our sides still ache from laughing.

She appealed to secular conservatives due to positions espousing smaller government and low taxes. Evangelical Christians loved her unashamed positions on issues of faith. 

Ignoramuses loved her steadfast refusal to "know things."

But somewhere along the way, "buyer's remorse" set in. Some evangelicals questioned the biblical teachings on women submitting to their husbands, wondering if they might be sinning by supporting and voting for a woman president. 

Oh, that must be what scared people off of Bachmann. Not her insistence that the founding fathers had ended slavery or her desire to eliminate the minimum wage. No, it must be the boobs.

So, the question is: Is there a biblical precedent for a woman president?
Yes. In a word: Deborah. 

(Artist's Rendition)

Yes, anyone who has ever been to Sunday School remembers the stories of the Deborah Administration!

The book of Judges, in Chapters 4 and 5, explains an eerily similar pattern to today's political and economic state of America. Ancient Israel had fallen on tough times.

The only other time in history during which a country had ever fallen on hard times. Eerie!

They had rejected Yahweh God and embraced the ways of the world.

Just like America with our one atheist in the Congress. That's 1/135th of the House!

 

Pete Stark trivia: He was my Congressman when I lived in Northern California.

They were surrounded by their enemies,

Canada, Mexico, the  Pacific Ocean. . .

They were surrounded by their enemies, and their men didn't have the moral fortitude to do what was necessary to survive.

Um, most of us seem to be surviving somehow. But whatever, do go on!

Enter Deborah, a prophetess, a righteous judge and a "Mother in Israel" (read: Rep. Bachmann with five biological children and 23 foster kids).  

A mother in Israel, a foster mother in Minnesota. Tomato, tomahto.

 

 

We know how much respect you have for mothers!

A man named Barak – really, we're not making this stuff up – was supposed to lead the Israelites to fight evil Jabin's Canaanite army commander, Sisera. But Barak wimped out, refusing to go unless Deborah went with him.

It's not so much that he was "supposed to" lead the Israelites as Deborah seemed to pick him at random, but whatever. And since Deborah was the one that God supposedly spoke through, wouldn't it make sense that he would want her to come with? 

Ultimately Deborah's ally, Jael (another woman), killed cruel commander Sisera by hammering a tent peg through his temple, ushering in 40 years of peace for Israel.

Great. Except Jael was not Deborah's ally. See Judges 4: 17 - 

¹⁷ Sisera, meanwhile, fled on foot to the tent of Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, because there was an alliance between Jabin king of Hazor and the family of Heber the Kenite. 

The family of Heber the Kenite was allied with Jabin of Hazor, dummy. Everyone knows that! And Jabin King of Hazor was the enemy, the king for whom Sisera worked. 

 

Also, Jael wife of Heber was a fuckin bad-ass!

The conclusion: There is a biblical precedent set for God sending a woman to do a man's job when a man isn't willing to boldly step up to the plate to get the job done.

  

 Today, in our quest for a moral champion, we have witnessed a long line of conservative men who had their shot and failed. Rick Perry entered both barrels blazing, but floundered. 

(pictured: Both Barrels)

Herman Cain went from frontrunner to a perceived moral failure.

Perceived? A PERCEIVED moral failure?

While Ron Paul is a professing pro-life Christian, he refuses to end abortion, and being of the "libertarian" denomination, he leaves important moral matters like abortion and drug use to individual states to decide.

Conservatives hate states' rights!

Robotic Romney with never so much as a hair out of place, has double trouble being from two problematic denominations to Christians: 1) He's a Mormon and 2) he's a liberal.

 

Mormons are weird!

And with Cain quitting amidst suspicions of moral failure, how will Newt Gingrich survive the public scrutiny over cheating on his first wife and marrying his mistress, only to cheat on her and marry again? 

I don't know, but with Cain dropping out, Captain Adultery is now in first place. Surviving doesn't really seem to be a problem for him. Oh, by the way, I can never keep track, do we not hate Catholics anymore?

And alas, Huntsman is a younger version of Bob Dole. 

Oh, come on! That's it? That's like10 words! No respect!

That leaves Rick Santorum and Michele Bachmann. And while Santorum stands for the right issues, he has proven to be shaky in the heat of battle, inexplicably backing a string of liberals, including the infamous liberal Republican Arlen Specter in Pennsylvania instead of staunch conservative Pat Toomey.

 

Could you support this thing?

Bottom line: The only man left standing is a woman. Her name is Michele Bachman, and she's set for a second surge. 

So it's good to know that if you have absolutely exhausted all male possibilities, God will apparently forgive you, just this once, for voting for a lady-type person. Thanks, WND!

Netflix Suggestions are Weird

Netflix tries to suggest movies that they think you will like based on what you've already liked. Makes sense. But the results are sometimes a bit weird.

Sometimes they're just pathetically obvious:

 

South Park: The Hits

Because you enjoyed: 

South Park: The Passion of the Jew  

South Park: The Imaginationland Trilogy

South Park

So, since you've enjoyed various episodes of South Park, we're going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you may also like these other episodes of South park!

Sometimes, they're kinda weird:

The West

Because you enjoyed: Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale

Frasier

30 Rock

Oh, so you enjoy stand-up comedy and American sit-coms? Oh, I'll bet you'll love this Ken Burns documentary! It's hilarious! Oh, it isn't?

And sometimes they're just bizarre.

American Experience: The Great Famine  
Because you enjoyed: Archer
The Kids in the Hall

Um, what?
Maybe "The Great Famine" is some sort of comedy?

Well, Netflix describes it thusly:

This installment of "American Experience" sheds light on the devastating 1921 famine that left millions of Soviet Russians starving, a pandemic that prompted then-Secretary of Commerce Herbert Hoover to mobilize Americans into action. 

So how is my enjoyment of very silly comedies an indication that I would enjoy an historical show about a huge tragedy? 
If anyone has any insight, I would love to know what these suggestions are based on.