New Feature -- Funny Woman of the Day

Our Inaugural Funny Woman of the Day is North Carolina's Amy Sedaris!

Oh, well this seems sincere!

Repeal and Replace! It's the new rallying cry of the Republican party.

 

But why?

Why would you want to replace "Obamacare?" You've been telling us for years that we have the "best healthcare system in the world."

So why, if you succeed in repealing the thing that you claim is ruining it, would you replace it with anything?

Wouldn't you just repeal "Obamacare" and go back to the "best system in the world?"

Or are you just being your usual disingenuous, mendacious selves?

I suppose we shouldn't be all that surprised

that John Roberts decided to uphold Obamacare. He is, if nothing elde, a corporatist to the bone and the individual mandate seems likely to increase the profits of the healthcare giants by a pretty big amount. A law that requires people to purchase your product and subsidises those who can't buy it on their own? That's Aetna's wet dream!

It must have been a tough decision for Roberts, choosing between increasing corporate profits and sticking a thumb in the eye of Obama - - I mean deciding whether the law was Constitutional!

This is just priceless

Hopefully, some of these people were joking, but i'm willing to bet most weren't. For those who were joking: not bad!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/people-moving-to-canada-because-of-obamacare

Hey, Texas Republicans, You Said That Out Loud!

 

The Texas Republican Party recently released its 2012 platform. As one might expect, it oscillates back and forth between crazy and stupid. There's a few dumb things you might expect, like

We also urge the Texas Legislature and the U.S. Congress to enact legislation prohibiting any judicial jurisdiction from allowing any substitute or parallel system of Law, specifically foreign Law (including Sharia Law)

You know, just because legislation is spectacularly unneccessary is no reason NOT to pass it!

and

Unelected, Appointed Bureaucrats (Czars) - We decry the appointment of unelected bureaucrats, and we urge Congress to use their constitutional authority to defund and abolish these positions and return authority to duly elected officials, accountable to the electorate.

Sure, let's vote for every fucking bureaucrat. I want the assistant to the under-secretary of agriculture to be directly accountable to me, the voter.  I can't have the President just going around appointing middle-managers to oversee the study of interstate traffic patterns without the voters weighing in.

There's the wholly pointless stuff, like

Electoral College - We strongly support the Electoral College.

Really, that's the entire bullet point. "we strongly support the Electoral College." Maybe they had to meet some minimum number of words or something?

And there's the crazy stuff like

Emergency War Powers and Martial Law Declarations - We strongly urge Congress to repeal the War Powers Act and end our declared state of emergency. Any Declaration of Martial law should be approved by Congress.

Because the president could be declaring martial law any minute without that Congressional check.
Also, wouldn't it be better to say "No Martial Law?" Why say no martial law unless. . . ?

and

Transportation Corridors – We oppose the construction of transportation projects which surrender control or ownership to foreign interest. We oppose the use of eminent domain for construction of a “trans-Texas corridor” or similar project which would create a federal corridor through Texas.

Yeah! I am so sick of the feds building roads and then giving them to the Belgians!
Also, um, you do know Interstate 10 already runs through Texas, right? I-10 is a federal road. A federal road through Texas. So you've kind of already lost this battle. Sorry.

And the assholish stuff like

Natural resources and conservation easements; groundwater and/or mineral rights are a vested ownership. Conservation easements, involving watersheds, green areas and nationalization of lands should be resisted in the strongest manner applicable.

'Cuz don't tell me I can't dump my leftover meth chemicals in the drinking water!

 

 There's even some stuff that makes sense, like

Judicial Nominees - We urge Republican Senate leadership to ensure that a record vote is taken on every judicial nominee.

Wow! When even the Texas Republican Party is fed up with your constant filibustering, maybe it's time to knock it off!

But there are a couple of planks in this platform that are truly shocking, even by Texas Republican Standards. First, there's this:

Voter Rights Act – We urge that the Voter Rights Act of 1965 codified and updated in 1973 be repealed and not reauthorized.

Wow! Um, guys, you're supposed to pretend that you don't intend to engage in voter suppression.

Oh, but that's nothing compared to this:

Knowledge-Based Education – We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority.

Holy schneikies!

 Isn't challenging the student's fixed beliefs the whole point of education?
Oh, no we can't have that.
Let's say a student has a fixed belief that an old man who lives at the North Pole brings all the children of the world toys once a year. Sure would hate to have him ever challenge that belief!
Or let's say a kid has a fixed belief that the sun rises every morning out of the Gulf of Mexico, flies across the sky every day, then sets down in the Sea of Cortez each evening, because that's sure what it looks like. Can't have that belief challenged!

I know Republicans don't really like people to use critical thinking skills, but holy shit! You're not supposed to say that out loud!